The mating game
by Sunchaser55
Summary: Nobodies; scientific experiments with complicated futures ahead of them. Controlled by a strict mating system, and implanted with lustful hormones, they have no choice but to stick to the cycle that revolves around their roles. AkuRoku mpreg more inside
1. Pt 1 Laboratory 21: Preface

**Hello! Thanks for checking out my story. :) I'd really like to add that the inspiration for this story came from another fanfic called Identity by a brilliant writer; thegreatwhitewolf. This story has a very similar concept, though obviously I used different characters (besides Axel and Roxas) and a completely different plot. The terms 'Breeder' 'Bearer' and 'Heat' come from thegreatwhitewolf's original story. **

**So check her story out! It's really good! (it's in my favourites if you want to check it).  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

**And before we start, here's the character list incase you're interested;**

**mainly revolves around; Roxas, Axel, Sora, and Ventus. Riku, Xemnas, Demyx, Terra, Hayner and Marluxia also make appearances though they are not as main. **

**I might also include Aqua, Zexion, Cloud, and Reno. **

**And couples include; AxelxRoxas RikuxSora VentusxTerra and yeah... the rest are not supposed to be taken seriously. XD  
**

**Enjoy! **

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_I woke up late that night, as if I'd just awoken from a traumatizing nightmare. Except when I felt out my forehead, the sweat wasn't a cool, chilly fluid that one woke up with after having a nightmare; I was burning hot. _

_I sat up in my bed, pulling away at the blankets that covered my body. I didn't need any unnecessary material that only added to my almost unbearable body heat. I was panting lightly as I withdrew back onto my pillow gently. I wanted to ignore this unfamiliar feeling. I wanted nothing to do with it; especially at such a young age… But I knew what had to be done to end this suffering, no matter how I felt about the situation. As soon as the scientists here found out about my current state, I would be rushed away and taken into a quarantined room; my mate waiting for me. _

_Tears that'd been forming in my blue eyes felt cold against my burning skin as they began to fall silently down my face. This was all too overwhelming. I hadn't expected to go through this until I was older. I couldn't… I didn't want to deal with this now! I wasn't ready yet! _

_But that's not what my body told me. No… the state that it was in would begin to grab the attention of all the Breeders in the facility, attracting them here. _

_I could either wake one of my roommates up and tell them to get an employee in here, or I could say nothing. I could hide it from them, but leave myself to be taken by whichever Breeder got to me first. Neither of those options appealed to me. In the end, it all meant the same thing; I would have to engage in intercourse. _

_And I had to make a decision quickly… For I was undergoing my first heat. _

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	2. I hate everything about you

**I know this story is kinda confusing at first. But I promise it gets easier to understand. I tried to explain a lot in this chapter! Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or the song 'I hate everything about you.' **

**Warning: yaoi and mpreg**

**Edit: I'm editing all the chapters and re-uploading them. Each chapter will now have both a year and a month. Doing that made it really cool considering I can look back and see that chapter one started in 3000, and than compare it to later chapters. It makes it easy to keep track of how much time has passed too. Obviously I won't be able to edit every single chapter all at once, so that's why some beginning chapters will have a date while further chapters won't have one right away. I'll try and do it all fast! *determined*  
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_**Roxas **_ (I hate everything about you) July 3000

_Every time we lie awake_

_After every hit we take_

_Every feeling that I get_

_But I haven't missed you yet_

_Only when I stop to think about it_

_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you?_

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I would like to say that my twin brother's wedding was a happy occasion. But if I told anyone such a thing, then that would be a big lie. No one seemed to be extremely happy as they piled into the small room, which was normally used as an educational room for the Nobodies. The way everyone looked made it seem more like a funeral. But this wasn't even a wedding, really; that's just what the scientists called it. It was actually called a 'Binding Ceremony.' It was a ceremony that the scientists in this facility had made up. It was supposed to make us feel more responsible about our futures with our chosen mates. You see, we didn't have a choice in who we were paired up with. Another Nobody of the opposite role was hand chosen for us at an early stage. And then if the two refused to cooperate or the scientists noticed something that may get in the way of the future relationship, the two mates were wed using this Binding Ceremony. It was supposed to seal our fate, and if we broke something as binding as… well a _binding_ ceremony, than we would be greatly punished and looked down at by God or whatever.

I thought it was just a load of bull that was supposed to scare us; Keep us in line, if you will. The scientists wouldn't want anything to get in the way of their little repopulation experiment, now would they?

I watched my twin with wary, yet sympathetic blue eyes. I think I felt his suffering. I mean, I wouldn't want to be going through this at our age; so what made anyone think that he did? We were only thirteen after all. Much too young to be wanting to think about our future mates and the intimacy that we'd have to go through with them.

But out of every face in the room, it was my brother, Ventus, who looked the most depressed. He wanted nothing to do with being a Breeder. He wanted nothing to do with his mate. Hayner. All he wanted was to be free; to decide his own future… his own mate. I agreed completely with him. The only difference between our opinions was based on who would actually act on them.

And that definitely wouldn't be me.

"Now repeat after me," said Xemnas, the manager of the entire facility, as he made Ven and Hayner face each other. He made them hold hands with Ventus' left and Hayner's right, as Ventus' free hand had to lay palm down against Hayner's stomach. Hayner's extra hand hung at his side lifelessly. "I, Nobody number twelve…"

I noticed Ventus cringe at his scientific name silently as he choked out, " I, Nobody number twelve…"

"…vow to stay forever faithful to my bearer, Nobody number eleven," Xemnas continued.

"…vow to stay forever faithful to my bearer, Nobody number eleven."

Xemnas nodded, "Good. Now you, number eleven." He turned to Hayner as the fourteen year old blond seemed to swallow thickly. "I, Nobody number eleven…"

"I, Nobody number eleven…" Hayner began to repeat in a shaky voice.

"…vow to carry all of my Breeder's children, and stay faithful to him through all circumstances."

Hayner took a deep breath, as an annoyed look began to develop across Ven's face. I only eyed him worriedly, hoping that he wouldn't pull anything today. It wasn't like Ven to listen to these guys at all. He always ended up doing something stupid, which ended in him getting induced by a sedative (a drug that calmed the patient's mental state, reducing their anxiety, stress, irritability and/or excitement level)

"…vow to carry all of my Breeder's children, and stay faithful to him through all circumstances."

Xemnas then passed them both a plate that had a piece of fluffy vanilla flavoured cake on it's paper-like surface, demanding that Ven begin by taking a spoonful and feeding it's creaminess to Hayner. Hayner was than instructed to do the same. 'Wedding' cake apparently represented fertility, so of course Xemnas would include this little tradition in their ceremony… All he wanted from them was nice, healthy babies.

At the end, when Xemnas demanded they kiss one another in one final act of binding, no one clapped… no one even smiled. Instead, every other Nobody only stood up and began to leave the room, heading back towards their dorms. And they all looked the same as they had throughout the whole ceremony.

And that was including myself…

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"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT STUPID XEMNAS GUY THINK HE'S DOING ANYWAY! I HATE HIM!" Ven screamed loudly, whipping his hand out to punch the frame of our metallic bunk-bed. I only sighed, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder which trembled with rage, might I add.

"There's no way I'm listening to them… even if they did force me through that stupid ceremony. They think that's gonna stop me?" I was glad that his tone had simmered down- I was afraid one of the guards would hear Ventus' furious outburst. But that didn't mean I was completely satisfied considering his expression was tense, his thin eyebrows pointed down angrily.

Our other brother (our older brother), Sora bit at his lip as he flung himself onto the lower bunk- my bed. "Don't worry Ven. It was just some Binding Ceremony. It's not as special as they say… I mean, it's not even an official wedding ceremony that the Somebody's outside of this place have. It's not legal."

"Do you think that matters, Sora!" Ven raised his tone back into an upset yell, "The government has nothing to do with this place! Xemnas is the government here! No one gives a damn whether our ceremonies are official or not!"

"Well you sure seem to," I pointed out, earning a hard glare from his narrowed blue eyes. I rolled my eyes at him, trying to prove that I was only being a tease. I would never mean that seriously… I mean, of course Ven would be upset about this. Like I'd said; plenty of the Nobodies here would much rather skip that ceremony. Hell, they'd probably want to skip this whole life. But us Nobodies didn't exactly come with a 'fast-forward' remote. Nope, just us and our so-called 'important' roles.

I honestly couldn't give a damn about my role.

That's right. All Nobodies were born with a role. Much like everything else, we didn't have a choice on what that role would be. But mind you, neither did the scientists. We just turned out however.

I'd already skimmed their names, but the two possible roles that a Nobody could obtain was either that of the Breeder or that of the Bearer. Our race, which was a group of artificial experiments, though still quite biological may I add considering we contained all the necessary organs to reproduce, were created because of the crisis that the normal people -the Somebody's- were encountering. The world wasn't exactly the healthiest place, and the female Somebody's were having a lot of trouble reproducing and giving birth to healthy, deform-free children.

So that's where the scientists came in. Of course being science freaks, those dorks had to come up with some way to preserve the human race and fix the growing issue. So they decided to be completely ignorant and create a bunch of 'perfect,' artificial people; People who would have a greater success rate with a healthy pregnancy. That's right; Nobodies. With us, gender didn't make a difference, only the role did.

If you were born as a Breeder, then you were meant to engage your mate, which was a hand chosen bearer, in intercourse during their time of sexual maturity- a time period known as heat. This time is when one knows that the Bearer can carry the Breeder's children.

And of course, the other role was that of the Bearer. These Nobodies got all the _fun_ parts of the mate selection process. At an early age, the Bearer was already chosen a Breeder who they would be mated to. The two didn't have to interact until the next stage popped up; The stage known as the first heat. Heat was a fever-like state that Bearers endured. This let one know that the Bearer's reproductive organs were fully developed and that the Bearer was ready to carry a Breeder's baby.

And the sucky part was that once heat happened, the only way to stop it was to have sex.

The Scientists did that on purpose no doubt, just to make sure that everything ran smoothly. And of course, the Breeders just somehow knew (a sense maybe) when a Bearer was going through heat. And I must say, it drove them absolutely crazy! Even if that particular Breeder wasn't mated to you, their lust brought on by the 'heat' would make them want you- even if they didn't like you or care about you otherwise!

It really sucked, and it just got the Breeders sexually aroused.

And once the first heat occurred, it would keep happening until the Bearer became pregnant. During a pregnancy it would stop though. But once the pregnancy period was over, it started all over again.

Thank god the first heat wasn't supposed to occur until between the ages of fourteen and seventeen.

As you may have guessed through my melodramatic explanations, I was indeed a Bearer. I know… it sucks. I was just glad that I had another year until this hectic 'heat-sex-pregnancy' cycle happened to me.

Just like my brother, I wanted nothing to do with this process or my mate. They could both go to hell. Not that I even knew who my mate was. They'd already been chosen for me (a long time ago) but I'd never been told. They normally told you once you were thirteen.

Oh, wow. What a coincidence. I'd recently turned thirteen! (Total sarcasm, right there)

I'd be told soon then. I'd be taken into an office that resembled that of a doctor's, examined just to make sure I was perfectly healthy before I'd be expected for my first heat, and then I'd be introduced to my mate- the Breeder who would be bound to me for the rest of my miserable life.

…Yay… I could hardly wait.

Just as I'd predicted, I was called on in the same week as my brother's Binding Ceremony. A guard burst into my room early that morning, demanding that I head towards Xemnas' main office right away.

Sora peeked over his bed, which was the top bunk, while Ventus remained asleep at my side. We shared the bottom bed.

"Hurry up, number thirteen!" the guard urged me firmly, pulling me up from my bed as I blinked groggily. It took another five seconds for me to awaken fully. My blue eyes widened in realization as I stumbled out of the guard's hold, making my way towards my dresser. I pulled out a pair of dark coloured jeans and a plain white t-shirt. I slipped out of my pajamas and pulled those on, grabbing a black and grey coloured hoodie before following the guard out of my room. I turned around to stare at Sora, who continued to peer at us from atop his bed. Before I disappeared from his view, he gave me a reassuring smile, knowing what this calling involved.

And like I said, I'd realized what it was about too. Now I would finally be told about both my mate and the condition of my body; whether my health was up to the average standards of a Bearer my age or not.

I sighed lightly, continuing to follow the guard down the narrow halls. I was actually growing curious about my results. I wasn't completely sure about all of the Nobodies who inhabited this facility. I only knew rumours. I'd heard that in total there were thirteen; with me being number thirteen. My brother Sora was number ten, and he'd mentioned once that he was mated to Nobody number eight. Sora was taken away from our room to see him every now and then, but I'd never met him.

And of course my twin; Ventus was coded with the number twelve considering he WAS the older twin out of the two of us. So besides Sora, me, Ventus, and Nobody number eight, I only knew of one other. And that was Ventus' newly bound mate; Hayner, who was number eleven.

Hmm, so maybe it was true. Maybe the numbers did only reach up to thirteen. No one else I knew was a higher number then myself.

I stopped in front of the door to the office, my palms beginning to sweat as I took in a deep, long lasting breath. I didn't extend my arm out to wrap my clammy hands around the doorknob until a loud, impatient grunt came from the security officer who stood behind me. I stared back at him sheepishly, quickly swinging the door open and rushing inside.

I cringed at the sight that awaited me.

Xemnas sat behind his desk, shuffling through some papers. But what caught my eye even more was the tall, lanky, redhead who stood beside him. I knew who this guy was… He had to be my mate. Immediately, I began to feel even more _enthusiastic _about my future. Even though I didn't want anything to do with this weird guy, I couldn't help but allow my curious eyes to drift over his figure. I took him in- nearly every detail. His vibrant green eyes seemed to be doing the same thing with me, though he looked a little more interested about this then I did.

"Hello Roxas. How nice of you to join us," Xemnas commented, looking greatly irritated.

I swallowed thickly, hoping that he'd just continue. I wanted this to be over already.

"Sora may have already warned you about this considering he is older than you are, but you are here to finally meet your future mate. May the both of you be blessed with perfect children," Xemnas finally continued as I shifted my weight awkwardly.

Taking in a sharp breath, I said, "Is that it? Can I just go back to bed now?"

"Um, no you may not!" Xemnas snapped defensively, "This is an important time in both a Breeder and a Bearer's life. Please treat it with some respect, Roxas…"

The redhead smiled at me hopefully, his eyes never once leaving me since I walked into the room. I only gave him a 'what?' kinda look, rolling my eyes afterwards in response to Xemnas. Did he not yet know that I didn't give a damn about this damned project? I wanted nothing to do with it. Shouldn't we have had the right to participate or not? Though… like Sora said; Xemnas was the government here. He created life for us. I'm pretty sure he could take it away just as easily if he really wanted to.

Xemnas tried to fight away his intolerance towards me, glaring at me, though an attempt of a smile clearly plastered on his face. "Please Roxas… We both know that it would only make things more difficult if you started acting like your bad-of-an-influence brother. Let's please avoid another 'Ventus' outbreak."

"…Whatever."

This guy definitely didn't get it. First of all, I was NOT like my brother. I wasn't THAT out of hand… maybe just a little stubborn. And perhaps I showed a bit of a sarcastic attitude frequently too. But that wasn't like Ven. Ven just acted on impulse.

"Good…" Xemnas paused awkwardly as he glanced up at the redhead with what looked like an apology- probably towards my 'un-bearer-like' attitude. "So… ummmm, Roxas; would you like to introduce yourself?"

I sighed. It wasn't that hard to have caught my name already… Like, he'd said it so many times already. "I'm Roxas…" I said, beginning to grow quite annoyed myself, "Now can I go?"

"Roxas!" Xemnas hissed. But he soon gestured towards the redhead as he said in a deadly whisper, "Do you want to go through what Ventus participated in today? Cause I doubt you do. So if you want to avoid the wedding ceremony I suggest that you get your act together."

After that, I did decide to shut up. I guess the better I listened, the faster I could get out of here… Honesty though, I just wanted out of here. I couldn't be in the presence of my Breeder for one more minute. It reminded me of what was to come way too much… and I didn't want to think about it.

After he noticed that I was listening to his request, Xemnas gestured towards my tall mate-to-be.

The redhead approached me, taking a few steps closer as he smiled somewhat shyly. I only continued to stare at him with the same expressionless face. I didn't want to show any emotion to him. I wanted to make him hate me. Maybe if I seemed cold and uninterested, he'd back off or request for a new mate. Though I didn't know if that was even possible… I'd never heard of people actually requesting a switch. It was more like an arranged marriage kinda thing; No choice. But maybe there could be exceptions…

"Hey, Roxas," he began, "I'm Axel."

I rolled my eyes. Or at least I wanted to. But if I did that, Xemnas would only make this more difficult; or more like I'd be making it more difficult for myself. So instead, I merely muttered, "It's a pleasure."

As if he couldn't read my insensitive tone, Axel beamed at me in response as Xemnas' glare only burned into me harder. But the big-boss man cleared his throat anyway, preparing to continue with his stupid speech about us. "Alright… so the both of you know what to expect when it comes to your future relationship?"

Future relationship? More like a _forced _future relationship.

"Yep," I nodded, trying to keep any negativity from my voice- which was pretty hard.

"Good. Then you are aware that even though the two of you have not reached the point where you need to engage in sexual activity, you will be required to visit one another every so often. You may be an arranged couple, but that doesn't mean you can't have time to get to know one another before you reach sexual maturity, Roxas."

I rolled my eyes at the directness. He just had to direct the whole explanation to me, didn't he?

Soon after, Xemnas dismissed us, sending us back to our dorm rooms with our roommates. I knew once I entered my room where a curious Sora was waiting, I'd be pummelled with exciting questions. Sora may have found this whole 'mate selection' thing to be wonderful, but I didn't exactly agree with him. The only reason his opinion was so different from mine was because he actually liked his mate. Sora could talk about how he couldn't have been given a better mate all day.

But I was totally different.

I hardly even got to speak with my chosen mate… But from what I saw of him, I already hated him.


	3. Clocks

**Hey. Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, favourited and alerted my story. I truly appreciate it! You guys are the only reason why I make myself update. So please keep doing so! :)**

**Oh, and I realized that I forgot to mention that I don't own the song 'I hate everything about you.' I used that song last chapter put never said anything about it. It belongs to 'Three days grace.' And the song I used in this chapter, 'Clocks', is by Coldplay. I hope you like this chapter! This time it's in Roxas' twins point of view; Ven. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or the song Clocks. **

**Warning: contains yaoi and mpreg. If you don't like it, please don't read it. **

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_**Ventus**_ (Clocks) July 3000

_Lights go out and I can't be saved_

_Tides that I tried to swim against_

_You've put me down upon my knees_

_Oh I beg, I beg and plead _

_Come out of things unsaid, _

_shoot an apple off my head_

_Trouble that can't be named, _

_a tiger's waiting to be tamed_

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It was really late that night. It was the same week as my wedding ceremony. Now that I was laying in bed beside my twin -who was fast asleep - I felt completely numb… hollow; My anger had all burned out by now.

I looked up at the ceiling- or tried to (more like I'd looked up at the bottom of the next bed overtop of us). My eyes never shut… I couldn't sleep. Too much was on my mind. First of all, there was the ceremony I'd had, and then soon after that I'd overheard some guards talking about my brother. I'd heard them talking about how Xemnas would be introducing him to his mate the next day.

I was curious as to who his mate would be… Would he like his mate? I only hoped he didn't get some Breeders I'd heard about. And not only that… but I hoped he didn't get a certain Breeder who I knew by name…

I had to know.

Therefore I decided to sneak out that night, otherwise it would bug me until I knew exactly who Roxas' mate was. It wasn't very hard to sneak around. There were less guards at night, and Xemnas' office was completely empty.

I quietly opened the door of my room a crack, peeking out into the hall. It too was completely silent. That was kinda puzzling. Normally there were at least one or two guards around. They always made a bit of noise when they walked with heavy steps down the marble-like floor. But today there was nothing.

I guess I couldn't complain.

Fortunately, Xemnas' main office wasn't very far from my room. So I got there without a problem arising.

I hesitantly entered the dark, moonlit office, tiptoeing towards a file cabinet that sat in the far left corner of the room- away from the window. I tried to open it without making a sound, but when it slid open it made a loud screeching like noise. I shuddered, pausing to make sure nobody heard.

It didn't seem like it.

So I just decided to continue with my rummaging. There weren't too many files, only a few. And of course they were all about Nobodies. Some had to do with where the babies who were sent away from here ended up, others were to do with results of certain couples… I let out a heavy sigh. That is until I came across a paper that listed all of the Nobodies within the facility and who they were mated to.

"Bingo," I whispered, peeling it out from the cabinet and using the moonlight to read it properly.

Apparently, the rumours were true… There were thirteen Nobodies…

It's contents were as follows;

1. Marluxia (Breeder) age; 25 mate; none

2. Axel (Breeder) age; 23 mate; Roxas

3. Cloud (Breeder) age; 22 mate; Reno

4. Terra (Breeder) age; 21 mate; none

5. Reno (Bearer) age; 20 mate; Cloud

6. Demyx (Bearer) age; 18 mate; Zexion

7. Aqua (Bearer) age; 18 mate; none

8. Riku (Breeder) age; 17 mate; Sora

9. Zexion (Breeder) age; 16 mate; Demyx

10. Sora (Bearer) age; 15 mate; Riku

11. Hayner (Bearer) age; 14 mate; Ventus

12. Ventus (Breeder) age; 13 mate; Hayner

13. Roxas (Bearer) age; 13 mate; Axel

I didn't know who most of them were, but there was definitely one thing I knew for sure.; I was relieved. Roxas was paired up with some Breeder named Axel. I'd like to say I hoped he was a good partner, but my selfishness at that moment drowned that out. I was only glad that he wasn't paired up with Number four; Terra…

I would have hated Roxas if he'd gotten _everything_ that I didn't. My lucky twin was already born as a Bearer. I didn't need him stealing away my dreams of being mated to Terra too.

I quickly put the paper back into the cabinet, and that's when another document caught my eye…

It was about the mated couples again… except there were names put in brackets next to particular mated Nobodies. I looked at my own name, which was printed as _'Ventus & Hayner.' _The names were 'Nora and Pat.' Who the hell were Nora and Pat? What did they have to do with me and Hayner? What was this…? The other Nobodies all had something like that bracketed by their names, all but the Nobodies who had no current mate; Like Terra, Marluxia and Aqua.

Now with even more curiosity swimming around in my thoughts, I carefully placed the paper back into the cabinet. I stood up, trying not to hit the parts of the floor that I knew creaked.

Hopefully the guards were still occupying some other hallway. I didn't need any trouble getting back to my room… I couldn't allow myself to get caught- not when I was already so close to getting away with it.

A screech suddenly echoed through the silent, motionless halls and I immediately stiffened.

What the hell was that!

I refused to move, listening carefully for any sounds that came from the halls outside of the office. I was probably sent five feet into the air when I heard another scream. But this time it was much louder- closer. The voice sounded upset, crying out continuously. And not only that, but I heard the voice's of guards too.

Dammit. Why did I have to get caught now?

I shuffled closer to the door, trying my absolute best to stay super quiet. I peeked through the glass window that was put into the upper part of the office door. It was somewhat tainted, but it was still possible to notice what was going on at the other side.

"Let go of me!" the distressed voice rang out, "I don't want this! Not again! Not today!"

The voice was muffled slightly by the door, which acted like a sound barrier, but I still understood the words. Though I didn't need to hear the words to understand what was happening out there.

I sensed it.

The blonde teen- who looked like a young adult- was undergoing heat, and the guards were taking him to be quarantined. They had to be quarantined, otherwise every Breeder in the facility would go completely crazy. And they'd try to take the Bearer's body, even if they were not mated to that Bearer.

I felt my own Breeder instincts kick in at the scent of heat. A lust was growing deep inside of me. But I wasn't wild like some Breeders. Unlike some of them, I found it easier to control my instincts for a short period of time. It was still torture to try and resist the urge.

I was disgusted with myself… instinct or not.

I felt my body heat up in it's desire for sex. "No…" I bit my lip, my eyes unable to leave the form of the thrashing boy who was just beyond this door. "Stop…" I told myself, squeezing my eyes shut. Keeping my snooping around a secret wasn't an issue anymore- hormones was. I threw myself onto the ground, forcing myself into a fetal position against the wall just beside the door. My eyes remained closed as I clamped my hands over my ears in a desperate attempt to block everything from the outside world out.

"What was that?" I heard one of the guards say loudly.

I guess I hadn't noticed how loud I was being, tossing myself against the wall and all. And yet, I still felt no fear that they'd heard me. I was still trying too hard to forget about the Bearer who was only a few feet away from me, only separated by a thin office wall.

And that's when the office door suddenly whipped open, slamming against my solid body before it could get to the wall. "Hey!" the guard yelled, walking over to where I sat. They pulled me up by the arm firmly, "It's Ventus."

He dragged me out into the hall roughly, and that's when I locked eyes with the Bearer who was in heat. His emerald green eyes widened in fear as he realized what I was.

"No!" the bearer thrashed in the other guard's grip, attempting an escape.

I wanted to tell him that I wouldn't touch him… I wanted to promise that he'd be okay. But my desire for him only grew more as I took in his flushed face… the strong scent of heat. There was nothing more that I could think about then; only how much I wanted this stranger. Right when I thought I'd leap at him, I shook my head in refusal! No way! I wouldn't let my instincts get the better of me! This wasn't what _**I**_ wanted. _**Ventus **_didn't want this… only the mutated hormones that had been planted inside of me did.

"What the hell is this Nobody doing wandering around at this hour?" the guard who held me asked in a firm tone.

The other guard shrugged, "He probably sneaked out, knowing that Demyx here was undergoing heat. Now take him to his room. We'll report this incident to Xemnas tomorrow. Right now I need to get Demyx to quarantine. Who knows what the other Breeders are doing right now. I wouldn't be surprised if they all knew about the issue at hand by now." He paused, "Make sure to collect this one's Breeder after you take Ventus back to his room."

The guard nodded, his grip around my arm tightening as I began to tremble in anticipation. I needed to take this Bearer as my own… I wanted him. Right now I _needed _him. The gravity-like feeling that seemed to pull me towards the blond bearer won over against my real intentions in the end.

I lashed my hand out at the guard, trying my best to break free. But the guard didn't even hesitate. Before I knew it, he'd injected me with some kinda needle, and my whole being seemed to grow weak….

I'd been put under sedation…

My body sagged in his arms, and my mind became hollow; I no longer felt anger… lust.

As I was dragged off and placed back into my room, I felt nothing.

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**

**Please review! Your comments inspire me to update! **


	4. Hot n cold

**Hey! Here's chapter three! Thanks to the people who reviewed, alerted and favourited my story. I'm glad you like it so far, and I hope you continue to read it! :)**

**Disclaimer; I don't own Kingdom Hearts or the song "Hot n cold" **

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_**Riku **_ (Hot n cold) July 3000

_You're hot then you're cold _

_You're yes then you're no_

_ You're in and you're out _

_You're up and you're down _

_Someone call the doctor _

_Got a case of a love bipolar_

_Stuck on a rollercoaster _

_Can't get off this ride _

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My sleep that night had not been a good one. In the middle of the night, the scent of heat had awakened me. Many of the Breeders had probably been disturbed from their sleeps as well. Heat wasn't something that one could hide from us.

It was weird… We just knew about it, even if the one undergoing heat was rooms and rooms away.

But most of the Breeders who'd been disturbed by it probably felt lust immediately. I didn't. A lot of us could somewhat control it- depending on the situation- but for some reason, heat never brought on any desire for me. Well, maybe a slight desire. But I had many other emotions that could overpower it.

I was told that I was actually the best Breeder when it came to controlling myself when a Bearer was in it's time of heat… well excluding one of the Breeders, who was apparently immune entirely.

So anyway, as I was saying; lust wasn't my first feeling. Concern was. I awoke sensing that someone was in heat, and I thought that it might have been Sora. If it had been him, it would have been his first heat. Being fifteen, he was expected for it any day now. But it wasn't Sora considering I hadn't been taken away to 'relieve' him of his first heat. It was clearly someone else.

It was somewhat relieving. I didn't know what to expect from Sora once he reached his first heat… I didn't want to scare him, even though he'd stated to me once that he was ready for it, and was somehow looking forward to it.

I wasn't sure if I believed him fully on that, but I guessed he was ready… somewhat.

I was just afraid for the day where it would actually happen. I wasn't one for surprises.

I woke up early that morning, still feeling a bit shaken from last night. My roommate, Axel, was still sleeping. "Get up," I said groggily, throwing a pillow at his head. He stirred, groaning loudly. I only sighed, pulling the blankets away from him.

"Get up! Don't you know once you've been introduced to your mate, they can be brought here at anytime to visit?" I warned him, giving him a firm gaze, "Hey… and speaking of your mate…" I paused, my tone becoming lighter. Curious. "You were in such a mood when you got back yesterday that you never got to tell me who your mate is."

This got Axel to open one green eye tiredly, which soon resulted in him climbing out of bed fully. Though his arms were still wrapped around his pillow as if he were hugging it. "His name is Roxas. Isn't he your mate's little brother or something?" Axel asked me with a brighter gaze.

I nodded, "Yeah… Sora's mentioned Roxas a few times." Again, I paused as I approached him, nudging him playfully, "So… is he as cute as Sora?"

Axel blushed lightly, making a small nod, "He's really cute… though his personality doesn't exactly seem to match his face. He might look all gummy bears and gum drops, but really he's more like a sour lolly- Badass."

"Gummy bears and gum drops, huh? So now you're comparing people to candy?" I asked him, cocking my eyebrow. But I quickly got over that, skipping onto the next topic, " So… what makes this kid so 'badass', as you put it? I mean… do you even know what badass means?"

Axel's face twisted from embarrassment to extreme defensiveness, "I do so know what it means! Just because Sora isn't like that, doesn't mean his brothers aren't. I mean… Look at their other brother, Ventus. That kid was so rebellious that he had to be given a Binding Ceremony. A binding ceremony! Like, who gets a binding ceremony! I sure haven't heard of anyone else getting one; just that kid."

"Yeah… I was asking about Roxas. Not Ven." And that's when my mood became amused yet again, "Why? Would've rather have been mated to Ventus? Do you have the hots for Roxas' brother?"

"No! I was just saying… I like Roxas. He's just kinda sarcastic and stubborn. But he doesn't know _**me**_ yet. So just because he gave Xemnas a hard time, doesn't mean he'll judge me, right?"

I shrugged, noticing a guard at our door through the corner of my eye. "I don't know… Maybe now is your time to find out," I smiled smugly as our door opened, and a guard poked his head in.

I felt even more smug when the guard shoved a blonde kid through the small crack in the door, shutting it loudly behind him. "Hey," I greeted the one who was obviously Roxas.

His blue gaze darted in my direction for only a brief second until they seemed to freeze over, becoming completely cold and uninterested. I gave Axel another amused smile.

Axel only seemed to hiss at me in response, afraid that I'd only get his mate even more angry.

"You're Sora's brother, right?" I said, trying to get Roxas to talk… or at least thaw, maybe just a little. It was already awkward that we hardly knew him. He wasn't helping, giving us the cold shoulder and silent treatment and all. I think I was seriously beginning to feel sorry for Axel.

The question accomplished it's purpose.

"Yeah, I am… Why?" It may have gotten him to talk, but it didn't stop him from using a chilling tone.

I swallowed thickly, wondering how I could word this- a way that would make him ease up, if not just a bit. "I'm Sora's mate. I'm not sure if he's mentioned me, but my name is Riku."

He looked surprised at this, a shocked expression overcoming his previous look. "Oh. Hey, Riku. Sora's talked about you a lot," I was probably surprised that his tone suddenly softened, and he actually seemed to smile warmly at me as he continued, "Thanks for being good to Sora. He really loves you."

Axel gave me a hopeful glance, happy that I'd buttered his mate up for him. Maybe Axel could make a move now…

"And I guess you already know Axel, so we can hold off on those introductions," I mentioned, trying to turn Roxas' attention from myself to Axel.

"Yeah… I know him," Roxas' tone didn't exactly turn cold once again, but it did grow dull. I cocked an eyebrow, puzzled as to why Roxas was so distant when it came to Axel.

Did Roxas not realize that he was destined to be with Axel for life? He may as well give Axel a chance…

Axel bit at his lip, standing up from his bed and stepping closer to Roxas. "So Roxas… Do you wanna tell me a bit about yourself? I mean, what you like, what your favourite colour is; stuff like that…?"

He only shrugged silently.

I sighed sharply, saying, "Hey, what about I join you too?" I don't know… maybe Roxas would actually participate if I was included. Not to sound mean, but he seemed to like me.

Axel grinned at me, though it was so obvious that he was desperate and thanking me for tempting Roxas into the game further. To get him warmed up, I decided to begin. "Well… I like to watch American football, my favourite colour is yellow, and I hate… asparagus," I said, hoping that Roxas would pick up after me. Which he did.

He sat down on the ground, crossing his legs, "I like sweet foods, my favourite colour is blue… and I hate Axel." My jaw probably dropped at that. How could he say such a thing right in Axel's face? Axel didn't like that either. He flinched, chewing at his lip even more.

But he carried on our chain anyway, keeping any disappointment from his tone, "I like spicy foods, my favourite colour is red, and I hate the cold."

After Axel fell silent, the rest of us didn't say a word. There was a long moment of awkward silence. That is until I finally spoke up.

"So…" I started, "How has Sora been?" Obviously the question was directed towards Roxas, I didn't know what else to say. I could only imagine Axel's inner thoughts. He was probably crying on the inside about Roxas' insensitive comment.

Roxas brought his lowered gaze up to stare at me with his bright, sapphire eyes. And I must say, they were as beautiful as Sora's. Roxas really was his brother… I only wondered how that worked. I didn't know exactly how we were born, and Roxas, Sora and Ventus were the only case of siblings that I'd heard of.

"Sora's good. I think he misses you." The blonde's voice sounded quite teasing. But I only chuckled in response, as Roxas smiled- though quite mockingly.

I merely chuckled, feeling sorry for Axel all at the same time.

When Roxas was finally taken away, I stood up from where I sat on the ground and walked over to Axel's side, patting him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, man. He'll have to pull through. He'll get used to everything," I reassured my depressed, redheaded friend.

Axel stared up at me with hurt, emerald eyes, "Yeah? So why does he like you?… It's not fair."

"Don't worry," I continued, sighing lightly, "At least now we know what the kid likes. Impress him, Axel. Get him something _sweet_."

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**I'm just wondering what Riku is thinking when he's saying that... XD **

**Riku: What! I'm being completely innocent! I swear! **

**Uh huh... **

**Anyways, thanks for reading! Please review! Your reviews seriously get me to update faster. So if you want a quick update, then please review! **

**Riku: Who's not innocent? At least I don't threaten my readers into reviewing... **

**Shut up, Riku! Or you'll never ever see Sora again... **

**Riku: D:**


	5. Bleeding love

**Hey! I decided to update quickly considering it's nearly Christmas Eve. You can think of it as your Christmas gift from me. XD Oh, and I dedicate this chapter to one of my reviewers, terra hotaru. terra hotaru reviewed on all of the chapters, even though it wasn't necessary. I want to thank you again! I hope you don't mind that it's in Ven's POV again. But I already had it written out before... so I couldn't give you what you probably wanted the most; AkuRoku. **

**Thank you to the other reviewers too! I appreciate all of your comments! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or the song 'Bleeding love.' **

**Enjoy!**

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_**Ventus**_ (Bleeding Love) July 3000

_Something happened _

_For the very first time with you _

_My heart melted into the ground_

_ Found something true_

_ And everyone's looking 'round _

_Thinking I'm going crazy _

_But I don't care what they say I'm in love with you _

_They try to pull me away _

_But they don't know the truth _

_My heart's crippled by the vein _

_That I keep on closing _

_You cut me open and I _

_Keep bleeding _

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"Ventus, what were you thinking!" Sora began to scold me, giving me his upset, yet firm look. "What if they'd caught you before they could have accused you for sneaking out merely because of heat? What if they realized that you snuck out on your own free will? Even I don't know what they'd have done to you… Consider yourself lucky."

I nodded, agreeing with him, "Yeah. I am lucky. I've got no punishment for sneaking around considering they all said it's my instinct's fault."

Sora rolled his eyes at my casualness, "You're such an idiot."

Before I could snap back at him and defend myself, the door to our dorm opened and Roxas came through. "Hey Roxas," Sora was the first to greet him, "How was your first visit?"

He shrugged, throwing himself on his bed, "Okay I guess… I met Riku. He seemed nice."

"Riku? You met Riku?" Sora seemed thrilled by this, standing up from his spot on the floor and repositioning himself on the bed frame next to Roxas. I remained on the floor, feeling nauseated by their whole 'mate' talk.

"Yeah…"

"And what about your mate? Didn't you talk with him?" Sora asked, his face falling slightly.

Roxas didn't respond, which answered Sora's stupid question. This only made Sora sigh in frustration, confused by our lack of enthusiasm most likely. But Sora had it all, so of course he had no need to complain. He was mated to Riku, whom he loved very much. He was always cheery… he was a Bearer who hadn't gone through his first heat… He was lucky.

And not everyone had the same luck as him.

"Shut up, Sora. You don't know what you're talking about," I murmured, which earned me a hard glare from him.

But his gaze soon grew warm again as he turned back to look at Roxas. "Don't listen to him, Roxas. He doesn't know what he's talking about. I promise, the mate selection isn't as bad as some people make it out to be," he said, stroking our younger brother's blonde hair gently.

I only rolled my eyes.

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Later that night, when Roxas and Sora were sleeping, I decided to sneak out again. Though this time, my reasons for doing such a thing were completely different. Tonight's motive was far more important than anything else I could sneak out for. It's probably what had gotten me so good at sneaking around…

I was sneaking into Hayner's room.

But as surprising as it may have sounded; I wasn't going for Hayner. Ironically, Hayner happened to be my 'true love's' roommate. Now I know what you're thinking…

'_What! True love? But you're mated and binded to Hayner.' _

Well guess what; I'd never let that stop me. Not ever.

The only important element to this relationship was that no one could be allowed to find out. Our secret meetings had to be kept to ourselves, and only ourselves. Otherwise… I had no idea what would happen to us. These scientist guys seemed to take their 'selection' method very seriously. Not once had someone broken that method. Nor had they 'cheated' on their forced mate.

I wondered what the consequences would be. Would they be even worse if we were both Breeders?

I quietly slipped into the room where my lover was waiting. My eyes locked with his immediately. He was expecting me.

"Terra…" I whispered, careful not to wake Hayner. Terra stood up from where he sat on the edge of the bed and approached me. I threw myself at him, locking my arms around his waist, and digging my face into his strong chest. His own firm hands wrapped around me lovingly as he seemed to take in the scent of my hair.

"Ventus," Terra began quietly, his hand coming up to stroke my bangs, "Are you okay? I'm so sorry about Hayner… That ceremony must not have been easy for you…"

My heart sank at the reminder of it. My facial features grew pained as my hands around him tightened, gripping at the fabric of his shirt. "It was," I whispered, close to a sob.

I felt that I could express myself around Terra. My brothers would never understand the way I felt… So how could I ever tell them how I truly felt? That I was in agony knowing that I couldn't be with Terra whenever I wanted to be.

He withdrew from me, staring deeply into my melancholy eyes. And that's when I noticed the same hurt look in his own orbs… That made me feel like I had to add something more. "But… you don't need to worry. Nothing will get in the way of what we have- not Xemnas, not the guards, and definitely not some stupid binding ceremony," I said impulsively, giving him a desperate look.

He gave a small nod, showing me his agreement. And from there, he withdrew from our hold and slipped his hand into mine as he led me towards the door that was open ajar. We quietly slipped through, out into the motionless hall. "Let's find someplace private," Terra whispered desperately, his hand giving mine a light squeeze, "We can't risk Hayner finding out."

"Right," I tried to smile, but it probably looked heavyhearted. We walked hurriedly yet mutely down the hall, hand-in-hand. Terra led us forward as I was trying to keep up with his big steps from behind him.

We ended up at the entrance of the dark cafeteria, peering inside just to be safe. It was never used anymore. Not after the huge incident that had taken place in there about a year and a half ago…

When we realized that it was empty, we slid in. By that point, we were all over each other. My arms flew up to wrap tightly around his neck as his own hands wrapped carefully around my small waist, bringing me right up against him. I brought myself up onto my tippy-toes, my lips nuzzling against the tender skin of his soft neck. "Terra," I continued to whisper against the surface of his throat, "I love you…"

"I know: I love you too, Ventus," he replied in a similar, hushed tone. One of his hands slowly travelled up my arm, brushing against the skin. He didn't stop until it reached my hair. His silky fingers gently brushed through strands of my messy blonde hair as he leaned down, his lips affectionately planting a passionate kiss on my own. I let my blue eyes flutter shut, giving myself to him.

His hands gripped onto my forearms as his mouth left my tingling lips and started to leave light kisses on my collarbone. My skin began to heat up as I kept my eyes shut, enjoying his desirous touches.

It was all so intoxicating.

"Terra," I murmured breathlessly as his hands left my arms, one curling around my hip and the other rubbing up and down my waist as he came back in for another deep kiss. Again, I let my hands curve around his head, palms resting against the nape of his neck, pulling him in even closer.

I felt Terra's own skin heat up as our mouths continued to move passionately. It felt like forever until we finally took a quick break for air. But that wasn't until after he parted his lips just wide enough to slip his wet, moist tongue into my very-welcoming mouth. I moaned pleasurably into his sweet tasting mouth.

"Hmmm," I continued to make strange sounds. Our bodies seemed to melt into each other as our kiss went on continuously. I was so into the touches, and satisfying feelings that I never cared when my back hit the cafeteria table almost roughly- hard enough to probably leave a bruise.

But I couldn't help but grip onto his body tighter as he climbed carefully overtop of me. I lifted my leg up slightly to brush against his thigh, and that's when my eyes fluttered back open.

My blue eyes gazed up into his face, giving him an uncertain look as the two of us laid there in silence. And suddenly, without realizing, my hands withdrew from around him. Instead, they began to trace down the button-line of Terra's shirt, soon working on un-doing the first one that was located just below his neck.

I was already down to getting four out of eight buttons undone when Terra's hand suddenly curled around my thin wrist, stopping it from going any further. "Don't…" he said in a tone that nearly seemed fearful to me. He let go of my hand, climbing off of me with a grunt as I watched him with puzzled eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked him. I tried not to sound concerned, but…

Terra buttoned his shirt up, standing near the table as he made sure to keep his gaze away from my own. When he spoke again he sounded distraught, " I'm sorry… but I'm afraid. If we get too carried away, it'll make us more vulnerable to the guards… We could get caught."

I smiled weakly, glad when he finally locked eyes with me, running a finger down the flushed surface of my cheek. "It has nothing against you. I promise," he added tenderly.

I leaned into his touch, lifting my own hand to place over his; sandwiching his hand between my cheek and palm. My smile had probably grown more melancholy as I decided to close my eyes, wishing that we could stay like this forever…

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**I hope you guys don't mind TerraxVen... but I wanted to introduce them as a forbidden couple considering it helps with the plot. They're important! **

**Please review! And I'll make sure to update soon. :) **

**And if I don't update before Christmas, then I wish you all a very merry Christmas!**


	6. Not your enemy

**Hello! I hope you all had a great Christmas! I know I'm enjoying the holidays! lol, I'm being so lazy... :P**

**Anyways, one of my reviewers, Aindel S. Druida, asked a very good question that has to do with last chapter. They asked me;  
**

How could Hayner and Terra be roommates? Wouldn't that be very, very hazardous to the whole system? I mean, as soon as Hayner went into heat, Terra'd be on him before the guards could even get there, right?

**Well, that's actually mentioned in one of the later chapters. I have information about the system all over the chapters. This is how I made the roommate system work. For the first years of their life (up until they have their first heat- which is expected between the ages of fourteen and seventeen) a bearer is randomly dormed with another (who isn't their mate). Once the bearer does go into heat though, they move into their mate's dormroom. As for Hayner being roomed with Terra; that's because Hayner hasn't gone through his first heat just yet. And no Terra wouldn't be hazardous to the mating system because (again, this is mentioned in one of the chapters ahead of this one) Terra is the only breeder who is actually immune to heat. He doesn't go crazy like the others. He wasn't included when Riku and Ven were discussing their own instincts and how they can keep to their own mind most of the time during a bearer's time of heat. **

**So yeah... sorry if some of the things are confusing at first. I have different bits of different information is a whole bunch of different chapters. So in the meantime, if any of you have other questions like this one, please don't be afraid to ask. =D**

**Enjoy! **

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_**Axel **_ (Not your enemy) July 3000

_Just for a minute give me a chance_

_Let me inside just for a minute_

_Baby just for a moment_

_Let me prove I'll do things right_

_Let down your guard_

_And show me your colours_

_Don't fight it anymore_

_Show me you're with me_

_Open your arms_

_'m not like the others_

_So don't fight it anymore no_

_What will it take for me to make you see_

_I'm not your enemy_

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_

Was this being a little dramatic when it came to defining my mate?

He was disinterested… apathetic; bored; detached; distant; impassive; indifferent; unresponsive… glacial.

A little harsh, I know. But that's exactly how he seemed. And yet, I couldn't help but want to impress him. I couldn't help but feel kinda fuzzy whenever I saw him smile or whenever he was nearby…

That's probably why it felt like something was tugging at my heart as I sat on the lower bunk bed, sighing through boredom as Riku flirted with his mate, Sora. It made me quite jealous. It wasn't fair that Sora was totally fine with Riku, smiling at him and talking to him as if they'd known each other their whole lives. And it seemed Roxas was the same around Riku too. He'd talk to Riku… he'd smile and laugh with Riku. But he pretended that I was nonexistent… not there.

What was with that? Sure, I'd known Riku for as long as I could remember; he'd always been my roommate. He was a good guy. But that didn't keep me from wondering how he did it; how he seemed to charm my mate. Sure, I understood that the kid may have been feeling overwhelmed and drowned, but that didn't mean that he had to hate me. Did he hate me because of that, or was he just not attracted to me?

That was a strange question… Normally it didn't matter; Attracted or not, Nobodies had to engage in intimate relationships with their mates. Why didn't Roxas realize that? Why did he make things so much more difficult.

But that's when I realized I was probably being really harsh… I realized the difference between our ages. Apparently, he was thirteen: still just a kid. I was twenty-three. I had ten more years of experience then he did.

Maybe if I showed him how much I cared about him… Maybe I could try and butter him up the way Riku did. Maybe than he'd trust me.

"Riku," Sora suddenly laughed, playfully hitting Riku against the shoulder. Riku only smiled in return, giving his lover a flirtatious stare. I tried not to pay attention to them… though that was pretty hard.

I was envious of what they had.

"Hey, Sora," I suddenly made myself speak up stiffly.

Sora's gaze whipped around to look at me, switching from an amused grin to a curious, surprised expression. Riku turned to look at me also.

"So," I continued, clearing my throat, "Your brother… he's a sweet tooth, right?"

Sora's eyes immediately brightened, an ecstatic posture overcoming him. "You're gonna do something for Roxas!" he beamed cheerfully. I merely nodded, hoping that he'd continue on with the question, which he did, "Are you kidding me? He LOVES sweets. I think he has an addiction. The only thing is… well, he rarely gets any. We only get whatever Mr. Xemnas serves us. Only the scientists and other employees have access to the vending machines… and money, I should add." He pouted slightly, looking up at me with thoughtful blue eyes, "But no matter what you do for him, he'll appreciate it. He hasn't been in the happiest mood lately, so it'd make his day if you tried to cheer him up."

I nodded, sighing heavily. I'd forgotten about the whole 'no money, no vending machines, no access to sweets' thing. But that couldn't stop a man from trying, right? I'd already made up my mind…

I was going to get Roxas those sweets.

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"You're going to do _what_?" Riku asked me, confirming what I'd just stated to him. His aquatic eyes widened in awe.

I nodded, a confident grin plastered on my face, "You heard me. I'm gonna break into their staff room, hopefully get a hold of some money in there, and get Roxas some sweets."

Riku continued to stare, astonished. He then grinned impressively, slapping me a high five, "That's awesome, Ax! You'll have that kid wrapped around your finger in no time if you spoil him with what he loves."

" You know, it's not all about 'wrapping him around my finger'. I love him, Riku. I just want him to feel happy with me. I want him to know that he can trust me," I said, rolling my emerald eyes at him, irritated by his 'playa' attitude He merely shrugged in response.

I took a deep breath, winking. "K, wish me luck," I demanded, nearing the door that led us away from our room and out into the halls. You'd think there'd be locks or something… not that I was complaining or anything.

"Good luck, _rebel_," Riku teased, slapping my back before I threw myself into the hall frantically. I mean, I'd never done anything like this before… what if I got caught? I didn't want to be sedated… not like that Ventus kid always did.

I made a three-sixty sweep, making sure none of the guards were around. It didn't seem like they were. But I guess this facility was pretty big, and filled with many other things. Us Nobodies were normally well-behaved and grateful that we had life and were given comfortable dorms for breeding properly. Though not all of us thought that way…

I decided to take the long way around to get to the staff room, just to avoid Xemnas' office. He was the last one I wanted to get caught by. Though I guessed that the guards weren't much better. They were stronger, for one; More muscular. Perhaps more merciless. I didn't know. Which one of them did have the icier blood flowing through their veins?

When I reached the staff room, my heart skipped a beat. There were three freak'n guards drinking what looked like creamy lattes in there! I peered through the window that was located on the upper part of the door, my eyes drifting towards the glowing, humming vending machine.

Damn…

But how could I get to it?

I moved to the side of the door, making sure not to stare from the window for too long. Otherwise they may have noticed me. I allowed myself to think. I just HAD to get Roxas those sweets. I wanted to make him happy so badly. I wanted him to smile widely at me the way he beamed at Riku.

That's when I suddenly had an idea!

It was sort of stupid, but it should've at least gotten them out of the room for three minutes. And three minutes was all I needed… The guards would be in such a rush that they'd forget about their wallets. Which were sprawled out on the table.

Trying to look distressed, I took a deep breath, banging my fist against the staff room door. One of the guards jumped in surprise, a dark expression growing over him as he placed his latte down and stood from the table. "What is it, Nobody?" the guard asked in an unpleasant, impatient tone as he opened the door.

I took another sharp breath, letting sheer panic take over my posture, "It's Nobody number ten! They really need you down there! It's becoming chaotic! I think Sora is having his first heat! Hurry! Help him!"

The guard's face became urgent as he whipped his head around to signal to the other two. "Come on, boys. You know how riled up these Nobodies get. We better get to Nobody number ten right away. We might have to fend off some Breeders."

I bit at my lip, trying to fake frustration, "I know. Who knows how many have already been attracted to that room. And we can't forget that Sora shares a room with his brother; a Breeder."

The guards nodded, pushing past me as they jogged down the hall, tasers in hand.

I hissed out a breath, hurrying into the staff room once they were out of sight. I'd probably have to apologize to Sora about this later… Things would start getting topsy-turvy once the guards burst into his room, with him completely clueless.

But I didn't have time to ponder on that at the moment. I had time for that later.

I snatched up one of the wallets, my hand scrambling inside of it, searching for any signs of cash.

And viola! I pulled out a nifty twenty-dollar bill. Nice! I could buy like sixteen different goodies with this; with each snack only being at one dollar twenty-five. Why not? I approached the vending machine, slipping the bill into the paper-bill slot. It ate it up, waiting for me to button in my order.

In the end, I managed to get a hold of;

Two packages of liquorish, three Skittles, three Star Burst, one Resse's pieces, two Hershey bars, two Caramilk bars, two Kit-Kats, and one Aero bar.

I threw them into a plastic bag that I spotted on one of the tables, slinging it over my shoulder. Then I rushed out of there wildly.

I think I was about to go into cardiac arrest when I flew through the door and into my dorm room. Riku only laughed at my clumsiness considering I tripped onto the floor after I whipped the door shut.

"So, had fun?" Riku continued to chuckle. That is, before he noticed the crowded plastic bag of sweets. "Holy cr-" he cut himself off to take a breath, "How much did you take?"

I grinned proudly, standing up from the floor with the bag of sweets in hand, "I got as much as I could. Like I said, I want to make him happy." I then put the bag under my bed, so that the guards wouldn't notice it. I didn't need them finding out that I'd smuggled their vending machine food… then it'd get taken away. Suddenly, I realized that I didn't even know when I'd see Roxas again. "Do you know when they'll bring him here to visit again?" I asked curiously, dying to see Roxas' smile.

Riku only shrugged in response, ignoring that question afterwards. Instead he gave me a hasty look. "So… that's sure a lot of candy for just one little boy. Wanna share some?" he asked me, his eyes giving off an eager look.

I grabbed the plastic bag from under my bed, suddenly growing protective of it. I hugged it to my chest, my eyes narrowing as I said, "No way, Riku. All of it is for Roxas."

Riku merely rolled his eyes at me, laying down on the bed- refusing to face me of course.

Fine… if he was gonna be like that…

"Looks like it was just a false alarm," I suddenly heard a voice from outside in the hall say as they passed by our room. My body tensed up, realizing that it was the guards from the staff room. Would they conclude that I'd tricked them! Did they realize?

I was relieved when they didn't come in looking for me. I guess they just took it as me being careful. Good. The last thing I wanted was to be spoken about in a similar fashion to the way people spread rumours about Ventus. That's the last thing I needed.

I smiled lightly to myself, my body relaxing. Everything was okay… at least for now.

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I was happy when I found out that Roxas was coming back to our dorm room the next day. I was hoping that he would; and this time I was actually given notice.

Riku gave me a look of encouragement, preparing for his own visit with Sora. Good. Xemnas was being _kind_ and giving Roxas and me some 'alone' time. That's probably what we needed. This way, Roxas had no choice but to pay attention to me. There was no Riku to distract him this time.

I felt even better knowing that I had that bag of sweets for him. I was beginning to get nervous, wondering what his reaction would be. What if he hated me so much that he didn't care; that he didn't like the idea of receiving sweets from someone whom he had no feelings for.

Was he that cold?

And what was even more sad then that question was to admit that I didn't know. I didn't even know Roxas… and yet I felt so passionately towards him; so committed.

When Roxas came, and the guard who escorted him took Riku away, I swallowed thickly. How could I start?

The blonde was already avoiding eye-contact, standing by the door-unmoving. Even though is bangs covered his eyes, it wasn't hard to realize that he was cheerless… glum; Completely pessimistic.

I allowed my expression to grow sympathetic as I took a step closer to him. He seemed to shudder at every footstep, his clenched fists only balling tighter. He still refused to make a single sound, to even look up at me once I stood before him, looming over his petit form. He finally whipped his head up to give me a fierce, ill-tempered glare (I swear, he was even gritting his teeth) after I placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" he hissed sourly, taking a rough step back away from me while lashing his hand out to hit my arm away.

I sighed, keeping my expression affectionate, "Roxas… can you at least let me talk? I just wanted to talk to you about… us."

"I have nothing to say about _us_! There is no 'us'!" Roxas cried out, chewing down on his lip as he shook his head dramatically, squeezing his eyes shut. When he finally stopped with the whipping-around of his head, he stared down at the floor, trembling as he whispered miserably , "At least not yet…"

I paused for a breath, saying in my own quiet voice, "You know… This doesn't have to be as difficult as you make it. You don't know me; and I don't know you. We should at least talk to each other… Otherwise, how much better do you think things will feel once you and I have to… get into more complicated situations." I paused, trying to search his face for any reaction. He looked confused. And then I added softly, "Can we at least be friends?"

"The both of us know that we HAVE to be more then that…" he replied dully, his eyes expressionless as he still refused to look at me.

I took a step closer to him, shaking my head, "No. What they make us do has nothing to do with the way we feel. No matter what our purpose here is, we still have feelings; and we can see each other as however you want it to be. If you want us to be lovers, then we'll be lovers. If you only want us to be friends, then we'll just see each other as friends."

He exhaled deeply, lifting his gaze slightly. "I don't know…" he murmured, his features growing tense, as a spot of blood appeared on the area where he continued to bite at his lip. "I mean… I guess I shouldn't hold anything against you… it's just…" his slender body began to shake slightly as his hands curled back into fists, "I'm scared, Axel… I don't know you… and I don't know what to expect."

I smiled lightly, staring at him. I noticed that he now stared at me through his blonde bangs. Those beautiful, deep sapphire eyes were definitely not hard to miss.

I turned around, "You know what; Then we don't have to talk about it… I have something for you."

I didn't bother to turn around, but I wondered if he looked curious as I bent over to grab the plastic bag that sat, hidden under my bed. I made sure that I had a good grip on it, standing back up onto two feet. "Here you go," I said, looking into the bag to make sure everything was in there before I passed it into his arms.

As soon as he had a hold of it, he peeked into it timidly, And that's when I saw a faint smile flicker onto his face. He looked up at me, the delicate smile still on his lips, "H…how did you get this?"

I grinned, "Oh, well… I have my ways." I think I was being too modest.

"Thanks," he said in the warmest, most appreciative tone that he'd ever used with me.

I nodded, unable to keep a bright smile from my own face. I continued to watch in adoration as he stuck his hand into the plastic bag, pulling out and breaking into the first Hershey bar.

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**Heehee, I know I've been talking a lot, but I have one other thing I'd like to mention. I've started to write filler chapters for this (so events that may not be in the actual storyline, such as stuff that may have happened during a time skip or something (not that there has been one). My brother already wants me to write one on Sora and Riku's first meeting, so I started that. If any of you have something like that you'd like me to write then just tell me your idea and I may or may not write it. Please give me some ideas (though it'll be easier as the story goes on... so you don't have to come up with anything right away). **

**Please review!**


	7. Leave out all the rest

**Hello again! I'm making sure to update before school! But don't worry, I should be able to update regularly even after school starts (I hope) considering I won't be getting much homework. We're starting our in class summatives. But enough about that. I'd love to thank my lovely reviewers and also the ones who favourited and alerted my story. I seriously appreciate it! **

**I would also like to answer one of my reviewer's questions. Black_cat17 asked me if Riku was seriously in love with Sora (because of the whole 'wrap him around your finger' comment he made last chapter).**

**Sorry I couldn't answer your question sooner... But here's my answer!; **

**I'm really happy you're liking my story! I've been working very hard on it for a few months now. It's awesome knowing that my readers are enjoying it! =D  
Awww, and no; you're not thinking too much. I like it when a reader catches or mentions something like that. Riku is just a big tease. He's trying to act all cool and 'manly' (if you know what I mean) with his buddy (so kinda joking). Riku loves Sora very much, he wouldn't mean something like that if he was talking about himself and Sora. Thanks for asking me that! If you have any other questions, please, just let me know.  
Thanks for reviewing! I really appreciate it! **

**If anyone else has something they'd like to point out, please just let me know and I'll answer the best I can! **

**Disclaimer; I don't own Kingdom hearts or the song 'Leave out all the rest' **

**Enjoy! **

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_**Ventus**_ (Leave out all the rest) July 3000

_Don't be afraid_

_I've taken my beating_

_I've shared what I've made_

_I'm strong on the surface_

_Not all the way through_

_I've never been perfect_

_But neither have you_

_So if you're asking me I want you to know_

_When my time comes_

_Forget the wrong that I've done_

_Help me leave behind some_

_Reasons to be missed_

_Don't resent me_

_And when you're feeling empty_

_Keep me in your memory_

_Leave out all the rest_

_Leave out all the rest_

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I sat on my bed, staring at the far wall. Though really, my mind was wandering into nothingness. I was zoned out. My mind had gone completely numb since that time last night. I had no idea how to describe the way I felt; I was so high with happiness whenever I could be with Terra, and at the same time I had an oppressive amount of sheer nervousness growing inside of me, taunting my gut.

I mean, at some point, wouldn't Terra and I get caught? We couldn't keep secrets forever; especially from our creator, Xemnas.

He would catch on sooner or later…

The guards were also pretty perceptive and alert. Just because I had the opportunity to sneak out some nights, didn't mean that I could get past them every night. They'd wised up because of dealing with my disobedient, restless behaviour. And for the noobs, it wasn't exactly difficult to catch the gossip that both employee and Nobody spread around about me. They kept word about me anything but hushed.

'_The instigator this, the nuisance that.' 'Hey did you hear what that no-good, mischief maker did today? 'What a loose canon.' _

I wasn't exactly the most popular Nobody around… Well I was, but not in a good way.

"When do you think Roxas will come back from visiting Axel?" Sora suddenly said excitedly, sitting cross-legged on the floor, "I hope it's soon. Axel said he was gonna do something for Roxas and I wanna know what it is."

I shrugged sluggishly, unable to care. "Good for him," I muttered. I didn't care what Roxas' mate did for him; It all added up to the same thing: All Axel wanted was to look all goody-goody for my brother so that Roxas would accept the whole forced relationship thing. What was so exciting about that? Exactly; nothing. Everything was forced… and I didn't want Roxas to get sucked in by it. Especially when he was closer to being on my side about the whole mate selection theory.

It wasn't right.

"Ven, you should care. It's our brother I'm talking about. Aren't you happy for Roxas? He has a mate who's kind enough to try and cheer him up," Sora explained, a hint of disappointment in his voice considering he didn't like my lack of 'understanding.'

I rolled my eyes, "I get it. Just because this whole 'forced relationship' thing is good for you, does not mean it's good for me, okay? I'm allowed to have my own opinion."

"But why deny your purpose? May as well make the best out of it considering this is how you're going to live for the rest of your life," Sora continued, his gaze locked onto the wooden tiles of the floor. His tone sounded dull… despairing.

My own expression became somewhat melancholy as I bit at my lip. I didn't want to talk about this any further. I didn't want to keep fighting with my brother about it. It seemed like we were doing that a lot lately. I didn't like to see him sad, and he didn't like to see me sad; so I just left it at that and so did he.

… Though we didn't speak again until our baby brother came back.

"Hey," he said as he walked in through the door. I noticed a guard over his shoulder and I had to keep myself from glaring at him.

"Roxas!" Sora practically jumped on him, knocking him to the floor, "How was your time with Axel? Good?"

I was startled when a delighted smile spread onto his face. When was the last time he'd smiled? Why was he smiling? What kinda crap had that Axel character fed him?

Sora's own expression beamed as he took Roxas' hand eagerly, bringing him over to the bed where I sat. They sat on the floor next to me. "Okay; Tell me exactly what happened!"

Roxas' expression grew sheepish as he gave a modest nod. "Alright," he started up bashfully. I only stared at him hardly. I wanted to know the reason for his sudden change in behaviour. There was no way some mate of my brother's was going to convert him… "I didn't really want anything to do with Axel before," I noticed the particular use of '_before_', "But now… I'm not really sure. I mean, I don't want anything to do with him sexually. I don't feel ready for that. It's just, he seems like a nice guy. I feel bad for ignoring him before and all, but I'm still not sure. He's sweet… but… " he paused to bite his lip and lower his gaze, "there's still a part of me that doesn't want him around me. I have nothing against who he is. It's what he represents."

I nodded in agreement, trying to look understanding.

He took a deep breath, continuing, "He said something really stupid. Appealing but ludicrous… He said that no matter what we're forced to do we still have our own choice as to what we see each other as; Friends or lovers."

I couldn't help but chuckle in irritation at that one. I just knew this Axel guy was only some desperate Breeder who was merely controlled by his hormones. How could someone actually say that? It was obvious that things couldn't be that way between them. They were forced into a relationship, and not as friends; as forced lovers! Was it normal for friends to engage in sexual activity nearly everyday (once the Bearer went into heat anyway)? No.

"It's just… I'm glad he's trying to help me, but it's a little hard to think of us as only friends when we both know we'll have to do things that friends don't do together. Friends don't carry each others babies…" Roxas said in a hushed whisper, his tone sounding strained as he brought his head back up.

Sora smiled sympathetically at our brother, placing a hand on his shoulder gently, "Think of it however you like, Roxas. Friends can carry each others babies. Back when most of the population in the real world could have babies naturally, there were plenty of surrogate mothers; whether it was a sister for an infertile sister, or a friend for a friend."

I only shook my head in response to that. We HAD to be more then friends; no choice. Otherwise, wouldn't we be able to have a partner of our choice? If this was all about carrying babies for friends, things wouldn't be this way. We'd have more rights; more freedoms. Why couldn't Sora see that?

I was horrified when Roxas nodded slowly, a light smile forming on his lips.

He was believing what Sora said! I couldn't believe this! No, I couldn't believe those two!

"Roxas…" I whined, climbing off of the bed so that I fell onto the floor beside them, "I thought you agreed with me."

Sora shot me an angry look as Roxas' features became grim… uncertain. "I'm sorry, Ven. But I'm just confused right now, okay? Leave me alone about that. We can't change it anyway…"

I only sighed heavily at his gloomy attitude. I was living proof that we could change our lives. I didn't let myself fall into some 'we have to do what we're told' state like most of the other Nobodies. I played by my own rules by going with the Nobody who I did love. I wouldn't force myself to love someone just because Xemnas wanted me to.

"Yes we can…" I quietly said, hoping that they'd hear my hushed tone, while at the same time hoping otherwise. They didn't know about my 'forbidden' relationship with Terra. They didn't need to know. They'd probably be against it; especially Sora. But when you thought deeply about it, which relationship was more forbidden? A forced one, or one that revolved around the person who you truly loved?

Sora and Roxas turned their heads to stare at me, looks of absolute horror written on their faces. Their blue eyes were wide with concern and fright. "Ventus… do you realize what you just suggested?" Sora asked me in a low tone. Roxas remained quiet at his side, staring at me worriedly.

"Yeah. It's called the truth, Sora. We shouldn't have to be with some guy we don't want to be with. We should choose; even if it means doing it behind these people's backs," I interpreted desperately, hoping for their understanding considering that was my situation. If they didn't understand… then how would I ever tell them about me and Terra?

Would they betray their own brother?

"Ventus. I don't want to hear of this anymore. It's wrong, unfaithful, and it goes against our destiny. We're mated to certain people for a reason," Sora fought back, raising his voice to a clear 'get it through your head' tone.

I only lowered my head in shock, shaking it from side to side slightly as I whimpered under my breath, my expression growing pained.

"We're not prostitutes, Ventus. We're professional tools used to repopulate mankind. Start acting like it…" his expression softened suddenly, "But… that doesn't mean we can't enjoy our lives. Life is however you make it, Ventus. By acting this way, you're only making it more difficult for yourself."

"_Prostitutes_?" I growled, my facial expression growing tense, "Don't say stuff like that when you don't even know what you're talking about!"

Surprising them, I stood up from the floor, rushing over to my bed and throwing the covers over myself. Anger bubbled to the surface of my mind, making my breathes come out in hisses. How could Sora say something like that! A prostitute? A cheater? A slut? Was that what I was? Would he still say stuff like that if he knew that _**I**_ was committing adultery?

It felt like someone had suddenly boiled the blood that ran through my veins as I clutched at my pillow with a tighter grip.

"Just leave him be… he needs time to cool down," I suddenly heard Sora say to Roxas as I heard a set of footsteps step up from the wooden floor- probably Roxas.

I only continued to squeeze at the fabric tighter, gritting my teeth in hateful anger…

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It was later on that evening that I sensed it…

Heat.

The scent hit me suddenly with a force that felt like a brick wall. I stood up from the bed, walking slowly towards the door. It was nearly like I was in a trance. It felt like gravity was pulling me, urging me that I find the Bearer who was undergoing their fever-like state… The scent called out to me…

"Ven?" I heard Sora's voice, and turned around to look at him for a brief second. He was sitting in the far corner of the room with Roxas, playing Texas hold' em. "What's wrong?"

"Heat…" I whispered softly.

My two brother's jumped up almost immediately, letting the playing cards scatter around the room as they let go of them in midair. "Ven! Ignore it! Try and control yourself," Sora cried as Roxas took my arm roughly, trying to lead me to the rim of the bed. I didn't resist, I made myself listen to them- I wouldn't let myself hurt my own brothers… not for something as shameful as this.

I sagged down against the bed frame, resting my back against it as I brought my knees up to hug against my chest. I rested my chin on my knees, peering out at my supportive siblings.

"Who do you think it is?" I asked in a quiet voice. My guess was that it was that blonde kid from before. He probably wasn't pregnant, so his heat continued. "I hope they get whoever it is soon… It's driving me crazy."

That was the truth too. If I was told to be one of the Breeders who had better control then some, and I was going berserk, I didn't even want to imagine the Breeders who had a hard time ruling over their instincts. Did they completely lose it? Was I only 'good' at governing myself because I could keep my own mind in control for a set period of time?

That was a scary thought…

And yet, I still believed that being a Bearer would've been a better life for me, even if it was pretty dangerous.

"Ven…" Sora murmured my name gently, brushing a hand through my blonde locks comfortably. He was trying to comfort me- take my mind away from everything else. Asides from the feeling of 'wanting' whomever was in heat, I also felt sick inside. I was disgusted with myself for wanting a stranger so much. The lust was truly nauseating.

"Don't worry, it'll all be over soon, okay?" Roxas joined in, patting my back.

I made a small nod, lifting my head up to the sound of footsteps from outside of our room. I began to feel more ill as a hand fiddled with the doorknob, opening it and entering our room. A guard poked their head in through the doorway, their eyes looking as if they lacked sleep.

I felt my lip tremble, my whole body soon followed, rocking violently. I knew what they wanted… The thought of it made me feel even more queasy.

"W-what is it that you want?" Sora asked in a shaky tone, staring up at them with anxious eyes. Even he knew…

Roxas seemed uneasy himself, staring at them with wary, blue eyes.

"We need you, Ventus. The time to pass on your children has finally come. You have reached the maturity point; you're now an official Breeder," the guard stated, almost proudly.

I stared at him with wide eyes, unable to take in what I was hearing. It seemed that Roxas and Sora were the same; speechless.

I scrambled up from where I sat, my eyes growing wild with fear and uncertainty. "There must be some mistake…" I choked, feeling a sharp, burning pain form from behind my eyes as I pressed myself against the surface of the far wall. The guard gave me an impatient look.

"Ven," Sora looked at me, distraught, his own hands shaking as he brought them out to touch me. He hesitated, unable to come up with a way to comfort me. Distressed, I directed my misty gaze to Roxas.

"What do I do?" I whimpered, tears escaping from the corners of my eyes. They slid down my face silently as my mind went into a bewildered state. One hundred different emotions zoomed through my consciousness all at once, confusing me greatly- overwhelming me.

And yet I knew what I had to do. No matter how I felt, was there any way to avoid this? I pushed myself enough to make one step towards the waiting guard, then two, then three. Before I reached the doorframe, the guard took me by the wrist, leading me away from the room roughly. I followed, feeling completely hollow inside.

I didn't know what to expect… what to do… how to feel.

All I knew as I was locked in the large, dimly lit quarantined room was that I was truly afraid… more then I'd ever been.

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I stumbled back to my room, feeling extremely cold and lifeless. I felt so lousy and sick.

When the guard opened the door to my dorm room, I went inside without saying a word. He gently shut it behind me, and I slumped down onto my knees, feeling like I wanted to cry again. But I was already drained of fluid, and was unable to.

Instead I stared down at the floor with a hard, dull gaze, wanting to die right there.

"Ven!"

"Ventus!"

Sora and Roxas cried as they threw themselves from the bed towards me. Their faces were plastered with extreme concern. "Are you alright?" Sora stroked my back gently, "You look really pale."

I hissed in a breath, hunching over slightly as the sick feeling in my stomach only worsened. "What do you think?" I murmured sharply, though quietly.

"Was it…" Roxas swallowed thickly, "hard?"

I let out a disgusted chuckle, squeezing my eyes shut at the reminder, "I hate myself… does that clarify everything? I'm a sick, twisted breeder. I feel like I… like I just raped him." The last bit came out in a sob as I stared down at my trembling hands. Sora's eyes grew warmer with sympathy as Roxas eyed me crossly.

"What are you saying! You-" Roxas began heatedly, but I cut him off with another remorseful whimper;

"I had sex with him, Roxas! He didn't even want to… but I… even though I was scared stiff, my damned instincts wanted him so bad… I… I hate myself for wanting him like that. I'm a… a terrible person," I broke down into tears, hunching over fully so that my head, which shook lightly from crying, was hidden and my forehead was nearly touching the floor.

I forced my eyes shut, though the tears still managed to seep through, as I bawled my eyes out, hoping for my life to end…

Could my life get anymore complicated?

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As a matter of fact, it could.

The next day, the guards and Xemnas demanded that I pack my stuff. I had forgotten that detail. Now that my partner was going to be undergoing heat continuously, we had to move in together. I had to move into his dorm room. Xemnas did that with every couple who had already matured and was going through their cycle of heat.

I didn't mind that too much.

Sure it was heartbreaking having to split up from my brothers, Sora and Roxas, but this way I would be able to see Terra all the time. We could be together. Though I was nervous about facing him. Considering Hayner was his roomie, he would've known that he'd gone through heat. And being his partner, Terra knew what my role to fulfill was.

Would Terra be angry that I'd lost myself to my instincts? That I'd actually gone through with it? Or had he been expecting me to refuse when that time came?

I guess I'd find out once I moved in.

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**I hope you liked it. Don't worry, it's Axel's POV again next chapter. So you'll be getting more Axel and Roxas soon! Please review.  
**

**And I just want to add this; Poor Ven! D:**


	8. Poker face

**Hello! About time I updated... I know. Sorry I never did over the weekend or any earlier. I meant to, but a lot of things popped up. So yeah... here is is now! :) **

**Firstly, I'd like to thank my lovely reviewers! I love you guys, and I hope you continue to leave wonderful messages for me. I really appreciate all of your comments and questions. And then secondly, I'd like to take the time to answer some questions that my reviewers had. **

**Black_cat17, I'm not really sure if I'll put the rating up. I've written several chapters ahead, and so far I don't believe any of the scenes are too graphic. I mean, there is one time, but I never got overly descriptive about it. The most detailed I'll get is 'he entered the other' or something like that. XD And then beyond that, I mainly skip the rest after penetration. But I'll let you guys decide when those chapters come. You can let me know if the story should go up to 'M'. **

**And as for your comment terra hotaru; I'm so sorry it seems that way! D: I know the story has a lot of Ven in the beginning chapters, but I promise you that Roxas and Axel face many obstacles of their own. But because Roxas hasn't gone through his first heat just yet, he and Axel are merely having the normal problem of getting along. But they'll get more complicated as the story progresses. Again, I'm so sorry... This is a long story, and some things may take a while to develop. But Roxas and Axel are definitely my main pairing. :) **

**So yeah. By now I hope you guys know that you can ask me more questions if something comes to your mind! I love hearing from you! **

**Enjoy! I know I enjoyed writing this chapter! XD Axel's so silly... **

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_**Axel**_ (Poker Face) Late July 3000

_I wanna hold em' like they do in Texas Plays_

_Fold em' let em' hit me raise it baby stay with me (I love it)_

_Luck and intuition play the cards with Spades to start_

_And after he's been hooked I'll play the one that's on his heart_

_Can't read my, Can't read my_

_No he can't read my poker face(She's got to love nobody)_

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I'd like to say that Roxas and I were the happiest couple in the whole flipp'n facility… but that wasn't exactly the case. He was definitely more talkative then before. He paid much more attention to me now. He even let me near him. The only thing that was still off-limits and a sensitive topic for him was mentioning our partnership. That was okay with me… just a little disappointing. But I did promise the kid that he could look at us whichever way he wanted. At least that got him to actually acknowledge my existence. But I DID have to realize that he was delicate in the first place. He was afraid… I had to respect that.

"Hey," Riku suddenly piped up, awakening me from my daydreams- my daydreams that involved a very seductively dressed Roxas. What the hell was the matter with me? For the past two days I'd been having a hard time controlling my hormones. They were wilder than usual…

I shook my head lightly, disappointed in myself. "You don't need anything from him; only his friendship, so be happy with at least that," I murmured under my breath, beginning to feel like a greedy person. I understood Roxas' feelings, as I stated before, and yet I continued to think of him in ways that went beyond friendship. I closed my eyes, sighing lightly as I placed my hands in my lap hopelessly.

And let me say; closing my eyes was definitely a bad idea. The moment I did so, I saw Roxas in a world that should have been covered by my eyelids. He looked pained as his face tightened in what seemed like agony. He was wet… with sweat? I began to feel hot all over when he threw his head back gracefully. "Ahhh," the sweet sound escaped from his lips as his gorgeous blue eyes fluttered shut and his expression grew less tense.

"Axel?" I heard Riku chuckle. I forced my eyes open, embarrassed that I'd just pictured such an obscene… image. "Sorry…" he continued to laugh, "I didn't mean to wake you from such a _sweet_ dream." I noticed that his aquatic eyes weren't directed at my face. I followed their gaze, now realizing why my pants felt so much tighter.

"Crap!" I scrambled up from the bed in shock, my hands instinctively throwing themselves over the area between my legs. I felt my face instantly heat up in humiliation. Why was this happening to me! "Shut up!" I yelled at him defensively as he only began to laugh even harder, "I don't know what's wrong with me, okay! Maybe someone's in heat…"

"I'd know too, stupid," Riku stated, catching his breath, "You're obviously _naturally _aroused right now."

I let my body relax, my muscles no longer tensed up as the shame hit me like a speeding truck. No, more like two speeding trucks. "Is there something wrong with me, Riku? I mean… should I be thinking about him like this?"

Riku shrugged, a smirk on his face. "It shouldn't matter. Just be glad that it's your mate you think about this way. It'd be pretty bad if your hormones roared for someone else's body…" he paused, "But I think your body just wants a little loving. You are twenty-three after all. But you don't have to wait much longer now- Roxy should be able to bake you some babies soon; You'll be able to rock that body of his for days… that is, until he gets pregnant."

I rolled my eyes at his terrible comparisons.

Was that how he thought of Sora? I truly doubted it. So why did he have to talk about Roxas like that? Like some sex-toy? And _Roxy_? What was up with that?… though it was quite catchy; a cute little nickname.

"I bet Sora wouldn't like it if you talked to him like that…" I mumbled venomously. Yeah… we could be good friends, while other times we would get into vicious battles- verbal or physical.

"Well guess what; I wouldn't talk to Sora that way. Only you, you melodramatic redhead," he hissed back.

I shook my head in obvious frustration, grinding my teeth together. "Then don't talk about Sora's brother like that. He's not some tool that I merely want to screw around," I said bitterly, my eyes piercing him sharply.

He looked like he was about to shoot back at me, but then he lowered his head, which I hoped was some sign of an apology. His expression looked strained as he whispered, almost in shame, "But we are tools…"

My green eyes widened at his statement. Sure, the scientists had created us, but that didn't mean that we were merely tools! We had feelings and human-like characteristics, even if we were just some race meant to repopulate the world. That didn't mean we were tools…

"We're… no, we're more then that Riku," I explained bleakly, my anger fading as the reality of it all seeped into my being. I was more depressed with the outlook that revolved around our futures. Was that all that awaited us? Breed, bear, start over; breed, bear, start over… until death finally swallowed us up?

I didn't want to think that way. It only made Riku's 'tool' statement seem more true. So I decided to forget about it. Since when had I cared about my future here, anyway? I wasn't dissatisfied like some Nobodies (Ventus in particular). I was content with this life. I had Roxas, myself, friends… and at some point Roxas and I would be able to have a kid. Didn't that mean we could start our own little family here? And we had a safe, isolated place to do it all… so why was I complaining?

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That same day, Xemnas had decided to send Roxas over for a little afternoon visit. Could he have chosen a better day? I was already aroused just thinking about him; did I really need him to be in the same room as me?

When the guard came to drop Roxas off, they took Riku away to visit Sora again.

"Hey, Roxas," I greeted him, "What's up?"

He gave me a tentative, shy wave as he stumbled over to the bed where I sat, sitting down hesitantly beside me. I noticed his face turn towards me, and then he opened his mouth as if to talk. But he stopped himself, looking back out across the room quietly. He sure didn't know how to start a conversation, did he?

"Hey, do you have anymore of your candy from before?" I asked him, turning to look at him curiously. He smiled lightly, nodding a 'yes'. He sure seemed more silent then usual… He hadn't even spoken a word yet. I wondered if something was on his mind… I had heard rumours about his brother. But were they true?

"That's good," I mentioned, grinning, "But I have some more for you, if you'd like. It's not exactly candy or chocolate, but it _is_ sweet. It's ice cream." I passed him the pale blue coloured ice cream, watching him stare at it curiously as he examined it in his hand.

"It's called sea-salt or something. I found some in the staff room and immediately thought of you…"

Roxas' blue orbs widened in what looked like shock.

"What? If you don't like sea-salt, you don't have to eat it!" I said, becoming frantic due to his appalled reaction.

He shook his head from side to side, "No! No, it's not that. You said you got it from the staff room. But… only employees are allowed in there. Are you saying you sneaked in there just to get this for me? And is that how you got the candy too?" He looked nearly worried.

I bit at my mouth, laughing awkwardly, "Yeah…"

Roxas blushed faintly, smiling a cute, kinda embarrassed smile, "That's really thoughtful of you…" he looked at the ice cream, "But really, you don't have to go to such extreme measures for me. What if you get caught?"

"Then I'll tell them that my mate made me do it," I teased.

"Hey!" Roxas hit me playfully, snickering afterwards.

Then we were silent for a few seconds, both of our faces covered with sheepish looks and pre-laughing smiles. That is until Roxas spoke up, "Really, thanks for being nice to me, Axel." He stared over at me with a calm expression that looked really breathtaking in my eyes. After a brief pause, he brought his ice cream up to his mouth, licking at it.

"This is so good," he mentioned, his eyes sparkling, "I've never had ice cream before."

I smiled happily. Though I was beginning to feel bad for Sora. Roxas was already hooked on sweets; The last thing Sora needed was for his brother to be addicted to ice cream as well.

"Glad you like it," I replied.

As he continued to lick and nibble at it, I couldn't help but stare. He looked… so… seductive. Did he even know how desirable he was, licking that thing the way he did? He was irresistible. I couldn't take my eyes off him. It was if they were glued there, or like a magnet was attracting them to a certain location, which just happened to be Roxas' pleasure stricken face. I bit my lip as the same tight feeling returned to my pants.

"Oh," Roxas said to himself quietly as a glob of liquid sea-salt ice cream streamed down his chin from the corner of his mouth. I continued to stare in ecstasy, imagining something much dirtier then ice cream. Let's just say that _something else _replaced the popsicle-like ice cream that he stuck in his hot mouth, and rolled his tongue over as pleasurable moans escaped from him; his taste buds overwhelmed by the unfamiliar but pleasing essence.

I hissed in indulgence, and that's when my continuous eyeballing finally came to his attention. He looked over at me, a puzzled look on his face. And that's when his blue gaze slowly travelled down, noticing the visible erection that stuck through my pants.

"Oh…" he seemed to squeak as he stood up with an expression that almost matched humiliation overcoming his face.

I blushed, ashamed, covering my lower body with the bed sheets. "Sorry…" I murmured, unable to look up at him. How could I tell him that I had erratic hormones? Even I didn't know what was wrong with me…

"Maybe I should go," I heard Roxas say in a clear, expressionless voice, "I'll call the guard or something."

I sighed, wondering what I could say to fix the situation… "Roxas…" I began in a low tone, desperate for his attention. I couldn't let him go; not like this. "I'm sorry… but all this week, I don't know why, but I've been… turned on." And that's when an explanation suddenly hit me. It was as if a bulb had suddenly been turned on, lighting up all of the shadowed areas in my brain. "Hey, do you think you might have your first heat soon? Do you feel any different?"

He gave me an indecisive, slightly provoked look, "Axel; I'm thirteen years old. I'm not even in the age range yet. Stop making _me_ an excuse, okay? I'm not putting up with it."

"But Roxas! I know with some Breeders, they start getting like this a bit before their mate has their first heat. It makes sense," I protested, remembering rumours that I'd heard from fellow Breeders.

Roxas only shook his head in annoyance, walking out the door and slamming it shut.

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**Dum, dum, dum... But is Axel right? You'll never know... unless I update. XD Heehee, please review! You all know how much I love your comments! And Roxas likes them too considering he's our Mr POV for the next chapter. So yeah, review! **


	9. Poison

**Hey again! I would like to thank the ones who reviewed, alerted, favourited and took the time to read my story! I love you guys! **

**So before I start, I'd just like to list some facts about my story (ones that I didn't really mention in any of the chapters but in a filler that I wrote (that won't be posted till later) or whatever. So here ya go; **

- Though they are normally shown in their dorm rooms (perhaps complaining about how bored they are and how unentertaining the facility is), the Nobodies do go to fitness classes quite often to keep themselves healthy.

- Nobodies were schooled from ages 7 to 10

- Roxas, Ventus, and Sora are the only set of siblings in the facility. But no one knows (besides the doctors) how that works.

- Nobodies who have not gone through heat are room mates with another random Nobody (Breeder or Bearer). But once the first heat is met, the Nobody (most likely the bearer) will move in with his/her mate.

- In the beginning, Roxas and the other main characters are unaware of what happens to their children after birth considering they are not acquainted with a Nobody who has had a successful pregnancy. Do the Nobodies have a choice to raise their own children?

- After pregnancy, heat can take up to a month to return.

- Heat is expected to occur at least once every twenty-four hours, but it isn't uncommon for it to skip a day up to an entire week at times. The doctors never meant for this, so whether it's a malfunction or a lack of nutrition or other complication with the bearer, no one knows…

- The few times a Nobody gets to go outside is when a fire drill is being done in case of a fire or hazardous chemical spill. But this is tested rarely.

- Aqua is the only bearer who does not go through heat. This is because she is a female, and can become pregnant naturally- as where the male's fertility is linked to their rounds of heat. The only difference between Aqua and a female Somebody is that she has been implanted with altered DNA that will make her produce healthier children.

**Heehee, lots of points... Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom hearts. Everyone wishes they did though XD I don't own the song 'Poison' either.**

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_**Roxas**_ (Poison) Late July 3000

_I wanna love you but I better not touch_

_I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop_

_I wanna kiss you but I want it too much _

_I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison_

_Your poison running through my veins_

_Your poison_

_I don't wanna play these games_

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_

I marched down the empty hall, heading back towards my own dorm room, huffing and puffing as sour thoughts filled my head.

How the hell could Axel even suggest that! If he wanted to make excuses then he should have at least come up with a better one. And one that didn't involve me and my personal parts of life. I growled under my breath, my clenched fist shaking inconsiderably. I just realized that they were curled so tight that my knuckles were beginning to go white.

"Hey!" I suddenly heard a fierce voice call out venomously. Loud, banging foot steps followed after me, making me swivel my head in that direction. A guard was following in unfaltering pursuit.

I relaxed my stance, showing him that I wasn't planning on resisting. But he grabbed at my arm roughly anyway, pulling me towards him. "What the hell are you doing wandering around, Nobody?" the guard snapped at me, pulling tighter at my arm- which would probably bruise now.

"Look, I was just making my way back to my room. I didn't want to see my…" I forced myself to say it, "partner anymore."

The guard's eyes narrowed dangerously, his words dripping venom, "Well guess what; you don't have a choice. You stay with your mate until we tell you so, got it?"

I tried to pull away from him as he squeezed even tighter at my bicep, making me whimper. "Okay, I get it," I choked out, feeling my eyes grow misty. But he didn't let go. Instead, he dragged me down the hall, pushing me harshly into my dorm room, where Sora looked at us in surprise.

"Know your place, Nobody," the guard hissed one final time before closing the door with a loud thud.

I groaned, rubbing at my throbbing arm before I turned to face Sora. "What's going on, Roxas?" Sora asked me, concern in his deep blue eyes.

I shook my head, "Just mate problems…" _Not that you'd understand- _I felt like adding, but held back on it. The last thing I needed was to upset the one and only person who could actually be there for me.

"What happened? I think you're just being oversensitive, as usual. Axel doesn't seem like the type who would mean to upset you," he looked at me desperately, reaching out to place a hand on my shoulder.

"Oh? And how would you know about him? You've never met him," I mentioned, sighing heavily. And Sora only rolled his eyes in response.

"Riku's his roommate, remember? I have _so_ met him," Sora reminded me, irritated. I guess I should have thought about that before I said anything… Oh well.

"Whatever," I sighed again, throwing myself onto my mattress. Though I regretted it considering it made me hiss in pain suddenly when I landed on my hurt arm. "I don't want to talk about it right now, alright? Maybe tomorrow or something… I just want to sleep."

_And possibly never wake up._

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I woke up late that night, as if I'd just awoken from a traumatizing nightmare. Except when I felt out my forehead, the sweat wasn't a cool, chilly fluid that one woke up with after having a nightmare; I was burning hot.

I sat up in my bed, pulling away at the blankets that covered my body. I didn't need any unnecessary material that only added to my almost unbearable body heat. I was panting lightly as I withdrew back onto my pillow gently. I wanted to ignore this unfamiliar feeling. I wanted nothing to do with it; especially at such a young age… But I knew what had to be done to end this suffering, no matter how I felt about the situation. As soon as the scientists here found out about my current state, I would be rushed away and taken into a quarantined room; my mate waiting for me.

Tears that'd been forming in my blue eyes felt cold against my burning skin as they began to fall silently down my face. This was all too overwhelming. I hadn't expected to go through this until I was older. I couldn't… I didn't want to deal with this now! I wasn't ready yet!

But that's not what my body told me. No… the state that it was in would begin to grab the attention of all the Breeders in the facility, attracting them here.

I could either wake my roommate up and tell him to get an employee in here, or I could say nothing. I could hide it from them, but leave myself to be taken by whichever Breeder got to me first. Neither of those options appealed to me. In the end, it all meant the same thing; I would have to engage in intercourse.

And I had to make a decision quickly… For I was undergoing my first heat.

"Crap…" I murmured to myself in a low, squeaky whisper. I managed to stand up on the edge of my mattress so that I could reach up high enough to shake Sora, who slept peacefully on the top bunk. At first he made a low, tired groan, stirring in his sleep. I had to shake him again before he shot up from his bed, gasping.

"What! What is it?" he breathed out in a panic. But then suddenly, even through the darkness, Sora's bright eyes locked with mine and he calmed down. "Roxas… what is it? It's not like you to wake me up in the middle of the night…" he mumbled grumpily, huffing lightly.

I shot him the most frightened look that I could muster, the moonlight adding more depth to my eyes considering it made them glow. Sora's groggy posture stiffened at this, seeming more alert and observant of my feelings. "What's the matter Roxas? You look like you just witnessed something disturbing and frightful…"

"Maybe something disturbing and frightful _is_ happening…" I whispered, fragmented.

Sora's expression hardened as he asked me in a direct, firm tone, "What do you mean?" A hint of shakiness lay deep in his voice. I think he already had a feeling…

I swallowed thickly in response, feeling my lip beginning to tremble as burning tears filled my eyes. It was hard to keep it all in… I was about to burst into uncontrollable tears… Never had I ever felt so… uncertain.

"S-Sora," I choked, a tear streaming down my cheek as I quivered violently, "I'm in heat…" I paused, swallowing again, trying to force the tears away- Or to control my emotions at least. But that barrier had broken a long time ago… It was too late, my voice shook as sobs escaped me, tears flowing more freely. "W-what do I do?"

Sora's eyes filled with concern, his eyebrows arching upwards. But when he spoke, his voice came out reassuringly- though shaky all at the same time. He climbed down from his bed, sitting me down onto my mattress. He sat down close beside me, rubbing gently at my back as he made soft hushing noises. "Just calm down… Everything will be okay," he continued to whisper soothingly, "Think of this as a blessing; Now you know that you can have kids. Not everyone can…"

I shook my head from side to side, trying to catch my breath, but more sobs and whimpers only came from my lips. So when I responded, I sounded choked, "I don't care! I don't want to go through with this! I can't…"

"You CAN. I know you can. You're my stubborn little brother. Of course you'll be fine," he paused, convincing encouragement in his tone, " I know you're scared now, but it's only because you don't know what to expect. Change is scary; I know that… but sometimes we just have to get through it, Roxas."

I felt like shaking my head 'no' at him, but I didn't. Instead I brought my head up to stare at the door that led out into the hall. I heard nearing footsteps…

"They're coming for me," I whispered breathlessly, gripping at my body tighter in fear. Sora's own hold around me tightened protectively as whoever was outside began to fiddle with the doorknob. When the door swung open, I expected to see a scientist or one of the doctors from the medical staff. But that wasn't it at all. This was worse.

A tall, well structured Breeder loomed in my doorway, their eager, crazed features illuminated by the moonlight that flooded in through the window. I felt myself freeze in Sora's hold as Sora seemed to swallow thickly. "Go away! I'll call one of the guards in here!" Sora threatened.

But the Breeder only chuckled, stroking a hand through his long, layered hair. "I'd love to speak with you sweets, but I'm not here for you." His voice sent shivers down my spine, and it wasn't nearly as scary as when his gaze landed on me. My eyes widened in horror. "I'm here for him." Desire hung on those words. And he only became more lustful as he took a deep breath, sighing softly, "Oh your scent… it's so tempting… irresistible…"

He took a step with each word, nearing me. He was soon close enough to extend a hand out, which he used to stroke down my cheek gently as he finished, "… intoxicating."

Sora was quick to slap his hand away. "Get the hell off him!" he growled, scrambling up from the bed to look more intimidating. But Breeders could get aggressive when they didn't get what they wanted… So I wasn't surprised when this Breeder simply lashed out at my brother, sending him against the wall and knocking him unconscious.

"Sora!" I cried, snapping out of my frozen state as I stood up from the bed. But I didn't have time to run to his side. The Breeder grabbed my already strained arm, pulling me up against his body. "Let go of me!" I screeched at him, thrashing and struggling; trying to escape from his grip. But just like the guard before him, this guy was too strong.

"We don't want that, sweetheart," the Breeder whispered into my ear seductively, licking at my earlobe afterwards. I gasped at the inappropriate action. But that didn't stop this sex-crazed freak. He pushed his body weight on top of me, trapping me underneath him as we fell onto my bed. "Don't you want me to free you of that fever-like state of yours…" the Breeder continued, his mouth travelling from my ear down to my neck as his hands rubbed up and down my thigh and up along my hips. I continued to thrash hopelessly, my face cast with extreme fear and anxiety. My teeth grinded together as my eyes filled up with fright, and my eyebrows furrowing upwards in worry.

"I get lonely you know… I don't have a mate," he said affectionately, withdrawing his head from my wet-with-his-saliva neck so that he could stare into my eyes.

My body trembled underneath him, making my tone sound more shaky then I intended. "Well I do have one! Get off me!" I screamed.

This guy, not taking a hint (that or he was just desperate), smiled at me as he leaned in to brush his rough lips against mine. His kisses were hasty- no passion, just eagerness.

"I'm going to take your body now," he hissed from his own need of desire, his breaths coming out heavier as he worked at slipping off my shirt.

"NOOOOOO!" I shrieked, trying to kick him. But like every other attempt, it failed.

"Considering I'm going to be the one who frees you from this state and take your virginity away, I guess I'll tell you my name. I'm Marluxia, hun. Remember that name… but how could you forget the name of the Breeder who's going to give you so much pleasure? " the pink-haired Breeder whispered intimately.

I only grew more terrified, but that didn't stop his mouth from crashing against my quivering lip. I tried and tried to push him away, but he never budged. So my continued shrieks and screams only came out muffled… unheard.

Or so I thought.

"What the hell's going on in there!" I heard a voice call from the hall. A guard- I guessed- than came rushing into the room angrily, scanning the three of us. He already knew what was going on the first second.

"Damn!" the guard cursed, stabbing a sharp needle into Marluxia. The pink-haired Breeder soon grew numb, slumping overtop of me lifelessly- his actions ceasing- thank god.

"We need more men in here!" the guard shouted. And more soon came. "Take Number One back to his room," he said, handing the motionless body of Marluxia over to one of them.

I stood up stiffly from the bed, rubbing at my sore neck. That bastard had probably left a few hickies behind as souvenirs… Damn him. Damn this whole facility! Damn them, damn them, damn them!

"This one's going through heat!" the guard said as he stared at me, looking for the signs of heat. What else could explain the rowdiness of the Breeders? What else could explain that near sexual assault. Breeders didn't normally break out of their rooms and try to sexually assault the other Nobodies who lived here. Heat was always behind it.

"Help Sora," I said, gesturing towards his still, unconscious body. One of the guards picked Sora up and placed him gently on my bed, making sure everything was okay. And I knew nothing of Sora's status after that. I was quickly hauled away by the guard who came into my room first, so fast that I had no time to react.

I was taken to the infamous quarantined room- where I was apparently safe from all other Breeders. The only Breeder allowed in there with me was my mate… and then we'd… we'd have to become intimate. And trust me; after something as horrifying as Marluxia's assault, that was the last thing I wanted. I didn't care if I was in heat. I didn't even want any of this in the first place!

I was left by myself in the large, empty room (there was only a bed in the middle of the room) for a few minutes as the guard who'd brought me here went off to fetch Axel from his room. He was probably already awake anyway… I bet all of the Breeders knew about me being in heat by now. But they probably thought it was someone else… not me.

I wondered what Axel would think.

I already knew what I thought.

I jumped slightly at the loud creak of the door opening. Axel walked in first, his head lowered so that I couldn't read his expression. The guard followed, standing by the door. "I've brought your mate. Now you know what to do, so I'll leave you to it," he said.

I bit at my lip, feeling sick from being in heat for so long. I was beginning to feel pretty dizzy… And this stress wasn't helping. So I said in a loud, clear voice, "No."

I said this just as the guard turned to leave. This made him pause in the doorway, surprised by my refusal. But he had to make sure. "_No _what?" His tone was icy… demanding.

But there was no way I'd give into this. Not now… not ever. "I'm not having sex with Axel," I confirmed, continuing to stand my ground fearlessly. I may have sounded firm about it, but deep down my nerves were racing, and screaming, 'what the hell are you doing, Roxas! Have you finally lost it!'

I noticed Axel raise his head slightly, surprised.

"Excuse me?" the guard's tone was beyond scary, but I tried my best to look unaffected.

"I'm not doing this."

"I'm not sure if you've just forgotten or whether you just refused to pay attention in class, Bearer… but heat won't just go away. It'll stay with you until you've had sex," he stared at me with a hard, agitated look as I only gazed back with the same stubborn expression. There was no way I'd give into this… Seeing exactly this, the guard hissed under his breath, turning and rushing out of the room. He slammed it loudly behind him, making me jump.

Was he going to tell Xemnas?

Oh well… it didn't matter. They couldn't force me to have sex with Axel. Unless Axel's instincts took over and he… and I didn't even want to think about that.

Speaking of him, Axel stayed near the door- his head facing the floor yet again. Every few seconds he would shift his weight awkwardly, unable to say anything to me. He was probably having enough trouble controlling his lust… I guess he didn't want to risk breaking his delicate concentration.

So I decided to stay quiet as I slowly walked over to the bed that was placed in the middle of the dull, barren room. It looked like an unfinished basement; grey as the cold pavement's main colour, dimly lit, airless…

I sat down on the edge of the soft mattress, panting lightly as I brought a hand to my sweaty forehead. I closed my eyes… It felt like my entire body was on fire, and nothing - not even the chill that was most likely in this decayed room- could cool it down. I was beginning to feel sicker and sicker, hotter and hotter, with each passing second…

"Roxas…" Axel's sudden stiff voice made me jump slightly. I hadn't expected him to speak. He continued to avoid eye contact with me though. "Maybe… I don't want to force you or anything… but I don't like to see you suffer like this. Aren't you in pain? Like… you look like you're in agony."

"I'm fine," I snapped, my features tensing. I didn't need to be reminded…

"But-"

"But nothing! I don't want-" I suddenly flinched, my eyes squeezing shut as my hands whipped around my body, hugging it. A sudden wave of pain surged through my body as the feverish state seemed to intensify. I let out gentle sobs as I carefully laid myself down onto the bed, resting my head against the pillow as I continued to keep my eyes shut, a pained expression forming on my face. I kept one hand over my stomach as the other one rested at my side, flinching.

"It's getting worse," I murmured. I think the heat was getting to me… was I going delirious?

What would happen to me if I left myself in this state for a long period of time? Would it only get worse and worse until my body grew too weak to handle it anymore? Was I gonna die? Did the scientists do this on purpose so that the people who refused to cooperate were sentenced to death- so that they wouldn't waste their brilliant minds on a lost cause?

Or maybe I was over thinking things…

That's when Xemnas suddenly came charging through the door, outrage clearly radiating from him. He stomped all the way to the bed, stopping at the edge of it. His hand lashed out and he grabbed my arm. He roughly pulled me up, and I chose not to resist.

"Roxas, why the hell are you being difficult!" Xemnas hissed, grabbing my chin harshly so that I'd be forced to look into his face. He paused to see if I would reply, but after noticing that he wouldn't get such a thing, his expression only grew more resentful. "Fine! If you want to be in pain then that's your lousy choice! But you're going to have to have sex with Axel at some point in your miserable little life. So don't you think you're only wasting your time?…"

But it wasn't long until he gave up on me. He only huffed in frustration, calling on Axel instead. "Axel, get over here," he yelled. And Axel obeyed. He stopped at Xemnas' side, giving him a concerned look. "Axel, he isn't cooperating. So you're just going to have to take action. It shouldn't be hard considering he's in the weak state of heat… you know what to do. Just follow your instincts."

My eyes widened at this and I stared at them both in horror. "What? No!" I shrieked, trying to break out of Xemnas' tight grip. But he pulled me back with ease, shoving me towards Axel.

Axel took a step away, unable to deal with the close contact. I noticed that his own emerald eyes filled up with shock at Xemnas' monstrous proposal. I only hoped he wouldn't lose himself to his hormones. No matter how guilty or horrified he was by the idea, there was still a chance that he'd go along with it.

Now noticing Axel's hesitation, Xemnas scowled, grabbing me yet again. This time he pushed me onto the bed so that my back slammed against the mattress. Soon after, he took Axel and led him onto the bed as well, getting him to climb over me.

"No!" I cried, trying to get up. But Axel's hand's trapped me. One hand was on either side of my head. I looked desperately- fearfully- up into his face. And noticed that he looked down at me with strained eyes. His teeth were biting the inside of his cheek. It's then that I realized how hard he was working to resist his instincts. I could see it in his eyes… the way he wanted me so badly, but made sure with every cell in his body that he stayed in control.

"Please…" I whispered pleadingly, swallowing thickly.

Axel sighed heavily, shakily withdrawing from me. He climbed off the bed, covering his face with his hands. Xemnas only gave him a look of disbelief. That is, until fury flashed back onto his face suddenly. He leaned over, grabbing my right wrist. He then chained it to the bed, soon doing the same with the other hand. I looked up at him with a mixture of anguish and bewilderment.

"What are you doing!" I demanded, pulling my extended arm towards me. But the chains were strong, and I was unable to break them as they rattled noisily. I tried to climb into a sitting position just so I would be less vulnerable, but Xemnas pushed me back down against the mattress, strapping my chest down so that I wouldn't be able to move my upper body. I looked up at him, appalled.

I knew that my brother, Ventus hated these guys and that he claimed that they treated us poorly, but I'd never really seen any evidence that led up to that. I always thought he was oversensitive about things… But look at them now. When their _precious_ experiments didn't listen, they handled them horribly. So what if I was a Nobody; an experiment. Wasn't treating any life form this way against _**some**_ law! It had to be… but I guess the normal government laws didn't matter here… This was Xemnas' law. Xemnas' government. The real big guys couldn't do a thing, not if they were behind closed doors. And what if they did find out about us? Would they even care? Or would we merely be seen as science play toys, be treated like science play toys, and die like science play toys?

None of us knew.

"If you won't cooperate, number thirteen, then that's your problem. Go ahead and make yourself suffer. But until you decide to behave, you'll be tied up in this room. Doesn't matter to me how long you take. And let me tell you…" Xemnas hissed in a low tone, "If you make this go on for a long period of time, let me tell you that I'm not afraid to hook you up to a freak'n IV to keep you alive. So don't expect me to leave you to die in here. That is… if Axel doesn't snap first."

"Axel's staying in here!" I turned my gaze to look at him. He looked like he was trying so hard to resist me… there was no way he'd last much longer…

Xemnas nodded, smirking slightly as he neared the door, "Have fun." The door crashed heavily behind him, and then he was gone.

I bit my lip, smacking my head lightly against the pillow of the bed that I was confined to. What the hell was I supposed to do now? I mean, don't get me wrong- I didn't want to stay here, suffering. I guess I'd just rather cope with the painful process of heat then do something that I didn't feel ready for. I didn't want to have sex, I didn't want to carry a bunch of redheaded babies for the rest of my damned life… I wanted to be free. I wanted more then what lay ahead of me.

_Yeah right, Nobody. This is your life… get used to it. _

I sighed deeply, annoyed of even my own thoughts. It all reminded me too much of how terrified I truly was. Yes, even Mr. Smarty-pants Roxas could get scared sometimes… Even I could cry and get upset over things…

And let me tell you; the sickly feeling of heat was not helping with my emotional level either. People always got temperamental when they were ill.

"Hey, Axel," I said, my voice sounding dry… dehydrated.

I think the sudden sound of my voice made him jump considering his body seemed to shudder. He turned to look at me, his expression still strained. "What is it, Roxas? How are you holding up?" Even though his words were that of kindness, his tone sounded knifelike. But I guess it was because he was having a tough time controlling himself… I felt bad for doing this to him.

"I'm sorry… It's nothing against you," I said quietly, trying to give him a sympathetic glance.

He grunted, his green eyes narrowing somewhat dangerously, "It doesn't matter. Though I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up, Roxas."

At first he sounded kinda angry, but when he neared the end of his sentence, his voice broke. I couldn't help but feel worse…

"This is torture, Roxas… I hate myself for even thinking about what my body wants from you. But it can't be helped. Please, just give into this! I don't want to end up raping you or something! I NEED you, and right now you need me… Stop making yourself suffer like this; No, stop making us both suffer like this!" Axel cried, his tone growing thick which was probably due to building tears.

I felt my own eyes burn slightly as I squeezed them shut and shook my head from side to side urgently, my fist clenching. "I can't," I sobbed, trying to keep my lip from quivering.

Axel took several steps away from the bed, pressing himself against one of the far walls. He then sagged down onto the cold, concrete floor, his back leaning against the wall's surface as he dug his face into his hands.

And get this- I broke down into tears.

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**Please review! Your reviews inspire me to update faster! Oh, and please forgive any spelling mistakes... I'm a lazy spellchecker. :P **

**And awww... poor Roxas, even if he was kinda mean at first. T_T**


	10. Crawling in the dark

**I know it's been a while. I have a job now. So now I have school, job, homework time, and then whatever time I have left is relaxing time. Sorry, but during my free time, I usually tend to go straight to gaming or writing. I haven't exactly felt like updating. I'm not saying I won't try to update faster, I'm just explaining why it will take a lot longer to update compared to other times. **

**Sorry... I'll still do my best. **

**Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own KH or the song 'Crawling in the dark.' **

**Oh, and I thank my reviewers and readers very much! Thank you for all your support!**

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_**Sora**_ (Crawling in the dark) Late July 3000

_I will dedicate_

_And sacrifice my everything for just a second's worth_

_Of how my story's ending_

_And I wish I could know if the directions that I take_

_And all the choices that I make_

_won't end up all for nothing_

_Show me what it's for_

_Make me understand it_

_I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer_

_Is there something more than what I've been handed?_

_I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer_

I sat in our room, rubbing at my eyes tenderly.

It'd been a long night…

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I began to worry when Roxas never came back to our room. But then a guard came in and told me about the surprising news. Roxas was refusing to breed with Axel, and therefore was being held in the quarantine hangar until he decided to cooperate.

I already had enough on my mind BEFORE I heard that.

So my other stubborn little brother was going to be ungrateful about going through his first heat? I had to admit, that made me a little angry at first. I'd been waiting for that to happen to me for nearly two years… and Roxas was lucky enough to have gotten his before he was even expected for it? At least he knew he could have kids…

I was beginning to get a little scared for myself. Was I the only Nobody who hadn't gone through their first heat? What if I was infertile? What would happen to me? Or an even scarier thought; what would Riku think…?

Thinking about it wasn't helping… it only made me more fearful. I'd thought about the possibility before, but I told myself to quit panicking about it. So I did. But now that my little brother had his heat at the young age of thirteen, the same possibility has risen back to the surface of my mind, tormenting me.

And as silly as that fear may have sounded, it was actually a big deal. I mean, how shameful was it for a creation to fail at their purpose in life? I was meant to be a Nobody who helped with the repopulation of mankind- and here I was, being the one who needed a surrogate mother…

It was an awful thought.

But I couldn't give up on myself yet. I was fifteen- nearly sixteen, and had about another year before I was out of the first heat age range. But then why did I have such a hard time accepting that? Why did the possibility of infertility still poke at me annoyingly?

And for some reason, through all that poking, Ventus came to my mind. I knew what he'd do in this kind of situation. He'd claim that the employees here knew something- that they had documented data on us; data that was possibly about our first time of heat. He said that they probably knew almost everything about us- planted how we'd _**function **_before the time we were even 'born.' I wasn't one to believe in his silly antics. He only assumed all of this because he hated them so much, but at this desperate time, I think he was beginning to rub off on me.

I was tempted to break into whichever room they kept documents about us in order to find out about me. Maybe I was being silly and us Nobodies couldn't even have problems like infertility.

Hopefully…

I think I really surprised Ventus and his roommates when I ended up at their door that night. They stared at me, their eyes as big as dinner plates.

"Sora!" Ven practically hissed under his breath, shocked, "What the hell are you doing here!"

Ven's mate, Hayner, gave me a dirty look- probably afraid that I'd get them in trouble with the guards considering we weren't supposed to snoop. And the other roommate, a brunette who I didn't know, gave me a questionable glance.

"Ven, sorry. But I'm giving myself a little mission," I explained in a hushed voice, my senses alert, " I need to know something! So tell me, considering you probably know; Where does Xemnas keep his records about us?"

Again, Ventus looked surprised, blinking briefly before he answered, "He's got a small, black cabinet in the corner of his office. I know there are some documents on Nobodies there… But for all we know, he could have some more stashed away someplace else."

I smiled. I guessed that the documents in his office would have to be good enough. If I wandered aimlessly, not even knowing where to look, I'd definitely get caught. I didn't need that.

"Thanks. And you do know that I blame you for this, right? You're a bad influence," I added playfully. Ven grinned back, slapping me lightly on the shoulder before he closed the door to their dorm room gently.

I smiled once more, rushing down the hall soon after. My foot steps were as light and silent as a ballerina's. It didn't take long before I stood in front of Xemnas' office. It seemed rather silent in there, though the lights were on. Their brightness seeped through the crack under the door. I cautiously began to turn the doorknob, but soon withdrew with a jerk at the sound of a voice.

"What if he continues with this nonsense! He's already managed to bear it the entire night… that kid is so stubborn!" the same voice snapped angrily. I recognized it to be Xemnas'. He was in his office! Dang! I leapt a few feet away from the door, startled. But then I suddenly realized what they were discussing… They were talking about my brother by the sounds of it. I wanted to leave, but my curiosity took the best of me.

"We need to get him pregnant as soon as possible!…" Xemnas' tone sounded flustered as I leaned towards the door closer.

"I know, sir… but-" another voice said- this one calm.

"But nothing! The client has already been notified that he's gone through his first heat. They'll be expecting a baby soon."

After that, the rest of his strange rambling was blocked out. My mind concentrated on one word he'd used. _Client? _What did he mean by a client? What the heck was going on? We'd never been told about anything like that…

My breath froze in my chest as I tried to replay the conversation; just try to make sense of it all. But when I began to think that I probably didn't want to know, it was too late. I got a sudden idea. It wasn't exactly a pleasant one. But it answered so much… The reasons for the strict mate selection; the mystery of what happened after a Nobody had a baby… I didn't know any Nobodies who had successfully had children, but there were a few mothers in the facility somewhere. For some reason, I always believed that it was the mated couple who got to raise the child. That, or at least choose it's fate. But now that I thought about it, there were never any babies crying; no baby materials…

I ran away from the door, unable to hear anymore of it! I didn't want to! I felt tears falling down my face silently as the new worry bubbled to the surface of my mind.

What if this wasn't destiny at all? This whole time, I'd thought we were mated to the person who was meant for us- who was _**meant**_ to be our significant other. But now that was unlikely…

Whoever these clients were, they wanted certain babies with certain genes… Xemnas was giving our babies to people who were rich enough to pay him. He matched us Nobodies up depending on the client's own genes. We were only mated to whomever had the most similar genes to the client's own partner, so that the baby that they were paying Xemnas for looked as if it were theirs…

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**Please review! Oh, and I'll post the next chapter too considering I left this one for so long. **


	11. Untouched

**And here's the second chapter I promised you all! :)**

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**Roxas** (untouched) Late July 3000

I feel so untouched

And I want you so much

That I just can't resist you

It's not enough to say that I miss you

I feel so untouched right now

Need you so much somehow

I can't forget you

I've gone crazy from the moment I met you

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My eyes slowly fluttered open, squinting a bit at first considering they needed to get used to the dim light that came from overhead. Somehow, I'd managed to fall asleep. I had no idea how, considering I was in constant pain. The heat hadn't even subsided a little bit, even though I'd been like this for hours.

"Axel?" I croaked, turning my head to the side so I could see him. He was already awake, sitting on the floor quietly. I was surprised with him… and not that I'd say it, but I was proud of him too. This whole time, even though he was in so much pain, he managed to keep himself from doing what his instincts instructed him to do. Was it because he cared about me? I didn't know… but I think I had a new respect for him now. He was thoughtful… caring. He was trying his best to keep me comfortable, even though it harmed him.

Maybe he really did love me… and not only because I was his chosen mate.

"Are you alright, Roxas?" Axel asked me, his own tone dull. I looked into his eyes and noticed how tired he looked.

I guess he never managed to fall asleep…

I nodded, trying to keep my face from tensing. It wasn't pleasant- this whole skin-on-fire-like feeling. "Don't worry about me…" I said, "You're the one who looks awful…"

"Don't be talking. You're as pale as someone who's washed their face in flour. Seriously… having a high fever for so long can't be healthy. And look at yourself- your dehydrated," Axel gave me a sad, but fond look as he stood stiffly, nearing my bedside. He hesitantly extended his hand out, brushing a hand across my sweaty forehead.

I flinched, afraid that he'd lose himself to his lustful hormones at the contact. But I guess I should have given him more credit…

I stared up into his eyes as he looked down on me, concerned. We stayed like this for a bit, and I couldn't help but grow grim as I searched those tormented orbs of his. It was getting to me. I was being selfish doing this to him, wasn't I? I mean… if I went through with it…with intercourse, it wouldn't last long, right? And yet I chose to make the both of us suffer for a long period of time instead. I couldn't help but feel guilty. It wasn't fair to Axel… was it?

I sighed heavily, wiggling around in my bed as I tried to reposition myself. I was feeling kinda stiff considering I was still chained to it. Oh, and I couldn't forget about the strap. It felt heavy against my chest. Axel noticed my discomfort. His gaze grew panicked. I knew he wanted to release me, but then he also knew that he'd get in trouble if he did that. I had already gotten him into enough of my egotistic problems. So I never asked him to…

I bit at my lip as he loomed over me, deep within my own thoughts. But how was that any different from any other period in my life? Wasn't I always just thinking about myself? My own problems? That's what it'd always been! I was a selfish bastard… why was I just realizing this now?

"Axel…" I finally uttered, bringing myself to stare up at him again, "I'm sorry…"

Axel cocked his head to the side, his emerald eyes becoming warmer, "Don't be sorry… You're frightened. There's nothing wrong with that."

Why did he have to be so damned understanding! Why didn't he resent me and call me what I was; a self-obsessed child?

I swallowed thickly, hoping to give off a determined and unafraid look as I quietly said, "This isn't right… so," my voice began to shake slightly, "Just take me, Axel. Just do it now."

Axel gave me an unexpected stare, "What? But Roxas-!"

"But nothing," I cut him off sharply, "I can't keep doing this."

"Doing what, Roxas? Listening to your feelings?" he snapped back irritably. I only huffed, swinging my head around so that I wouldn't have to look at him. Why didn't he just listen? He had my permission…

"Roxas…" he sounded choked, "Don't force yourself to do this… not for me."

I slowly turned my head around to look at him again, that fire of determination returning. "It doesn't mean anything to me… Don't look at it as us taking a step up in a relationship- do it because you have to," I said the words firmly… and I regretted sounding like polar-ice, but if that's what it took to convince him…

He was hesitant, but gave in as he carefully climbed onto the bed. He sat on his knees, my legs at either of his sides as he extended his arm out to un-strap me. He also managed to break the handcuff chains, freeing my arms before he worked at the zipper on my jeans.

Once we were both unclothed, Axel looked down at me bleakly, soon leaning in to plant a soft kiss on my forehead. "Don't worry. I'll be gentle," he promised as I merely nodded, squeezing my eyes shut at the sudden sensation of him entering me. I had the urge to wrap my arms around him, looking for comfort, but I resisted. I merely winced underneath him.

I began to shake violently as my eyes remained tightly shut. I felt stinging tears burn at my eyes as they managed to leak through, silently slipping down my cheek. It made me jerk when I suddenly felt Axel's tender finger brush the tears away. I opened my eyes, staring up at him.

And that's when I realized something…

He was just as afraid as I was. His eyes were filled with fright as he looked down on me, and his hands shook. This wasn't easy for either of us…

But I'd never even considered it.

I took a deep breath, tentatively reaching my right arm out. I slipped it into his own hand, my fingers squeezing in-between his own. He looked at me, surprised. But soon tightened his hand around mine in return…

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I was relieved when the heat-like state had finally passed. I actually felt normal again. Sure, I was shaken a little from the unwanted sex, but it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd imagined it to be. I should have been grateful for having such a supportive mate. He was great to me before and after it all… though I couldn't help but admit that I was totally rattled from it all.

I sat on the bed in the middle of the quarantined room, hugging my legs to my chest. Axel sat on it too, his back leaning against my own.

"Are you feeling better?" Axel asked in a quiet voice suddenly.

I nodded, though he couldn't see me, "Yeah. All of a sudden too. It's weird considering I thought I'd die of fever just a bit ago." I let out a slight chuckle as my hands tightened around my legs. "I bet you're feeling much better yourself," I added. I took a breath, feeling him shrug against my own shoulder blades. "I'm sorry…"

He turned his head towards me. "You've said 'sorry' a dozen times…" came the redhead's dull response.

But I continued, "I shouldn't have done that to you. It was selfish of me."

Now it was his turn to sigh lightly as the two of us sat in silence for a brief moment. It wasn't long until he broke it though, probably feeling awkward. "You know when you said it wouldn't mean anything…?" Axel began, trailing off- though I knew what he meant almost immediately.

"It didn't," I finished for him coolly, "We did it because we had to."

"Yeah… right." I'm not sure if it was just me, but his tone sounded dissatisfied. I decided not to comment on it. The last thing I wanted was for this conversation to go on. It was finished with and I wanted to leave it that way. I liked Axel, I truly did. He was a good guy. And yes; maybe I'd apologized to him. But that did not mean that I wanted to go through this whole mating-cycle thing with him. Because I didn't. There had to be some way to avoid all of this.

I probably wasn't pregnant yet- not after my first heat. So that probably meant that I would have to go through this process several more times.

That would give me more then enough time to come up with some way to avoid my purpose. There had to be a way. Maybe I'd just speak with Ven later and do some more research on Nobodies. There had to be loopholes in our whole making, right? There had to be some way, other then sex, to relieve a Bearer of heat. If I could just find some other way, then maybe I could use that to my advantage and run away from this prison forever…

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**Please review! I love hearing your comments! **


	12. Headstrong

**I can't even come to explain how both sorry, yet grateful I am to all of you. I've grown so sloppy with my writing, and I've been having a month long writer's block. That's no excuse of course, considering I could have updated with what I had written at least. I always make sure to keep my writing ahead of the updates, just in case. Though it seems I'm too lazy to even consider using my emergency idea. So first of all, I obviously want to apologize. It's been far too long since my last update. But I'm happy to say now that I've been writing again. Secondly, I really want to thank everyone who continued to read this story and reviewed and supported it in any other way. I know I haven't been acting like it, but I truly appreciate what you do. All of your comments are lovely, and I love to hear from all of you. **

**Heehee, I guess thirdly I should shut up and let you read the chapters that you've waited oh so long for. xD I really hope you enjoy these chapters. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or the song "Headstrong." **

**Oh, and I edited the lyrics slightly. Instead of 'we're headstrong' I changed it to 'you're headstrong' just because it went with the whole idea behind it better.**

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_**Terra**_ (Headstrong) Late July 3000

_I see your fantasy_

_You want to make it a reality paved in gold_

_See inside, inside of our heads, yeah_

_Well, now that's over_

_I see your motives inside_

_Decisions to hide_

_Back off, I'll take you on_

_Headstrong to take on anyone_

_I know that you are wrong_

_Headstrong, you're headstrong_

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After Sora left, the three of us dragged our sleepy selves back to bed. Hayner climbed up onto the top bunk, quickly tucking himself in. Soon after, he became completely motionless. I ducked, tucking myself into the bottom bunk. With bright eyes and the most beautiful smile I've ever seen, Ventus came in after me. I smiled back lightly, lifting the blankets up as he positioned himself beside me, soon placing them over his body. He faced me, his orbs looking into my own warmly.

He was lovely… His stunning sapphire eyes gleamed beautifully in the pale moonlight that flooded into our room, and the warm expression on his lips added to his gorgeousness. Underneath the blankets, I extended my arm out to gently brush across his tanned arm. The feeling seemed to make chills run through him, but he soon coped, smiling brighter as he cuddled into me.

I carefully ran my fingers up his arm and across his shoulder and neck until I reached the top of his head, petting his golden locks. I wasn't surprised when he lifted his head up from my chest in order to gaze at me yet again.

"I love you," he said in a low whisper. I nodded, confident that Hayner was asleep by now. But I made sure to hush my voice- just like every other night- just in case.

"I love you too. More then you could imagine…" I stroked his cheek, tilting his chin up soon after as I leaned in to kiss him tenderly. I watched him fall into a dazzled-like state as he allowed his blue eyes to flutter shut as he threw himself overtop of me, his arms wrapping lovingly around my neck. I deepened our kiss, granting my own hands permission to wrap around his hips.

I felt my skin catch fire as we suddenly grew more passionate. I sat up, bringing him up with me. I sat him in my lap. Ventus wrapped his legs around my waist, his grip around my neck tightening slightly. Moans escaped from me as our desirous kiss became an open-mouthed one. I pulled his body up against me firmly. so that he'd be as close to me as he possibly could.

Ven suddenly withdrew, panting and taking deep breathes, though trying to hush them considering we didn't want to wake Hayner.

"Terra…" he suddenly murmured quietly, resting his head against my chest. At first I thought he was merely saying my name for saying it (love did that), but he continued - saying something that baffled me. "I'm sorry," he said, turning his head to look up at me with eyes that were searching for atonement.

I tried to give him my most compassionate look, wondering if I should have been concerned. "For what? What's the matter?" I let one of my hands brush through his tangled hair.

"I'm sorry… for being born this way. If only I were born a Bearer… then maybe we could actually be together; like _officially _…" he responded dully.

I stared at him, astonished. But soon collected my emotions, knowing that if I left too much of a pause in between his statement and my reply, then he'd think it to be true. "Ventus, it's not the amount of people who know that makes us official," I answered in my honest opinion, "It all depends on how we feel about each other." Again, I ran my finger down the smooth skin of his cheek, causing them to turn a light rosy colour underneath my touch.

"If you're sure…" a weak smile formed on his lips as he looked away from me, his face still flushed.

"Of course I am. Remember the ring I gave you back in February? That may not have been a real wedding, but it did matter to us. To us, it was real," I said, pecking his forehead before I released my arms from around him, letting him climb out of my lap. He hesitated at first, staring down at the ring on his finger fondly. Though part of him looked somewhat disappointed. I knew he felt ready to take a step up in our relationship- and I was too. But that wasn't the issue. It was too risky. We couldn't… Ventus may have believed that we could get away with it, but that was him. He was the impulsive, somewhat naïve one of the two of us. I liked to be more cautious…

He stood up quietly, sitting himself down beside me. Before I could lay myself back down onto the bed, he gave me an indecisive glance. It wasn't for another few seconds until he finally leaned in towards me, placing a soft, chaste kiss on my lips. He withdrew, leaving only an inch between us as he stared into my eyes, unflinching. I began to wonder what he was thinking when he leaned in to kiss me again. What was with the sudden stubbornness?

I put my finger to his lips, pushing him back slightly. "Ven…" I mumbled, looking at him desperately.

"No… I'm sick of this, Terra. We shouldn't have to hold our relationship back because of _them_," Ven practically hissed. "We won't get caught." When he added that last part, his anger was replaced with an impetuous tone- headstrong.

I sighed, "You're too reckless, Ven."

"Only because I'm so in love," he whispered, placing his hands on either side of my face, his lips brushing against my own mouth. This time, I fell into the kiss, moving my lips in a similar, gentle motion. It was a soft, tender kiss. We both pulled away after a few seconds, staring into each other's expressionless faces. I was rather surprised when Ventus smiled gingerly, and then laid down on the bed. He curled up beside me.

"Good night… Ventus," I breathed, stroking his head lightly before I brought myself down next to him. As soon as my head hit the pillow, one of his arms came up around my chest, resting there. I smiled, stroking his arm with a touch that was as light as the caress of a butterfly before I slowly closed my eyes and awaited sleep.

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"Hey, get up Ven!" At first the bothersome shouting sounded dreamlike… distant. It wasn't until I opened my eyes a slit, and noticed the blurry form of Hayner that I realized the frustrated cries came from him.

Ventus stirred beside me, groaning tiredly as he squeezed his eyes closed tightly, unwilling to open them.

I sat up, growing uneasy considering Ven's arm was still slung over my chest. Would Hayner become suspicious? Hopefully he just took it as Ven grabbing me in his sleep… We didn't need Hayner- Ventus's true partner- to find out about us. "Ven," I shook him gently, glancing up at Hayner, "Wake up. It looks like your partner is going through heat."

I swallowed thickly afterwards, trying not to look pained. It had to look like that fact didn't bother me… even if it did. It was torture watching Ventus leave the room with Hayner, knowing what they had to do together. I hated it.

I watched Ven slowly come to, his blue eyes fluttering open. "Wha-" he continued to moan drowsily. And that's when his partner's scent hit him. It hit him hard. Unlike me, who was completely immune to heat, Ventus had trouble controlling himself. He could handle it for a certain amount of time… but once he reached his limit, he'd lose himself. It hurt me knowing he was in so much pain… He'd told me about the first time he and Hayner encountered this time. Ven ended up falling to his instincts… and claimed that he hated himself because of it.

Ven's form stiffened as his eyes widened. "No… not again," he mumbled, slowly turning his head around to stare at his mate. He tore at his lip with his teeth suddenly, which made me wince.

"Ventus…" I said in a quiet, somewhat pleading voice as I gently touched his wrist. He immediately loosened up, his tense features fading. But he still looked bitter. Not that I blamed him…

My beloved sluggishly climbed out of bed, trying his best not to make contact with Hayner. He was afraid that if he even brushed against that desirous, inflamed skin he would lose himself.

I watched him with a kind-hearted gaze as he approached the door. Hayner followed from behind him. It was difficult watching Ventus behave that way. His body was trying so hard to control itself that he shook lightly. His teeth grinded against one another in a hard grip as his eyes looked incredibly strained. And what hurt even more was knowing that he wanted nothing to do with Hayner. He couldn't help how he felt because of the mutated hormones that we contained.

It made me sick with rage. It made me angry with **them**- though I'd never admit that to him.

And then they disappeared from the room, leaving me to imagine what they were doing. I didn't want to… It was hard dealing with knowing what was going on behind those closed, quarantined room doors.

It surprised me to see Ventus come back into the room a lot faster then I expected, though he looked completely resentful. His eyes brows furrowed angrily as he continued to grit his teeth, sweat beginning to break out on his forehead due to the lust that ate away at him.

I stood up, opening my mouth to ask him about what was making him so upset, but that's when a guard suddenly poked their head into the doorway, pushing Hayner in through it. "Listen to what I told you!" he barked, which earned him a glowering look from Ven.

"We have a roommate in here, in case you never noticed!" Ventus scowled, gesturing towards me dramatically.

I continued to watch them in confusion, oblivious to their conversation. What was the guard demanding from them? And that's when I realized… I noticed that Hayner was still quite flushed, and Ven's own tense features weren't only from being angry. But… no, this guard wasn't-

"I don't care. I'll be outside, making sure that no one intrudes," the guard snapped, his nostrils flaring. He then shut the door with a loud, unnecessary bang.

"Ven," I began cautiously, "He doesn't…" I trailed off, unwilling to continue. It was just too cruel.

Ven's fists shook at his sides as he avoided my eyes, staring down at the floor, "The bastard is saying that someone else is using the quarantined room… and that we have to do what we must… in here." The last bit came out in an eerie whisper. And that's when he finally brought his head up to look at me. His blue eyes reflected both misery and humiliation as Hayner stood at his side impatiently.

I tried not to look disturbed, but I couldn't help but feel as if my organs had been frozen over, and then set aflame. It hurt that bad… It made me absolutely sick, knowing that I would have to hear my precious Ventus giving himself to another man. I stared back at Ven, my eyes reflecting how I felt as he stared back. His sapphire eyes began to sparkle with building tears, but then he turned away from me- hanging his head down as Hayner led him up to the top bunk.

While they prepared, I tossed myself onto my own, bottom-bunked bed. I wrapped myself in the sheets, resting my head on the pillow. My stomach was in knots.

When the first whimper escaped from them, I recognized it to be Ventus' right away. I felt my forehead tense as the springs on the mattress began to screech from their continuous actions.

"H…Hayner…"

My eyes squeezed shut.

"Ahhh…"

My grip tightened around the blankets that I held firmly up by my chest, causing my knuckles to turn a ghastly white as they continued with their cries and gasps.

"AHH! Te- HAYNER!" Ven cried out, gasping. I winced, and continued to do so until their screams faded into nothingness…

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**Sorry about any mistakes. I rushed to get this on. xD I hope you enjoyed it. **

**Edit: I added Terra's comment about a ring and a secret wedding because of a filler that I wrote of them based in the past. Hehe, you'll understand everything once I get to that chapter! :)  
**


	13. Riot

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**Sora **(Riot) Late July 3000

_If you feel so empty_

_So used up so let down_

_If you feel so angry_

_So ripped off so stepped on_

_You're not the only one_

_Refusing to back down_

_You're not the only one_

_So get up_

_Let's start a riot, a riot_

_Let's start a riot_

_Let's start a riot, a riot_

_Let's start a riot_

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I opened my eyes slowly, feeling a frown tug at my face. I'd hardly even slept that night. After last night, I'd managed to get myself back into my room… though my mind wouldn't stop replaying the conversation that I'd overheard. It probably bugged me a lot more then it should have. But to be lied to like that…? It wasn't right. Some of us actually believed that we were mated to whomever because we were most compatible with them; because our own being was put into thought… because it was destiny.

But no… It was all a part of some surrogacy crap. We went to whichever client wanted our genes. So I was only placed with Riku because my client's mate had similar traits to him, or because they desired a certain look for their baby to have? It was awful to think about- especially after I'd believed differently. Now I felt like some deluder- trying to deceive my brothers. I'd tried to make them think the mate selection was a good thing. I'd told them that we were placed with our mate for a reason.

Oh, there was a reason, alright…

What would I tell them now? I wanted to share this with someone so badly. But who? I couldn't tell Riku. Not yet. What if he hated me afterwards or something? What if he wanted nothing to do with me because I wasn't what he thought?

… Now I felt like I didn't even know him anymore.

So I wouldn't tell him. And I couldn't exactly tell Roxas. He wasn't back from quarantine yet. And was it strange to say that my thoughts about Roxas had changed now? Before, when I heard about his refusal towards his partner's intimacy, I was actually angry with him. Now I didn't know how I felt anymore. I was somewhat… proud of him. I wouldn't encourage him to go with Axel… not anymore. It wasn't destiny putting us together, it was DNA. So if Roxas knew Axel wasn't for him, then I wouldn't fight him on that. As for me, I'd find out how Riku felt about the touchy issue.

I wanted to stay with him… but would he still want me?

Anyway, that just left me to complain to Ventus. Maybe he would be the best to vent to anyway. Ven had never agreed with these forced arrangements. So he'd probably understand exactly how I felt. Or more like; I now understood his feelings… somewhat.

So I decided to peek out into the hall and request a visit with him. Xemnas let the guards give us that option considering we were brothers. Though it couldn't be something that we asked for frequently. The employees liked it when we stayed put in our own rooms- where they could easily know where we were.

I waved a guard down, and they walked over to me, somewhat irritated.

"Can you take me to go see Ven; my brother?" I asked politely.

The guard looked at me with a vague expression as she said, "Sorry. But right now Ventus is busy with his mate. He underwent another session of heat just this morning."

I nodded, "Alright. But could you fetch me when they're finished?"

"Sure."

She then walked off down the hallway, turning around the corner. I sighed lightly, closing the door to my room. I had no idea what to think when it came to Ventus and his partner now. Now, after all that I suddenly knew, I felt kinda bad for my kid brother. He acted so bitterly towards the facility. He always had. Here I was, telling him to deal with it and just accept it when he had no feeling for his mate at all. If anything, those two detested one another. Hayner had no interest in Ven, and Ven had no interest in Hayner.

And now I was beginning to understand.

About time.

Now that I looked back at myself, all I saw was a big jerk. Maybe Riku would see that too. Or maybe I wasn't giving him enough credit. Even if we were just randomly selected because of our DNA and thrown together as an official couple, I did still love him. So why was I thinking that way? If people truly loved one another then shouldn't they trust their partner to continue loving them no matter what? So why was I so afraid of Riku when it came to finding out the grotesque truth?

I couldn't explain it…

And that's when the door opened suddenly. The female guard poked her head in. "Ventus can see you now," she confirmed with a slight smile, reaching her hand out in a gesture for me to come along.

"Oh, okay. Thanks," I said, walking towards her hesitantly. We went out through the door and into the hallway, heading towards Ven's dorm room.

Once we stood before the room, I hesitantly opened the door. "Hey, Ven," I called, peering into the room. Hayner shot me an irky look as he waved me in impatiently. I stumbled in, looking over the three figures who occupied the room. Of course there was my brother; Ventus, and his mate, Hayner. And then there was their other roommate, who obviously didn't have an intimate partner yet. It was the brunette who I'd also seen last night.

He sat on the lower bunk bed, looking quite secluded. Hayner still looked angry- as usual. And Ven looked like he'd just been condemned as he sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing away at his temples. He still looked flushed from what'd recently happened between him and his mate.

"Sorry if I came at the wrong time…" I mentioned quietly, realizing that neither of them seemed to be in a pleasant mood.

Ven shook his head, standing up to approach me, "Nah, don't worry about it…" He paused before continuing, forcing a smile on his face, "So, how was your first night of being a delinquent?"

"That's the thing…" I spoke softly with a melancholy tone, which made Ven stare at me anxiously.

"Yeah…?" he breathed out.

I sat down on the floor, bringing him down with me as I leaned closely towards his ear. I didn't want the whole facility knowing, so I only wanted Ven to hear me. "I found something out…" I swallowed thickly, "Something bad."

Ven's eyes only seemed to grow more tentative. "What is it?" he asked, nearly silently.

"It's about us…" I choked out, "I know the reason why we're put with certain mates; why you're with Hayner; why I'm with Riku…"

His gaze formed into a curious one suddenly, though there was a hint of anger in his features. This time he didn't speak, he only continued to give me a hard, yet interested look.

"Us Nobodies… we're not put together because we're supposedly compatible with one another. My beliefs have all been a lie. I always thought we were coupled up with a certain someone because they were meant for _**us**_," I began in a desperate tone, " But it's not like that at all."

"Well, duh. Look who you're talking about!" Ven snapped at me, though angry with them and not me.

I brought my arm around my chest, clutching onto my other arm with a gentle grip as I prepared to break the news to him. It wouldn't really shock him though… no, not Ventus. If anything, he expected it.

" They… they just group us up depending on our genetics. It's all about some damned client; Some person who's paying Xemnas for our kids…" I cried out, not meaning for it to come out so loudly. I felt the tension in the room grow as Hayner looked over at us, a rather surprised look on his face. The brunette raised his head slightly, but didn't say anything about it.

"What!" Hayner practically hissed.

I kept my concentration on a saddened looking Ventus. He didn't seem shocked, like his roommates… just melancholy.

"Sorry…" he suddenly blurted out quietly. I only raised my head higher, to look at him directly. "I… I kinda knew about the babies being shipped off someplace…" he said regretfully, "I saw the documents in Xemnas' office that one night I sneaked off. Though I didn't know about the reasons behind our mate selections…" He bit his lip in what seemed like frustration.

Wow, he was taking this a lot calmer then I'd expected. I thought he'd act all impulsive about this, stomping out of the room to scream rage-filled comments at the employees.

"Everything is all distorted now… How can anything matter anymore?" I asked, looking at my brother pleadingly, seeking an answer.

Ven sighed, taking my shoulder into his firm grip, "Don't talk that way. Of course we matter. What we should focus our anger and disappointment on is them!" He paused, thinking to himself for a brief second until he muttered with a satisfied smile, "I say we make Xemnas' life a living hell."

I tried not to look or sound concerned. If I wanted to get my feelings across, then we had to cause some ruckus, right? "What is it?" I asked him.

"A chaotic protest," he grinned.

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If anything gets crazier then a protest, just let me know.

Things got extremely rowdy once we sneaked off and let a few Nobodies into our plans. We didn't know any of them, really. There were two blue haired ones. One was male, and the other (surprisingly) was a female. I had never seen her before. I'd only heard rumours about her. She was the rare, one and only female Nobody. Apparently she was too unknown, even to the scientists, so she didn't have a mate. Some said that it was because she wasn't having her first heat, while others said that it was because the scientists didn't want to risk anything until they did some more research on her.

She had spiky-ish blue hair and a slim, tall body type. I wasn't sure on her name.

And the other (the male) had shorter blue hair. One side of his bangs was longer then the other, and flowed down the right side of his face - covering his eye.

The other Nobodies were also unrecognizable, with one having spiky blonde hair. He looked older, and was accompanied by a tall redhead. His hair hung down his back in a ponytail.

"So, they've been keeping that from us?" the female asked me with a firm tone as she placed her hands on her hips angrily. I nodded, which caused the others to grow angry with Xemnas as well.

Surprised that the guards hadn't caught onto our little parade, we marched down the hall towards Xemnas' office. I didn't even want to think about the punishment we'd get for this. But everyone's fury towards him blinded them at that moment, so no one else seemed to think about that but me. But I continued with it anyway.

Once we reached Xemnas' office, I turned to the group of Nobodies behind me- Hayner, Ventus, the brunette, the female, the blue haired boy, the redhead, and the blonde. "Alright…" I began in a quiet voice. Just as I was about to squeak out a 'now what?' Ven suddenly roared.

"Give us rights! Give us rights!"

I watched in horror as the others mimicked him, shaking their fists angrily in the air. Oh boy… this would definitely grab Xemnas' attention. He would be completely furious…

Just as I could totally picture in my nightmares, the door to Xemnas' office whipped open, introducing us to the furious face of the head scientist. A tall blue haired man stood behind him, an unreadable expression on his face.

"What is the meaning of this! GUARDS!" Xemnas shouted at the top of his lungs, making my ears ring. "How did they manage this?"

"Give us rights! Give us rights! Give us rights!" they continued to chant.

Xemnas only became more angry. His eyebrow twitched quite visibly. He grinded his teeth together. "GUARDS!" he hollered yet again.

It wasn't long until the loud, banging footsteps of the frantic guards boomed down the hallway. "Yes sir!" one of them seemed to cry fearfully.

"Get these Nobodies out of my sight…" he growled, "And put locks on their doors or something."

Xemnas then closed the door of his office, greatly irritated. My eyes widened in immediate fear once the guards circled around us, each of them clutching onto some kind of object that served for paralysis. "What the hell's the matter with you things?" one of the guards snarled, taking a step closer towards us. I shuddered when I suddenly felt strong hands grab me from behind. Then I felt a sharp prick on my forearm; a needle obviously…

And then I suddenly lost consciousness. The last thing I remembered seeing was the floor zooming up at me as I fell.

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	14. Sweet surrender pt 1

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**Axel** (Sweet Surrender - Part One) August 3000

_It doesn't mean much_

_it doesn't mean anything at all_

_the life I've left behind me_

_is a cold room_

_I've crossed the last line_

_from where I can't return_

_where every step I took in faith_

_betrayed me_

_and led me from my home_

_And sweet surrender_

_is all that I have to give_

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I sat up groggily from the bed that I slept on. I rubbed at my eyes tiredly, realizing that it was probably the next day. I wasn't exactly surprised to look around and figure out that I was still in that dull, depressing quarantined room. Nobody had come to check on us since the first day Roxas had gone into heat… even though we'd fixed that just yesterday.

But I had to admit, it was nice to wake up, seeing the peaceful form of Roxas laying down at my side. He was still fast asleep. I was tempted to stroke his hair gently, but went against that- afraid that I'd wake him from his (hopefully) sweet dreams.

For some reason, I woke up that morning feeling more connected to Roxas then ever. Maybe because of what'd happened last day… I wasn't so sure. All I knew was that I hoped Roxas felt the same way. I wanted him to love me as much as I loved him. I wanted to be lovers.

But he was still just a kid… though his mature decision of having sex with me yesterday was a step. It had to be…

It surprised me when he suddenly stirred, rolling over to face me dazedly. "Hmm?" he groaned. I was enticed to touch him lovingly yet again, but stopped myself. Instead I tried my absolute best to force a vibrant smile on my face to welcome him to the morning warmly. "Hey," I whispered into his ear softly, making him look up at me tiredly. It made my chest flutter when he smiled back at me weakly, his eyes filling up with a pleasantness that made me smile wider.

"Hi," he replied in what seemed liked a timid voice. Maybe he was embarrassed about yesterday? Roxas was never into the idea to start with, so that made him more prone to shyness.

"Hey, you alright?" I continued as I stroked his arm lightly.

He immediately pulled his arm away from my touch, his expression freezing into what seemed liked bafflement for a brief second. "Please don't touch me like that…" he said lifelessly as he turned away from me, sitting so that his legs hung off of the edge of the bed frame.

His right hand tenderly caressed the area where I'd touched him, as if my fingers had left chills behind. He then hopped off the bed, standing up onto his two big feet. "Why hasn't anyone come to check on us?" Roxas suddenly exclaimed, scratching at the back of his head sensitively, "I don't know about you, but I'm dying for a hot shower and some food."

I nodded, feeling the same way. Sure, Roxas was only complaining about it now so he could change the subject… but he did have a point. I felt pretty grimy myself. And my stomach wanted food so bad that it seemed to be burning away at my insides. I was so hungry… Breeders needed about three -thousand calories each day. How many had I consumed in the past two days; Definitely not enough, that's what.

And I wasn't too sure on Roxas. I didn't think Bearers had to devour as many calories as us Breeders. But I did know that a healthy, nutritious diet was extremely important to a Bearer. They needed lots of nutrients considering they would be getting pregnant and passing on those vitamins to their growing children. That's why they had better health care and stricter diets then us Breeders. I was relatively surprised that Xemnas hadn't at least gotten someone to come in here to hook Roxas up to an IV…

Well, he had threatened it.

"Don't worry, Rox. They'll have to show up sooner or later. They wouldn't just leave us in here to starve to death," I guaranteed him. But then why did it sound like that's exactly what Xemnas wanted? Sure he was mad, but that didn't mean he'd dispose of two of his experiments, right?

It made me leap unexpectedly when Roxas suddenly hammered his fist against the locked metallic door, shouting crossly, "Let us out, bastards! There's not reason for us to be here anymore!" After he paused temporarily, he began again, even more frustrated. "LET. US. OUT!" he roared, pausing between each word to signify just HOW angry he really was.

And that's when the door whipped open, knocking Roxas onto the arctic-like, concrete floor. A menacing figure stood in the doorway. His golden eyes narrowed at us. He had long blue hair accompanied with a sore looking scar running down from the upper part of his nose, travelling horizontally on both sides - like an 'X'.

I remembered seeing this guy before. I think he was Xemnas' right hand man or something. Though I couldn't recall his name… It was Saix, I think…

"What the hell is going on in here!" he demanded in a livid tone.

I tried to relax my tense muscles. Tried to seem calm. I'd only get this guy more riled up if I retaliated using a similar tone. I trusted myself to stay cool anyway… I was afraid that Roxas would react to it.

"We don't need to be locked up in here anymore," I mentioned steadily.

Roxas picked himself off the ground and I began to fear for his temperament when I noticed his right hand curl up into a tight fist. I couldn't read his expression considering his back was facing me. I was relieved when he remained silent, though obviously provoked.

"Is that so?" came Saix's snide response. His tone was anything but friendly… I was surprised when he positioned himself to the side, giving space to the doorway. "I'll let Xemnas know," he nonchalantly said. But his eyes stabbed at us with icicles, no matter how calm his tone sounded. He was pretty frightening. He seemed to make me shudder while Roxas behaved just as coldly back, as if he wasn't intimidated at all. Why did that kid have so many guts!

"You do that," the blonde snapped icily, brushing past Saix in a disrespectful way. It didn't seem to bug the sky-blue haired employee. His expression was still frozen with one of complete composure.

Instead Saix merely shot back at him in a similar glacial voice. "Glad to see you're eager to pack your things and move in with Axel, Roxas…"

That made Roxas pause just outside the doorway, his back facing us. I knew his face read either that of grief or frustration. Or maybe even both. Saix was said to know ways of hurting people, whether it by physical or emotional means. I think emotional torture was his forte… at least from what I'd heard. I was tempted to go over to Roxas and tell him not to worry about moving in with me and Riku if he didn't want to, but then I remembered that I couldn't give him that option… Xemnas and other higher-ups were in control of that.

Without looking back, Roxas continued to walk, turning down the hall so that we couldn't see him anymore. I hesitantly jogged out after him, my skin feeling as if it were being coated in ice when I went past Saix.

But that only lasted for about a second. Once I was out of the quarantined room and into the hallway, my senses were overwhelmed. The flickering fluorescent lights overhead seemed so bright considering my sight had gotten used to the dullness of the quarantined room. They gave me a bit of a headache. And the antiseptic smell that suddenly hit my sense of smell wasn't helping. Though it was somewhat refreshing compared to the musty, airless chamber that I'd been locked in for the past few days.

After taking a second to absorb all of this, I managed to take long, quick strides towards Roxas. "Roxas," I called after him, hoping that he'd stop and wait up for me. But he didn't. Instead he only continued down the hall with what looked like heavy steps. He was still frustrated with everything…

He might have been quick, but my legs were much longer. So it didn't take very long for me to catch up to him. "Hey, don't worry about Saix. He's only trying to get under your skin," I said, walking at his side now.

Roxas refused to look over at me. He stared intently ahead, a firm, somewhat uptight look on his face. Was he ignoring me?

"Roxas?" I repeated, waving my hand in front of his face.

He huffed lightly, still not bothering to answer me. The annoyed sigh let me know that I was getting somewhere though. And hey; don't get me wrong. I wasn't _**trying**_ to annoy him. I only wanted to find out what was on his mind. Well… I guess I kinda knew about that. It was a little bit of everything; from last day to Saix pissing him off to being separated from Sora. So really, all I wanted Roxas to know was that he could talk to me about things. I wanted to be there for him. But he always seemed to think that he had to deal with things alone…

What the hell made people think that way!

"Roxas! Please just let me know that you're not mad at me!" I raised my voice slightly, reaching out to grab his shoulder. But Roxas whipped around to face me, his expression wrathful.

"I AM mad, okay! I hate this, and I hate YOU! So leave me alone!" he shouted loudly. That would have ripped right through my artificial heart if I hadn't caught the change in Roxas' eyes for one split second. They looked surprised in his own words… guilty- though only for that second. He soon continued, "I know I'm selfish! So don't even say anything about that! I don't care anymore!"

He began to storm off yet again, giving off irritated, ill-tempered vibes.

I sighed in response to the moody teenager. He was always changing the way he felt, and without warning. He was dangerous; like a rain storm that changed frequently. One second he was just a soft rainfall, the next second he was a downpour paired with booming thunder and flashing lightening.

Like, now he was angry with me? And now he didn't care! Just yesterday, it was Roxas who made the wise decision of dedicating himself to his role. I thought our rocky relationship (or friendship) would be alright now…

But no; he was having another one of his temper tantrums or whatever.

"This isn't a very adult-like way to deal with the current situation, Roxas," I yelled after him.

And without turning back to look at me, he screamed, "WELL MAYBE I DON'T WANNA GROW UP!" He then whipped around the corner, disappearing into his room, no doubt.

I froze at the words and at the sound of his voice. I felt just a little bit of regret seep into my mind, telling me that I shouldn't have told Roxas to deal with everything so realistically. He was confused. But then at the same time, he wasn't the only one who had to deal with a controlled life at the facility. He only seemed to see himself; no one else. That's what'd irked me far enough to speak up against him.

And in the end, I didn't feel guilty enough to want to apologize to him. So instead, I went to my room.

Roxas could find his own way there.

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"Tonight's weather…" Riku began as his eyes locked onto a patch of blonde hair from outside of the door through a small rectangular window, "Hurricane Roxas."

"Shut up, Riku," I rolled my eyes at him.

It was later on that afternoon, and I'd just been chilling with Riku in our dorm room while Roxas was probably preparing to move in with us. I was expecting him earlier. But I didn't mind a little procrastination either. I didn't want to talk to or see someone who didn't want to socialize with me…

So when he awkwardly popped the door open and stumbled in with his stuff, I averted my gaze. For all I knew, maybe he was doing the same. And maybe I didn't care…

"Hey," Riku attempted to speak with him, stepping up from his spot on the bed. He took a few things from Roxas and placed them neatly on the floor for future placement. But that could wait.

"How's Sora?" Riku continued, his tone warm. Whenever it came to Sora, Riku was rather compassionate. When it came to anything (or anyone) else, he was a jackass… well, mainly anyway.

"Sora's alright. He's probably really lonely now though…" Roxas sounded heavyhearted, showing the concern he carried for his brother, "He's lost both of his little brothers, and with less then a month apart too… But I guess he won't be alone much longer. He should get his first heat anytime now."

Riku nodded, now seeming troubled. He probably wanted to move in with Sora. It _**was**_ an opportunity to request for that at an earlier time. The demand may have been considered. They couldn't leave Sora to be all antisocial…

Oh well… I'd encourage Riku on that later- like how he inspired me to get Roxas those chocolates. And I should't have thought about that… damn Roxas. I was supposed to be mad at him! But now I only felt myself becoming more depressed at our lack of communication. Things were getting much better between us. Especially when we compared it to the first time we'd met… We couldn't let all of our 'friendship' (_relationship to me) _building to fall apart- wither away into nothingness. Or could we? Could we live with hating each other for the rest of our restrained lives- only 'communicating' when Roxas needed me to relief him of heat? And then he'd carry our kids without talking to me (nine months of silence!) and then go on like that? Who COULD live that way! I'd go crazy!

Those thoughts were what gave me the courage to speak with Roxas that evening when Riku was taken away to eat dinner with Sora. We'd just had our own dinner brought into our room.

"Roxas…" I finally said, twirling my fork over my food plate nervously. Roxas was merely digging his cutlery around in his mashed potato when he looked up at me, his expression a mix between astonishment and a lack of enthusiasm.

"What is it?" came his quiet response. But it was soft, even through his not-so-delicate expression.

I swallowed thickly, "Are you feeling better then you did this morning?" I eyed him hardly, looking for a reaction. Or at least anything that gave him away- such as a quirk of his lip, or a sudden gleam in his eyes… I liked being able to read him. "I mean… you're not still mad, right?"

He was silent for a brief moment, sighing lightly as he seemed to shuffle uncomfortably in his cross-legged position on the floor. "I don't know what to feel anymore…" he finally responded dully, his eyes glazing over as he stared at the floor, "I… I don't want to be a selfish person… I want to change. And I thought I could… but…"

His words trailed off as he remained somewhat distant, his blue orbs refusing to make contact with my own green ones. I knew he was confused. He always had been when it came to his future here.

"It's easier said then done…" I finished for him, smiling somewhat warmly. I knew that he would find his role a lot easier later on. He just needed to get used to it first. So I wasn't really concerned about him having trouble with his 'change.' Change happened slowly over time.

I trusted that he'd learn new ways to cope with things.

Roxas gave me a weak smile, soon lowering his head to stare at his food with that content look still on his face. Again, he began to swirl his fork through his mashed potato, a light blush forming on his cheeks.

I didn't mind his quietness after that. We both silently picked through the rest of our dinner, only staring up at each other every now and then, sharing sheepish looks with one another. But like I said, I didn't mind. I was just glad to know that Roxas wasn't mad at me anymore.

And it was kinda painful to say considering Roxas may not have felt this way at all; but when I looked back into his eyes one last time before picking myself up to place my scraped dinner plate onto the bedside table, I felt connected to Roxas once again; and in ways that went further then the fine line of friendship…

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I was surprised when Roxas decided to let Riku sleep in his own bed that night. I didn't think Roxas would want to share the bottom bunk with me. But he did. It was odd at first, having someone sleeping beside me and all. I'd only ever done that once, and that was in the quarantined room with Roxas. And that wasn't my own bed anyway… so that was different. So yeah… it was odd, but at the same time it was also quite nice. I was looking forward to the sight that would greet me when I woke up the next morning. It was breathtaking that morning I'd woken up to see a peaceful Roxas sleeping next to me in the quarantined room… I wanted to wake up to that again.

But I didn't get the pleasure of something so simple. I didn't wake up that morning the way I'd expected to at all.

I was shaken violently by a firm pair of arms, which made my eyes snap open in shock. "Wha-what!" I groaned groggily, my eyes darting around the room, still trying to adjust themselves to the sudden uninvited light.

"Axel, wake the hell up!" it was Riku's voice. He sounded… frustrated? Strained? Something like that…

And that's when I realized it; Heat.

How the hell had I slept through that! I normally couldn't. But I quickly forgot about that. I needed to fill myself in. Was it Roxas, or just one of the other Bearers. My guess was Roxas considering he was the one shaking me. And when my vision seemed clear enough, I made out his worried face looking down at me. His eyes looked concerned, and partially afraid as he bit at his lip anxiously.

"AXEL! Hurry up! I'm going crazy here!" came Riku again. This time he shouted a lot louder, making me scramble up from my warm, comfortable spot on my bed.

'_Come to think of it, so am I,' _I thought in response to Riku's outburst as my sex-drive began to awaken with the rest of my body. It wasn't long before I changed out of my pajamas and pulled on some clothes. And soon Roxas and I were out the door, wanting to avoid any unnecessary confrontations with any other Breeders. The last thing I needed was some Walrus-like fight. Apparently, those things tore each other apart over their mates… not that I liked to compare myself to an animal.

It wasn't long until we tracked down a wandering guard. Then they locked us up, yet again, into the well-despised quarantined room. Man… and right when I thought we were finally out of there…

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I'm happy to say that we were in and out of there. Good thing too… This time, Roxas didn't act stubbornly. We did what we had to, and then got out of there a lot quicker then the last time.

Though on a negative note, Roxas was pretty distant afterwards. He didn't seem mad or anything; just sad and maybe a little confused. Hopefully he brightened up after a bit. He couldn't be like this after every round of heat… that was no healthy way to live, was it?

When we got back to our room, Riku wasn't there. My guess was that he'd been taken to visit Sora. Because Sora was in a room all by himself, they would probably be taking Riku to visit him a lot more. But I didn't have any complaints on that one… that gave me and Roxy (Riku's cute little nickname for him, if ya don't remember) more _quality _time.

Though Roxas still seemed rather_ faraway _, if ya know what I mean. He merely sat himself on the edge of the bottom mattress. He was silent, and his eyes seemed glazed over, like he was deep in thought.

I only sighed lightly, deciding that I'd be quiet for him. I was pretty bored… but I managed to sit there mutely. That is until Roxas spoke up unexpectedly. The unexpected sound of his voice made me jump a little. "Axel, come here for a sec," he said in what was hardly a whisper.

After recovering from my shock, I eagerly stood, sitting myself onto the bed beside him. "What is it, Roxas?" I asked, delighted that he was finally paying attention to me yet again. We hadn't really talked properly to each other since the whole pre-heat incident… It was embarrassing to think about that… so I decided not to.

"I've just been thinking about things… and…" he took a deep breath, as if he was hesitant on something. When Roxas turned to look at me, his sapphire eyes determined, I expected him to continue. But instead, he unpredictably leaned in and planted a soft, chaste kiss onto my surprised lips. The feeling it left behind was delicate, yet so sensual. I had to gently brush a finger against my mouth as I blinked unexpectedly; dumbstruck.

"wha-what was that for?" I managed to ask breathlessly, my eyes still fluttering wildly.

Roxas blushed a light rosy colour as he lowered his gaze, a modest smile on his lips. "You looked like you needed it," he replied warmly, though quietly. I only continued to stare at him, astonished. The light fluttery feeling that seemed to overcome my chest was indescribable. I didn't know what to say… Did this mean that Roxas was finally accepting me as his mate?

"I guess it's also an apology…" he added, his hands clenching and unclenching shyly in his lap, "I've been such a jerk to you… And I **want** to stop being like that. I think… after my last round of heat, that I've finally realized… " he chuckled slightly, "You're not as bad as I thought."

I playfully hit him in the shoulder, "Hey!" Then my expression formed into a serious one, any light heartedness from before draining away as if it'd never been there. Though my tone was compassionate as I spoke, "No seriously… apology accepted." I wouldn't admit this to him, but I had my doubts. He was apologizing, trying to prove to me that he was ready for an intimate relationship **now**, but Roxas' _now _seemed to constantly change. The kid never knew what he wanted. He got moody easily and would become all wrathful suddenly, claiming that he loathed both me and his life. Don't get me wrong; I loved Roxas. And maybe he _was_ being honest with me, and more importantly; himself. Maybe having to face reality (having to deal with heat twice now) opened his eyes up and made him grow up a bit.

_Maybe._

Nevertheless, I wouldn't hold my breath on it…

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**And I'll leave you at that. I really hope that you enjoyed all of the chapters that I updated with. I especially like this one. xD But that's because I'm an AkuRoku fangirl. Though... there isn't very much AkuRoku. More like love-hate. XD Lol, and I've noticed that a lot of you on the reviews are calling him a brat. xD My brother did the same. I never really meant for people to see him that way. I wanted people to see him as a scared kid who only really acted tough. xD I love reading everyone's opinions on my story. It's so cool to see what other people think or how they see the characters. **

**See ya later. Hopefully I make sure to update faster for you guys... -_-**


	15. Sweet Surrender pt 2

**Hey again. Heehee, I've been writing so much, but I need to improve on my updating. I'm starting my first year of college now, but I have so much access to computers that I could probably update a lot better then I have been. I'm having so much fun with this story, and I actually finished writing the rough draft for it just a few weeks ago. Even if I'm bad with my updates, I hope you guys enjoy my story as much as I do. :) **

**Thanks so much to everyone who sent me some personal messages and reviews. I love all of your comments so much! I want to know what you guys think! Though so many people have favourited, alerted, and reviewed, I'm sure there's quite the amount of people who have stopped or have just forgotten about this story. I hope everyone who is still reading it to enjoy it! AkuRoku forever! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts**

**WARNING: M-preg and yaoi**

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_**Axel **_(Sweet Surrender- Part Two) Late November 3000

_It doesn't mean much_

_It doesn't mean anything at all_

_The life I've left behind me_

_Is a cold room_

_I've crossed the last line_

_From where I can't return_

_Where every step I took in faith_

_Betrayed me_

_And led me from my home_

_And sweet surrender _

_Is all I have to give_

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The next few weeks were a blur. Not because they were busy either. More like… they were… _weird. _Roxas just wasn't himself. Ever since his attempt at an apology, he'd kept to his word. You could say that we were actually a couple now, not just a miserable pair who were forced to be together. We were together and we liked it. It was pleasant to be with him. _**Pleasant**_! Does that sound like Roxas to you? Not to me. He was surprisingly bubbly; a complete romantic. Whenever he had the opportunity, Roxas would slip his hand in mine and hold it. Hold hands with me! Just a bit ago, he wanted the sun to incinerate my insides; torch them even if he had to ignite me himself. Then I'd be a reduced-to-ashes-and-placed-in-a-pot-just-for-you kinda mate. He wouldn't mind that. More like, he wouldn't_** have**_ minded that.

Don't think of me as some regretful demon. I wasn't. I wasn't meaning to sound like this was exactly what I didn't want. Because I did want it. I liked being able to touch Roxas and share affectionate gazes with him. I liked it when he curled up into my chest as we slept, and how he still innocently pecked my lips the way he did that other time- that first time.

This wasn't some love story that went in reverse; where our feelings switched. My worry about this peculiar un-Roxas-like behaviour didn't come from me disliking him at all. No; I was more concerned for him. It just seemed like he was trying too hard to be someone who he didn't want to be. I didn't want him to force himself, no matter how selfish he claimed to be. If this was about his guilt, then it wasn't healthy at all. If this worsened or got me more worried, then there was no doubt that I'd confront him on it. That, or I'd talk to his brother; Sora.

I wouldn't make too many assumptions yet. For all I knew, maybe this was just a love-struck Roxas. Maybe it was normal for even the bad-tempered people to get all sentimental and infatuated when in love.

Still with that eerie feeling surrounding me, I shook my head as I climbed out of bed from yet another sleepless night. It was still pretty dark outside… It was probably nearing dawn by now at least. Riku and Roxas wouldn't be awake for another few hours. And now (surprise-surprise- due to a little protest party that Sora had apparently thrown) our bedroom doors were bolted shut. They were only unlocked during certain times of the day- and this early wasn't one of those times. Damn, and right when I felt like breaking out of my room for a coffee or something… Joking.

I ruffled a slender hand through my spiky, red hair, yawning tiredly. I felt sleepy… but my mind was always so jumbled up with stuff that it just wouldn't shut itself down. Heh, maybe _**I**_ was the one who was acting strange.

Not long after I woke up, Roxas stirred to life. He was so silent getting up, that if it wasn't for the corner of my eye catching him in a sitting position on the bed, I would have thought he was still asleep. His blue eyes seemed to glow in the darkness, staring at me curiously. "Are you okay?" he whispered almost silently to me, soundlessly standing up from the mattress and gracefully making his way towards me.

I stood near the window, mesmerized by the elegant snowflakes that danced their way down to the ice layered ground below. It was a peaceful sight. But now my attention was on Roxas, who might I add was just as elegant and beautiful as the snowflakes from outside. Somehow the winter environment outside matched him perfectly (that meant as a compliment). He could be a celestial being of the winter if he wanted to be; his blonde hair so soft and radiant, his skin so pure… flawless. And then of course there was his eyes; those luminous, dazzling sapphire eyes that could have been made from crystal or some other stunning gem. He was an angel… delicate like snow. Maybe that's why the scene outside mesmerized me so much; because it subconsciously reminded me of Roxas.

He wrapped his gentle arms around my waist, my back facing him as he rested his head against me lightly. "What are you thinking about?" he quietly asked, his position unmoving. I brought a hand up to my stomach area and placed it over Roxas' own smaller hand, continuing to peer out at the window as my thumb made soft strokes across his knuckles. His porcelain skin (it'd grown paler over the weeks) seemed to melt into my touch.

"I couldn't sleep," I admitted. I felt Roxas nod slightly against my back.

"Me neither," he said, "I'm feeling really nauseous again." His voice didn't sound whiny- just disappointed in his own health.

I sighed, wanting to continue into that conversation. I had my theories, which were quite obvious. You may have already come up with the same conclusions as me. It would explain Roxas' weirdness, that's for sure… Not that I was saying that he didn't love me.

I opened my mouth to talk, but quickly pressed my lips together. What if my assumption upset him…? I didn't want to leave this moment- not so soon. It was relaxing having him against my body as I continued to watch the snow outside, the sky becoming brighter as sunrise neared. But I couldn't freeze time. This would have to be mentioned sometime; and sometime soon. So why not now?

"Roxas?" I began quietly, removing my hand from his. Curious, he unclamped himself from around me, gracefully twisting around in front of me, looking into my face.

"Hm?"

"Have you ever considered anything?" I paused, looking for a shake of the head from him or some sort of reaction. But he stayed quiet in hope that I'd continue. He looked worried… "You know… you haven't gone into heat in quite a while; you aren't sleeping as well because you've been having sudden nausea spells…" I trailed off, hoping that he'd understand what I was trying to say.

At first he looked as if he were in a state of disbelief; his eyes still filled with concern, his mouth opened slightly… But then he shook his head suddenly. The movements were small but violent as his eyebrows shot upward in fear and worry. "N-no! No, I am not pregnant!" Roxas insisted, his tone rattled, "No one knows my body better then I do!"

I tried to give him a sympathetic look. He was in denial as his hand shot down to grasp at his belly. I watched him pathetically, unable to come up with something that would be comforting as his eyes filled with pained tears. But that's when his eyebrows suddenly furrowed angrily, his eyes narrowing into a deathly glower. He shot his head up to look at me as tears spilled from his eyes, which broke my heart.

"Shut up! You don't know what you're talking about! I'm me! I think I'd know if something was happening to my body!" he cried loudly, anger occupying his tone. The outburst made Riku jump up from his bed, startled.

"Wha-what the hell!" he gasped, his eyes darting around the room frantically. If I wasn't so upset and hurt with Roxas, then I would have laughed at my roommate.

But I merely whispered through my teeth, "Sorry, Riku…"

Roxas slowly withdrew from me, walking back to the bed as he apologized quietly as well. Whether it was to me, Riku, or the both of us- I wasn't sure. He sounded hollow as he said it, his eyes still sparkling with tears though they'd ceased. He sniffled faintly as he tucked himself into the warm bed sheets.

"Are you guys alright?" Riku asked in a soft, thoughtful tone after witnessing our behaviour since he'd awakened. Even someone who was awake for a mere ten seconds could tell the two of us were melancholy.

I rubbed at the back of my head, answering him coolly, "Yeah. Don't worry about us."

Riku huffed in what was probably annoyance before muttering a 'whatever' and throwing himself back onto his pillow. I think he was out faster then he'd woken up. Before I knew it, he was breathing softly- peacefully.

I didn't bother trying to get back to sleep. One; Roxas probably didn't want me near him anyway. And two; I wouldn't have been able to. Like I already stated… too many thoughts. Thoughts from Roxas' possible pregnancy to our frail relationship. So in the end, it all revolved around Roxas which was probably what he wanted. I was confused about him. I wanted to believe that he truly did love me, and wasn't only forcing it all upon himself. That's probably what bugged me the most. If his affection was a lie, then I wouldn't know how I'd feel. It would really sting, I'll tell you that. But excluding this one fight, our relationship had been stable thus far. He seemed to have feelings for me… No one could be dishonest about that, right? And his acceptance had also given the both of us bonding time also. So even if he wasn't solid on his decision to begin with, the time we'd spent together in the last few weeks must have meant something positive…

Thoughts such as those are what spiralled through my mind for the rest of the early morning. I was relieved to be freed of this self-imprisonment when a guard finally unlocked the door to our room and served us all some breakfast. Riku, who caught the scent of the food, woke up almost immediately. And unlike earlier, he was fully awake.

"Breakfast! Finally," he seemed to purr as he jumped down from the top bunk. I only shot him a docile look.

Roxas slowly appeared from his blankets, rubbing at his eyes roughly. His pretty lashes were glued to one another due to his previous tears. It made them look thicker, drawing in my stare considering they seemed to fit with his skin and eye colour quite attractively.

"Roxas…" I murmured his name sadly. Though I trusted that he'd be okay.

Even though my voice had come out nearly inaudible, Roxas' gaze jerked in my direction. He didn't look upset, maybe just a little dazed and puzzled at the reserved call of his name. His vibrant eyes darted over my form for a moment with a confused look to them, his eyebrows pointed upwards in what someone else might have taken as worry.

I tried to grin warmly at him, though I bet it came out completely crooked. Either way though, Roxas' expression lightened up somewhat as he attempted a weak smile. Seeing that made me smile for real.

"Aren't you guys gonna eat?" Riku asked the both of us, peering up from his food plate as we approached him. Of course he'd already started consuming his food greedily. I rolled my eyes at him as I carefully sat myself down onto the floor. Roxas brought himself down beside me, his hand hesitantly reaching over to caress mine. But once his fingers brushed against my knuckles gingerly, he withdrew, resting his hand into his lap.

Why was he thinking I was the one who was cross!

After snatching up one of the breakfast plates with my right hand, I took Roxas' hand with my left. His skin tensed at the impulsive touch. I guess I'd startled him. But he soon relaxed, his fingers intertwining with my own. I wasn't sure, but I think a content smile occupied his lips. And that's also when I noticed that he wasn't eating.

"Roxas, aren't you hungry?" I asked him worriedly. I didn't even want to hear an excuse. His appetite had definitely decreased greatly. He hardly ate. I was getting really anxious about that… If he was pregnant, which it really seemed, then he was obviously suffering from morning sickness. But that shouldn't have kept him from eating at all. This was getting dangerous, and it left me feeling uneasy.

"Sorry… but I'm not hungry," he said, his face twisting into a look of revulsion and disgust. I sighed, letting my green eyes form an annoyed look. There was no way he could keep doing this. Unless he wanted the scientists here to take him away to the nursing center and hook him up to an IV… But nobody wanted that. So I insisted that he eat.

"Come on, Roxy," I practically whined, "When was the last time you ate something proper? For the past few days, all you've been doing is nibbling, if not even that! You don't want to get sick, do you?"

Roxas turned his head away from me, biting away at his lip. I noticed he had a habit of doing that whenever he felt guilty or frustrated. Maybe I was only reminding him of that conversation we'd shared earlier. It was obvious that Roxas was aware of the possibility of a pregnancy. He knew. He was just too afraid to admit it to himself and to me… But he couldn't hide away and drown himself in his denial either. That wouldn't help him one bit. If he was pregnant, and we suspected it, then it was our job to report it to a guard who would pass that on to a doctor if not Xemnas. The process was too delicate for the employees to keep record of every single time we went through heat. It wasn't hard, especially if the couple was already past their first heat and roomed together, for them to quickly do what they needed to in the comfort of their own room. Many preferred to do that other then go to the ghastly quarantined room. Of course that made it difficult for the scientists to keep track of when a certain couple underwent heat. They left it up to us, trusting that we'd let them know considering it concerned our own health as well; or more like the Bearers health.

There could be many complications when it came to pregnancies. Even Xemnas knew that. Even though we were created and said to be 'perfect,' it was possible for us to undergo complications during pregnancy as well; whether it involved our diet, a C-section, or what. It was important for the doctors to examine us as soon as we knew about pregnancy. Even though it was rare for a Nobody to carry a child with a disorder or defect, it was still possible. The chances had only decreased. We had a better chance of having healthier babies then normal human females. This meant that babies were in high demand, so this made it even more critical for an early report on pregnancy to be made. If the baby that a Bearer was carrying was to be a defected one, then the doctors could perform an abortion so that the Bearer would not be wasting their time with an ill baby. That way, they'd be able to get back into the baby-carrying cycle quicker.

Unfair, I know. But that was the reality of the facility. And that was why I was probably anxious when it came to Roxas. He needed to be checked out as soon as possible. He should have been checked out the moment he had his first symptom of pregnancy…

Unable to believe that I was actually suggesting this, I quietly said to Roxas, "Maybe we should get you checked out, Roxas… You're obviously not well."

His expression grew pained, knowing exactly what I was hinting at. "I'm fine," he choked, his eyes squinting slightly, as if to hold back tears. Oh no… I didn't want to make him cry again. I still felt rotten about the last time.

"Roxas! You're not fine! You need to see someone… please, just let someone check you out," I continued, practically begging. Riku gave us a muddled look, edging away from us with his breakfast plate in his lap. He didn't even want to know what we were talking about… Not that he'd understand anyway…

Roxas finally locked eyes with me. The glint in them went beyond hurt. His lip quivered slightly as he began to speak again. I watched him carefully, hoping that he'd give me a satisfying answer. He couldn't keep doing this to himself.

"Axel… I can't…" he shook his head from side to side slowly, squeezing his eyes shut as he spoke in a shaky tone. The tense areas on his face twitched, showing how upset he was, "I… I don't want to know… I can't know the truth. W-what if I AM… you know."

And finally he admits it… He had a feeling all along. I was just about to embrace him tightly, hoping to soothe him, but then he continued. And what he continued it flared my temper. It was appalling that he'd kept this from me; something so vital to his health! Himself!

"I've been unable to eat large portions of food… I'm in pain a lot… I knew…"

That's what got to me; not the beginning and not the end part. I knew about those. It was the mid-sentence that made my eyes narrow dangerously. _Pain? _He was in pain! I didn't think that THAT was a symptom!

"Pain! Roxas, you never mentioned anything about that! This is why we need to get these things checked! What if something is wrong with you! Where does it hurt!" I asked him demandingly. My tone was angry and frustrated. It didn't seem to intimidate him though. He only became more guilty it seemed.

He hesitantly answered with a whisper that was nearly just the simple movement of his lips. 'The left side of my abdomen' he'd said.

I felt rage seep into me. Why hadn't he made any remarks on this sooner. It didn't sound normal. What if he was dying or something! What if something was terribly wrong. From those comments, you could easily tell that I wasn't mad _**at**_ him, but more _**for **_him. It was my protectiveness that fueled my anger. But that didn't mean Roxas could tell that apart so easily…

"You've known about this _**how**_ long!" I commanded him to tell me.

"I didn't KNOW that I was pregnant! I only had a hunch. And as for the pains… I didn't think they were important," Roxas shouted in his defense.

I rolled my eyes at his vagueness. "Admit it! You've always subconsciously known that you were pregnant all along- from day one! What you did before wasn't an apology… you surrendered your body to me knowing that it's true!" I claimed, my frustrated self now bringing my other touchy issues into the argument. It wasn't even necessary… but when people got mad, they did foolish things that would deliberately harm the other person. The regret would come later.

"I DID NOT! STOP BLAMING ME FOR EVE-"

Roxas then paused mid-sentence as if someone had pressed 'pause' on a TV remote. Except his expression seemed shocked- pained even. My anger faded away so fast that it may as well have never been there.

"Roxas?" my tone was filled with concern as I took a step towards him. He seemed to be choking or something… Something wasn't right. His skin, if possible, grew even more pale as his eyes fluttered shut and he collapsed onto the floor with a crash.

"ROXAS!" Riku and I screamed at the same time, running to his side. We kneeled down frantically, and Riku took him into his arms.

"Hey, wake up," Riku shook him gently, but he remained motionless, sweat breaking out on his forehead. I felt like I was turning a super pale colour myself. I was horrified and shocked. I didn't know how to react, so my arms stayed at my sides, shaking though they wanted to touch him.

"You try and revive him," Riku passed him into my lap as he stood up swiftly, bolting out the door.

I let his head rest in my lap as my fingers brushed down his arm and onto his leg. "Roxas, wake up," I desperately pleaded, choking up. My throat felt like it was being closed off.

But what happened next was what left me in stitches. The medical staff that Riku had left for still hadn't arrived, and suddenly without warning, a startling amount of blood erupted from his mouth, oozing down his chin and the sides of his face. I jumped in response, appalled. I sat him up, hoping for some help to show up soon. I had no idea how to help someone in this kind of situation. All I knew was that I'd have to keep him from choking on the blood that came from his mouth in a rich, sticky, horrid mess. That could not be a good sign…

What was happening to my poor Roxas?

"Roxas?" I continued to try and wake him, but all of the attempts failed. All I could do was depend on the medical staff now… If only they'd hurry up.

It felt as if Riku and all of them were judging my stability or something, cause it wasn't for another few minutes until the medical staff ploughed into the small dorm room, two of them dragging in a stretcher. Before I even had time to react, Roxas had been taken away from me. One of the doctors placed him onto the stretcher, seeming to test several things. "It seems the patient has gone into shock," he said grimly after flashing some thin flashlight-like thing into Roxas' eyes, "Make sure to keep him warm!"

They were out just as suddenly as they were in. Riku watched after them worriedly as I stood in the center of the room, feeling incredibly empty. I had no idea what to feel. I didn't even know what was going on… Apparently, from what I'd heard, he was in shock.

But why? What could've put him into such a state? That was a serious medical condition. Shock could lead to death… So whatever was wrong with Roxas was deadly… And now I felt so hollow and guilty that I seemed to eat away at myself. I was Roxas' mate. I was supposed to take care of him. I'd seen the signs. I should have reported the symptoms… but I never did, which may now result in Roxas' death. And if not death, then what? Wouldn't he still be greatly injured? If it was serious enough to cause shock, then it was obviously fatal and would leave him in critical condition; meaning he wouldn't leave treatment perfectly cured.

And no matter what happened, it would be my fault.

You have no idea how badly I just wanted to die right there. I could have curled up into my bed, fall asleep and never wake up and not care. I deserved it, and the truth is; I didn't want to face reality. I didn't want to face the facts.

Riku probably noticed my shaken up form considering he placed a hand on my shoulder in a friendly manner, saying reassuringly, "Don't worry. Roxas will be fine."

And if he wasn't? What then? I would lose the love of my life- my mate, my opportunity at having kids, my role… my whole life. I'd lose my life. And the hard part to accept was that I'd be losing it to myself. I was the one who'd refused to tell anybody about Roxas. I'd sapped my own life away.

Noticing his comment was unheard, Riku's expression tensed slightly, afraid that I was taking this too hard. "Quit moping about it, and go see him, man," he encouraged, pushing me lightly towards the door.

It was obvious that the medical staff wouldn't be finished with him, but Riku did have a point. If I at least made my way to the Medical center, then I'd be able to hear what was wrong with him. And maybe I could be told how bad his condition was. Maybe I was thinking of this in an overly negative way. Maybe Roxas was totally fine. Maybe treatment for whatever was wrong was simple…

That advocacy was what pushed me to leave my dorm room and beg a guard to take me to the medical wing. Normally, they wouldn't do such a thing. But because Roxas was my mate, they made an exception. The employees liked it when the couples showed concern for one another. I guess it helped them run things smoothly.

I was left in a vast empty room that had a few chairs lined up against the wall. At the front of the room was a small desk- one for a doctor I guess (almost like at a normal human's clinic), and just beyond that desk was a narrow hall. Several separate doors that led to different medical rooms were down there.

Roxas was in one of those right at this moment…

At the moment, besides me, the waiting room was empty. There were no doctors scrambling about. They were most likely busy treating Roxas. Was it really so bad that they needed several doctors? The images that popped into my head made me shudder. I didn't want to imagine what they were doing to him in there…

I sat down in one of the chairs, realizing that no one would probably be available for a while. I didn't mind. I needed a bit of time to let everything seep into my mind. It was all so overwhelming. I tried my best not to panic and think on it too much. But that was nearly impossible. I couldn't even describe all of the different feelings of worry that raced through me in that small amount of time. I tried to act cool about it all, but my body visibly shook and it felt as if I were reaching my breaking point with every passing second.

It startled me when a warm sensation suddenly dripped down onto the front of my hand, which was clenched tensely in my lap. Blinking a few times in surprise, I brought a hand up and noticed that tears were falling down my face. Yeah… so much for acting calmly about it…

It seemed like forever until a doctor finally appeared from the hallway. I hurriedly jumped up, unable to keep my worry and fright contained. The doctor held onto a clipboard, recording notes on a piece of paper it seemed. Perhaps it was about Roxas.

"Doctor," I called out, approaching him at a faster pace. He stopped to eye me warily. He was probably curious as to why I was away from my own facility area. But I ignored his curiosity, needing to satisfy my own, "Roxas is your patient, right?"

The doctor nodded, "If you mean the Nobody that was recently brought in here, then yes. Why?" he stared at me from behind his glasses skeptically.

"I'm his mate. I'm worried sick about him! Please; I have permission to be here. Just let me know what's wrong with Roxas and whether he'll be okay or not," I begged. I was becoming a wreck… The doctor even widened his eyes at my teary-ness, his arms coming up as if to touch me, but unable to think of a way to appease me. So his hands stayed elevated at my sides, but did not make contact with my skin.

When he noticed that I was staying quiet for him to speak, the doctor's vulnerable expression formed into a grim one. "Your friend's _injury… _it's complicated," he stated cautiously. I noticed the way he'd said 'injury'- as if he couldn't come up with the right word for what was wrong with Roxas.

"I can keep up," I retorted stubbornly.

The doctor gave me a hard stare from behind his glasses before sighing softly, giving into my relentlessness. If it concerned my Roxy, then nothing could keep me from knowing… Not even some middle-aged doctor who happened to work here and could probably call the guards to dispose of me if I made even one little threat.

Life's not all rainbows and butterflies here in Xemnas-land.

I was satisfied when he finally opened his mouth to speak again, reading points from his clipboard carefully, peering up at me every now and then. "Nobody number thirteen is undergoing surgery at this moment. Apparently Xemnas hadn't been notified about it, but Roxas was twelve weeks pregnant. He-"

After that, what he said next sounded like a soft humming. I was dazed, my mind wrapping around one thing… Roxas was pregnant… The idea of it made me feel blessed… delighted… ecstatic. It was impossible to sum up how I felt right then. It was a fascinating thought, thinking that Roxas was actually pregnant with my child. There was life growing inside of him; life that we'd created. It was… wonderful. But then my mind took in an important piece of information that'd been mentioned.

I cut the doctor off before he could continue, generally confused by his use of words. "_Was_ pregnant?" I tried to confirm, "Do you mean he had the baby? Is it alright! It's too early… it would be premature." Worry began to bubble to the surface of my mind yet again, and not only distress for Roxas, but an anguish for our child now too.

"It was too early," the doctor simply said, shaking his head sadly, "Twelve weeks is no where near enough time for the baby to develop. That's only three months…"

Those direct words cut through me like a knife, tearing through whatever was left of me. Was he saying that the baby was dead? But why… what'd happened? What had gone wrong? I couldn't get the excruciating questions out of my mouth, I merely murmured gibberish, my eyes wide as my breathes seemed to stop.

Catching onto my signs of dread, the doctor answered me calmly, "The baby needed to be removed. Roxas was suffering from a complication in pregnancy, called an ectopic pregnancy. This is a rare condition where the pregnancy occurs outside of the womb. It can be very dangerous if left untreated…" he paused, "Which is exactly what happened here. The baby was left to continue it's development in an area that was critical for reproduction. As you can probably imagine, this can be fatal… _deadly_."

I stood before him, speechless. Roxas was in a critical situation? He could die? I felt myself grow more pale as the doctor paused in his explanation, giving me time to breathe again. But it wouldn't make a difference… The blood in my veins ran cold. My body was unable to respond. My mind was the only part of my body that remained 'alive,' though it's thoughts were sluggish, slowly taking all of the information in and realizing my one huge mistake; Everything that was happening was my fault.

"I knew… I was the one who expected it. I should have told someone," I murmured, "If I had, then Roxas and our baby would have been okay." My tone was hollow, but I felt my eyes become moist and a sharp stinging followed soon after.

The doctor shook his head despairingly, "No… nothing could have stopped the ectopic pregnancy from happening. The baby wouldn't have been saved either way. It would have had to be removed, no matter how early it was spotted…" he paused, hesitant, "Though it could have saved Roxas from undergoing this operation…"

I nodded, sniffling lightly as I managed to ask, "And will Roxas be alright?"

"He should be."

"What exactly happened to him? I mean… I don't know much about ectopic pregnancies… what caused him to faint and cough up all of that blood?" the sentences came out choked, but I had to know, no matter how much pain the words brought on.

But the doctor didn't delay a response. "The area where the baby was growing ruptured. This normally happens between weeks twelve and sixteen. When an reproductive organ bursts, one will have bleeding inside the abdomen; a form of internal bleeding. That's what made his body go into shock and faint suddenly. He wasn't getting enough blood flow, which can damage multiple organs and their functions. So as you can guess, the bleeding needs to be stopped promptly and emergency surgery is needed to remove the damaged reproductive organ," he paused for a moment unnecessarily, "But don't worry; if little damage has been done, the doctor may try and repair it. Otherwise, it must be removed."

That last bit of his interpretation sent undesirable chills down my spine, making me shiver lightly. The words '_otherwise it must be removed' _left a desolate yet brisk feeling in my chest. "If the damaged organ was to be removed…" I swallowed thickly, continuing to whisper fearfully, "…does that mean Roxas can never get pregnant on his own ever again?" The thought of that was illegible; hard to imagine. That's what Roxas was created to do… But what if he wasn't fit for bearing? What would happen to him? What would happen to us and our future together? Would Roxas be disposed of, and replaced with some other bearer? I couldn't live for that. No one could replace Roxas; not as my mate.

But even through the impossibility of it, the doctor still nodded, "Yes. That is quite expected actually. But like I said before, don't worry just yet. The surgeons are doing all they can to fix his damaged organs to the point where they can still operate considering his existence revolves around this very issue."

I nodded, grateful for the concern, "Thanks…"

The doctor nodded his head as well, responding. And with that, his loud, echoing foot steps hurriedly disappeared down the narrow hall yet again, leaving me to think and grieve in the waiting room…

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**Sorry that this story contains soooooo much angst. But I hope you like it either way. I know I've been acting as if died or something, but I will continue to update. I won't just leave this story without finishing it, I promise- Especially with such an awful cliffhanger. Though you still have a whole lot to read, whenever I get it all on here. xD **

**Please review! **

**Edit: I forgot to say before, but coughing up blood IS a sign of internal bleeding, but it doesn't happen for ectopics. I just did that to be more dramatic.  
**


	16. Break me down

**Hey! I wanted to update for you guys for Christmas, even if the main story is pretty angsty at the moment. Please don't let it get you too down! ): I know that I have a whole bunch of fillers that I wrote for this story, so I might look through those and see if there's a happy one. If so, I'll post that as well so that you can have something happy to read for Christmas. :) **

**Please enjoy reading and I always love reading all of your reviews, so please review for me too! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom hearts or the songs I use. You'd know if I did. Axel and Roxas would so be together. xD  
**

**WARNING: Yaoi and m-preg and lots of angst**

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_**Roxas**_ (Break me down) December 3000

A long day alone

Emptiness is so real

Never having peace of mind

Running from what I can't sing

And there is nowhere left to hide

Turn and face these empty lies

All alone, heart unturned

Trying to find

Break me down

Replace this fear inside

Take this nothingness from me

I want to fight

I want to shine

I want to rise

Break me down

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I had so many questions circling through my mind as I seemed to fall into a bottomless abyss of nothingness. I couldn't see… I couldn't sense anything around me. I could only hear distant voices every now and then as a dizzy-ish, groggy feeling consumed me, forming that spinning-like sensation.

'_Why?_' a voice inside my head continued to ask. Maybe it was my own thoughts… I couldn't make sense of anything in this strange, somehow nonchalant place. '_Why am I falling? Where's Axel?… is he alright?' _

The familiar image of the redhead who came to mind popped into my thoughts, making me instantly remember who he was. That's right… Axel. _**Where**_ was he? Was he somewhere in this detached place as well? Come to think of it, I had heard his name mentioned by the odd, distant, unfamiliar voices that I swore weren't my own thoughts. Or maybe they were… who knew. But the funny thing was, it didn't really matter at the time; not here. In this perplexing place there was no sensibility. Soon enough, I would probably lose myself to the nothingness… Soon enough, I wouldn't know who I was; remember what I was doing here… But come to think of it, I didn't even know the answer to that now.

It didn't really matter considering I couldn't see to begin with, but I closed my eyes. I'm not sure if my eyelids did close though, considering I didn't feel anything.

"_Hang in there… Your mate is waiting for you. Don't give up on him now. We're almost done…" _

The odd voices came back, startling my relaxed state. What did they want? Couldn't they tell that I didn't want to be bothered? I wanted to be left alone to disappear. I wanted to be consumed by oblivion… That, I wouldn't mind.

"_Damn! I think he's lost too much blood! His heart beat is weakening suddenly!" _

This time I actually managed to understand the words. Someone was dying? That didn't sound good. I hoped whatever the problem was could be resolved.

"_No… it's not that he needs a blood transfusion. He's doing this to himself! But why would someone purposely shut their own heart down! Has he subconsciously realized what's happening, even through the anesthetic!" _

"_Damn! Wake up, Roxas!" _

Anesthetic? And… my name?

That's when my mind suddenly bloomed to life, realization hitting me like a brick wall. I'd been anesthetized? That's why I was in such an odd, mellowed out state. It made sense considering the last thing I remembered before this was arguing with Axel… and then everything just went black. After that, I just remembered hearing a bunch of unclear, frantic voices. Then pain… and then this place; which was just a creation of my subconsciousness and the drugs.

Then oh shit!

I really was unintentionally shutting my body down. By accepting oblivion, I was killing myself. Now aware, I listened out for more voices. But now everyone was silent.

Was I dead? Was I unconscious and then going to die?

And then I suddenly regained my sense of touch. I felt my hands twitch as my body came back to life. I heard my stable heart beat through a nearby heart monitor. And then my eyes fluttered open groggily, needing to adjust to the bright fluorescent lights overhead. It took a while, but they managed.

"Roxas?" a nurse leaned over my bed (I suppose), looking into my face questionably, "Are you awake?"

I forced a weak nod, trying to sit my body up. But a strong pair of hands held me down, commanding that I don't move. "You've just had surgery, Roxas. It's best that you stay lying down."

I obeyed, still dazed as a pounding headache began to torment me. "What happened to me?" I asked woozily. I may have been partly brain dead, but that didn't stop my curiosity from roaring to life. Though I guess anyone in my shoes would have done the exact same thing.

One of the doctors, I guess the head doctor, approached my bedside, looking down at me patiently. He had short brown hair, glasses and a kind smile. Everything about him seemed welcoming, even his soft voice as he spoke. "It's a very complicated process to explain. It will also be very hard for you to grasp, even when you are fully aware, I'm afraid. The fact that you've been unknowing all this time will definitely add to your sensitivity level…"

I didn't care how nice this guy was. I wasn't going to let even him get away with telling me crap like that. I wanted to know what was wrong with me, and I wanted to know NOW! "Look, considering this IS my body we're discussing, I think I should have the say in when you tell me," I said bluntly, though quite demandingly all at the same time.

The doctor gave me an astonished look, as if what I'd just explained was an unpredictable response. Well, maybe it was to people who didn't know me. But if I were talking to Sora or Axel, they'd have envisioned that exact comeback.

He was muddled in his response, "If that is what you wish… But please; do not shoot the messenger. This topic may be very sensitive and perhaps even crushing to you. It is to most." He leered at me before continuing, as if hoping that I'd changed my mind. But there was no way in hell I'd do that. I wanted to know what I was going on, and I wanted to know now.

"I'm not sure if you were aware, but you were three months pregnant, Roxas," he began cautiously, still watching me for a reaction. He seemed surprised when I remained quiet, waiting for him to continue. I mean… I was a little surprised, but at the same time, I kinda had a feeling. I just wouldn't let myself accept it. Puzzled, he started up again, afraid that I was going to suddenly mentally snap. "Roxas. It doesn't seem that you've come to understand, but your baby had to be removed," he gestured at where my stitches were underneath my clothing, and then I couldn't believe I hadn't realized.

"What! What the hell happened!" I demanded, jumping up from my bed. But a sharp pain ran through my lower body, making me collapse back onto the mattress. As you've come to notice, I wasn't exactly thrilled about having kids; not yet. But as the doctor's words slowly entered my mind and my blood ran cold, I couldn't help but suddenly have an unexplained affection for kids. Knowing that I truly was pregnant made everything I had felt in the past seem way out of proportion. This was different then guessing. I seriously had a baby growing inside of me. A baby that was apart of me. That changed everything.

"Unfortunately, your pregnancy was an ectopic one… It would've killed you if we'd left it inside of you. You both would have died…" he explained softly, trying to make things seem better considering he noticed that it was getting to me now.

I shook my head vigorously, "No! How did this happen! Wha-what did I do wrong!" I didn't mean for my voice to crack on that last sentence, but it did. I bit at my lip, awaiting an answer.

"There was nothing that you did wrong. An ectopic pregnancy can happen to anyone. Though the one thing you did do wrong was to not seek earlier medical attention. Surgery could have been prevented if the fetus hadn't grown large enough to cause the rupture of one of your reproductive organs," he stated.

I hung my head down, holding back remorseful tears. "How long am I going to be here for?" I answered, unwilling to speak about my lost child anymore. The doctor was right… There were things that were better off left unsaid.

"Recovery can take many months. You'll be able to walk before then, but I want to keep you here for the full six months of recovery. Scarring after this sort of thing takes that long to heal. So until then; no sex and no childbearing," the doctor simply said, marking off some things on a clipboard, "And also… I'm going to set up dates with some counsellors while you're here. An ectopic pregnancy does not only scar the body, but the mind as well."

I felt even more sadness consume me…

So now I was stuck in the nuthouse? Oh wait; I'd always been trapped here, being used as an experiment. So how was this any different?

Speaking of that, I'd just caught onto something the doctor had said. "Wait…" I breathed in slowly, "You do know what I am, right? You can't keep me from having sex. How the hell am I going to heal?"

A light smile came onto the doctor's face, as if he'd been expecting that question. He flashed a bottle of pills in my face, shaking them so they rattled in the transparent, cylinder shaped container as he said, "We've got special drugs made just for this kind of problem. These pills here halt a Bearer's reproductive organs for a full forty-eight hours time period each time they are taken- meaning no heat. So we just need to feed them to you every two days for the next six months, then you should be fine."

I have to admit, I was surprised by that. I didn't know the facility had pills that could keep us from going into heat. They were probably only ever used during emergencies…

I was hesitant to ask him the next question that came to my mind. "And… what about my future?" I asked him, trying to hide the worry from my voice, "I know how ruptures can effect fertility… am I still able to get pregnant?"

The doctor's nose crinkled, which couldn't be a good sign. He was grim as he spoke, "The surgeons did their best to preserve your organs. They managed to repair everything, so future pregnancies are possible…" he paused, reluctant to go on, "But… it is difficult to come out of this type of surgery unscathed. There is a high possibility that you will never be able to become pregnant again, unless you use IVF treatment. Yes, your chances of conceiving again have been reduced dramatically, but we won't know until you try. But be aware; after having an ectopic, it is likely that you will have another one, though this isn't always the case."

_Great… The bearer who's supposed to __**help **__with fertility problems is having fertility issues himself. How ironic. _

But really… that was only the cheery way to look at it. Deep down, the situation cut me deeply. I'd lost my first baby; my percentage of success in my future pregnancies; and possibly my mate. I loved Axel… and now, because of my issues, they'd probably take him away from me.

And I had to wait six months to know the truth! I would have to sit here for six months, drugging myself with those 'anti-heat' pills, unknowing of my fertility? I don't think so… There was no way I would wait for the answer to that. I had to know! But that's what I thought before too… and look what that brought on.

But that didn't stop me. I didn't mention anything to the doctor, but I bet heat was linked to my fertility. It was what told us that our reproductive organs were ready. So wouldn't that mean I should still be having heat if I was still fertile? And then if I was infertile, then I probably wouldn't get heat anymore. It seemed that way considering Sora had come up with that theory himself; using his own lack of heat as evidence. He believed that he was not getting his first heat because he was infertile. I wasn't admitting that I believed him. I just think it was an okay theory worthy to test out for this situation.

So a few days later, when the nurses and doctors trusted me considering I'd been a good patient so far, I decided not to take my pill. Believing that I'd take it, the nurse just smiled at me warmly, placing the pill and cup of water on my bedside table. I innocently smiled back, saying in an optimistic tone, "Thanks ma'am!"

Probably thinking about how sweet and honest I was, she pattered away. I drank a bit of the water, but then threw the pill under my hospital bed. Hopefully no one would find it there. Now all I needed to do was wait. I would, if I was still capable, be going into heat sometime in the next twenty-four hours. I didn't really think ahead of that… like, what I would do I if I DID go into heat. Would the pills stop it if I took one during heat? Or did it only count when I was in my normal state?

Damn…

Oh well, at the moment, this thought was more important.

"Roxas," the unforeseen call of my name startled me, making me drop the glass of water onto the floor. It made a piercing shriek as it collided with the hard tiled surface of the floor, shattering into numerous pieces. "Oh, I'm sorry," it was a nurse, "I didn't mean to alarm you. Are you okay?" She hurried over, quickly cleaning up the sparkly shards from the ground. "You didn't cut yourself?"

"Nope, I'm alright," I said sheepishly. Really, I was more sheepish about her nearly catching me. I didn't want to get caught not taking my pill. That would suck considering I was coming so close to getting away with it.

_Just don't look under the bed while you're down on your hands and knees, cleaning the broken cup… _That's what I continued to chant until she stood back up to my level.

"There we go," she chirped sweetly. It made me feel guilty for tricking her… well, somewhat tricking her. More like I was keeping secrets from these people.

"Yeah," I responded subconsciously.

She gave me a questionable look for a slight second, probably trying to interpret my tone. But before I knew it she was overly cheerful again, beaming at me as she practically sang, "Oh, and you've got a visitor. Because of your condition, we haven't allowed any for the first few days. But I think it should be alright now. Do you feel up to it?"

I shrugged, "Sure." Honestly, I didn't really feel like talking to anyone. I wasn't in the peachiest mood… But I guess anyone should feel depressed when they just lost apart of them… cause that's what it felt like to me. Oddly enough, I felt pretty empty now; no pun intended. And hey, drugs never helped with that sort of thing. Those 'anti-heat' pills made me sort of drowsy.

"Come on in," the nurse called towards the doorway, which was only opened slightly. Obviously, I knew who it was. But that didn't stop me from suddenly growing guilty, hanging my head down so I didn't have to look into his face as he cautiously made his way across the room.

The nurse then veered off towards the doorway, leaving the two of us in what would be an awkward silence for quite some time. At least that's what I thought. I knew _**I **_couldn't think of anything to say to the tall redhead who now loomed over my bedside. All I could do was listen to the racing thoughts in my mind. Being the curious person I was, the anxiety I felt added to many agonizing questions, such as; _'_

'_Does he hate me now?' _

'_Have I been replaced?' _

'_Is he blaming me for everything?' _

'_Is he glaring down at me this very second?' _

It was hard, but I managed to look up slowly, my eyes meeting his green ones. They wanted to dart away the moment they made contact, but for some reason they stayed locked in his emerald gaze. His eyes and expression were unreadable as he carefully sat himself on the rim of my hospital bed. When he still refused to speak, I became more discouraged, slowly letting my fixed stare drop away from him and look into my lap. My hands curled into tight, angry fists at my sides. And no, I wasn't angry with him. I was angry with myself.

"Axel…" I was surprised when his name escaped me quietly, so I brushed a finger against my lips wondering why I had to say anything at all. My voice was probably even too vulgar for him now, and that being just my voice.

Thoughts like those were probably the reason why I was startled when Axel's arms suddenly wrapped around me, taking me into a tight embrace. My eyes went wide and my fists unclenched, hanging loosely against my thighs. "Wha-" the gasp was almost silent as it came from my lips. I was too surprised and taken aback to even care about the pain the enduring grasp brought on.

"Roxas, are you alright?" Axel whispered in what seemed like a broken tone against the side of my neck. What? He was… upset? He wasn't angry with me? "I was so worried about you… I'm so sorry… you've had to suffer through this all by yourself. It must have been tormenting. But, I'm here now, okay?" His voice cracked, and I couldn't seem to recover from the shock his worry was bringing on. I continued to sit weakly in his embrace, my eyes still wide as they began to mist over. Was he crying too?

I finally bit my lip, squeezing my eyes shut as I brought my arms around him, holding back any sobs and gasps. Was this what it felt like to be loved for real? Even though this was putting our roles in a major jam, Axel was more concerned about _**me**_ and not about how useless I was now. I guess there was more to relationships then just worrying about our roles, even if everything about it was forced. Luckily for me, I'd slowly fallen in love with my mate, so I could understand that concept. But some Nobodies, who were completely unhappy with their mates, would never get to experience something such as loving someone for them and not because they had to. I'm not trying to say I was forcing myself to love Axel, because I wasn't. I would do the same for him if his role was in danger. I would continue loving him, just as he was doing for me. And now that I knew that his love for me came beyond circumstances of roles, I felt secure.

Just then, without realizing, I'd let myself break into tears, my hands gripping at the collar of his shirt at the nape of his neck. "Axel…" I managed to say thickly, "I love you."

Axel nuzzled his head deeper between my neck and shoulder, kissing my neck lightly. It was the first time I had ever said that to him. I'm not sure why… Even though I'd had feelings for him for the past few months, I had never bothered to say that I loved him. And now I knew how much it probably meant to him, just to say those simple but true words.

"Me too, Roxas… So much," he said softly, brushing a hand through my tangled blonde locks.

I swallowed thickly, feeling more tears sting at my eyes as a thought came into my head. They slowly fluttered shut from all the fluid in them. "I'm just…" my voice broke, "So, so sorry, Axel. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough… I wasn't strong enough to carry your children. I'm pathetic…"

Axel withdrew from me, looking into my face. "No! This isn't anyone's fault, Roxas. I know it's hard not to blame your body, but you have to understand; Ectopic pregnancies can happen to anyone. It has nothing to do with being 'strong' enough!" he shook his head violently, a firm grip on my shoulder. His eyes stared desperately at me, unwilling to break the stare unless I admitted that he was right.

But I couldn't help but feel guilt… My counsellor had actually talked to me about feeling guilty, and he'd said it was perfectly normal to feel that way after an ectopic. But he'd also said that was something we had to try and fix, considering many victims thought the same thing but it apparently wasn't true. But how could such a complicated pregnancy just happen! There MUST have been SOMETHING that I did wrong.

And even though the guilt didn't fade, I nodded my head in response to him anyway. But he could probably tell that I secretly thought otherwise considering he continued to pierce me with apprehensive eyes. But he soon hung his head down, as if trying to deny the desperate look in my own (most likely) troubled orbs. I forced myself to smile, though it probably looked weak. Bringing my hand up to mildly caress the side of his face, I whispered, "Don't be sad…"

Axel's hand came up to stroke the knuckles on mine. "I won't be sad as long as you're not sad, Roxy," he said softly.

"… I'll try."

But in the end, that would all depend on what happened within the next twenty-four hours.

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It was the next morning, which meant I only had a few hours left before I was to be labelled 'infertile.' My nerves raced, and I was totally anxious. I was restless. What if it never came? That concept just seemed… impossible to comprehend. I couldn't picture myself being unable to do what I was made for.

Would that mean I'd be disposed of? Or would I be taken away to some other wing in the facility; perhaps the wing where life was non-stop experimented on. I was a failed experiment, so they could just use me for other tests and crap.

Thoughts such as those were all that raced through my troubled mind. The outcome wouldn't leave me alone. That's why I was going crazy… I couldn't wait another minute for a sign to pop up. Why couldn't I just go into heat already (if I was even going to).

Considering that was all I could think about, I became absorbed. That's probably why I woke with a start when Sora's familiar voice reached my startled ears.

"Hey, Roxas. Long time no see," he smiled at me warmly.

It took me a second to realize that he was standing in the doorway to my hospital room. But when I recovered, I gasped, "Sora! Are you alright? How've you been?" I hadn't seen him since the time after my first heat when I was preparing to move in with Axel.

"I'm alright," his distant voice suddenly bubbled right up, "But don't worry about me. At the moment, you're the one who isn't one-hundred percent."

I sighed. Sora was too selfless. It was pretty obvious that he was lonely, and yet all he could concern himself with was my stupid pregnancy issues. I only hoped that he had his first heat soon. Then Riku would get to move in with him. He wouldn't be by himself… I didn't understand why they couldn't transfer Riku into Sora's room at a sooner time! What was the problem? But like Ven had told me soooo many times; those sorts of decisions weren't up to us. Xemnas was the government here. And that wouldn't be a democratic government, either.

"I'm doing better," I assured him, hoping that he'd take that as a promise.

He looked… uneasy though, as if something was troubling him. Something most likely was. I just hoped it wasn't my state that was making him anxious. I was already hurting enough people…

Sora's eyes stared down at the floor, his hands curling into tight fists at his sides. "That isn't what the nurses here told me," he said it so quietly that if it wasn't for the silence in the room, I wouldn't have been able to hear him, "Evidently, you've been speaking with a counsellor… and… you're blaming yourself for what happened."

I growled at the mentioning of it, turning my head away from him. He just HAD to bring that one up. "Only cause it's true," I retorted.

"Roxas! Cut it out!" Sora cried desperately, "Ectopic pregnancies just happen! Nothing is your fault! You just happened to be a victim!"

I couldn't help but huff at that response. Sora had no idea how much that stung. "_Just happened to be a victim?" _I repeated, though with a bitter snarl, "Sora! We're created for this! We're supposed to be nearly perfect when it comes to facing complications in a pregnancy. How come I just happened to be ectopic! My very existence is supposed to _reduce _the chances of a complicated pregnancy! I _obviously_ did something wrong!" My voice was coming out in an upset yell, which was why the nurses probably peeked into my room with puzzled, worried faces.

Sora closed his eyes, covering his face with his right hand. "Stop it…" he whispered. The tone of his voice would normally have broken my little heart, but this time I merely gritted my teeth together roughly, growing angrier with myself.

"Sir, I think you should leave…" one of the nurses said to Sora, walking over to him cautiously and placing a hand on his shoulder.

Sora nodded hesitantly, staring at me with watery eyes, "Yeah…" What he said next completely caught me by surprise. I hadn't even remembered. "Sorry I couldn't stay longer… on your fourteenth birthday."

With that, he stomped away, unwilling to look back. I just stared after him in shock. _Birthday_? Was it really my fourteenth already? I hadn't been keeping track, so I never even realized it. Ven and I were actually fourteen today… Ever since I'd had my first heat I'd lost track of time.

"Fourteen," I murmured to myself almost silently. Axel would want to know, no doubt. But I never told him considering it slipped my own mind. But Sora remembered… That thought made me smile lightly. Even though we didn't see each other often, Sora was always thinking about us. He was a good brother… and I'd been such a jerk back there. I sighed heavily.

I'd apologize to him later for sure. Though he wouldn't be coming back anytime soon. He probably did a lot just to come out and see me today. It wasn't easy for us Nobodies to gain permission when it came to wandering or leaving our dorms. And it must have been even harder considering Sora needed to leave the whole Nobody section and get to the emergency wing. It wasn't so hard for Axel though considering he was my mate. Xemnas didn't mind that at all. He **wanted **us to care for each other considering that meant things would run much more smoothly for him.

I took another deep breath, realizing that I was panting lightly. Man… it was hot in here. I carefully stumbled out of my bed, being cautious with my still-healing stitches, and opened the window nice and wide. I breathed in the snowy, outside air. It was refreshing… We rarely got any outdoor time, so whenever I had the chance, I liked to open a window and let the air wash over me. But this time, oddly enough, I didn't feel as chilled as I should have. Considering it was the winter and there was clearly snow on the ground, the slight breeze should have been cold, right?

But I continued to feel hot. I brushed a hand over my forehead gently, feeling a sweat build up. "Great," I muttered, "Am I getting sick with a fever now too?"

And that's when my words hit me. How had I been so idiotic! I was in heat! I'd gone into heat!

"Holy…" I couldn't stop the overwhelming joy from flowing through me. It was all so… it was an indescribable feeling. It made me feel ten times lighter somehow. I brought a hand up to scratch at my cheek sheepishly, realizing that I was growing pretty dizzy. But even the sickly feeling of heat couldn't stop the ecstasy that I felt.

I just had to tell Axel!

I ran the cheeriest I had ever ran. I probably looked the happiest I'd ever been too as I rushed out of my room and down the hallway into the waiting room area, and all in my bare feet as well.

"Where's Axel!" I demanded in a fit of excitement as soon as I made a sharp turn around towards the front of the secretary's desk. She stared at me, stunned.

"Wh-what are you doing!" she asked, horrified, "You shouldn't be running around!"

I bit at the inside of my cheek, hoping that she'd let me get Axel or at least bring him here. "I need Axel!" I said, "Can you get him for me, please?" I tried my best to sound demandingly desperate.

She continued to stare at me strangely as she stated, "As long as you get back into bed. I'll ask one of the nurses to bring him over right now…" she paused before dialling in a number on the phone beside her, "But why is it you need him? Are you alright?"

"I just…need to tell him something," my tone came out rather stiff… awkward.

The secretary eyed me for just a few more seconds before the phone regained her attention, but as she dialled in a bunch of numbers, she commanded that I wait in my room and relax. I merely nodded gratefully before dragging myself back to my room. Even through all of the excitement, my worn out body was beginning to grow drowsy.

I sat impatiently in my bed, tapping my fingers against the bed frame. When you really wanted to see someone and you were expecting them, time went by so slowly. It felt like forever until Axel finally walked through my doorway, looking quite worried. "Roxy…" he began, scrunching his nose, "You're going through heat… but why?"

I took another deep breath, standing up from the bed so that I could hug him. "Don't be mad… But I stopped taking those pills." His eyes narrowed at this, but I continued, "I couldn't wait six months, Axel. I needed to know if I could still get pregnant, and I think this answers that."

Axel's eyes widened, "You mean… you can still get pregnant?" I guess he hadn't thought of the connection between heat and fertility. But I guess that was no surprise. Duh… of course only bearers could figure that one out. I couldn't expect too much from a breeder… well, when it came to knowledge of a bearer's body anyway.

"Yeah… I think so," I smiled, digging my head into his chest. His body only tensed and he hesitantly wrapped his arms around my waist. His arms were shaking… and that's when I withdrew, just realizing that I was making it hard for Axel to control his instincts. Me throwing myself at him like that definitely wouldn't help him. I'd be strengthening the scent of my hair; my skin; the scent that heat gave off. All would add to the lust that he felt.

"Sorry…" I murmured sheepishly.

Axel shook his head, "No. Don't be sorry… this is great." His voice shook as strongly as his body, but I could still tell that he was as ecstatic about this as I was. Axel really wanted to be a father… even though we'd only opened up to each other a few months ago; I could still tell that about him.

And then something hit me. What now? I'd been so blinded by my thrill that I never came to think about what would happen after this… How would I stop this state of heat? My scarring was still healing.

Or maybe it wouldn't hurt me… just this one time.

I took Axel's hand, standing up on both of my tippy toes as I placed my lips over his, catching him in a lustful kiss. That seemed to turn him right on. He kissed back hungrily, slipping his tongue into my mouth- tasting me. I moaned into his mouth, wrapping my arms around him desirously as his own hands travelled up and down my hips and buttocks eagerly. I winced slightly when he pushed me down onto my bed, tasting the skin of my neck fiercely. I gasped, my hands tightening around his shoulders as he worked at undoing the zipper on my pants.

So this was what a breeder was like when they gave themselves to their instincts. Axel was being the most fierce that he'd ever been with me- to the point where it could be considered passionately rough, if that makes sense.

Once he'd peeled away my clothing, he began on his own, still touching and tasting me all at the same time. All the sensations were overwhelming. All the other times, Axel had made sure to keep to his own mind. But back then… we didn't exactly feel for each other that much anyway. Or at least, _**I **_didn't feel much for him. He was always careful because he was afraid of scaring me.

Just as Axel finished leaving a bunch of hot kisses on my neck and down my chest, his eyes suddenly widened dramatically. He threw himself off of the bed, stumbling to his feet, holding a hand to his mouth. His expression seemed horrified.

"Are you just _**trying**_ to hurt yourself!" Axel whispered in an angry tone, his green eyes now narrowing dangerously as his hand slowly drifted back down to his side.

I looked up at him, my own eyes narrowing, upset. "How else are we supposed to get me out of heat?" I snapped, "Besides, you won't hurt me… I trust you."

"You don't get it!" he spoke bitterly, "You're still healing, remember! I'll only hurt you!" His tone quieted down dramatically to a soft murmur, "And… you saw me back there. Your touches… I completely lose myself."

I tried to look sympathetic for him. But I needed to get him to understand. It wouldn't kill me if he just relieved me of heat this one time. I'd be fine. Forbidding sex was only a safety precaution for the first six months of healing. It wasn't entirely necessary. I'd be fine. Sure, it might hurt. But I'd have Axel. Everything would be fine…

"Please… What's worse; keeping me in this state for a long period of time, or possibly hurting me for just a little bit? I'll be fine; I promise," I assured him, smiling warmly.

He gave me a doubtful look, frowning somewhat. And then he took a huge breath, climbing back on top of me gently, soon brushing a light hand through my bangs, "If you're sure…" he seemed to choke, "But please… let me know if it hurts, okay?"

He gave me that same desperate stare that would not cease until I nodded my head slowly.

And then Axel took my body…

The first time he plunged into me, the sensation was convulsive; like a sudden, painful electric shock. And after that, everything was quite dizzying, and the sensations that I felt were overwhelmingly painful. I had my eyes squeezed shut the entire time, holding Axel as tightly as I possibly could. I remember hearing screaming… which were probably my own. Like I'd said- the whole thing really knocked me around (literally too, as bad as that sounds). I believe I blacked out at one point, considering everything was hard to remember… the only thing I could comprehend was dizziness and pain. It was nearly like one of those movie scenes where the screen was mainly black, but you could still hear the voices and sounds. You could still figure out exactly what was happening. That was how it kinda felt. That, or like a tape that kept cutting out into black.

"Axel…" I whimpered softly as I felt him withdraw. I tried to keep my hold on him, but as he stood, my fingers were peeled away from the skin of his shoulders that I'd been grasping onto so desperately.

He clothed me and tucked me into my blankets and then said with a dark expression and a low tone, "I told you that it'd only hurt you… Make sure to take your pills."

And with that, he was gone.

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**I seriously just noticed that this chapter was set in the month of December. Haha, I swear I didn't plan that! It's funny how it turned out that way. Have a great Christmas everbody! Be safe and make sure not to drink too much! ;P **


	17. In the end

**Hey everyone! How are ya all doing? I'm flattered that so many people are enjoying this story! I believe it has the most favs and alerts of any other fic I've written! Thanks to all of my readers, alerters, favouriters, and reviewers! I hope you all had a great winter break. Don't succumb to the horrors of school/work, now that we're back. xD I'm trying not to. I'm just looking forward to shopping for manga this weekend. XD**

**Enjoy! **

**Warning: yaoi, mpreg and loads of angst**

**Disclaimer: I don't own KH or the songs I use. **

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_**Sora **_(In the end) Late February 3001

_I tried so hard_

_And got so far_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

_I had to fall_

_To lose it all_

_But in the end_

_It doesn't even matter_

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It's not that I didn't want to see him. I was just anxious, that's all. I was scheduled to visit Riku that day, and I was completely dreading it. Like I'd said; it wasn't because I was upset with Riku or anything, but because I'd made up my mind. I was going to tell him about the circumstances that'd brought us together. I was nervous about what Riku's reaction would be. Would he think of _us_ differently? Would he refuse to be with me if the reasons merely revolved around business?

I seriously hoped not. I wanted Riku to see past all of that, just as I did. But I wouldn't know until I told him. I was telling myself that I had to say these things to him today. He deserved to know, didn't he? I found it too difficult to lie or keep secrets from him. It never felt right.

I couldn't exactly ease my anxiety either. I didn't really have much to do. I was kinda depressed… In the past, I'd been occupied by taking care of my brothers. They'd kept me so busy. Now they were gone, and I was left not knowing what to replace that with. My days went by slowly…

When the time to visit Riku came, I found myself forgetting all of my rehearsed lines. I didn't know what to say to him. This wouldn't go well… I'd end up saying everything in a rushed, overwhelming kind of way. When I entered Riku's room, he picked up on my shakiness almost immediately. He approached me as Axel watched us from his spot on the bottom bunk bed. His expression was unreadable- concerned for Roxas, who was still in the hospital, no doubt. It'd been months, and he was still there… It was hard for me to think of my younger brother as being in such a condition. But considering Rox's permanent residence was with Axel now, it was probably hurting him more at the moment…

"You okay, Sora?" Riku asked, rubbing at my arm gently.

I flashed a smile at him, pecking him on the lips. "I… just have something that I need to tell you," I tried to say casually. But Riku only grew more worried.

"Is everything okay?"

I nodded, peering over his shoulder to give Axel a desperate look. He got the hint, realizing that I didn't want him listening in on us. He gave a silent nod, averting his gaze soon after. He was probably only pretending not to eavesdrop… Oh well, I didn't overly mind. It wasn't something that was totally private. The others deserved to know as well. So if Axel caught what I was about to say, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I just didn't want him to tell Roxas. That would be a sensitive topic for him (the baby part of it) considering he'd just lost a baby of his own… If anyone told him everything about the secrets that Xemnas has been keeping, then I wanted that person to be me.

I took Riku's hand in mine, gazing into his eyes. "I found some things out about us that I need to share. I… overheard one of Xemnas' conversations." I let my fingers squeeze around his hand even tighter, our fingers intertwining.

"Go on…" Riku urged softly. I also felt Axel's stare on me again. What I'd said perked his attention. I guess he didn't trust Xemnas either.

I swallowed thickly, feeling my nerves race even faster. Come on… I had to tell him. And that time needed to be now. Cause if I didn't tell him now, then when would I tell him? I would always be scared of the outcome, so why not tell him sooner instead of later? It would free me from the nauseating curiosity…

"Riku…" I began in a whisper, "I overheard Xemnas talking about why we're matched up to a certain someone. It's not what I thought it was… It all has to do with some business that Xemnas has made out for us."

Before I could continue, Riku's hands shot up to grab my shoulders roughly. His expression formed into a tense, angry one. "Business! What are you suggesting!" he snapped, giving my body a light shake.

I closed my eyes tightly, unwilling to look at his furious expression. I couldn't tell if it was me he was irritated with, or Xemnas. Judging by the gestures, I was beginning to believe it was me. But I still forced myself to continue… "Xemnas… he chooses certain Nobodies to be matched up to one another based on his clients. People from the outside world are paying him large sums of money for him to pair us up depending on what genes that client requested, whether they were similar to theirs or they wanted their baby to look a certain way. We're doing all of this and gaining nothing! He's lying to us, forcing us into relationships and then he steals away our children, selling them to whomever the hells on his damned waiting list!" That must have been the angriest I'd ever been with the facility. I wasn't sure whether Riku was stunned at the business concept, with my sudden flare of anger, or maybe both.

Be he slowly removed his hands from my tense shoulders, saying in a whispery voice, "We do gain something, Sora…" He paused, as if hoping that I'd catch onto what he was attempting to suggest. But I remained silent, my last bit of wrath evaporating, leaving me hollow. "At least _we've_ gained something," he added, "We have gained each other. Sure, for others the whole process might be un-rewarding. But for me, I'm just glad that I have you. And as long as we love each other, then nothing else matters."

Riku's words left me speechless. Yes, I was happy… but it just didn't feel real. I had imagined a different outcome. But maybe I was underestimating Riku's feelings… I was doubting him. I should've known that Riku would answer that way. I knew he loved me, and that our feelings went beyond this stupid mate selection theory.

I managed to smile at him, "You're right, Riku. Just because that happened to be the reason for our binding, doesn't mean that we have to let that interfere with our real relationship. Screw Xemnas and this facility." I threw myself into Riku's arms and he wrapped them around my body securely, "I won't let them influence me anymore." I felt Riku nod against the top of my head, and I only buried my head into his chest even deeper, closing my eyes.

"Is that true…?" Axel suddenly asked, a dark edge to his tone. I guess he wasn't as accepting of this, "I mean about the children? We can't keep and raise them ourselves?"

I brought my head up to stare at the grave redhead from over Riku's shoulder. I didn't know what to tell him. It seemed that he wanted to father his own children. But that wasn't likely. "Axel… I'm sorry."

Axel's eyes grew melancholy as he brought his hand up to rest against his forehead. When he spoke, his tone matched his expression, "But… Roxas. He… he's been trying so hard to get pregnant for us, even after everything that's happened to him. He's trying for _us_! Not _them_!"

"What do you mean he's been trying so hard to get pregnant? You guys are trying at it again? But isn't Roxas still healing?" I asked curiously, baffled by his choice of words.

Axel winced, as if he'd said something that he shouldn't have. But he didn't hesitate to answer me considering it was my brother we were discussing. "No. He's not ready to go off the anti-heat pills just yet. I mean, he's determined on trying once he's better. He's actually beginning to grow attached to his role; he WANTS to get pregnant… And…" he paused, "A few months ago, he stopped taking the pills because he wanted to know if he could still go into heat. He was worried…"

I nodded, glad that Roxas was finally accepting his future. It was even better knowing that he was looking forward to getting pregnant for real. I guess his ectopic had opened his eyes… though the hard way. But now this new change in his attitude would only make it harder for me to tell him the truth. It would break his heart to lose a baby again… But at least he and Axel would have one another. They would emotionally support each other.

"Don't worry, buddy… I'm sure if you guys stay _passionate_ and all, you'll be popping out enough babies for everyone- including yourselves," Riku half teased, half encouraged. I only hit his arm. I didn't want to hear him talking about my youngest brother that way.

To my surprise, Riku earned a snicker from Axel. Wow, I didn't expect Axel to take that very kindly… But now that I clearly noticed Axel's expression as he stood up from his shelter on the bottom bunk, I picked up on his bitter expression. "Easy for you to say, Riku," he continued to laugh darkly, "You've never given a damn about kids! You couldn't care less!"

"Well maybe I'm not a twenty-four year old man!" Riku snapped back, receiving a snarl from Axel.

I tried to hold Riku back when he attempted to lunge at Axel after the redhead stopped in front of him, looming over him with a menacing glare. "Guys, come on. Just stop it," I urged them. But Riku merely huffed as Axel tapped at his shoulder in a light push. Riku broke free from my hold, lashing his own arms out in a more forceful shove.

"Shouldn't have done that!" Axel growled, taking Riku into a death grip and throwing him down onto the floor.

"Riku!" I cried, kneeling next to him, "Axel, cut it out!"

But then Riku picked himself off the ground, throwing himself (along with several punches) at Axel. From there, their grunts and actions became uncontrollable. "Guys!" I continued to yell, flustered by their silly bickering. And before I knew it, things became much worse. A guard slammed through the door, sedative in hand.

"What the hell is going on in here!" they demanded in a husky voice. But then they caught sight of Axel and Riku swinging punches at each other. And before I knew it, the guard had tackled Axel (being the larger of the two) down to the floor, quickly injecting the sedative into him. He seemed to be restrained almost instantly, completely numbing out.

Riku's aquatic eyes widened and he stepped away from the guard. "Okay! I'm done!" he said, putting his hands up to look more peaceful.

The guard kept a wary eye on him, coming up to me and placing a firm hand on my shoulder, "Are you alright? Are these breeders fighting one another because you're in heat?" they asked me urgently, continuing to leer at Riku from the corner of their eyes.

I shook my head, "No! No, they were just arguing for the sake of arguing." Though I wouldn't have minded if it was what the guard had suggested… It was about time for me. But unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

"Oh, alright. Sorry about that," they apologized, gesturing towards the fallen Axel, "I was taking precautionary actions. I know how crazy these breeders can get sometimes."

He didn't show it, but that must have stung for Riku… It wasn't his fault that he had lustful hormones. If we had the option, the majority of us would have chosen to live normal lives like the Somebodies outside. But I guess that's why we were the Nobodies and they were the Somebodies. They actually meant something… As for us… well, no one gave a damn.

When the guard left, picking up the emotionless Axel and placing him on the bed first though, Riku pulled a sheepish face as he approached me. "Sorry about that, Sora…" he chuckled awkwardly, "Axel and I can get rough sometimes."

I sighed, shaking my head at him, "I see that…"

And with that, Riku took my chin in his hand, some of his fingers stroking the skin of my throat gently. "Are you mad at me now?" Riku attempted an innocent voice, but I found it kinda funny, "Cause if you are I have to butter you up…" I was just about to chuckle and say, 'Well, Axel had to pay for it. But I guess I can forgive you,' but Riku silenced me by placing a deep kiss on my lips. My face probably flushed a beet red colour considering Riku caught me off guard. We normally just pecked each other because we'd agreed that we wouldn't be overly intimate until I reached my final point of sexual maturity. Which was taking it's damned time…

We withdrew, staring into each other's faces. Still holding my chin in place, Riku whispered, "I love it when you blush like that…"

I blinked a few times, holding back a smile, "Why?"

"Because you're cute," he finished, leaning into my ear. If I were like one of those in-love girls in the movies, this would be the time where I'd continue to blush uncontrollably, freeze up, and prepare to faint… I flashed a bright smile at him and remained beet red, but I never passed out.

"Riku…" I murmured, resting my head against his shoulder. I wanted us to stay this way. I never wanted to doubt Riku again. Not because of our roles… not because of this facility. I would do just about anything to keep it that way.

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March 3001

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Several weeks later, I managed to talk the staff into giving me another visit with Roxas. Of course they had to pass that by Xemnas, which normally took several more days after the proposal. But luckily he allowed it. Which was good… I needed to fix things up with Roxas. The last time I'd seen him, we ended up in a brother vs. brother squabble. Hopefully he'd forgiven me for that by now.

And when I was there, I was also planning on telling Roxas the truth; what I'd told Riku already. Though remembering what Axel had said, it didn't sound like he'd be as accepting.

I didn't want to even think about his reaction. For all the years that I had cared and roomed with Roxas, he'd never once shown any signs of affection towards the idea of his children or pregnancies. But apparently that'd changed now that he'd grown up. And as I mentioned before; his ectopic pregnancy may have made him realize this the hard way. Seeing my brother in a state of despair over children would tug at my heart strings. Being his older brother, I HAD to be strong for him, but at the same time I didn't know how I'd face him.

This would be even more difficult then facing Riku.

And should I add that there was another complication that popped up when I was escorted to Roxas' caring room? When I walked into his room, taking a deep breath before I did so, I realized that Roxas' face was flushed and his thick eye lashes were glued together.

He'd been crying?

I probably looked worried as I approached him, appearing from the doorway. His eyes widened in surprise when he noticed me. "Sora!" he stammered, startled, "H-how are you?" I nodded with a forced smile. I didn't want him to think of our fight from last visit. I wanted to move on with other issues. Such as why he looked so distressed. Roxas bit at his lip suddenly- A habit he had whenever he got overly stressed or upset or regretful. "Sora…" he hesitated, "I'm … sorry about the last time I saw you. I know it's been a few months since then, but I still feel bad for it. It wasn't fair for me to snap at you."

I shook my head at him, "Don't worry about it. Let's not allow our thoughts to linger on that."

Roxas flashed one of his quick, rare smiles at me. "You're right," he said warmly.

I was cautious for a second, but then I let my facial expression form into a serious one. I knew it was risky considering I could upset him all over again (and on my second time seeing him too), but he needed to know.

"Roxas," I began in an expressionless tone, catching his attention, "I have to tell you something about us. About what comes after childbearing." I paused so that I could let my words slowly sink into him. Like I'd said, (or like Axel had said), childbearing was a sensitive topic for him now. He looked a little worried, his eyebrows pointing upwards, but he didn't seem hurt.

I could tell him.

"What? What is it?" Roxas asked, swallowing thickly after his voice cracked.

Dammit… Or maybe he wasn't ready. But either way, I had to tell him now. Anytime after his healing period, which would only last for a few more months now, Roxas would once again generate the chances of becoming pregnant. This concerned him a lot more then it concerned me. "Roxas…The mate selection theory… It's more corrupt then I thought," I explained, his eyes narrowing as his features grew tenser, "We aren't paired up with someone because we were meant to be with them. Xemnas has us chained; selecting certain breeders for certain bearers based on genes."

"What are you getting at?" his tone had a dangerous edge to it as he clenched his teeth.

"What I'm trying to say is that Xemnas wants our babies so that he can sell them to his 'customers' depending on what set of genes they requested for. We…" I squeezed my eyes shut, not knowing if I could bear the look this would bring to my poor brother's face, "We lose our children to business. Nobodies… we can't raise them ourselves."

Even though Roxas was completely silent, I still kept my eyes shut. I couldn't imagine the look on his face… and I didn't want to know. I expected hurt, sadness, maybe even signs of guilt (considering he always managed to blame himself), but I never thought he'd be enraged.

"How do you know this!" Roxas demanded angrily, raising his voice.

"I overheard Xemnas…" I admitted, opening my eyes slightly. But I kept my head down. Though that didn't stop his glower from burning into me. I could feel it piercing me.

Roxas grunted and I noticed his hand curl into a fist around the fabric of his blankets from the corner of my eye. "Tell me it's a lie," he was practically whispering now. But when he didn't receive an answer from me, he cried out desperately, "Sora! Tell me it isn't true! Please!"

The sound of his distraught yet drained of any hope-like tone sent chills down my spine, making me feel numb as his voice continued to crack at the edges of my heart. He so badly wanted me to lie to him, to tell him that everything was okay when it wasn't. And yet, being his brother, I couldn't bring myself to add to his denial. The feeling left me completely speechless.

It occurred to me that Roxas was crying the next time he made another heart breaking plea. His voice continued to break as he yelled, tears now running down his still desperate yet dejected face, "It can't be right! Tell me otherwise! Sora, please!" I felt my body begin to shake, and right when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, he yelled in a tearful outburst more loudly then the rest, "I'm pregnant!"

I slowly turned my head to stare at him fully, my eyes wide and my mouth opened slightly. "P-pregnant?" the almost silent words escaped my lips. It seemed like forever until one of us spoke again. I continued to eye him, stunned. While Roxas brought a hand over his face, hiding the worsening tears as low sobs came from him. During my recovery time I realized something. "But… but when did you get pregnant? How?"

"I don't know! It must have been during that time where I didn't take my pills…" Roxas managed to say quietly, his hand still concealing his face, "That was three months ago… so I'm three months pregnant. I just found out after one of the nurses tested it for me today."

This made sense… That's why Roxas was crying before I came; he'd recently found out. At the time, the tears that I'd mistaken for distressed tears were most likely tears of joy.

"But…" he clenched his teeth again, anger and frustration enveloping his facial features yet again, "I'm not letting them take away my baby! They're not having it! I won't lose anymore! I can't…"

I still didn't know what to say to him, especially considering he was only going to make this more difficult for himself by talking the way he did. So I did what any big brother could do; I sat on the edge of his bed and took his hand in mine, promising him that everything would be okay as I lent him a shoulder to shed the rest of his tears on…

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**I bet you guys are wondering when this is going to get happier? Sorry, I'm an angst writer... Not that there won't be ANY happier scenes. It's just kinda hard to fit in a happy scene right now. With what's going on, it just wouldn't seem right. Sorry if I'm breaking more hearts. DX Please review for me! I have to know what people think. I'm such a curious person. **


	18. Let go pt 1

**Hey! I know it's been forever, and I hope that you guys are still reading this- even if I am a horrible updater. DX That, and I guess this story is just so damned emo. XP Hehee... hopefully everyone is bearing with me. ^^;; Anyway, enough of that. It was so weird going back to this story and re-reading/editing this chapter. It's been such a long time since I wrote it, and it was just totally bizarre going back to it all. It was almost like I was a reader myself. I forgot so much. But I'm lucky, cause I already had this entire story written a long time ago, so it's not like I'm forgetting but still writing for it. XD I could only imagine how messy it would be. Oh, and of course I just have to say this out of pure glee- BBS is FINALLY out, and coming to America very soon! :3 When I first started this story, all we had for BBS was the secret ending. I hardly knew Terra, Aqua and Ven at all. I wanted them in my story anyway though. So yeah, basically sorry if they're really OC. I made Ventus such a rebellious little troublemaker in this. XD I guess I'd be pretty pissed if I was in his situation though. I'm sure if it weren't for Xemnas and his dumb rules, Ven would be his sweet and adorable little self.**

**Warning: m-preg and yaoi**

**Disclaimer: I don't own KH or the songs I use.**

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_**Roxas**_ (Let Go- Part One) April 3001

_I don't wanna be afraid_

_I don't wanna run away_

_I don't want to be here fading_

_It's more then I can take_

_I'm never gonna be the same_

_I threw it all away_

_I don't want to be here fading_

_Just let go_

_Look what you do to me_

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I was entering my fourth month of pregnancy, and being employees at the facility (no matter how kind they seemed), the nurses had to let Xemnas know. Of course that meant Xemnas had his own plans for me. Apparently, he wanted to move me out of the medical center and take me straight to some specialized wing for the professional care of the pregnant. The head doctor didn't see a problem with it considering I'd been healing quite well, even if it hadn't been the full six months. I'd be fine once it was time for delivery anyway.

So yeah… I waved goodbye to the medical room that'd served as my home for the past several months, taking the few belongings that I had in there; Such as some of the photos I'd kept in there of my brothers; the now wilted flowers that Xemnas had let Axel have to give to me from his last visit (which was a month ago now); and some candies that I still had.

As I mentioned before, Axel hadn't come to see me for about a month now. He didn't even know that I was pregnant. I wanted to let him know, but when Sora came to see me, I'd told him to keep it a secret from him. I wanted Axel to hear it from me. Though that wasn't likely considering I'd had no visitors for a month. The doctors at the medical center had never allowed it. They wanted me to stay the healthiest I could be. No stress. And they'd accused me of having exactly that from Sora's last visit. Pfft, like they knew anything. I wasn't stressed. I was upset with Sora's warning. It had disturbed me…

If anything, they were only stressing me out by isolating me from the people I cared about. And as if things couldn't get any worse, Xemnas had told me that during my stay in the pregnancy wing, Axel wasn't allowed to see me. Why the hell not! I wanted to see Axel more then anything… I'd only grow lonely and depressed if I was locked away with a bunch of professional doctors, kept away from my lover- the father of this baby! He had every right to see me!

Man… and I thought staying in the medical wing for all those months was worth getting melancholy over. This would be hell… Xemnas and the stupid doctors were just _trying_ to punish me, wanting revenge for all the times I'd refused to listen. Right about then, I wanted to set up a dart board, tape a picture of Xemnas to it, and make his lame ass forehead the bulls-eye. That would be a perfect game for de-stressing myself. It _nearly _sounded as good as getting to see my friends again.

So, when I was released from the medical ward, a guard came to meet me. They were going to escort me to wherever this pregnancy center was. I looked up at him as we went through the waiting room area, exiting the entire wing through a pair of large doors. Now we were out in some long, neutral coloured hall that I'd never been in before. Well… I might have, but I was unconscious at the time…

Hmmm… Maybe this guard didn't know about Xemnas' rule about me not seeing Axel. I continued to stare at him until my continuous gaze caught his attention. When it did, I innocently said, "Do you think I could make a quick stop to my room first?"

"Sorry. But Xemnas' orders are to take you straight to the pregnancy care center. I can't allow you to make any detours," he explained. I merely sighed, knowing that I probably couldn't outrun him if I was desperate enough to make a run for it. I guess I had to follow him… knowing that I wouldn't see Axel or anyone else for that matter in the next five-ish months.

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It wasn't exactly hard to get comfortable in my new room at the pregnancy ward. It was kinda cozy. It was mid-sized, and completely white- even the furniture and the loose clothes that were given to me. I was instructed to put them on, even though they weren't very different from the ones I wore at the caring center.

The room had two beds in it, each placed at the west wall, facing out from it. They were beside each other, a bedside table being the only thing between them. And then there was to the opposite wall of the one that contained the beds, a television. Besides those, the room was pretty empty. Asides from furniture, there were two long windows on both the north and south walls. One window, the one on the far north wall, gave off a nice view to the outside. That window also had an elegant white curtain that descended in a graceful flow.

The other window looked more like a type of safety glass. This one gave me a view of the hallway we'd just walked in from. It, like the other window, took up most of the long, rectangular wall. Lastly, a door to the bathroom was on the east wall, the same wall where the television was placed.

I might have been alone, but at least I had a nice room, I guess… with a TV too. Hopefully this one had better cable then the one back in my dorm room.

Oh, and did I forget to mention that the door to my room, which was obviously to the left side of the window, was a sliding door with a password? And the pad to press in the numbers was on the other side of the door? I was locked in here.

After the guard left, I thought I'd be able to have some time to think to myself, but of course that couldn't be the case. I heard someone typing in the password to my room, and then the door slid open and a doctor with a white coat walked in, holding a clipboard. He had narrow features and visible cheekbones. His pale blonde hair was long and pieces of it flowed over his shoulders.

Another followed in after him. Unlike the guy who I guessed was a doctor, the other was younger. He had the same outfit as me too. It was obvious that he was also a patient here just as I was. It was evident that this blonde guy was pregnant considering his stomach bulged out. It was much larger then the small bump that I had. My baggy clothes could easily conceal it, and even what I had on now. He must have been a few months ahead of me.

"Hello, you must be Roxas. I am doctor Vexen," the older man said, approaching me where I sat on one of the beds, "I understand that you are four months pregnant. I will be your doctor for the remainder of your stay here." He paused, glancing at his clipboard for a brief second as he extended his arm out towards me, "If you would please come with me…"

I was a little hesitant to respond, standing up from the bed cautiously. And that's when the doctor said, "I won't bite. I only want to conduct a few simple tests."

I followed him outside of the room, a little nervous. I also noticed that the blonde kid who'd went in with the doctor remained in my room. Did that mean he was staying there as well? If so, that'd be great! I wouldn't go insane due to loneliness. But I could figure that out later. At the moment, I was beginning to wonder what kinds of tests this guy wanted to use me for. During the three years dedicated towards education, we hadn't been taught a thing about pregnancy. As you may have already figured out, I wasn't exactly fond of the unknown.

Once we walked down a narrow hall that went deeper into the pregnancy-care ward, Vexen brought me into an office. It must have been his office considering it was totally doctor-like. There was a desk and two chairs in the right corner, and then one of those examination beds in the center. Various pieces of medical equipment were also scattered throughout the room.

"If you would please sit down," said, gesturing towards the table-like bed in the center of the room.

I obeyed, climbing up onto it, letting my legs dangle off the edge as the doctor rummaged around his office, collecting different pieces of equipment. I shuddered when I noticed him holding something that looked a lot like a needle. I hoped he didn't need to use that…

He pulled a little TV-table like thing towards the bed where I sat, placing the equipment in a tray that was on it. "Alright, Roxas," he said, rolling my left sleeve up and dabbing the skin of my inner elbow with a damp cotton ball, "I'm just going to give you a blood test to start, and then afterwards I'd like for you to produce a urine sample for me. It's to test for any infections."

I nodded my head, trying to keep my eyes away from the needle that Vexen now held in his hand. "Keep your arm still, and try not to flex your muscles once the needle is under your skin. This will prevent the prick you'll feel from turning into pain," he instructed.

The reminder only made me try even harder to ignore it, especially when I felt the sudden prick on the area where he'd rubbed that stuff on. I froze up at first, making it sting a little, but I soon took Dr. Vexen's advice and tried to relax my posture.

"All done," he suddenly informed me, and the uncomfortable pressure left my arm. I looked up just in time to see Dr. Vexen transferring my taken blood through a thin tube and into several different viles. He then walked away from where I sat, placing the sealed viles into a small fridge that was placed in one of the corners of the room. Dr. Vexen came back to his spot, placing a band-aid over the punctured patch of skin. "Now if you'd please," he took a container from the tray and passed it to me.

I jumped off the bed, and Dr. Vexen showed me the way to the closest bathroom. We all know what happened in there, so the next thing I did was enter the office once again and pass Dr. Vexen the container.

"Thank you," he said, taking it from me, "Now if you would please lay yourself down on the examination bed. I want to give you an ultrasound. I know the nurses of the medical wing already performed one, but I'd like to see for myself considering I am a specialist."

I guess he didn't trust the nurses from the medical ward…

So I listened to him, climbing back onto the bed and laying myself down onto it. I flinched when the doctor's fingers lightly brushed against the sensitive skin of my stomach as he pulled my shirt up, rolling it up just far enough to expose the small bump which was my belly.

"I understand that you were once ectopic," Dr. Vexen mentioned, rubbing a cold, greenish gel on my unconcealed stomach, "That fact is going to make me keep an even closer eye on you."

That made me feel more secure. I didn't know if I could pull myself through another loss such as that.

"And there's your baby," Dr. Vexen announced after another minute. He sounded fascinated as he said, "My, doesn't the magnificent bundle of joy just look so healthy. I haven't seen one this healthy in ages."

His compliment brought a smile to my face, and I slowly brought my gaze to the side where I could see the screen that my baby's image was shown on. I didn't know how to read the strange, wave-like lines, but when the sight of my baby and my eyes locked, I couldn't help but gasp. It was somehow… beautiful. I became overwhelmed by it all, my throat closed up as tears formed in the corners of my eyes.

"If only Axel were here…" I whispered, my eyes unable to look away.

"Your mate?" Dr. Vexen inquired. Surprisingly, he shook his head, saying, "I don't understand why Xemnas separates you guys when you're undergoing pregnant care. But I don't question. I just do my job."

"Yeah…" I breathed, beginning to fall into a daze.

Before I knew it, Dr. Vexen switched off the ultrasound machine, informing that I was finished. I could go back to my room. But even as we walked back down the hall, I was still distracted. I didn't snap out of it until we stood at the electronic sliding door that would let me into my room once the code was entered. Dr. Vexen placed a firm hand on my shoulder, commenting on my pregnancy further.

"Are you having any problems with morning sickness? If so, I have plenty of medications that you can take to soothe your stomach. We also have some ginger tea if you would prefer that," he suggested.

However, I shook my head at him, "No thank you. It's rather mild. I'm fine." It was definitely a lot better then the last time I was pregnant.

"Alright then," Dr. Vexen said as he put in the password. I went into my room, noticing that the other guy was still there. Did that mean he was going to continue rooming with me? That would be good. It'd give me someone to speak with, and maybe I could even ask him some questions about what to expect. He was probably more knowledgeable about pregnancies then me. As I'd stated before, this guy looked a lot bigger then me. Older too. So maybe this wasn't his first time.

The moment I entered our room, he turned towards me, his expression looking welcoming enough. His turquoise eyes held a friendly appearance. At the moment, he was quietly sitting on one of the beds, but he soon stood up to greet me with a jubilant smile.

"Hello. You're Roxas, right? My name is Demyx," the blonde introduced himself.

I tried to smile back, but I didn't find it easy to speak with strangers. "Cool, nice to meet you, Demyx. Looks like we're pregnancy buddies."

"Yeah! Awesome, isn't it? I've been here by myself for so long… I'm glad that you're finally here!" Demyx replied excitedly, "I'm just starting my seventh month."

He took my hand, leading me towards one of the beds and then we sat down from there. "Tell me," he continued, "Are you on your fourth month? That's what Dr. Vexen said."

I nodded, and for once I didn't mind opening up to a complete stranger. I trusted him. Maybe because he was the only one who understood what I was going through… It seemed nice knowing that I had him to turn to. I would have liked to have Axel with me, but at least I wasn't entirely alone. Besides, I was sure Demyx was missing his mate (that is if they accepted one another) greatly as well. I had to stop doing that… I was trying to stop acting (and thinking) selfishly. By feeling sorry for myself I would only move farther away from the change I wanted.

"So…" Demyx began to speak once again, his expression growing sympathetic, "Are you scared?"

I didn't normally admit such a thing, but when I spoke I couldn't help but say, "A little bit."

Demyx smiled softly at me. "Don't worry. I'm guessing this is your first time, so of course it seems scary," he suddenly paused, adding in a panic, "I'm not trying to be stereotypical! You just seem really young, that's all! I wouldn't think that you've been through this before."

"No offense taken. This is my first time. I'm only fourteen. I'll be fifteen in eight months," I explained, showing him that there was no need for any apologies or frantic behaviours.

But instead of looking relieved, Demyx formed an overly shocked expression, his turquoise eyes widening dramatically. "Wha! You're only fourteen! And you've only been fourteen for four months! Holy cow, when did you have your first heat? How can you be pregnant already!"

I scratched my head sheepishly, "I was only thirteen. I was off by over four months. But I got it early."

"Wow, I've never heard of that before," Demyx responded, still taken aback. Heehee, was I really that different? No one else had gotten their first heat early? Just me?

After that, I didn't exactly know what else to say… so I was glad when Demyx decided to keep talking. He seemed like an easy person to speak with. "So, who's your mate? I probably haven't heard of him, but it can't hurt to talk about them," he paused, his voice growing low, "You must miss your mate, huh? You've never had to be separated from him."

"Yeah…" I whispered, but I made myself brighten up, "My mate is Axel. He's a tall redhead. He's kinda ill-tempered but he's also sweet."

Demyx laughed, "Sounds interesting. Mine is a short guy named Zexion."

We'd never heard of each others mates, but it was still nice to be able to talk about them. It helped for us to realize that Demyx and I were in a similar situation. We both missed our mates, though I'm sure it was harder for Demyx considering he'd been without his mate for nearly seven months. We shared as much as we could about them, talking until the late evening rolled in. At this point, I began to realize that I hardly knew anything about Axel at all. All I really knew was that Axel liked spicy stuff, he despised the cold (at the time he was probably hinting at my cold shoulder), and that his favourite colour was red. Oh, and that he was in love with me. Asides from that, all I really knew was his physical appearance and a bit of his personality considering I had those few months before all this to open up to him.

That conversation made it aware that I wanted to get to know so much more about him once I was outta there. Yeah… After another five-ish months.

Our discussion soon came to an end when I suddenly noticed something from outside the window- the one that led out into the hall. I turned my full attention to it carefully as Demyx began to stare as well.

There was a girl standing outside the window, staring in on us, her expression unreadable. I'd never seen a girl in real life before. Only on pictures and clips from the TV. It was odd seeing her so closely. But at the same time, she gave me a warm feeling. She was so… delicate looking. Kind of… pretty. Like an angel.

She wore a pure, but short, white dress which was probably what made her seem so angelic. Along with her beauty anyway. She had long-ish blonde hair, and it was flipped over her right shoulder. Her eyes were bright, nearly the same shade of blue as mine.

"Who is she?" I found myself asking.

Demyx stood up from the bed, placing one hand on his hip and the other behind his head, scratching at it gently, "I don't know. This is the first time I've seen her."

"Oh… That's strange," I quietly murmured, "I thought that she might be a Nobody. There's something familiar about her…"

Demyx cocked his head to the side, blinking a few times, "Really? That's weird."

With that, I mumbled another, 'yeah,' and then announced that I was ready for bed. I didn't look back at the window to see whether that girl was still watching us. I just laid myself into bed, tucking myself in as I closed my eyes.

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I wasn't normally the deepest sleeper. Whenever a loud enough sound reached my sensitive ears, I would wake up with a start; my eyes snapping open immediately. That's exactly what happened that night. A loud tapping sound startled me and my eyes snapped open to be greeted by the dark room, the stars and moon being the only thing to offer me some light.

I realized that it was raining outside, and the raindrops clapped against the window loudly. At first I thought that's what'd woken me up. But then another louder tapping sound echoed throughout the room. I noticed that the sound came from the hallway window.

Oh my god… Was that girl _still_ there!

I slowly turned my gaze towards the window, afraid of what I'd see. But when my eyes locked with the source of the sound, they widened and I jumped up from my bed, running over to the window.

"Axel!" I cried, putting my hands against the glass's surface. The glass was thin enough for us to hear each other, though our voices were muffled. "What are you doing here!" I couldn't hide the thrill that I felt.

Axel pressed his own palms against the transparent surface, desperation in his green eyes, "Roxas! I just… I had to see you!" he paused, "I can't believe you're pregnant. I mean, even after that complicated surgery… You're amazing, Roxas!"

Amazing? I wouldn't call myself that… But the compliment kinda made me blush.

"Axel…" I whispered his name delightfully just for the sake of saying it. Axel smiled warmly in response, though his features soon grew melancholy. "Wha-what is it?" I asked him worriedly.

Axel hesitated, but one of his hands clenched into a fist against the glass. "I'm guessing Sora told you… about what happens to the children after they're born."

That made me understand where his sudden sadness came from, and I couldn't help but grow depressed myself. "Axel… I promise you that I won't let them take our kid. I won't!" I swore to him, my voice forming into a fierce one.

He forced another smile, bowing his head down as if to hide his face away. "Roxas… I'm happy."

"Axel…" I couldn't help but grow emotional when I began to explain what I'd seen earlier that day, "I… I saw our baby today. One of the doctors gave me an ultrasound, and I saw. I mean, it's too early to know the gender and all… but in about another month, if I get to see you again, I can get another one and let you know."

Axel's own expression twisted into an overwhelmed one, as if he didn't know how to feel. Though I heard him say expressionlessly, "I wish I could've been there with you…"

I knew he was upset. He wanted to help me through this, and he also wanted to be able to be included in the few things we could do that involved our baby. I felt sorry for him… Unlike me, he would never be able to see the ultrasound. That just wasn't fair, and nothing I said could make him feel better.

"It's okay," I reassured him.

But just as a weak smile was creeping onto his face, a guard suddenly tackled him down to the floor, injecting some sort of sedative into him. "There you are. Xemnas thought you'd come here."

"AXEL!" I screamed, hoping that he was alright, "Get off him!"

The guards simply ignored me, dragging him away. I let my hand fall away from the glass slowly, and I turned around, my back resting against it as I grew weak; my body sagging until it hit the floor.

Demyx, who'd awakened due to my loud pleas, hurried to my side, kneeling down beside me while he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "It's alright… Don't cry," he hushed me quietly.

I shook my head pathetically, "But it's my fault! What if they punish him for sneaking out? What if he gets hurt?"

I couldn't stand that thought. It made my body go numb…

"Don't worry. Everything will be okay."

Oh, if only that were true…

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**I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! It's a part one of three. So there'll be a lot of Roxas. XD Please review! I just NEED to know what you guys think!**


	19. Let go pt 2

**Hey! Again, it's been awhile. I always manage to occupy myself with so many things that I completely lose track of updating. I'm so bad at this, lol. XD I started writing a new story too. It's a Terra-Ven fic. I'm getting all hyped for the American release of BBS and had to write something for those two. They're already in this story, though when I was writing it, it was before we knew anything about their personalities. XD So my other fic is probably more accurate. I'm thinking about posting it, but then again I'd rather put more time into concentrating on this story first. I'll hopefully have the time to update more frequently. It seems I'm kinda sick and I need to stay at home for a while- a month minimum. With my brother at school and my parents working during the day, that'll leave me alone in the mornings and part of the early afternoon. I'll probably write a lot whenever I'm not keeping up with a few easy chores. With writing, I'll probably also think about updating more. I don't want to promise anything just in case. But I'm hoping that I can do that for you guys. I want to take advantage of the time I have, even if it's not under the best circumstances. Anyway, enough of my blabbering. I hope you all enjoy the chapter, even if it is rather short and maybe even depressing. God, what's with me and angst? **

**Warning: Yaoi, mpreg, and angst. To some, this chapter may seem quite brutal once it nears the end. Though I'm sure if you guys couldn't handle angst, you wouldn't be this far. Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the song I used in the chapter. I don't own Disney/ Square enix's characters either. I can only pretend... or dream. XD**

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_**Roxas**_ (Let Go- Part Two) August 3001

_I don't wanna be afraid_

_I don't wanna run away_

_I don't want to be here fading_

_It's more then I can take_

_I'm never gonna be the same_

_I threw it all away_

_I don't want to be here fading_

_Just let go (look what you do to me) _

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For nearly four and a half months I waited for Axel to possibly show up again. I was around eight and a half months pregnant, and yet I hadn't seen Axel at all. I refused to have the doctor tell me the gender of my baby… I didn't want to know- not without Axel.

My stomach was incredibly enormous now. A lot of people would've complained about it, but I loved to be reminded of my child. He or she was growing inside of me, developing more and more with each passing day. They were apparently really healthy. But who wouldn't be with the strict, nutritious diet that I'd been put on?

You've probably figured out what happened to Demyx. Obviously he'd gone into labour and had his baby just a few months ago. He was probably with his mate now. He was happy again. I felt glad for him, but it was hard to see him go. I didn't know if I'd ever see him again… It was hard considering he'd been such a good friend to me. He was the only person who I could talk to. We understood each other, and kept one another away from the bottomless pit of loneliness. And now that he was gone, nothing was keeping me from thinking. And whenever I thought too much, especially about my upcoming child, I would get depressed. Now that I was past eight months, I was beginning to grow anxious. I needed to know where my baby was going after he or she was born.

I had to know.

But in the mean time, it was just another ordinary morning. My eyes fluttered open, greeted by the rays from the August morning sun. I slowly sat up in my bed, stroking my bloated stomach gently. At first, when I'd been given this medical uniform, it'd been loose. But now it felt tight against my enlarged stomach.

"Good morning, baby," I softly murmured, standing up as I continued to grasp onto my belly.

Obviously (just like everything else), pregnancies came with their pros and cons. Yes, I was thrilled with my pregnancy. It was wonderful knowing that life, a life that would forever be connected to me, was flourishing inside of me. The thought gave me a warm kinda fuzzy feeling. But then, at the same time, it was annoying having a sensitive bladder… And of course having touchier emotions wasn't that great. But none of that could even compare to the affection that I felt. I would never trade being pregnant for anything.

After I changed into a different uniform and ate a breakfast that Vexen made especially for me, I ended up having nothing to do but think. I could've lounged around; be a lazy pregnant person and watch some movies on TV, but I'd had enough of TV to last me a lifetime. I'd never been much of a TV person. The only movies that Vexen could offer, unless one happened to be on TV, were some educational ones that discussed the different months of a pregnancy and what to expect. I'd already watched them all… twice!

So yeah… Being quite pregnant and all (and you're probably getting so tired of hearing about that), I couldn't help but fear for my baby. Every time I let myself think (as you've most likely figured out already), I would always be reminded of that fear. It wouldn't leave me alone. Now that I was this close to having my baby, I couldn't let it pass me by. Time wouldn't stay still; not for me. I needed to take action…

There had to be something that I could do to prevent the taking of my baby. The first thing I needed to do was gain more information on what was 'fated' to happen to them; where my baby might go. I promised Axel that everything would be okay… and I intended to keep that promise.

Hell, maybe I was being blinded by my little family fantasy. But I didn't care! It would be me and Axel who took care of this baby, and no one else. I wouldn't allow for it. And like my brother, for once, I would take action.

I'd decided.

Somehow (I still hadn't figured it out yet) I would sneak out of this place and find those documents that Ventus had mentioned. They were in Xemnas' office, so now it was merely the problem of getting there. I'd be observant of my opportunities, starting now.

In order to think of an idea, I decided to pace around the room. Maybe pumping some blood through my body using movement would help me come up with something. I managed to walk a few laps around the room. That is, until my baby decided to give me a swift kick, sending me lunging forward in surprise. I reached for something to support me, and managed to catch myself on the hall window, my hands pressing against it as my feet remained further from the wall, keeping me in a leaning position.

I took a step closer to the wall, relieving my spine. Extending it like that with my huge stomach made it ache.

"God, baby…" one of my hands left the window and caressed my belly, "What are you trying to do?" I chuckled lightly. The feeling of my baby kicking like that always made me smile, no matter how startling it could be.

I brought my gaze back up, about to remove my hand from the window. And that's when it hit me! The window! It was safety glass! I could break out through that. It wouldn't be hard to smash, and it wouldn't cut me either, being safety glass and all. It would merely shatter into a bunch of dull, ball-like shards.

"Perfect," I breathed to myself, another smile flickering onto my lips. Sure, someone was bound to hear the sharp sound of breaking glass and come running, but that just meant that I had to make a rapid getaway. It could work…

And that's exactly what I decided to do. I removed the lamp that sat itself on the beside table's surface, and somehow (yes, even with an eight and a half month pregnant stomach and the spine of a sixty year old) I managed to pick the small table up and throw it through the window. It broke into pieces immediately, spewing its dull remains all over the room and hall beyond. I jumped through the window and quickly ran down the hall, down the way I remembered.

Once I reached the medical center, I had to start guessing. I'd been unconscious when I'd been taken from my dorm room to the medical ward. But it couldn't be too hard. Not if I made sure to keep away from any wandering guards.

It wasn't as complicated as I thought to find where I wanted to go. As soon as I'd reached it, I recognized the Nobody wing right away. It was impossible to forget the dorm rooms that we'd lived in for so long. And then there was the quarantined room of course. No Nobody could forget that.

So yeah, I magically avoided all of the guards and somehow made it to Xemnas' office. Wow, and you'd think maybe someone would notice some huge, pregnant kid wandering around. And hey; Bonus. Xemnas wasn't in his office.

Was it just me, or was I having too much good luck? That obviously meant that bad luck was getting ready to show it's ugly face to me.

I scanned the room. It wasn't exactly vast; Just a cozy little office that merely contained a desk and a file cabinet. The information was most likely in the cabinet. That would make sense. So, naturally, that was the first place I checked. But just as I was about to slide the cabinet open, I suddenly heard voices. Familiar voices.

I quickly threw myself behind Xemnas' desk, frantic.

Saix and Xemnas then entered the room, blabbering on about something. I didn't catch on until I heard them state my name in their little chat. "Roxas Yuki… why is he always stirring up trouble here! I'm beginning to think that it was a mistake to choose such a troublesome child to be one of my Bearers… Of all the brats to choose from!"

Yuki? I had a last name? What was going on? I mean, they'd obviously been told about my escape, but I'd never heard my name used like that before. Nobodies didn't have last names because we were non-existent to the government. Surnames weren't necessary. And what was this about being one of many to choose from? It didn't make sense…

"I wouldn't worry, master Xemnas. A boy who carries an eight and a half month old child within him can't be too hard to track down. And once I find him, I will ensure that he receives a brutal punishment," Saix replied in that cold tone that he seemed to have. His words sent chills down my spine. I didn't want to know what sort of 'brutal punishment' he had in mind.

After more rambling about how annoying I was, they were gone. I was just glad that Xemnas had never looked behind the desk. I couldn't get caught now. I waited a few more minutes, making sure that they were seriously gone.

Yet again, I made my way to the cabinet. This time I got to open it, and I let my hands help themselves to the different papers that contained information on us. When I found one that had my number on it, I pulled it out, my eyes and mind hungry for it's knowledge.

But before I could read it, I heard more people approaching…

Xemnas and Saix were back. Again, I hid myself, trying to keep my breathes quiet, though I was distraught. Realizing that I'd have to wait, I jammed the paper containing the hopefully valuable information into my pant pocket.

"I wonder what his motive is…" Xemnas said in a low, unreadable voice, "I wonder if he found something out…"

"About the truth to their existence?" Saix proposed.

If I wasn't in hiding, I would've said,' Damn right, pal.' I'd found out their secret alright.

Xemnas sighed, "I hope not. He's the worst person to figure such a thing out. I don't want any of them knowing about their true identities."

Identities? Now there was something new? I guess I hadn't dug up all their secrets after all. Not yet. What the hell were they hiding? I needed to know. Hopefully they said more… Or maybe this was something I'd prefer not knowing.

"Right. If they knew that they were not created at all, but merely altered within their mother's womb, then things might get troublesome. I like how they're like dolls who perform your every will. It would be irritating if they grew a conscience now," Saix laughed to himself, as if that explanation was supposed to be hilarious.

But that's the last thing I felt towards it. I felt stunned… angry… betrayed even. Our whole existence had been a lie? We were never created at all! Xemnas altered people before birth, making them into his illegal experiments! I couldn't bear it. The anger bubbled to the surface of my mind, totally blinding me.

"Do you kidnap us from our mothers and fathers too!" I shouted, revealing myself by standing up. Xemnas and his right hand man looked as if they may have a heart attack, startled by my sudden appearance. They probably realized that they were completely screwed over. I'd heard their plan, and nothing was going to stop me from telling everyone else about it!

"Well, say something you bastards!"

"Roxas… There you are," Saix smirked. He didn't even feel intimidated by my intense, out of control anger. Oh, he'd be sorry for that.

I narrowed my eyes, hissing, "Oh, don't think I heard your little discussion? Well I did! Every last bloody word of it! And guess what; you and no one else will stop me from spreading the word. I'll tell everyone!"

Xemnas scowled, but Saix remained calm, taking large, menacing steps towards me. I wouldn't show him fear… I couldn't. But then his hand lashed out and he grabbed onto my arm roughly, dragging me away from the office and throwing and locking me in the quarantined room.

"Let me out, you bastards!" I screamed, banging on the door with all my might. Oh, there was no way they could lock me up, not without hearing it from me. I continued to slam my fist against the door. After only a few more seconds, the door swung open with a strong force, knocking me to the ground as Saix marched in, dragging in with him another.

Before I could pick myself up, Saix yanked me up by the hair, earning a yelp that turned into a shriek from me. I tried to hold back the screams by gritting my teeth together painfully, but whimpers still escaped me. "This is what you get, brat!" Saix hissed into my ear acidly. Axel, the other who Saix had brought in here, stared at me wordlessly, his eyes directed towards my pregnant belly.

But when Saix tossed me like a rag doll onto the bed, making me gasp and groan. Axel begged, "No! Saix, stop it! Don't hurt Roxas!"

Saix chuckled unpleasantly, chaining me to the mattress, "Oh, I'm not hurting Roxas… The baby growing inside of him is far too precious. I can't risk harming it."

My eyes widened. Did that mean-

"I'm hurting _you_, Axel."

With that, Saix launched himself at my redheaded mate, giving him a hard blow to the chest. Axel fell down onto his knees, coughing violently.

"NOOO! AXEL!" I screamed, thrashing from where I lay. I had to break free! My mind raced as Saix continued to beat at him, sending him to the ground as his foot continuously smashed into Axel's sides. Blood rolled down from his mouth, dripping from his chin and onto the cracked concrete below. "STOP IT!"

Saix didn't listen, and I felt my eyes mist over. It wasn't until I blinked again that the tears actually fell and my lip quivered. "LEAVE HIM ALONE! HE'LL DIE!" My heart froze over when Axel continued to take the kicks, his body unmoving on the hard, cold concrete.

"Maybe this will teach you to keep your mouth shut. Tell me that you're going to tell everyone our little secret now," Saix threatened, preparing to kick him again.

My throat closed up, but I managed to speak, though my tone was thick from tears. "I promise! I won't tell anyone! Just please! Leave Axel alone!" I cried desperately, willing to do anything in order to keep Axel alive.

He couldn't leave me…

Saix laughed loudly, sweeping a hand through his long, blue hair. "You're really not as tough as you try to be. Deep down, you're just a coward. So in that case, why don't you beg me to spare him? Oh, and don't forget to beg for Axel's forgiveness as well. This is your fault after all, you demonic little brat."

I froze where I laid chained, my body shaking violently. He was right… The tears worsened, falling down from my face uncontrollably as sobs that I wanted to go unheard came from me. I couldn't help but close my eyes tightly because of all the stinging tears. I let my hands clench into fists at my sides. I didn't care if my nails made deep, bloody gashes on my palms as they dug into my skin.

This was my fault. If it weren't for me…

"Beg," Saix commanded.

I swallowed thickly, trying to stop the tears considering they would only make my voice break. They wouldn't cease though. They kept coming and coming… Still, I forced myself to speak, "Don't hurt Axel… And… I beg for his forgiveness; I'm so, so sorry Axel. Everything… it's my own fault." I couldn't believe those words were actually coming out of my mouth. Deep down, I knew this was wrong of me. But at the same time, Saix had managed to take my confidence in his hand and squeeze at it until it cracked in half…

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**Sorry to update with a chapter like that. I personally don't like it all that much, but couldn't bring myself to re-write it or change it up. Hmmmm, what to say? I feel like talking about Rox for some reason. I don't believe I really stated this in any of the chapters before, but I wanted to explain Roxas' sudden need for his kid and for Axel too. I mean, Roxas never really liked kids or wanted to think about them before. It happened after his ectopic and the possibility of losing his child-bearing ability forever. You're not exactly grateful for something until you lose it. Also, he's so delighted with it all particularly in this chapter because he's lonely. After Demyx left, he was on his own. But as his baby grew bigger, Roxas realized that he had his baby as a companion- his only companion. It's all that's keeping him sane, in a way. As for his relationship with Axel, it all started once Roxas realized he was pregnant with his first child (the ectopic one). He knew much earlier then anyone else, and refused to admit that he was pregnant out loud. But he did know. Feeling scared and unable to make himself deny it, Roxas grew more dependent of Axel. He didn't want to be alone with a baby that he didn't want. He craved support and security, which he searched for in Axel. Though he never intended to fall in love with him, he did as they began to spend more time together. lol, why am I going on and on so much today? I'm in such a chatty mood. I better stop typing before I decide to talk about Roxas more. That, or move onto something else. **

**Please update and share your thoughts and comments! I love hearing from everyone! :)  
**


	20. Let go pt 3

**Finally! Part three! Dum, dum, dum! I hope you guys enjoy it! I had fun editing it and stuff. I still think it's so weird going back and reading it all over. It's fun though! Well, it might be fun for me. But it's totally not fun for poor Roxas and Axel, along with the other characters. I wanted to warn everyone that the next few chapters are gonna be incredibly angsty. After this, everything is gonna get brutal. I'm not sure how much angst you can all take, but I just don't want anyone to get too depressed or upset. But even if things are totally terrible for certain characters in the next bit, remember that there will be happier chapters too. I might love angst, but even I couldn't do what I've done and just continue on that way the whole story. Anyway, enjoy this chapter! **

**Warning: yaoi, mpreg and angst! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Kingdom hearts characters/ final fantasy characters. I don't own the song I used either! **

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_**Roxas**_ (Let go- Part Three) August 3001

_I don't wanna be afraid_

_I don't wanna run away_

_I don't want to be here fading_

_It's more then I can take_

_I'm never gonna be the same_

_I threw it all away_

_I don't want to be here fading_

_Just let go_

_Look what you do to me_

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"He was an emotional train wreck when he came back to my care!" I heard Vexen snap from outside of my room at the pregnancy care center. I couldn't help but pull my knees towards my chest even tighter, especially when the one who Vexen argued with spoke up.

Xemnas huffed, "That is none of your-"

However, Vexen was quick to cut him off, "This one has always been a little quiet, but I've always seen a strong will in him- a dedication, if you will. But ever since he came back from whatever the hell you did to him, he hasn't been the same! He's depressed. Do you think that's any good for his pregnancy? And what about you? Is that how you work? By slowly draining their confidence away?"

Even though having someone stick up for me should have brought a smile to my face, I only continued to feel numb. I wanted to keep it this way. If I tried to avoid my emotions then I wouldn't have to get close to anyone. They wouldn't get hurt because of me. And I wouldn't have to feel afraid anymore either.

I wouldn't have to deal.

I didn't even want to deal with the documents I'd stolen from Xemnas' office. The document had been shoved under my pillow, and I still hadn't looked at it… Even if it held vital information about what would happen to my baby once it was born, I didn't want to bring myself to care. If I did that, then Axel might get hurt because of me… again. That is, if he was still alive. I didn't get to know what had become of my mate.

If it wasn't for the numbness taping my heart together, I'd be bleeding my feelings out, and the pain would have been agonizing. Accepting the numbness was another selfish decision on my part. No matter how much I wanted to change, I never would. I was a selfish, unwanted brat who hurt everyone by just existing.

I buried my head into my knees as best as I could (it was uncomfortable with my stomach), allowing depression to eat away at whatever was left of me. Like I'd said before: deep down a part of me knew feeling that way was wrong. It wasn't good. But I felt as if there was nothing more I could do but feel that way.

Whatever remained of Xemnas and Vexen's discussion went unheard. I didn't hear them anymore… I was in my own world, continuing to feed the numbness through melancholy thoughts so that it wouldn't leave. It was the only thing protecting me from heartache. There was just too much… too many things happening all at once. And I was all alone. Or maybe that's what I deserved. I couldn't get close to people, otherwise I'd hurt them. Just like I'd hurt Axel.

Just then, before I even had time to react, my barrier was broken. My eyes snapped open when someone grabbed my shoulder, causing my head to jerk up. The emotional pain came to me with a rush as I stared up into Dr. Vexen's face. I couldn't handle it.

"Roxas…" Dr. Vexen began in a quiet voice, noticing my startled expression, "Don't worry. Your mate, Axel; he is fine. He'll be one-hundred percent again before you know it. He's just a little roughened up."

Axel… He was okay? A hint of relief flowed through me, and somehow I felt lighter as the sad feelings began to weigh less. But the decrease in confidence and my intense guilt still remained.

"Roxas, I know it's hard, but try not to let yourself get so discouraged. It isn't good for the baby. And everything will be okay. Axel is fine, and now they should know not to mistreat you like this again," Vexen assured me, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze. I forced myself to nod, and Dr. Vexen gave me a crooked smile, withdrawing.

Once he left, I felt a little hollow- like I didn't know how to feel. It wasn't like before. I didn't feel overly depressed, like how I normally got whenever something upset me… but more empty. Maybe I was just bored. Taking it as so, I laid down on my bed, thinking a bit more as one of my hands protectively placed itself over my stomach. It didn't take very long for me to grow tired of thinking… In the end, all of my thoughts went back to Axel. So I gave up on that, letting my eyes flutter shut. Maybe if I let sleep consume me I could get away from the confusing emptiness.

And then when I woke up again, I could feel normal. Just like other times where I needed to sleep on thoughts until I could make sense of them.

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When I woke up, my thoughts were a lot clearer then I thought they would be. I knew exactly what I wanted. All I wanted was Axel and my baby. That's all. But that was too much to ask for in a prison such as this one. So to get what I wanted, I needed to leave. I wanted to runaway.

Yeah. Easier said then done, right? But I was smart. I had plans. The things I could plan ahead for would be a cinch. The hard part to running away would be getting out of the building itself. I'd never left the facility before either. I had no idea where I was. All I could see from outside of my room's window was the cleared area around the facility where there were small gardens and scattered shrubs. Beyond that, all I could see was the huge towering trees of a forest. So even if I did manage to escape, how far would I get? It didn't seem like a realistic plan… not at all. But I was still set on it. I would try.

I had to…

"I'll think of something," I murmured, partly to myself and partly to my baby as I stroked the surface of my belly, my other hand placed on my hip as I climbed out of bed and onto my feet. Man… my stomach was only getting bigger and bigger with each passing day, which meant more pain for my old back. At least I _felt _old.

If Axel was here he could've massaged it for me… Vexen had offered, but I'd lied to him and told him that I was totally fine. Heh, I wish.

"You're sure moving a lot, baby," I commented with a chuckle, walking over to the window so I could stare out from it, continuing to brush a hand over my belly. I couldn't stop doing that for some reason…

One of his or her kicks brought a gasp from my lips, and I froze for a moment, but quickly recovered. "Man, you're sure being rough today. Did mom do something wrong?" I smiled when I received a few more kicks, as if in response, "That's right. You don't like it when mommy sleeps, do you?"

I suddenly remembered some of the thoughts that I'd had when I'd first gotten here. I remembered feeling lonely, but when I found out that Demyx was here I felt so much better. "There was no need to feel that way," I murmured, "It may have felt like that at the time, but really, I was never alone." I stared down at my stomach, which (if it weren't for being altered at birth) would have been an unnatural size for a boy, "You were always there."

It was true.

And I would always be there for my baby…

That reminded me… the document. That should have information on my baby. Even if I couldn't escape right away, I hopefully had the name of the place where they would be taking him or her.

I hurried over to my bed, lifting my pillow and pulling out the crumbled piece of paper. I carefully unfolded it, wanting to avoid any rips that would make it harder to read.

I was surprised. When I spread it out with my hands, taking in it's contents, there was actually quite a bit of information. This was exactly how it read;

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Nobody number XIII: Roxas Yuki

_Roxas Yuki was altered while he continued to develop within his biological mother's womb. No money was paid. Roxas Yuki was recorded to be a stillborn in all legal documentation, allowing any government officials to live ignorant of his successful transfer to Laboratory twenty-one. _

First name: Roxas

Surname: Yuki

Nobody type: Bearer

Sex: Male

Date of birth: December 9th

Blood type: B

Eye colour: Blue

Hair colour: Blonde

Place of birth: Twilight town hospital

Biological mother: Ran Yuki (deceased)

Biological father: Emil Yuki

Sibling(s): Sora and Ventus Yuki

Health issues: Ectopic pregnancy

Easily depressed (mother was the same)

First heat: Yes (at the age of thirteen)

Successful pregnancies: Yes (1)

Chosen mate: Axel Matsuda

Client: Olette and Pence Naoko

Amount paid: $50,000

Residence: Twilight town tram common 153

Request: (check mark what is acceptable)

Hair- Brunette: Blonde:  X  Redhead:  X  Other: _

Eyes- Brown:  X  Blue:  X  Green:  X  Hazel: _ Other: _

Month of expectation: September

State of health: Besides being easily discouraged and having an ectopic, Roxas Yuki is in good condition. He is expected to deliver several healthy babies.

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I threw the document to the floor, narrowing my eyes. So Xemnas WAS planning on selling my baby to some rich couple! The thought made me sick… Pay Xemnas fifty-thousand dollars so he can steal my baby from me. I'm sure that would make whoever the hell Pence and Olette were happy!

It still felt as if I could rip the document apart through my frustration, but I bent down to pick it up so that I could put it under my pillow again. I may have hated how they treated me like some business toy (especially on that document), but I needed it. I had to remember the home of the clients. That is, if I didn't runaway first.

I found it kind of ironic how the clients under my name lived in the town where I myself was born. Maybe… (as unrealistic as it sounds) I could meet my dad sometime too. I mean, maybe he didn't live in Twilight town anymore, but I could give it a try. Though… that might be difficult. He thought I was dead, and continued believing so for the last fourteen years. The same for Ven and Sora too.

It was kind of discouraging to see that my mother was dead. I would have liked to have met her. For some reason it got me a little more upset then it should have. Probably because she reminded me of my own becoming of a mother, and how unbearable it would feel to be separated from my baby… I wondered if my mom felt the same way I did towards my baby when Ventus and I were inside of her stomach.

It was kind of an emotional thought to me…

But I didn't have much time to think about her. I froze up again, my baby sending me a flurry of kicks. I tried to laugh lightly as I brought my hand back onto my stomach, but I found myself gasping, taking a sharp breath. And then an even sharper pain then my baby moving shocked me, seeming to quake through my whole body. My legs seemed to turn into jelly underneath me, making me sag onto the floor. I groaned, grasping onto my stomach tightly as I clenched my teeth together.

Damn… What was going on? This couldn't be labour. Not yet! I wasn't nine months!

"Baby, what are you doing to me?" I managed to whimper, my mind racing. I needed to get to Vexen! He'd know what the matter with me was. I did my best to crawl over to the bedside table. Underneath the lamp, there was an emergency button that we could press. Then someone would come to the room ASAP to see what the big 'emergency' was.

This seemed like one to me!

When I made it over to the bedside table from the window, the sudden intense pain came back at it's strongest again. It took me a second to recover, and then I threw my arm skyward so that I could pull myself up using the bed's edge. By some means I did it, sitting myself on the rim as I took in another sharp breath. I picked the lamp up and pushed the button fiercely, and it sent some sort of silent alarm to some device I guess.

My mind was showered with relief and security when Dr. Vexen (or at least I hoped it was him), punched in the password numbers. I rocked myself eagerly, biting at my lip as one hand gripped my stomach and the other grasped the edge of the bed. I was sitting as patiently as I possibly could.

I could feel sweat breakout on my forehead as I groaned along with another wave of limitless agony.

And then Dr. Vexen was in! The door slid open and he hurried to my side. "What's wrong, Roxas? You pressed the emergency button…"

"_Something's_ wrong," I breathed out, removing the hand from my belly and bringing it down onto the bed's edge, just like the other hand.

Dr. Vexen's expression twisted into one of doubt and concern- somewhere in between there. "You are entering the first stage of labour…" he said calmly, sitting down beside me and checking me over. I shook my head.

"No. It's too early," I responded.

But Vexen stood up, heading back towards the doorway. "I promise I'll be right back. I'm not going to make you walk to the delivery room. Not like this. I'm going to get a stretcher and warn my assistants!" he paused, "And don't panic if your water breaks. It's completely normal."

Delivery room! The breaking of my water!

I shook my head again, growing distressed as he disappeared from my room and out into the hall. "No!" I cried after him, picking myself up off the bed and standing up, "Nothing like that will be happening! I'm not in labour! It's probably one of those fake ones caused by stress! I'm only eight and a half or whatever months!"

Just then, there was a loud 'whoosh,' as if someone was dumping water in a bucket. But that's not what it was at all… My pants felt soaked, but my body paralyzed itself, unable to look down at the floor below. The _now-wet floor_, should I say. A whimper came from my lips as I held my head high, resisting the temptation of looking downward.

In the end, I slowly let my gaze lower.

"Ewww… That's so gross," I quietly whined, my face twisting itself into a look of distaste.

I continued to stand there, disabled until Dr. Vexen stopped outside of my door with a stretcher on wheels. He opened the door, eagerly waving me over. And then he noticed the mess… His green eyes widened greatly, and he only became more frantic, "Hurry! Come, so I can strap you onto the stretcher!"

I stumbled my way over, got on the stretcher, and let Dr. Vexen strap me in. I continued to groan, the fluorescent lights blurring by as Dr. Vexen rushed down the hallway, taking me to the delivery room.

It was hard to concentrate on anything but the dreadful contractions, but I tried to think to myself; think about how I'd be able to see Axel again after this, and how I would finally get to see my baby… It would be great.

We crashed through the large swinging doors of the delivery room, and I was quickly unstrapped and removed from the stretcher. I was instructed to change into the gown that one of the doctors had given to me. With some help, I threw off the other clothes I had and slipped the gown on. From there, they helped me onto a bed, commanding that I sit or lay (whichever one) with my knees raised and my legs spread apart so that they could keep an eye on how many centimetres my birth canal had dilated.

Apparently, I still had several hours until I would be ready to push, and my contractions were mild at the moment. They'd grow more violent once I reached the second stage… which would be where I pushed.

Bullshit!

I was in enough pain! I didn't want it to get worse! My head was so messed up and jumbled with rapid thoughts that I couldn't remember the name of that stupid needle thing that'd been mentioned on one of those educational movies I'd watched.

I laid in the bed, groaning, and crying out, and complaining… This was going on forever. Why wouldn't it end! But more and more hours passed by, and I think I was about to ask someone to shoot me when suddenly Vexen announced, "You have dilated enough. You're ready to push, Roxas!"

I did my best to nod my head, breathing in and out loudly and unsteadily.

"Aaaaahhhh!" I half roared, half screamed when Vexen instructed me to push along with the unbearable, double the pain, contractions. I had to repeat this several times, and with each push I found it more difficult. I was exhausted, and I didn't know how much longer I could do this for. I gritted my teeth, repositioning my uncomfortable body.

"Come on, Roxas… You can do it," Dr. Vexen continued to encourage softly. He had been the entire time.

His words helped me become dedicated once again. So when the next contraction came onto me like a forceful wave, I pushed with what was left of my stamina. "Grrrraaaaahhhhhhhh!" I roared again, panting uncontrollably afterwards. Once that period passed, I asked breathlessly, "How much more?"

Vexen smiled kindly, "You've nearly got the head out. Just a bit more, okay?"

Just the head! Then I still had to push out the body, one arm at a time, and then the legs too! I couldn't do it… I just couldn't. I was done.

"I can't do it," I whimpered. I may have had Dr. Vexen for encouragement… but I didn't have a hand to squeeze the living crap out of. The father of my baby wasn't here.

"I want Axel."

"Come on, Roxas. You're nearly done. Don't give up now!" the other doctors began.

They were right. This wasn't about me! Like I'd said, I'd had enough with making selfish decisions. This was for my baby! Screw how I felt!

I nodded to them tiredly, continuing to push until I thought a vein might pop. I cursed a few times, still screaming fiercely with each push/contraction. But I was sure the doctors had heard worse, so I didn't hold back.

In the end, all of the sweat and pain was worth it. When I let my head fall back against the pillow, brushing a hand through my damp hair once I felt the last of my baby slip out from my body, it was worth it.

The doctors cut the umbilical cord that was attached to my baby, and when I heard my baby's shrill cry fill the crowded room, I couldn't keep the light smile from my face.

"Your beautiful little baby is a girl," Vexen whispered.

I opened my eyes to see Vexen holding my baby in his arms with a pale pink blanket wrapped around her. I sat up in my bed, staring at her. She was gorgeous… I brought my hands out from under the blankets, wanting to hold her. So I hesitantly asked, "I… I know you have to take her away…" I choked, "But… could I please hold her."

Vexen smiled, placing my baby into my arms carefully, "Of course. You're her biological mother after all."

I flashed a smile back at him, soon lowering my gaze so that I could look down into my little girl's face. She had little bits of thin blonde hair growing from her head- the same colour as mine. And she stared up at me curiously with Axel-green eyes. Her eyes locked with mine. "I know you probably can't keep this name," I glanced up at Vexen who eyed me warmly, "But I'm going to call you Kohana…" I stroked the top of her head gently.

"I'll make sure to let Xemnas know. And the ones who will adopt her will have the choice of keeping it or not," Vexen told me.

A huge smile lit up my face. The doctors here were sure a lot nicer then the guards and other employees down in the Nobody ward. They treated us in a way that could define our name; Nobody. But the people here treated me like I mattered. They listened, and sometimes they even gave me options.

"Thank you," I beamed, sounding extremely grateful as I cuddled Kohana closer to my chest.

But happiness never lasted.

Knowing that I may never see her again, there could never be enough time where I could just hold her. So when Xemnas, with a few following guards, burst into the delivery room and snatched my baby from my arms, I couldn't help but become panicked! What if I didn't get to hold her again! No! They wouldn't take her!

"Get this baby checked for any health issues," Xemnas ordered, passing Kohana to one of the doctors. That doctor then hurried out of the room, taking Kohana to who knows where. "Do you people not understand that we have a client to satisfy! Let's get this baby ready now!"

My eyes began to collect unwanted tears, and my throat grew thick. "No!" I screamed, "Bring her back! Please, don't take her away from me!"

Xemnas' glare jerked in my direction. "Roxas…" his hand lashed out to grab at my chin roughly, forcing me to look into his face, "You're only a tool; nothing more. Even if you wanted to, you could never be fit to be a mother." His grip on me suddenly withdrew, and I let my head hang down as tears began to fall onto my shaking hands that sat in my lap.

Wasn't fit to be a mother? He couldn't choose that! This was my freaking kid! I got to choose; no one else!

"Take Roxas to his dorm room immediately," Xemnas hissed venomously, "Do you fools not realize the mistake you made? You should never have showed Roxas that baby. He may be a Nobody, but even he is capable of forming emotional attachments with his children."

My fist shook stronger with hatred. And just as Xemnas exited the room, I yelled after him, "I HATE YOU!"

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When I was shoved into my dorm room, I was in depressed mode again. Axel and Riku were different. They looked delighted when they approached me.

I fought back tears, clenching my fist. No matter how glad they were to get their room mate back, I couldn't bring myself to feel happiness; not until I saw my baby again. All I felt was sadness and the desire for comfort. So I threw myself at Axel, wrapping my arms around him tightly.

"Axel…" I whimpered, unable to keep the tears away anymore. At first, he was a little shocked, but it didn't take long for him to embrace me securely, understanding where my heartache and misery was coming from.

"Oh, Roxas…" his hands tightened around me as one hand brushed up and down my back in a gesture of comfort. He held me for as long as it took to calm me down. And when I finally stopped crying, Axel laid us both down on our bed, holding me close to his side. I curled my head into him, wrapping one arm over his waist. Excluding wrapping my arm around him, I used to do this with Sora whenever I was upset. He would comfort me this way…

When it reached the late night and we were still laying there awake, Axel whispered, "It must have been hard… I'm… I'm so sorry that you had to go through that alone." His voice choked up, and I let my arm tighten around him, nodding into his side.

"It's okay," I responded, though I sounded (and felt) anything but okay.

"Just know that I'll always be here for you," he told me, stroking my hair softly.

We then remained silent. I'm not sure whether Axel fell asleep… but I know that I never did.

The memory of Kohana laying in my arms kept me up all night.

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**Poor Rox. DX Everyone give him a hug and a candy or something! We need to cheer him up! **

**I hope you guys liked the chapter, even if it was kinda sad. Please review and share all your thoughts and stuff! :) I love hearing from everyone!  
**


	21. Already over pt 1

**Hey! lol, I've been editing and re-uploading chapters for this story like mad over the past two or so weeks. XD Sorry, I would have updated sooner. But I was totally determined to edit everything I wanted first. Oh, and thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, favourited and alerted. It means a lot! :) I love hearing from everyone! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Kingdom Hearts or the characters from Final Fantasy. I don't own the song I used either. **

**WARNING: Yaoi and angst! There's a bit of a lemon-ish scene too.  
**

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_**Ventus**_ (Already over- part one) January 3002

_You never go_

_You're always here_

_Beneath my skin_

_I cannot run away_

_Fading slowly_

_Give it all to you_

_Reaching as I fall_

_It's already over_

_Already over now_

_My best defense _

_Running to you_

_I can't resist_

_Take all you want from me_

_Breaking slowly_

_Give it all to you_

_Reaching as I fall_

_It's already over_

_Loving you again  
_

_(Roxas and Ven turned fifteen somewhere between this and the last chapter) _

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My days were nice… They weren't crazy or sedative-filled. I didn't (and wouldn't for the next few months) have any reasons to 'misbehave' as they called it. I was happy.

The quiet, peaceful days consisted of just me and Terra. It was what I'd always hoped for. No Hayner… Just me and the one I loved. Even if the one I loved wasn't the one I was supposed to love. It was the safest we'd ever felt together.

Quite recently, Hayner had been taken away to another part of the facility. The area where my twin brother had been a few months ago (though I didn't even find out about Roxas until months after he was released). Poor communication or what? But anyway; finally being pregnant with our first baby somehow made me feel lighter. I was free of Hayner for several months. It was as if the chains that had been choking me this entire time suddenly broke off, freeing me from their deadly grip.

I'm sure that Terra felt the same.

Though somehow he'd grown kinda distant. He was a little quieter… and a lot of the time he seemed to be in his own little world. It was discouraging seeing him like that, but at the same time maybe he just had a lot on his mind. Having a secret relationship and hiding it from all of the big, scary scientists wasn't exactly a walk in the park. No, it was nerve wracking. But either way, I wasn't willing to resist my feelings for Terra. Not for them. Not for my own safety. Not for anybody. The only one I feared for was Terra. I couldn't lose him. I couldn't…

That morning, I woke up rather late. The sun had already risen and now it hung in the early afternoon sky.

"Terra," I murmured, allowing my body to come to life. I yawned, bringing my head up out of Terra's side (which it'd been buried in). He was still sleeping soundlessly, his chest moving up and down with his calm, rhythmic breathes. I sat up, escaping from his loose hold. His arm was wrapped around my body protectively.

"Terra," I repeated, giving him a light shake, "C'mon. Wake up. We slept in… Who knows when the guards will show up to serve us breakfast." I was surprised by my own paranoia. Normally Terra was the cautious one. I merely acted on my own impulse.

Terra's eyes fluttered open tiredly as he groaned. "What time is it, Ven?" came my lover's groggy voice.

I couldn't help but smile as I used my fingers to lightly brush at his messy bangs, "I don't know. But considering how sunny it is out there, it can't exactly be early, right?"

But who knew… It was a sunny, January morning. It was nice getting some sun in the first place. Though it was probably colder then it really looked out there. It wasn't snowing, but thick blankets of the white powder covered the ground below. Oh, and on the pine trees in the vast forest beyond. But I wouldn't know about the temperature. I think I'd only ever been outside during the winter time once. But I was probably little. I couldn't remember clearly…

Terra sat up, stretching before he reached over towards the end of the bed, grabbing a plain t-shirt and slipping it on over his bare, muscled chest. I, myself, preferred to wear pajamas (though I'd fallen asleep in my clothes last night), especially when it looked so frigid outside. I couldn't say that I knew what it felt like to be extremely cold, but whenever I caught a glimpse of the frozen beauty that was winter, I couldn't help but feel a shiver run down my spine.

"So the guards haven't come yet?" Terra asked me, not so much concern but more curiosity occupying his now-aware tone. He was no longer half-asleep.

I leaned my head against his shoulder, wanting my nostrils to burn in some form of pleasure at his sweet scent. There was still a hint of the cologne he'd sprayed on from yesterday. "I don't think so…" I paused, "But even if they had, I don't think they would suspect us. I mean, we were sleeping. People can't control what they do in their sleeps, right?"

Terra nodded silently, and I smiled, planting a swift, gentle kiss on his flawless cheek.

I'm glad to say the small sign of affection brought an obvious smile to his lips, paired with a faint blush. I was satisfied by the reaction. Terra was just too down lately. I wanted that to change.

So I nuzzled into him, hoping that I'd make him brighter. He took my hand in his, squeezing at it lightly as he shared a warm gaze with me. "Ventus…" Terra practically purred, "I love you. You know that, right?" His smile became fainter… melancholy. And that sudden change made me grow concerned for him.

Brushing my thumb over his knuckles, I responded, "Of course I know. And I love you too…" I paused, trying not to sound or look too worried as I spoke, "Seriously, is something bothering you, Terra?"

Terra sighed lightly, his expression as still as a statue (though if Terra were a statue, he'd be one of the Roman Gods). He was hesitant to answer me… but he did. Quietly. "Ventus," Terra breathed, his features looking hurt. It hurt me to see him like that. I'm not sure… I felt responsible for his happiness. I needed to keep him cheerful. "Please don't misunderstand me, Ven," Terra said expressionlessly. His bluntness was eating away at my burning curiosity. "I know you love me… Not Hayner." I nodded at him, and he continued, "But… I can't help but be jealous of him. I-"

"Terra! There's nothing to be jealous of! I swear, I could pick between the both of you in less then a heart beats time. I-" I protested, believing that his doubts were ludicrous. But he cut me off quickly.

"Ven, you don't understand…" Terra's tone sounded disgusted, though it wasn't directed towards me, "It's unbearable… Hearing, no; even _knowing_ what you and Hayner have to do _every unendurable day_. I hate it, Ven. I can't stand knowing that Hayner gets to touch you whenever he pleases. That he gets to make love to you at least once every twenty-four hours. As for me, your lover, I can't even kiss you without worrying about what might happen to us if we get caught…"

As his voice fell silent and his clenched fist shook at his side, I couldn't help but stare at him in awe. I had no idea that he felt that way. I didn't know. It was hurting him so badly… I felt terrible, and guilt wouldn't stop it's poisonous flow through my body. It was consuming me.

I fell into a daze, but awoke from it a few seconds later (or so it seemed) when I felt Terra's lips leaving chaste kisses along my neck. I must have surprised him when I suddenly jerked my head around, startled by his unforeseen touches. But he continued anyway, catching my mouth in his, making our kiss of the open-mouthed variety. I closed my eyes, moaning into his mouth quietly as I brought a hand up to wrap around him, his body moving from his position at my side. He was placing himself overtop of me. He used his hands, which were positioned on either side of my head, as support.

"Ven," Terra murmured, his lips withdrawing from mine, "I'm not going to hold back anymore. I'm done with being afraid." He brushed his mouth against my ear as his hand gently ran up my leg and thigh. Desire surged through my body. His fingers then reached for my checkered belt, playing with it's buckle.

Déjà vu.

Except this time it was I who placed a hand between his fingers and my pants. Trust me; I wanted him. I really did. But it could wait till later. At the moment, it all seemed too risky with the guards serving breakfast and all.

Terra chuckled, "Ven, since when have you grown a cautious side?"

"I just think that there's a better time for this," I whispered, bringing the hand I'd used as a barrier up so that I could stroke his face, "I want you. More then anything. But maybe we should wait until later on. Maybe tonight?"

Terra grinned, "And it's a date."

He kept his eyes locked with mine for a few more seconds, but soon climbed off of me, standing up from the bed.

Good thing I didn't lose myself to Terra's charm too, because it wasn't long until the guards came in with breakfast, just as I'd predicted. I'm not sure what could've happened if we were caught. But perhaps the guards weren't aware of our mate status. But Xemnas would sure as hell know if we were taken to him. That would not be good. Well… duh, obviously.

The two of us ate our meal in silence, though we did share affectionate glances and flashed smiles at one another the whole time. We were too in love to leave each other alone.

It was Terra who broke the silence. He did so after he was finished chewing the last bits of his food. He wiped his mouth using a supplied napkin, and then grinned at me, "Tonight will be so strange… I'm not nervous or anything, but it's strange to think that we'll be the first Nobodies to perform that level of intimacy without the force of heat encouraging us. Know what I mean?"

Damn right he better not have been nervous. He was older then me, and had way more experi- Wait… No, Terra had never had a mate. So _I _had more experience. Now that was weird.

I nodded, "But we're not like the others. We love each other naturally… The others seem like dolls to me. They do what they're told."

"Yes, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they don't love each other in the same way as we do. They've just needed to be committed since the very beginning. That doesn't make them dolls, Ventus," Terra explained quite reasonably, "Look at your brothers. They're not 'dolls,' are they?"

I shrugged at him, trying to seem honest. But I probably looked more stubborn to him. "I haven't seen my brothers with their mates in forever. They may have changed now, but I never remember seeing the look that we have in their own eyes back when I roomed with them. They never looked at their mates the way we look at each other."

"Like I said, it takes commitment."

Whatever… I just didn't want to hear about it anymore. I hated hearing or thinking about the mate selection. It was awful. And thinking about how accepting Sora was with it (well, I wasn't so sure anymore. He DID have that protest) made me glad to get away from him. Don't get me wrong, I loved my brothers very much. It's just, growing up with an older brother who never once agreed with my views of the whole mating system really bothered me. And then Roxas, being the baby and all, normally sucked up to Sora as a kid. Even though he didn't completely agree with the system either (for his own shy and skittish reasons), Roxas had always been more on Sora's side. So for the longest time I felt so lonely and neglected when it came to my opinion.

Terra noticed how quiet I'd become, and so he dropped the conversation, moving onto other things. "I wonder why they don't allow us to go outside…?" Terra began randomly, walking over towards the window and looking out from it.

Again, I shrugged, "They probably have electric fences and stuff. I don't know. This isn't exactly a playground."

Terra rolled his eyes at my attitude, holding back an obvious smile. Then I approached him, letting him wrap an arm around my small waist securely. He brought me closer to his side.

We just stood there in each other's arms, staring out at the fragile setting that lay beyond the glass window that trapped us here.

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By the time the late evening rolled in, both Terra and I grew anxious in anticipation. We were craving one another's touches.

Even though the guards probably wouldn't come in to check on us after dinner was served, we still waited. It wasn't until around ten o'clock that we climbed onto the bottom bunk, Terra placing himself overtop of me. I felt comfortable underneath him like this… Somehow, it felt right.

We started off slowly. We were fully clothed as we shared deep, passionate kisses. Our hands found a permanent area on the other's body. His shoulders for me, and my hips for him.

I nuzzled my head into his neck, closing my eyes and leaving the lightest kisses as I finally felt him remove one hand from my hip, letting it come up and hover over my belt buckle. This time, he got it undone, pulling my belt away slowly. Terra smiled, carefully removing my pants. I lifted my legs up slightly to help him, bending them at the knee. And then to aid him even further, I let my hands withdraw from him and instead they found their way to his own jean's zipper. I undid it, helping him slide those off.

Terra took his own shirt off, pulling my own over my head afterwards. And then silently (but affectionately), he bent down to place a soft kiss on my forehead, using one hand to push my bangs back against my head as the other hand made soothing strokes across one of my exposed thighs.

"I love you, Ventus," he murmured.

"I love you too, Terra," I whispered back with a warm smile.

Without another moment of hesitation, we removed what remained of our undergarments, falling into an overwhelming daze of kisses, touches, and unfamiliar yet pleasurable feelings. Being a Breeder my entire life and living unaware of the sensations that the Bearers endured at a time like this was the main cause of my amazement the moment Terra penetrated me. I froze up underneath him, a strange, loud and unavoidable gasp escaping from my slightly parted lips as Terra buried his face into my shoulder. He left hot, steamy kisses over my tanned skin, which was beginning to burn up itself.

"Terra!" his name came from me without warning at his next thrust, leaving me panting afterwards while my arms flew up to wrap themselves around him.

Everything else seemed to happen in a sensual, unforgettable blur. All of the movements and sensations left me breathless and calling out his name so many times that I'd lost count. Who knew that in such a short time lovers could execute such a beautiful form of love; the ultimate intimacy.

Finally… we'd made love. Even though I was so used to performing the role that Terra had on me, this time was so different. And not only because I'd acted as the Bearer and took that position, but because it gave me a sort of high that I'd never felt from Hayner. It was all so unfamiliar, but the moment Terra entered me, I knew that it was just so right. Never had I felt more complete in my life.

Terra took a deep breath, withdrawing from me but still laying right beside me, his arm pulling me against his side. I sighed, letting my eyes close as I felt his smooth skin underneath my cheek. I was still panting lightly, and my unclothed body continued to feel hot and sweaty. Terra's own skin still burned like a recently ignited flame against me.

But I didn't mind…

After such an intimate act, I felt like I couldn't get enough of him. It felt like our relationship was now stronger. This was what making love was supposed to feel like. It was supposed to strengthen the connection that the couple already had. This time I felt so much more loved. It was as if the passion had doubled- no tripled- compared to the times I'd done this with Hayner.

I actually felt whole. And I would bet any amount of money that Terra felt the exact same as me that moment. We didn't have to communicate verbally to know that. We just… understood each other.

After another few minutes of just laying there in each other's arms, Terra brought his face towards me, brushing his lips against my earlobe. He then whispered, "I love you."

A smile automatically found it's way upon my lips. And just as I was about to roll over onto my side to look into his eyes, you won't believe what happened…

The door to our room swung open…

I had the immediate reaction of wanting to jump up out of the bed frantically. But then I remembered that I was naked. So instead, my head snapped in the direction of the doorway faster then any animal could have reacted. My blue orbs went as wide as they could go, even before I caught a glance at the guard who'd barged in.

I'm not sure how freaked out Terra looked, but I did know one thing; One word rolled off my tongue and slipped out of my mouth in what was softer then the faintest but most horrified whisper.

"No…."

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**I hope you guys liked the chapter. I don't know how much you guys like TerraxVen, but hopefully it was well-liked anyhow. Please review! :) **


	22. Already over pt 2

**Hey! Sorry that I took a bit to update... I WANTED to update... but then I ended up procrastinating. I've kinda been dreading the time where I post this chapter. But you know what? Today I thought, just do it! Rip it off like a band-aid! lol**

**Forget my lame rambling. XD I wanna thank everyone oh so much for faving, reviewing and alerting! I love all of you! So you know what? I wanna reply to you all right here! **

**Salvi: **Haha, sorry. I know I am! XD I like cliffhangers. Well, sorta. I like reading them, but hate it when other people use them against me. XP Guess I'm a hypocrite, lol! But at least they get you all excited!

**Usa-san:** Awww, did I seriously! You have no idea how happy that makes me! I was writing this way before BBS even came out, and TerraxVen stuff was nonexistent. XD It made me a tad bit nervous, but I'm so glad you love them!

**EnvyWrath: **I know! I totally agree! I hate it when people barge in too. I scream at people if they don't knock. D:

**Patagato: **Obviously I won't tell you what happens! But you have the chapter to read now, at least! No matter what I make Xemnas do them, promise you won't hate me, k? D:

**I-Love-You-Kitty-Sou-Chan: **Hehee, yeah! Sorry it took a bit!

**emosasuke: **Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it! I feel bad for Terra and Ven too. Things are perfect, but as always, Xemnas ruins everything.

**18plusForMe: **That's actually a really cool idea! I already had what does happen planned from the start, and it sorta NEEDS to happen for future things and all. But that's a really awesome alternate idea. Could you imagine how pissed and jealous Ven would be? lol, they're twins, and he'd beg Roxas to switch places with him. Though they couldn't keep the whole switch a secret for long considering Roxas isn't a Breeder like his brother, and goes into heat. XP And thanks! I love angst, maybe too much. It's all I really like to write. Well, more romantic angst, really. Haha, we can be sadists together. lol, and I don't blame you about being uncertain. Once I entered college, my updates were screwed right to hell. lol

**Icepaw3: ***strangles guard for you* Though... I'm sure I could just get Terra to do it. If he doesn't get sedated first, anyway.

**littlegirl05: **lol, I've been into it for so long it just feels normal now. Though when I first posted this, I was kinda iffy about including them. XD

**Neferkitty: **Thanks! I'm glad you found it too! I posted it on DA and all, but I make faster updates on here for some reason. So I'm happy that you decided to read it on here instead! And that's cool. Sometimes I don't like m-preg either. I like it better when there's an explanation of sorts. But I guess I'm science-y-ish that way. XD

**RescueMe17:** It was a guard, but if Hayner weren't locked up, I could see why it'd be believable. That's a unique thought. I never really thought of it being Hayner who would catch them.

**Anyway! I hope you enjoy the chapter! :) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts/ Final Fantasy or it's characters. I don't own the song I used either.  
**

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_**Ventus**_ (Already over- part two) January 3002

_You never go_

_You're always here_

_Beneath my skin_

_I cannot run away_

_Fading slowly_

_Give it all to you_

_Reaching as I fall_

_It's already over_

_Already over now_

_My best defense _

_Running to you_

_I can't resist_

_Take all you want from me_

_Breaking slowly_

_Give it all to you_

_Reaching as I fall_

_It's already over_

_Loving you again_

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It felt like I was eating away at myself. Every thought that crossed my mind was acidic. And what felt like an irritating, corrosive and deadly liquid was consuming me.

Even through all the burning of my insides, I found myself to be as alert and twitchy as a German Sheppard who'd just witnessed a stranger trespassing on their owner's land. I couldn't stop the incredibly sharp and unbearable slicing pain that my roaring nerves caused throughout my entire being. I felt like I was going to throw up, and every sound from the hall outside made the hammering of my heartbeat in my ears even louder. I didn't know how much longer I could stand this anxiety.

Terra sat beside me in one of the many chairs that were contained in Xemnas' office. A guard stood at the door as we waited for Xemnas to show up. He'd been told everything…

"It's going to be okay," Terra squeezed at my hand and I tightly squeezed back as he tried to reassure me. But I picked up on the shakiness in his own voice. The both of us were filled with fear. What would happen to us now? But I wasn't fearing so much for myself. I was afraid for him. I couldn't lose him or be separated from him. Not ever.

But deep down, we both knew that something like that would happen. I wouldn't leave the situation at terms such as that… Not without a fight, that is.

It was another few moments of silence until Xemnas came crashing through his office door, venomous vibes coming from him as he rushed past us to throw himself into the chair behind his desk. I could feel his stabbing eyes on me, but I couldn't bring my gaze up to look back at him. When he finally spoke after the long glare, his mighty voice made me jump. "What the hell gave you such a foolish idea! I've brought the both of you up better then this! And my father raised some of you older ones in a similar fashion as well," he snapped, referring to Terra.

I only cringed, holding back tears. I couldn't look weak… Not now.

When the both of us refused to speak, Xemnas slammed a fist against his desk menacingly. "Well!" he demanded, his nostrils probably flaring.

I opened my mouth to speak, still thinking of what exactly I'd say. Terra managed to respond before me though, sounding a lot calmer then he probably felt. "Blame me," my eyes widened at that one, but I still found myself unable to say anything, "I was unsatisfied by not having a mate of my own, so I talked Ventus into it. I'm ashamed to say that I took advantage of Ven… If anyone should be punished for this, it should be me."

"Terra!" I cried out, whipping my head around to stare at him.

Xemnas chuckled bitterly, resting his forehead against his palm, annoyed. "Do I look stupid to you, number four?" he hissed, revealing his narrowed eyes. I shuddered. "You don't need to try and protect Ventus," he continued, saying my name as if I were a disease, "I've already got a punishment in plan for the both of you. Harsh… but necessary."

Terra grunted, his thumb brushing over my knuckles. My free hand, which was laying in my lap, tightened into a fist. Not because I was angry but because the situation looked grim. It felt like my life was suddenly gone… There was nothing to live for… That is, if it turned out that I couldn't be with Terra. And I knew in my gut that I would probably never see Terra again. They'd make sure of that.

Considering he was completely immune to heat, Terra could be transferred to any room without any complications popping up. Yes, that's probably what would happen.

My anxiety only grew more acidic from there… I tried to remember Terra's _'everything will be okay,'_ but by this point, nothing could soothe my thoughts.

After a continuous awkward silence, Xemnas gestured towards his right hand man, Saix, who stood silently and motionlessly beside him. He was like a gargoyle or something. "Saix, would you please escort number twelve back to his dorm. Then come back and meet me here," his tone had a dangerous edge to it. Unscathed by his tone, Saix nodded, walking towards me. I jumped up out of my chair before he could reach me though.

"What about Terra!" I demanded in a desperate cry, holding my clenched fist to my chest.

Xemnas expressionlessly replied, "I am punishing him."

Saix grabbed at my arm roughly, dragging me towards the office door as he finished, "Don't worry… You're next."

"NO! JUST WAIT! TERRA, I-" I struggled against Saix, reaching my hand out towards Terra desperately.

He stood from his chair abruptly, trying to take my hand in return to my plea. His blue eyes only displayed deep hurt and worry. "Ventus! Please don't hurt him!" Terra cried. Just as our hands met, they were broken apart as Saix pulled me out into the hall.

I felt tears threatening to fall from my eyes. I held them in. But then I heard Terra call out to me gravely. "DON'T BE AFRAID! REMEMBER OUR VOWS! WE'LL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN! WE'RE BOUND TOGETHER! I LOVE YOU, VENTUS! I LOVE YOU!"

The tears silently fell at that.

God, I loved him so much. I wanted to reply so badly, but then Saix clamped a hand over my mouth, enabling a heartfelt response. He carried me to my room as I thrashed and attempted to cry out to Terra in a muffled scream.

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I sat in my room, alone. I couldn't hold back the sobs anymore as I curled up on my bed, weeping as my hands made pathetic attempts to wipe the tears away. I never even got to say goodbye to him, or tell him that I loved him…

I wasn't able to sleep, even though it was the dead of night. How could anyone sleep after something like that? But I still tried, even through all of the worry, the concern, the fright… I wanted to escape from it all. I didn't want to feel anymore.

Even after my fingers smudged at the tears on my face, I felt more of the warm liquid flow down my cheeks and over my chin. I couldn't remember the last time I'd cried like that. Maybe when I was little and had Sora to comfort me… But I didn't even have my brothers anymore. I'd die just to see one of them again. I needed them…

I threw myself down against my bed, laying on my side as I shut my eyes. They felt heavy.

I tried to curl up into a warm ball as tightly as I possibly could. For the longest time I just laid like that, my tears finally ceasing. And somehow… just somehow… I ended up drifting into a dreamless sleep…

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I woke up the next morning, hoping that everything that'd happened had been a mere dream. But it wasn't… Even though I could picture him sleeping next to me so clearly, I didn't wake up to him resting beside me like all those other mornings.

Again, I felt the piercing pain of loneliness. The panicked feelings that I felt for Terra also returned, consuming whatever was left of me. It couldn't be much…

It wasn't long until Saix came into my room, a disturbing sparkle that looked a lot like blood lust coming from his usually hollow eyes. "Good morning, Ventus," he said in a tone that matched that look in his cold-blooded orbs. Even I had to admit, Saix was intimidating. I did what I could to seem tough though, which was hard considering my emotional level was insanely unstable at that moment.

"What the hell did you do to Terra! Where is he now!" I persistently asked, trying to sound angrier then upset.

Saix ignored me, and like yesterday, he grabbed me again. Though this time, he took me by the wrist instead of the upper area of my arm. I continued to yell at him even as he forced me to walk with him down the hall. If Saix minded my nasty curses and comments, he sure as hell didn't show it.

We finally stopped at the entrance of the quarantined room. Saix slowly opened the door, pushing me inside the moment it was wide enough. My eyes sweeped the room, searching for Terra hopefully. But he was nowhere to be seen… I felt my heart sink. I was getting a very bad feeling about all of this.

"Where's Terra!" I screamed at Xemnas, my voice truly furious at that point.

I was just about to roar at him even more, but then two words that shredded up what remained of my heart came from him. It was so sudden and unexpected that I couldn't believe him or understand what he meant at first.

"He's dead," Xemnas confirmed simply, as if the whole issue was insignificant.

I froze up, not knowing how to feel. The words wouldn't sink in… "What?" I barely whispered, feeling my entire body turn into ice. My mind felt dead.

Again, Xemnas' response was emotionless, "I decided that it was best if he was exterminated. It's not like losing him would put my business in peril. He didn't have a mate anyway."

My throat closed up, and whatever type of seal that'd blocked the truth of Terra's fate from my heart had melted now.

An unbearable, broken feeling occupied me now. Everything felt as if it had shattered. My body was in shock, unable to move; to think… I was merely frozen in that moment, my eyes wide and my breath hardly escaping from me.

But what hurt even more then that was when the sadness, remorse, and the guilt finally rushed into me, making themselves present. I collapsed onto the ground, bruising my knees as the tears from before came back in an emotional burst. They streamed down my face before I even realized it. And so did the sobs…

I shook uncontrollably, letting my fists clench so hard that my dull nails left imprints in my palms.

Soon after the sadness, anger decided to join it. It's wrathful intent seeped into me, making me grit my teeth furiously. It was hard because of how violently I shook, but I collected enough energy to pick myself up off the floor.

"YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO KILL HIM, YOU BASTARDS!" I shouted with as much volume as my lungs would allow.

Xemnas and Saix never flinched.

Oh, they wouldn't have to…

I ran at them, swinging a punch as soon as I came close enough to Xemnas. But Saix lashed out to clamp onto my wrist just before I made contact. He twisted it sharply, making me whimper. It wasn't broken though, just strained or something.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" tears came back as I now began to choke, shaking, "I hate you… I… I loved him. Why does that need to matter to you! I never… I never even got to say goodbye to him!"

After that tearful outburst, realization hit me… I was probably sharing the same destiny. And somehow, probably influenced by my loss of will and purpose, I couldn't bring myself to mind. If Terra was exterminated, then didn't I deserve to be as well? Firstly, we were lovers; whatever happened to him, happened to me. And secondly, I didn't think I could live with the guilt of surviving. It wasn't equal punishment. We'd both committed the same forbidden act. Why should I be let off the hook? On top of that, I just couldn't live without him…

"Dispose of me too," I whispered, letting my head fall so that my eyes met the floor.

Saix hesitantly let me out of his grip, continuing to stand fairly close. As for Xemnas, he took my chin in his hand roughly, forcing my head up as he hissed, no longer calm and emotionless, "No, you're not being disposed of. Unlike Terra, you're actually of some use to me. You're a Breeder with a mate, after all. Though I have lost what little respect I had for you… _slut_."

That one word sounded more venomous then anything else he had said. And it stung. What I felt for Terra was true love, not lust or a mere attraction to his body. If I was a 'slut,' then that was because Xemnas made us out to be exactly that by pairing us up and forcing us into (in some cases) unwanted relationships.

"I'm not a slut!" I protested sensitively.

A slight laugh escaped from him as his hold on my chin became harder, "Slut? Whore? Hooker?… What do you call it, Ven?"

I cringed, squeezing my eyes shut as Xemnas removed his hold from me. But then he suddenly sent an unexpected, sharp pain across my face. His hand had lashed out like a whip, sending me a forceful slap to the face. My head swung to the side from the impact of it, but I made sure to hang my head down so that my bangs hid my eyes. I couldn't let them see the weakness in them.

"You're lucky that your punishment is so painless. If you were a Bearer, a slut like yourself would receive a maximum punishment," he brought his head down to speak directly into my ear, "I think a slut should be treated like one. Do you know what I'd do? I would wait until you went into heat, and then throw you into a room- a locked room- filled with several Breeders. They could all have their way with you…"

I slowly brought my gaze up, my stomach feeling nauseated by the thought of such a cruel, disturbing punishment. "You're sick," I said faintly.

"Oh, wait a moment," Xemnas said, his fingers grabbing a handful of my hair, causing me to let out a loud, shameful shriek. "I think I know the perfect punishment…" his slight pause sent a shiver down my spine as I gritted my teeth, holding back anymore whimpers and screams as he pulled at my locks some more, "How would you feel if I punished your brother in your place? I could always use that type of punishment against number thirteen… He IS a Bearer, after all."

He was taunting me!

"Leave my brother alone!" I roared, becoming angered yet again. I wouldn't let them do such a thing. I couldn't bear it if another loved one got hurt because of me. I just couldn't…

I hit Xemnas' hand away, growling under my breath as I took several steps away from them. "If you even touch my brother, I swear, I'll snap both your necks!" I snarled, the terrible images of that actually happening to my younger twin brother haunting my mind. That couldn't happen… not to him. "Or you know what?" I piped up, trying to imitate Xemnas' intimidating pauses, "I think you've already earned that from me by hurting my husband, you creeps!" I gazed down at the ring that Terra had given me almost two years ago. That gave me the last bit of anger and courage that I needed.

With more agility and power then the other time, I attempted another charge. And this time it caught them off guard. I ploughed right into Xemnas, knocking the both of us down onto the concrete floor. I sat overtop of him, swinging swift punches at him as I felt my eyes blur with tears. With every hit, it's odd to say, but I felt less satisfied. That just wasn't enough! I had to make him pay! He needed to hurt the way I did!

But I lost that chance the moment I turned my back on Saix. Too soon, Saix was all over me, snatching me up off Xemnas like a rag doll and plunging a sharp needle into my veins, injecting whatever drug it contained.

It was my best friend: the sedative.

I was feeling mellower already…

"Get him out of here!" I heard Xemnas bellow. It was hard to make sense of the things that were happening around me. I remembered feeling angry. Now I felt totally calm.

At a fast pace, I was being pulled along down the narrow, brightly lit hallways. And before I knew it, I was in my room by myself again.

Except this time I didn't have to feel lonely…

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**It made it even more heartbreaking to edit this chapter with the song "Stay with me" by Danity Kane. I really don't know what else to say here... **

**Please don't hate me! ):  
**


	23. Nobody

**Hey! I'm so sorry about the late update. I was gonna update way sooner, but unfortunately I got kicked out of my house for a while... and my writing stuff is all on my computer at my house. I'm back home now though! Obviously, if I'm updating. But yeah... for that, I'm gonna update with two chapters at once! I hope you enjoy them! Oh, and thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, favourited, and alerted!**

**I'd reply to reviews again, but I really wanna get these chapters up fast! So here ya go! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or the song Nobody. **

**Warning: I'm sure if you've read this far, you get that there's angst, mpreg and yaoi. XD  
**

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_**Sora**_ (Nobody) January 3002

_Sometimes it seems that I have no place_  
_And I don't know what to do, with myself_  
_Night after another, I can taste the filth inside_  
_ I need to cleanse my soul_

_Nobody knows, nobody cares that I die, on the inside_  
_Nobody sees the lie that is me, as I smile on the outside_  
_Nobody knows, nobody cares that I walk, on the wrong side_  
_Tell me who… nobody_  
_Tell me who… nobody_  
_Tell me who… nobody_  
_But you_

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It was January. Do you understand what that meant? That day was my birthday. My seventeenth birthday to be exact. Now do you understand where my fear for the month of January came from? I'd been dreading this day for months… Because once the day was done, I'd officially be out of the age range for my first heat. The small amount of hope that'd been diminishing little by little with each passing day was now completely gone.

There was no hope in hell that I'd be having it anytime this day; not after I'd been waiting for so many years. It was too unlikely, and I needed to face the facts before anyone else realized it.

I was infertile, just as I'd predicted.

Unlike Roxas, who'd just had a baby back in August, I would never get pregnant. I would never get to experience the things that Roxas and Ventus got to. What was worse was that I was also taking the experiences away from Riku, and all because _I _was incapable. It didn't exactly make me feel good…

You don't even want to know how many times I could apologize to him… Nothing I said or did for him would be enough. Not after how patient he'd been for so long, and for what? Nothing…

It nearly felt like déjà vu, being nervous about confronting Riku and worrying and all. But this time I felt more depressed. Well, of course. Who wouldn't be discouraged and down if they found out that they could never ever have kids of their own? I wanted to be able to fulfill my role. In a way, I'd been looking forward to it.

But now my future seemed blank. How would I live now? Where would my lifestyle go from there? I wasn't exactly hopeful that Xemnas would change or alter the system just for me. No, I doubted that would be the case. I'd be naïve if I thought otherwise.

My days, as I'd briefly mentioned before, were normally very slow and boring. My dorm room was always empty, with me being the only person occupying it. My brothers, Ventus and Roxas, had moved out so long ago considering they'd all (or their partner in Ven's case) had all reached sexual maturity. I, (ironically enough) their older brother, was the only one left. The only time I ever saw anyone else was during visiting periods with Riku and the exercise classes that we had every now and then to help keep us fit and healthy.

But today wasn't one of those days. I didn't expect any visitors, especially any who weren't allowed in here in the first place. I wasn't complaining, I was glad to have company.

My door knocked with a violent bang. It made me jump at first, startled. But the curiosity got the best of me, making me stand up from where I sat on my bed so that I could open the door. It was kind of cool being able to answer the door like the Somebodies did out in the real world. Here, we were normally barged in on.

When I opened the door, wondering who it might be, a tearful Ventus threw himself into my arms. I was shocked as he clung onto me, sobbing into my shirt. I froze up, unable to come up with a reaction. I hadn't seen Ven like this (or Roxas for that matter) since they were little kids. Especially Ven. Honestly, don't tell him I said this, but Roxas was always more of the baby between them. He was more sensitive and emotional. As a kid, he constantly came to me, looking for me to comfort him.

"V-Ven," I gasped, surprised as I hesitantly wrapped my arms around him. I stroked the back of his head, hushing him until he calmed down enough to withdraw and talk to me. It took a bit of time, but of course I didn't mind. If anything, I was happy that Ven knew he could come to me. I would always be his shelter, no matter what he needed me for. The same went for Rox.

He did withdraw at one point though, sniffling as his eyes seemed to wander across my face wildly.

I frowned slightly, brushing at his blonde bangs, "Ven… What's wrong? It isn't like you to be this upset. Are you alright?"

Ven shook his head from side to side, his teeth seeming to clench together tightly as his eyes appeared strained, desperately trying to hold back his still building tears. "No! No I'm not alright!" he cried, "I can't stand this anymore! I can't stay here for another minute, Sora! They killed him!" -his voice choked up at this the most- "They killed Terra!"

Terra? The name rang a bell, and I must have heard about him at some point… at least briefly. But what was he to Ven?

Ven roughly wiped at his face with the back of his hand, saying in a weak but not so teary-filled voice, "Don't hate me… but… I don't love Hayner. I loved Terra… and we kinda had something…"

I let my eyes widen, but how could he think that I hated him? Even the me before I was aware of the circumstances of how we were paired off could never hate him. Oddly enough, now that I did know why we were with certain people, I was proud of Ven. He loved someone else for real, and acted on those feelings. Even after all the crap I believed for so long, that sounded like the right thing to do. I wondered if I would have done the same thing if I wasn't in love with Riku…

"It's okay…" I hugged at him tighter, letting him place his chin against my shoulder, "I'm here for you…"

Even though my words and tone were comforting, I couldn't stop the anger from entering my thoughts. They'd hurt my brother; smashed his heart and then crushed whatever remained of the pieces. And for what! Because they loved each other? This facility was supposed to encourage love, and yet they broke whoever strayed from the system and decided to listen to their heart instead.

It was disgusting. This whole damn 'experiment' was all a business plan after all. Xemnas and the others never cared about how we felt. All he ever concerned himself with was how healthy our bodies were. Well he definitely miscalculated that one… Our emotions and stress levels played with our overall physical health. So he wasn't helping anyone by treating us like crap.

Nobody ever noticed that Ven was in my room. For most of that day, Ven and I laid down on my bed and rested there, whispering to each other as he pulled the thick blankets over his body, curling up on his side. At one point, he explained the story behind the craft-wired ring that he wore on his wedding finger. Terra had made and given it to him in February of 3000 during a special moment that they'd shared. I'd wondered about it in the past, though I'd never questioned it. Sometime after, he also murmured a 'happy birthday' with a weak smile on his face. Even he understood that I was out of the age range. I was a 'failed experiment,' as Xemnas would probably call it. But Ventus didn't think so. He said, "You only turn seventeen once. Don't let someone like Xemnas get you down on your big day."

He made me smile lightly. It was nice, considering it'd been so long to feel close to my brother again. After he became a teenager, we argued and disagreed on almost everything. I hated it. And our fights always revolved around the system. That made me feel upset now that I knew the truth.

All we needed was Roxas now, then we could have helped one another through our tough times; me with my infertility, Ventus with the loss of his lover, and Roxas with the coping of after-birth. Riku had told me that he'd been having a hard time since then. At least I could trust Axel to take care of him though. From the few times I'd met him to the things Riku had said about him, Axel seemed to take very good care of Roxas. He was supportive, which I liked.

When the sunlight from outside was replaced with the paleness of the moon, Ven picked himself up off the bed, stretching groggily. "I better head back to my room," he mentioned, trying to smile. Dry tear tracks were still visible on his face though, making it hard to watch him try and act so strong.

I climbed off the bed after him, taking his shoulder in my grip to help show him that I would always be there to comfort him. He could count on me. "Come back whenever you feel like it," I told him softly, leaning in to kiss his forehead the way a mother would. I was always like that when they were growing up. "Good night."

A light smile flickered onto his face for a brief moment. "Night," he said, leaving my room and disappearing out into the hall. He shut the door gently behind him, leaving me in my empty and dark room.

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That morning, I woke up bearing an extremely discouraging and empty feeling in my chest. The faint depression that'd tainted my body the other day felt so much heavier . I felt so useless… worthless.

I never had my first heat.

I was in a deep sleep that night, and never came to think about or realize that I could still wake up in the middle of the night, burning with a fever that had no medical explanation. But I never did. I felt… so normal; Too Somebody-ish.

I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I merely rolled onto my side, staring into nothingness. It wasn't until the door to my room flew open that my eyes finally moved. I thought that maybe the intruder could be Ven, but when I caught sight of the tall, muscular guard, I was only filled with disappointment. What did he want?

I slowly climbed up into a sitting position, combing a hand through my messy brown hair. I was still wearing my pyjamas, which consisted of a plain white t-shirt and short grey shorts that cut off mid-thigh.

"What do you want?" I tried my best not to sound bitter.

"Xemnas wants to see you in his office," the guard replied neutrally.

I swallowed thickly. Was this about my passing birthday? About my lack of heat? If so, I wondered what would happen to me… Maybe, for all I knew, Xemnas had pills that could help stimulate heat. He had pills that stopped it, so perhaps he had some that caused the opposite effect. I hoped so! I wouldn't have to be a complete failure after all.

I climbed out of bed, some form of excitement flowing through me. But as I began to change and pull my shoes towards me, the guard said, "Don't worry about changing. Let's go." I hesitantly nodded, following the guard through the door and out into the hall with bare feet. At least the floors were kept clean with this being a medical facility and all. Most of the areas, especially the hallways, had a strong medical smell to them. If I inhaled it for too long, it normally made me feel dizzy.

Once I got there, I entered the office, just like so many other times. Xemnas was sitting behind his desk as usual, giving off a hard look. Documents lay sprawled before him.

"Please sit down, number ten," Xemnas gestured towards a chair and I placed myself in it nervously. "I understand that you turned seventeen yesterday," he began, "And I've also come to realize that you haven't had your first heat."

I bit my lip, lowering my head as my hands clenched in my lap. "Yeah…" I breathed.

"How… troublesome," Xemnas paused, "I've set up an appointment for you with Dr. Vexen. He's our fertility specialist, and also treated Roxas when he was pregnant. That should make you feel more comfortable."

I forced a nod, grateful that Xemnas was at least trying to help me. Well, more like help his own business. But whatever… Of course, I couldn't let myself forgive him for what he'd done to Ven, though I couldn't help but feel somewhat grateful for his aid in my fertility.

Xemnas stood from his seat, gesturing that I follow him from his office. Again, I followed. This walk was a lot longer. We just seemed to walk and walk… We passed the medical wing, which I recognized from when Roxas was kept there. Once we passed that, the rest was unfamiliar territory. I noticed that the different signs on the walls referred to pregnancy though, so this was probably where the pregnant were kept and cared for. We passed a large window that showed into a mid-sized room that contained a few pieces of white furniture. I noticed a person in there as well, but we passed by too quickly for me to know who they were.

Soon after, we turned into a doctor-like office. That was exactly what is was… A doctor, who must have been Dr. Vexen, scurried around the room, collecting several different medical supplies.

"Hello, Vexen," Xemnas greeted him.

Vexen's stare fixed on me as he asked, "So is this Sora?"

Xemnas nodded, giving me a light push towards the doctor. "Return him once you are finished." And then Xemnas left. I was all alone in an office with some doctor who I didn't even know. I'm not sure on why, but I found that creepy.

Dr. Vexen, noticing my fidgety-ness, gave me a sympathetic look. "You know…" he seemed to mutter as he picked up a piece of fabric from one of the cabinets, "You look a lot like your brother."

"Yeah, that's right; you're the one who treated Roxas," I smiled.

Dr. Vexen merely nodded, passing me the piece of clothing that he'd collected, "Put on that medical gown, okay? I'll step out when you change, and you can just let me know when you're ready," he instructed. Dr. Vexen gave me a tap on the shoulder before withdrawing out into the hall.

I took a deep breath, removing my t-shirt and shorts and then throwing on the gown. It felt a little uncomfortable, and I shivered for the first few seconds considering it was thinner then my pyjamas were. But this would be over and done with before I knew it anyway.

I called the doctor in, and he returned almost immediately, asking that I lay down on the examination bed. Wordlessly, I obeyed. But I tensed up, feeling that sensation of discomfort as Dr. Vexen began to examine the lower part of my body; the area that the gown allowed the doctor to check. But if I wanted to figure out why heat wasn't happening for me, well those were the best areas to check. He had to examine me. I couldn't help but yelp at some of the touches.

After a few more minutes of awkward examination and testing, Dr. Vexen withdrew from me with a puzzled look on his rather narrow face. I sat up, eyeing him curiously. Did he know what was wrong?

"Well?" I quietly asked.

Dr. Vexen shook his head, scratching the back of his blonde head. "It's unexplainable," he responded, making my face fall slightly, "Your reproductive system seems perfectly healthy… Is it possible that you may be late?"

That sounded unlikely… but who knew.

Just as he'd promised, Dr. Vexen took me back to Xemnas' office, explaining the grave results to him.

So that was it? I was infertile because of some unknown cause, and now I could never have kids? I would never go into heat? What an incomplete bearer I was. I was definitely a failure. And obviously Xemnas felt the same way.

"How discouraging," Xemnas stated, pretending to be bleak. I pouted at him, sick and tired of him by this point. "It looks like you're not of any use to me after all… I wouldn't want to waste anymore time and care on someone like you."

What was he getting at?

"It seems that I have no choice… but to have you retire."

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	24. Be my escape

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_**Roxas**_ (Be my escape) January 3002

_Cause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity and _  
_I've been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key_  
_And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me_  
_And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going because_  
_I gotta get outta here _  
_Cause I'm afraid that this complacency is something I can't shake_  
_I gotta get outta here _  
_And I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm begging You to be my escape._

_I am a hostage to my own humanity_  
_Self detained and forced to live in this mess I've made_  
_And all I'm asking is for You to do what You can with me_  
_But I can't ask You to give what You already gave _

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Lately, I'd had absolutely no idea on how to feel. My feelings were all over the place; like an emotional rollercoaster. So much had happened… But I tried my best to be strong for Axel considering he'd been so strong for me. I knew Axel was hurting just as much as I was about our baby. Yet he never showed it.

I was being selfish again…

I hated it. Even though I detested that part of me, I couldn't bring myself to let it go. The idea of running away from this place wouldn't leave my head. I still had those documents that held the information about where my kid was taken to. I had it folded in one of my dressers.

It was possible… I could run away and look for her. I'd been considering it for months. I'd been thinking about how I would cope; how I would find the exit of this facility; and what might be beyond the forest outside. I mean, I had a few ideas on how to deal with heat and all that. I could take some of the vaccines from the medical center; the ones that kept one from going into heat for a full forty-eight hours at a time. As for getting out of this hellhole… that would be hard. I had no idea where the main lobby was. For all I knew, I could be on the top floor and I would get caught before I even made it near floor one. And as for the forest… well, who knew how large it was. Being January, I could die of pneumonia or hypothermia before I even came close to a town. Besides, this place was a secret facility, so it was probably in the middle of nowhere.

What made things even more complicated was that I planned on taking any Nobody that wanted to come with me. It wouldn't be difficult for security to figure out that a group of their science experiments had escaped and were searching around for the exit. Even if we did manage to break out of here, would the guards come after us in the forests too? I didn't know if we could outrun them.

But I still wanted to try… even if I was the only one who knew about it. I hadn't discussed my ideas with anyone else. I still hadn't made up my own mind…

I guess I just needed that last push of encouragement. I was already pretty pissed with Xemnas for lying about our existence, stealing Kohana away from me, hurting Axel, and quite recently I'd heard a rumour saying that Xemnas had gotten Saix to kill one of Ven's roommates; Terra. Apparently, they'd had a secret relationship going on. When Xemnas found out… oh man.

I couldn't imagine the pain and hurt that Ven was feeling if he loved Terra the way I cared for Axel.

Anyway… It was the early morning of the day after Sora's birthday. I regretted that I'd never received the chance to see him, but I'd make sure to wish him a belated birthday whenever I got to see him again.

I climbed out of bed, rubbing at my already-messy-bed-head hair. I felt pretty stiff considering I'd gone into heat last night.

You know what that means… Not that I minded anymore. Axel and I loved each other, and because of our passionate feelings for one another, we thought of it purely as '_making love.'_ We didn't consider it a part of the whole experimental shit. It was all about us. As I'd said, I didn't mind it, but at the same time I couldn't let myself get pregnant either- not if I was planning on running away. That would definitely complicate matters.

As you may know, I had my baby back in mid August, so I'd started my heat again by now. Though it didn't come back until after a month or so. It'd been three-ish months since I'd started heat again. Dammit, that gave me too much of a pregnancy possibility. If I was going to run away, I needed to get going soon. I needed to make up my mind.

Maybe I could briefly mention it to Axel today. That would at least be a step. And I guess that Riku would know then too.

I stood up from my bed, getting changed out of my pyjamas and into a pair of black jeans. Then I slipped a checkered t-shirt over my head. I rolled my eyes at the sound of a cat call whistle as I pulled it on.

Riku stared down at me from his top bunk, being the annoying source of the flirty sound.

"Riku… calm your hormones down," I told him flatly. Riku only laughed as he jumped down from the bed and onto the floor. He punched my shoulder lightly.

Man did he like to tease me.

Because of our racket, it didn't take long for Axel to stir to life. He groaned loudly. He groaned to the point where it could be considering whiney.

I chuckled at him as Riku silently got changed himself. When he was pulling up his pants and standing up on one leg, I had to resist the temptation to trip him. Thinking that that would be mean of me, I decided to crawl back onto my bed and peck Axel on the lips instead. "Morning sleepy-head," I said afterwards, holding back a smile, "Sorry if we were being too loud for you. But you can blame Riku."

Axel whined again, "When can I ever sleep in!"

I withdrew from him, leaving him to have his 'tantrum' by himself considering he continued to mutter a bunch of grumpy comments.

Axel really wasn't much of a morning person. I'd realized that after rooming with him for so many months.

Riku came up to me, sighing suddenly, "Hopefully I have a visit scheduled with Sora today. Or maybe he can come here. It was his birthday yesterday, and I want to see him…" Riku's voice grew slightly gloomy, or at least as gloomy as Riku could get, "He never had his first heat. Do you think he's just late?"

I was going to nod. I wanted to believe in my brother considering I knew that was what Sora wanted. But Axel cut in. "I've never heard of that happening before… Sora might be, like, defected or something." When Riku's expression tensed angrily and a growl came from the both of us, Axel added, "I don't mean for it to sound insulting or anything."

Riku took a deep breath as my own tension uncoiled

"Right…" I said.

Axel threw the bed sheets off of himself, standing up. He came over to me, taking my hand as he planted a soft kiss onto my cheek. I smiled, letting my fingers intertwine with his. My eyes locked with his emerald green ones and I was caught in that stare until a loud, distracting knock made them dart towards the door. I noticed Riku jump in surprise as well.

"What the hell?" he mouthed, giving us a puzzled look.

I shrugged in return as Axel's gaze was fixed on the door, his expression clueless.

I hesitantly approached the door after another knock, my hand squeezing around the golden knob. I turned it, letting the door creak open. To my surprise, a distressed Ventus stared in at me through the doorway.

"Ven?" I said, feeling as if his appearance was unexpected. I hadn't seen him in months…

But even so, Ven wasn't here to merely say a 'hello' or tell me how much he missed me. He had a concerned look plastered on his face and his body shook with what seemed like anxiety. Riku and Axel stared over at him curiously. A smile flickered onto Riku's face as he murmured, "Well, what do you know… It's the infamous Ventus."

Right… Riku had only ever heard about my twin.

Ven didn't seem to take notice of Riku's mentioning of him. Instead, Ven's eyes were on me as he cried out, "It's Sora! I went to check his room today, but he wasn't there! I was kinda worried about him considering he turned seventeen yesterday without having his first heat. So I searched around, hoping to find his whereabouts. I knew Xemnas wouldn't appreciate the slow development of Sora's reproductive system, so I checked his office." Ven took a deep breath before he continued desperately, "I overheard them talking to Sora… And… They want to kill him, Roxas! They're going to kill Sora!"

What!

"NO!" I shouted without meaning to, my emotions taking control of me as they usually did.

Riku's expression formed into a horrified one, and without thinking, he dashed towards the door. Axel grabbed him though, holding him back. "Riku! We have to think of something! If you recklessly charge in there, you might be rushing into death too," Axel told him in a firm tone.

Riku thrashed in Axel's grip, "I don't care! I won't let them hurt Sora! I won't! What if that were Roxas? Would you sit around and think then?"

I gritted my teeth, letting my hands clench into tight fists. I think this was the last push of encouragement that I'd spoken about. This was the last bloody straw. I was sick of this bullshit! This mistreatment! I was fed up with those bastards! They'd stolen us from our parents at birth, lied to us, treated us badly… hurt us. And now they were exterminating us.

"We should run away!" I said loudly, "All of us. We can get Sora and leave this place forever!"

Riku froze in Axel's hold, and Axel's eyes widened. Ventus just stared at me in astonishment. But then he whispered in a negative, hopeless tone, "Even if we did escape… where would we go? Who would accept us? We couldn't hide what we truly are. It's impossible."

I grunted, letting my eyes narrow, "We can do it! Who cares about where we'd go! Anywhere is better then here! And don't worry about heat. We'll take a bunch of those anti-heat pills with us! They're at the medical sector where I was kept after my ectopic."

"And how long would those last for?" Ven shot back.

I sighed, letting my gaze fall to the floor. It was silent for a few seconds, but then Riku surprised me.

"I'll go with you," he suddenly piped up, "We'll get Sora too!"

I smiled weakly at him, nodding my head. I glanced at Axel, bringing my eyes back up. His expression was unreadable… Would he want to go with me? What if he didn't? I didn't know how I'd feel or what I'd do… His decision and opinion on this might very well change mine.

My eyes flickered in his direction, glancing at him though not fully. You'd think that loving him and all would make me trust him more. But honestly, I didn't know how far Axel would go for me. Maybe this time I was asking too much of him. He'd been great in the past, but there had to be some end to his patience.

Unable to bring myself to ask Axel the question directly, I merely continued to stare at him shyly, saying questionably, "Axel?"

Axel knew immediately what I was referring to. My redheaded mate gave me a hard stare for a bit, but soon nodded his head, responding in a loyal tone, "Anywhere you go, Rox, I'm there."

With that, he earned himself a bright smile from me.

Ven shook his head at us, leaving his spot in the doorway and sagging down onto the floor. He used the frame of my bed to rest his back against as he brought his knees up to hug against his chest. His expression was melancholy. His tone was as well… It was seriously a tug at my heartstrings to see him in such a negative state. He'd always been the stronger one of the two of us. "I want to help Sora, but this idea about running away is no more realistic then a fairytale," Ven muttered, burying his face into his knees as his hands wrapped around his legs tightly, his fingers clutching onto the fabric of his clothes, "In the end… everything will just end in disaster… Just like what happened to… Terra."

I noticed Ventus wince when his former love's name was spoken from his own lips.

I wanted to kneel down next to him and comfort him as best as I could. But I needed to help Sora. He could have been dying right at that moment. I couldn't bear that thought. So I looked down at my brother and gave him a sympathetic, warm look (even though he couldn't see it) and said softly, "Ven, you wait here. I'll go ahead and find Sora. Then we'll come back for you."

Ven didn't respond. But I figured that was a 'yes' considering he didn't move.

"I'm coming too!" Riku protested, stepping closer towards the door.

I nodded. I didn't see a problem with that. "Axel," I said, catching his attention, "Could you stay here and take care of my brother?"

Axel's expression twisted into one of disapproval, "But what about you! I'm not letting just you and Riku go up against Saix! What if you get hurt! I won't be there to protect you…"

I placed my hands on my hips, saying sharply, "I can take care of myself. I'll be fine. Promise."

"Yeah, don't worry," Riku added, "I'll make sure to take care of him if anything happens. I won't let them hurt Roxas."

Wow, so much flattery (or whatever I could call it) in one day…

Axel still looked unsure and somewhat sad, but he hesitantly nodded, saying in a quiet voice, "Okay…" He didn't sound satisfied. But his reaction was better then him denying my favour completely.

I gave him a light smile before hurrying out the door with Riku. I wasn't there long enough to notice if Axel smiled back at me.

We rushed down the halls towards Xemnas' office, our concern for Sora eating away at us. At least it was gnawing away at me. I wasn't sure about Riku, but I guessed as much considering Sora did happen to be his mate. They'd grown to love one another just like Axel and I had. Though knowing each other for a longer period of time, that probably made their relationship stronger in the communication department. On the other hand, intimacy could either break or make a relationship, and that's what we had. And as you know, the intimacy that we shared didn't break us. Somehow, it had made us feel more connected.

But enough with comparing our relationships. We both obviously cared for our mates.

Once we were in front of the door to Xemnas' office, Riku stepped forward and performed a strong kick, taking the door right off it's poor little hinges. It crashed to the ground with an almost deafening clatter.

Why he had to make such a dramatic entrance was a mystery to me. Why couldn't he just open it like a normal person?

"Sora!" Riku called as he ran into the office. His head jerked in several directions, frantically searching for my brunette haired brother. I cautiously went in after him. That's when I realized that the office was empty. No one was there.

Riku stood in the center of the room for a few seconds, motionless. His back faced me, so I couldn't tell what his facial expression was like. My guess was fear. I knew horror covered mine. I couldn't bear the thought of losing Sora… But where could they be!

"Dammit!" Riku suddenly shouted out in frustration as he smashed his curled up hand onto the desk that he stood in front of, "Where the hell is he!"

I remained silent, unable to think of anything to say to him, considering I was upset and frantic myself. My muteness didn't last long though. My head jerked up and I gasped when I heard a loud voice yell, "Yeah, I swear the loud noise came from down here."

I took a big step forward and grabbed Riku's arm, "Come on! We have to go! The guards must have heard you when you knocked the door down! They're coming!" I felt adrenaline seep into my veins as the guard's footsteps came ever closer.

After a slight pause. Riku turned towards me and we began to dash out of there. The guards must have been around the corner still because I didn't see them when we burst out into the halls. Riku and I darted around a corner into another hallway so that the guards wouldn't see us once they appeared from the upper corner to investigate the hallway outside of Xemnas' office.

I took a deep breath, stopping when we thought we were far enough from where the guards gathered. Riku wanted to keep going though.

"I'm not wasting anymore time! I'm finding Sora!" he protested when I came to a halt.

I shook my head at him, "I don't want to risk losing anymore time either, but we need to think! Where would they take Sora if they wanted to harm him?"

Riku made an annoyed sigh, combing a hand through his silver hair. I sighed too, but a gasp quickly followed. How could I be so stupid! Obviously, if they wanted to hurt Sora then they'd take him to the quarantined room! That's where they'd taken Axel… when they'd beat him. The memory of that made me shudder. I couldn't imagine it if the same thing was happening to Sora… How could these people be so cruel?

"The quarantined room!" I said aloud, and Riku nodded in realization.

"Right!" he responded.

And the two of us began to run down the halls yet again.

The wing where we were kept was like a big, maze-ish like box. There were four narrow halls in the shape of a rectangle. Our dorms lined the outer walls of that "box," while the quarantined room was the big inner box in the center. The entrance to it was on the west side though, and at the moment we were to the east side- the side where the door to my own dorm was. Dammit. With the guards being more alert now, it would make it harder to sneak around. Riku and I had no idea whether the guards left the area surrounding Xemnas' office or not. We could either take a risk and check by taking that southern route, or we could use the long way which involved travelling up the hall we occupied currently, turning down the hall that led east, and then travelling down south from there. Whichever path we took would be dangerous considering the longer route would involve passing by the staff room. That's where the guards normally hung around for some reason… Bunch of lazy-asses (though I couldn't complain… Benefits, people!)

"So, should we go back towards Xemnas' office?" I asked Riku, trying to hide the dread from my eyes and voice.

Riku was hesitant, but soon nodded, "May as well…"

I swallowed thickly, slowly tip-toeing to the end of our hall. Then, just like a movie-spy, I craned my head around and slyly peeked around the corner. "It looks like they're gone," I whispered.

Riku laughed darkly, "Yeah, or they're looking for us…"

I tried not to cringe, but Riku's sentence gave me the weirdest sensation; the sensation one feels when they are watching a really scary, but good, horror movie (yep, another movie reference. So sue me). The adrenaline was definitely pumping now. As I swiftly appeared from behind the corner and practically glided across the hall (considering my feet were so light against the marble-like floor), I was as alert as the most nervous animal that just expected it's prey to come swooping out of nowhere. It was terrifying knowing that an armed guard could be around any corner. The fright and then the concern that I felt for Sora was definitely not a good mix.

When we turned the next corner into the hallway up north, I began to feel a little more confident. We were finally in the hall that had the entrance door for the quarantined room in it. It was just a bit farther down…

Riku broke into a run, breathing out Sora's name as he began. I sped up too, breaking into a light run myself. But I wasn't as fast as Riku, so he made it to the entrance before me. I froze in front of it, and so did Riku, just to see if any noise could reach our sensitive ears. My heart froze in my chest for the first few seconds, but then Sora's faint scream was heard by me.

"Aaaaahhhh! STOP!" he cried out, his voice thick with what must have been tears.

Immediately, I felt myself grow angry. Fury took over every other feeling in my once horror-struck body. I wanted to kill them. I wanted to make Xemnas pay so bad for doing something like this to Sora. Ven too.

Riku became enraged as well. I noticed his nostrils flare as his eyes narrowed dangerously. Without a second thought, Riku roughly pushed himself through the doors with a huge bang, roaring, "Sora!"

I followed in after him, my eyes locking with Sora's. It broke my heart to see him the way he was… He was laying on the bed with a tear stricken face. His facial expression was the most hurt… the most afraid that I'd ever seen it. Saix was overtop of him, trapping him underneath him as he attempted to undo Sora's jacket. Sora thrashed, screaming, "RIKU!"

The sight may have made me freeze up, but it only fuelled Riku's anger. "YOU BASTARD! GET OFF HIM!" Riku yelled so loud that he brought me out of my daze.

Saix slowly withdrew from my shaking brother, unsurprised by our appearance. Or rather, unthreatened by it. "Why hello…" he calmly greeted. Riku's hand formed into a trembling fist at his side as he gritted his teeth. "Here to save Sora? I'm sorry, but there's no point in that," Saix extended a hand out to grab at Sora's chin, making Riku growl, "I'm not sure if you're aware, but Sora is useless to you. He just won't go into heat, the poor thing. So instead of wasting either of your time, we're putting him out of his misery. Don't worry… we'll be sure to replace him with a much more capable mate."

Now I finally spoke up, tears silently leaking from my stinging eyes. "STOP! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO CRUEL! _PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY? _YOU'RE RAPING HIM!" I paused, trying to pull myself together as it felt like I was choking, "AND SO WHAT IF HE WON'T GO INTO HEAT! HE AND RIKU LOVE EACH OTHER! THERE'S NO NEED TO KILL ANYONE!"

I made myself stop as I sniffled, squeezing my eyes shut tightly.

Saix took a step away from Sora, smirking, "Number thirteen, it seems to me like you have a death wish of your own. You Nobodies don't have the right to tell me whether you deserve to live or not. If I or Xemnas state otherwise, then it is so. You are merely an experiment."

I couldn't help myself from snorting. At this point, I didn't care what I said. "We are so people!" I protested loudly, "You jerks won't tell anyone, but you never created us! That's just another lie you fed us!"

Saix gave me a sharp look and Riku began to stare at me.

"You kidnapped us from our parents," my teeth clenched together roughly as my expression tensed and I practically hissed, "Just like how you stole Kohana from me!"

Riku's aquatic eyes widened dramatically as his face softened, shock overcoming the anger. No one else but me knew about Xemnas' little secret. I still remembered their conversation too clearly… It made me sick knowing that they'd lied to us just to have an excuse to treat us as if we were inferior. "So what if we were implanted with some kind of monster-ish DNA or hormones before birth!" I continued, "I'm not being treated like crap! Not anymore!"

Saix stopped where he stood, unmoving. He didn't know what to do about me. They couldn't go around trying to kill me. I was still 'useful' to them, as disgusted as it made me feel.

During this time, the hysterical Sora quickly threw himself off the bed, stumbling over to join us. "Riku!" he cried, throwing himself into Riku's arms and tightly wrapping his own hands around his lover. Riku embraced Sora in return, bringing a hand up to stroke the back of Sora's hair soothingly.

I took a step closer to them, wanting to place a hand on Sora's shoulder. But I decided against it. I would leave him and Sora alone for now.

Instead I kept a wary eye on Saix, who's eyes were filling up with a hungry blood-lust. I couldn't help but shudder when the tall, blue haired man began to march towards me with a powerful stance, snarling, "You're going to get it now, you little brat!"

He was halted yet again when the emergency alarm began to blare, startling us all.

That was weird… The emergency alarm rarely ever went off. The only time we'd ever used it was for a practice test. You know, just in case we ever needed to evacuate the facility. But when did we ever have those? Every like… four years? Obviously it was just there as a safety procedure considering lots of shit could happen at a lab. Fires and hazardous chemical spills meant an evacuation. So we'd always had it, but really when was such an accident bound to happen? Otherwise, it was just a drill.

For some reason we all found ourselves frozen in place. No one moved as the alarms began to screech annoyingly. Flashing red lights soon followed, making me feel as if I could have a seizure at any moment.

It was Riku who moved first. He withdrew from Sora, taking his hand and jogging towards the door. I followed afterwards, my legs feeling stiff as I finally broke the motionlessness. "STOP!" Saix yelled, easily catching up to us. We were out in the hall by that point. "I need to discuss this with Master Xemnas. You fools go back to your dorm rooms until further notice. We'll evacuate you if necessary."

I was surprised that Saix just left us like that. This was the perfect 'runaway' opportunity. Riku read the look in my eyes and the three of us dashed back to my dorm room where Axel and Ventus were waiting for us. _Hopefully_ they were waiting for us.

"What's going on?" Sora panted, confused by how calm we were about everything.

I saw Riku lightly squeeze at Sora's hand, "We'll tell you everything later. But for now, just trust me, okay? We have to get out of here." I'm guessing that response didn't bother him considering he never pried on about it.

When we turned the corner into the hall where the entrance to our dorm room was, I was surprised to see Axel. He stood just outside of our room, and when he caught sight of me, he waved. "Roxas! Hurry! I've already spread the heads up to everyone, and they're all coming. And don't worry about your stuff. Before I decided to brew up a little bit of a fire in the staff room, I took some backpacks that we could carry clothes, food, water, and those pills in. I already packed for you! All we need to do is swipe some of those pills or injections or whatever you can get a hold of, as long as you guys can be kept out of heat."

Axel had started a fire? No wonder the alarms were booming down on us…

When I stopped in front of him, I gave Axel a quick hug and smiled, "You're awesome."

Axel grinned sheepishly, his face beginning to go red from what must have been embarrassment. But it was true. Axel had saved us, that was for sure.

When I rushed into my messy dorm room, I heard Axel tell Sora that he was glad he was alright. I didn't pay enough attention to hear Sora's reply.

I took the backpack that Axel had mentioned, and swung it over my shoulders. I noticed Ven sitting on my bed, a bag of his own strapped onto him. He stared down at the ring that he'd always worn around his finger, his eyes lifeless. I extended a hand out, offering it to him, "Come one, Ven. Lets get going…" I made my tone sound soft and hopefully welcoming considering his condition was fragile.

Ven slowly shook his head from side to side, his hands shaking as they gripped the edges of the bed. "What's the point…?" he whispered, "Nothing matters anymore."

Seeing my brother- my strong, spirited brother- in such a low place was very difficult to witness. This Terra character had really meant a lot to Ven… and Xemnas and his goons just had to take him away. The same for Riku. They were going to eliminate Sora as well. The thoughts of it all reawakened the wrath within me.

"Come on, Ven," I pressed, keeping my voice gentle, "I can't go anywhere without you."

Ven brought his lowered gaze up to stare at me, and then he sluggishly stood up, taking my hand. I'm not saying he looked enthusiastic about it, but at least this was a step.

Still holding my brother's hand, we walked out into the hall where Axel, Sora, and Riku were waiting.

From there, we went back around the rectangular ward to the opposite side- where Sora's room was. It didn't take very long for him to pack his things, so we were in and out of there. Apparently, as Axel had explained, we didn't need to wait on the other Nobodies to pack; they would meet up with us outside. It was every Nobody for himself.

So the only things that needed to be done were the retrieval of those pills (which we could do on our way to the main lobby considering we had to pass through the treatment centre anyway… or so I thought). On the way to the pregnancy ward oh so many months ago, I remembered briefly catching a glimpse of a simple map on the wall.

Anyway, enough about that. We also needed winter coats considering it was kind of January outside. But where could we find coats exactly? That would be tricky. Funny how the winter gear was more complicated then the medications.

When we walked down various halls, already away from our own Nobody ward, I finally noticed a small, basic map put into the wall. I walked over to it, stealing a pen from the rear secretary desk from the treatment area before I did so, and then I quickly began to doodle the map onto my palm. I could feel Axel's breath against my neck as he looked down at my hand to see what I was doing silently. Riku, Sora, and Ven stood nearby warily. _I_didn't see the need to be so alert. All of the staff were occupied with the fire. Well, the staff who's jurisdiction resided within the Nobody ward anyway. The staff from other sectors continued to wander, tending to their own business. They didn't seem to know that we were experiments. They only glanced at us curiously whenever we walked past one another.

Either way, the Nobody workers wouldn't be distracted forever. We needed to pick up the pace.

"Lets go," I breathed, walking again as I stared down at my palm. One room that was beyond the treatment centre and within a very narrow hall that would lead us to the pregnancy department was called 'storage.' There were two storage rooms, and that sounded promising. That had to be where they kept their medicine.

When we reached the hallway where the storage rooms were, I didn't hesitate to go into one. I was right; tons and tons of different medicines were packed onto shelves. It would take forever to go through all of them… I tried to remember the container that my pills had been in. What did it look like when the nurse placed it on my bedside table to take the one pill out? It would come back to me if I saw it…

It took longer then I expected to dig through all of the medicines and injections and vaccines. But when I finally saw them, I knew right away. I grabbed the container that was there, and stuffed it into my already cramped backpack. "Okay! Let's go!" I told them, trying not to sound frantic.

Now we all ran lightly, anxious to just get out of there.

"What about coats?" Sora asked us all, his tone sounding quite worried.

I shrugged as we continued to run. "We'll have to go without them. There were only medical supplies in the storage rooms. But we can't waste our time looking," I paused to peer down at my hand, "We only have the pregnancy care area, more halls, and the main lobby to get through now. I doubt we'll find coats in any of those places."

Sora sighed, realizing that that was the truth.

"I told you this is pointless… We're all going to die of hypothermia anyway…" Ven murmured. Sora shot me a pained look as we all refused to respond to that. It wasn't right that Ven was being completely negative about everything, but at the same time he had every right to be. He was very vulnerable; delicate.

But he _was_ kinda right… We'd freeze out there without proper clothes. At least we had sweaters though. We'd last longer with those. And hey; it wasn't like we were running out there in shorts and t-shirts. We were all wearing pants and sweaters overtop of our shirts. We'd be okay… for a short period of time, maybe.

We were almost out of the pregnancy wing, preparing to turn a corner that would take us up north towards the main lobby. We were gonna make it! Just a bit more to go.

"Roxas!" the sudden call of my name brought me to a halt. My nerves started to race.

It was Dr. Vexen. He stood in the doorway of his office, gesturing to me. I didn't know if I could trust him… I mean, sure he'd been nice to me back when I was pregnant, but that didn't mean that he wasn't a doctor who had a job to fulfill. Who knew what he was thinking. So I remained where I stood, eyeing the doctor carefully.

Axel threw himself in between me and Dr. Vexen, growling.

"You must be his Breeder," Dr. Vexen said to Axel, "Don't worry. I don't want to hurt you. I'll pretend I never saw you. But please, take these with you!" He tossed winter jackets at us, which startled me. He knew we were planning on running away? "I'm sorry there aren't enough for you all, but that's all I have."

I nodded at Axel as he hesitantly bent down to pick up the coats from the floor. It seemed that we could trust Dr. Vexen after all.

Of course it turned out that there were only four coats. We were a mere one coat short. Axel had to take the biggest one considering it wouldn't fit anyone else. Riku made sure that Sora got one. Riku took the next biggest one, meaning there was one small coat left.

"You have it, Ven," I said, passing the black coat with brown fur on the hood's rim to him.

Ven hesitantly took it from me, "Are you sure?"

I nodded, taking my bag off and opening it up so that I could fetch out another hoodie. "I'll wear two sweaters. I'll be totally fine," I promised, pulling the black hooded sweater over my head.

Axel gave me a look; a look that told me that he wanted for me to stay warm. And Sora's facial expression became concerned again. He began to undo his coat, but Riku took his arm.

And that's when the deafening alarm suddenly stopped. One would think that a break from the dreadful sound would be welcomed. But in our case, we grew horrified. Vexen came to the same conclusion as us as well. "You must hurry!" he said, panicked, "The staff will realize your absence! Go!"

He didn't need to tell me twice!

Our small group bolted down the long, northward hallway. From there, we'd finally reach the main lobby. You know what that meant; the door to sweet freedom! I couldn't wait to feel the naturalness of nature against my skin. I was getting tired of the artificial shit here. The outside air would be refreshing… overwhelming.

I'm pretty sure that everyone was getting excited by this point.

When we finally skidded into the vast room that was the main lobby, I couldn't help but walk ahead of the others to stand before the huge glass door that separated us from the world of un-restraint and independence. I observed it, looking for the way to open it. It wasn't a sliding door… or an automatic one.

I noticed the panel beside it though. It had a small, blinking red light on it. Obviously this door was password activated or something. "Shit!" I cursed.

The others all came to the same conclusion, their facial expressions becoming looks of discouragement and even fear. I didn't want to give up! Not now! We'd gotten so damned far! So I ignored their negativity and brought a leg up, smashing my foot against the transparent door. But the glass-like surface didn't shatter. It was stronger then glass. Again, I brought my leg up to kick the door forcefully. And again, and again, and again until my leg couldn't bring itself to move anymore because it ached so damned much.

"Dammit!" I choked, letting myself sag down onto my knees, my palms dragging themselves down along the door's surface. Sora kneeled down next to me and placed a hand over my shoulder. "We're screwed…" I admitted, disappointment holding me prisoner now as well, "Why?… Why get so far… to only be rejected and thrown back to wherever the hell we came from?"

"Two-one-one-three!" a voice suddenly called out.

I slowly raised my head, recognizing the voice as Dr. Vexen's. "The password!" he repeated, "It's two-one-one-three!"

I jumped up from the ground, a new spark of hope burning inside of me. So we had a chance after all. We could still get out of there.

I entered the numbers into the panel, and the flickering red light turned solid green. The glass doors flew open with a 'woosh' and the cool winter air washed over us. I closed my eyes for a moment, realizing that they needed a second to adjust to the cold, wintery breeze.

As we hesitantly walked out into the land of ice and snow, I couldn't help but feel as if the faint glowing sun, which was bathed in snow clouds, was there to greet us into our new world.

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**I hope everyone enjoyed the two chapters I updated with! :) Please review and share your thoughts! **


	25. American boy

**Hey! I know you guys are gonna be totally mad, but the next five or so chapters are all gonna be kinda... filler-ish. Like I have where Riku meets Sora, and where Ven meets Terra... Chapters like that. I hope you like them all anyway. To make it easier on you, I'm gonna post most of the fillers all at once, so that I can update with an actual continuation next time. I have a Riku, Axel, Roxas, Ventus and Terra filler. The only one I can't post yet is the Terra one, cause my boyfriend has it, and I haven't typed it up on my computer yet. So I'll hopefully get it back soon. XD**

**And thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, faved and alerted! I thank even the people who simply read it! Thanks so much you guys! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the songs I've used in these chapters, nor do I own the KH or FF characters. **

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_**Riku **_(American boy) November 2998

_He said "Hey Sister._  
_It's really really nice to meet you."_  
_I just met this 5 foot 7 guy who's just my type._  
_I like the way he's speaking his confidence is peaking._  
_Don't like his baggy jeans but I'm a like what's underneath them._  
_And no I ain't been to MIA_  
_I heard that Cali never rains and New York heart awaits._  
_First let's see the west end._  
_I'll show you to my brethren._  
_I'm liking this American Boy. American Boy_

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**_Riku: 16 years, 1 month Sora: 13 years, 10 months_**

**_Axel: 22 years, 3 months Roxas & Ventus: 11 years, 11 months_**

It was another ordinary, boring day: a day where I would never expect something extremely important to happen. As usual, I woke up before Axel, but chose to disrupt his sleep anyway. "Wake up!" I told him, climbing down from my bed which was the top bunk. My roommate merely groaned something unintelligible, rolling away so that he faced the wall instead.

I chuckled when he turned his head around to face me tiredly. "How come you always have to wake me up?" he whined.

"Cause I have nothing better to do in the mornings," I teased, beginning to change out of my pyjamas and into some decent clothes. Axel only narrowed his eyes venomously, rolling them soon after. God, couldn't he take a bloody joke?

Just then, a guard came crashing through the door, which startled the both of us. Axel jolted out of bed, his face now filled with alarm instead of tiredness. I probably didn't look all that different. Normally, the guards only barged in like that when Xemnas was expecting us in his office. Other times, the guards merely entered our rooms so they could collect us for meals and herd us into the cafeteria. But this guard was oozing with desperation; meaning he was there for one of us…

I noticed a flash of hope light up Axel's green eyes. He was probably hoping that his mate had become old enough for their meeting. He was twenty-two. He'd been waiting for his mate for quite a long time. And through the conversations that we'd shared about our roles, I knew that he was looking forward to meeting his long awaited mate.

So when the guard called out _my_ name tentatively, I felt my mood drop. I was hoping that Axel was finally going to fulfill his role. "Ummmm… Riku," the guard began, "Later on this day, you are warned that you will be taken to Master Xemnas' office in order to meet your mate for the first time."

Me? _I _was going to meet my mate?

I nodded, speechless. Then the guard was gone.

I forced myself to turn around and look at Axel. He looked slightly disappointed, but when he caught my eyes, his expression grew more warm. "Congratulations. Now you get to meet the oh so mysterious Sora that you've heard so much about," Axel said.

I tried my best to fix up a sympathetic look, "Yeah… I'm just sorry that it couldn't have been you. I mean… you're older then me, so why did they mate _me_ to Sora? Maybe I can try and ask if you can have this Sora instead…"

Axel's features became surprised, but he quickly shook his head from side to side, "Nah. You want to meet him anyway, don't you? I mean… you're getting sick of this boring, repetitive life- so this should be good for you," he paused, smiling to himself softly, "Besides… I'm sure I have my own mate chosen for me already. I can wait for him."

"I guess…" I murmured. But I was really beginning to wonder why they'd told me my mate's name quite a while back, but refused to even give Axel a name. Did that mean that he had no mate planned for him yet? I couldn't stand the thought. It just wasn't fair.

As you can probably imagine, the remainder of the day went by extremely slowly. That is, until the guard came to get me. I just couldn't get the thought out of my head. In a way, I was really looking forward to seeing Sora. But at the same time, I felt that I needed to keep talk about him to a minimum. I didn't want to bring it up too much considering it would only make Axel depressed. I knew he was hurt. He was just being a good friend to me by encouraging me. I wondered if he truly felt even a sliver of jealousy towards me. I wouldn't blame him if he did.

Before anyone came to take me away, Axel and I found ourselves watching some TV. Nothing that was on was all that good, and the channels were extremely limited considering the employees cared little about our entertainment. They were satisfied as long as we did what was important to them- which was fulfilling our roles. But I hadn't reached that point just yet. Everything was getting pretty boring. I found watching TV to be even more boring then usual considering I was waiting in anticipation for a guard to take me away to Xemnas.

It was closer to the evening when I was finally called upon. Again, one of the guards came into our room. But this time, I got to leave with them. I was led to Xemnas' main office. I could feel my nerves begin to race faster with each step that I took. I wasn't one who liked to express fear though, so I did my absolute best to cover it up with a calm posture.

The guard waited outside in the hall once we got there, instructing that I go on in. I listened, cautiously turning the knob and opening the door. I swallowed thickly, but then made my way inside. My eyes darted around the room, anxiously searching for the one who was possibly Sora. But I was filled with disappointment when I realized that the only other in the whole room was Xemnas- who sat behind his desk. No Sora just yet? That was discouraging.

"Hello, Riku; my number eight," Xemnas greeted me formally, "I am delighted that you and number ten shall finally meet."

I did my best to look enthusiastic. Trust me, I really was excited about meeting Sora… I just didn't like Xemnas all that much. He was a pompous, controlling jerk who obviously needed to get himself laid.

Not that I'd ever tell him that.

Xemnas continued to speak with me casually, saying things like, '_I know you two will make me proud' _and crap like that. I replied with as few words as possible. I was glad when I finally heard the door open.

My head perked up to give the door a hard stare. Was I seriously going to be meeting my mate? The thought of it was somehow exhilarating. It had only made me more curious when they'd first told me his name. I began to wonder what he'd look like; what his personality was like, and all in those few seconds too.

When the one who'd been opening the door was finally visible, I gasped silently. Was this the Sora who I had heard so much about for all these years? He had a petit form, and a thin body type. He wore red shorts and a simple black t-shirt. His skin tone was fairly tan- which was odd considering he probably rarely got any sun. His light brown hair stuck up in several directions- defying gravity. Then of course there were his eyes. His eyes were beautiful, and nearly impossible to miss. They were a bright shade of blue: striking and very gorgeous. I didn't realize that he was staring at me curiously until I myself stopped checking him out.

"Riku, this is your mate: Sora," Xemnas confirmed, gesturing towards the younger looking boy. Considering we were only meeting, that probably meant that Sora was probably around thirteen years of age. "And Sora, this is your breeder- Riku."

Sora smiled kindly, his features growing somewhat timid, "Hello… Riku."

He seemed nice enough.

"Hey," I said coolly, waving at him. Xemnas looked pleased by our positive interaction.

It was a little hard to try and get to know someone when a person such as Xemnas was present. We didn't really have a chance to talk just between us. Xemnas kept babbling on and on about what we'd need to expect and what was expected of us. I had to admit, there was one thing that I caught clearly when Xemnas spoke. He said that Sora would be brought to visit me every now and then. _That_ would be the time when I could talk to my mate-to-be privately, and hope to get to know him better.

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It was nearly impossible to sleep that night. I couldn't take my mind off that boy: Sora. His image, voice, and the very little bit of his personality that I'd witnessed was now burned deeply into the very heart of my mind. And his eyes… I couldn't stop thinking about how bright they seemed. They dazzled me.

I had to see him again soon, otherwise I'd go insane. I wouldn't want to say I was obsessed. But man was I happy now that Axel hadn't gotten this one. I didn't want to sound selfish or anything, but at the same time I was glad I hadn't missed out.

Early that coming morning, I stirred to life, the orange rays from the rising sun showering over my face. My eyes fluttered open tiredly as I groaned softly. It took me a few more seconds to wake up fully. Once I did, I scanned my room.

Did you wake up sometimes and just know that you were excited for something before you fell asleep, but couldn't remember what for? It felt strange, didn't it? At least that's how I felt for the short period of time it took for my brain to roar to life.

Sora.

Sora had been all I'd thought about last night. I was ecstatic. I wanted so badly to see him again, but under different circumstances. I wanted to be able to speak with him freely. I wanted to know what his hobbies were; what his favourite colour was; his favourite food… Just anything that would satisfy the intense curiosity that I felt.

Who would have thought it? Riku: obsessed, in a curious kinda way. Axel would use that against me for the rest of my life if he knew. Or maybe he'd understand considering he so badly wanted change. At first, the reasons for wanting to meet our mates was purely for the thrill of it. We were desperate to escape the boring, repetitive life we'd been living for so many years. Then afterwards, we would fall in love; fulfill our roles; and blah, blah, blah.

At least that's what I picked up on in my earlier years. In the earlier years of a Nobody's life, they attended class so that they were educated on their futures and things. It didn't last for too many years… Normally a Nobody was about seven when they began attending classes, and they were normally finished learning everything by ten. So we only had three years of that. Afterwards, we didn't really have anything to do but entertain ourselves poorly- until the Bearer in a relationship turned thirteen anyway. Sometime in their thirteenth year, they would be introduced to their breeder. Once they were introduced, they would merely be allowed to visit one another every now and then in order to prepare for the next step. The next step- the biggest step- was reaching the point of sexual maturity. That was when the purpose of our very existence was fulfilled. There would be the start of it- the first heat. Then after that, the bearer would continue to go into a heat-like state at least once every twenty-four hours (there could be exceptions) until they were successfully impregnated.

As for what happened after that… well, we apparently had to start over again, continuously going through a heat-sex-pregnancy cycle. I wasn't sure what happened to a couple's baby after delivery… I'd never met or heard about a couple who'd become pregnant. But now that I thought about it, I only knew Axel and Sora. I was positive there were plenty other Nobodies.

Axel was surprised when I didn't wake him up that morning. What could I say? I was in a generous mood. He woke up all on his own much later that morning, sitting up and stretching in bed. "Did I actually get to sleep in?" he asked me teasingly, grinning at me, "What do you know? Riku, the annoying roommate, has a heart after all."

I rolled my eyes at him, "Yeah, only because I wanted some time to think." It was true. Most of the other days I was bored, so talking to Axel was the only thing I could think of doing. But today, Sora was on my mind too much for me to care about being occupied. My thoughts did that for me.

One thing that was really starting to bug me, surprisingly, was myself. Why was I obsessing over a boy? I was freak'n curious enough about him to make me sick. Was I that desperate for change? Whatever the reason, I found it all so weird. I'd never behaved like this before. It was the oddest feeling.

"_You? Think? _Riku, are you alright?" he asked with what sounded like concern. It seemed more insulting though. I was just about to retaliate, but then some guard came through the door calmly.

Her eyes landed right on me and she said in a formal voice, "Riku, your mate is here to see you now."

It took a second for that to register. But then my eyes widened. "Right now?" I asked, looking around the room. It was messy, and Axel and I weren't even ready yet. Why was my mate visiting so early? I mean, I really wanted to see him. I was relieved that I got to see him sooner then later. But _now_! It wasn't exactly the best time…

Though the guard didn't see the problem. She merely nodded her head gracefully, stepping aside so that Sora could enter our dorm. Then she walked out, closing the door gently behind her.

"Ummm… Hi," Sora waved, staring around the room. I caught Axel's eyes and he mouthed something that looked a lot like 'cute!' I tried my best to ignore his obvious ogling. But he pushed it when he pulled a dazzling smile, standing up to approach my mate.

"Hey! I'm Axel! A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?" he greeted, that same damned smile on his face as he tapped his head with one finger.

Sora smiled back at him, and somehow (even though I hardly knew him), it melted my heart. Not that I'd ever tell anyone such a thing!

"Hey, I'm Sora. As in S-O-R-A," he replied, earning a grin from the both of us. At least he seemed down to earth.

Axel placed one hand on his hip, leaning most of his weight on his right side. "I like you, kid," he continued to do what looked like flirting to me. Again, Sora smiled, though this time there was a hint of sheepishness in his expression. He then turned in my direction, his bright blue eyes on me.

Sora turned back to look at Axel after giving me a long, hard, expressionless stare. "But…" Sora began, "I believe I was brought here to see Riku- not that I don't like talking to you." His tone was partly friendly, but I could also make out the tease in his voice. I kept myself from chuckling as Axel shrugged to himself, withdrawing back to his bed.

Sora giggled lightly, walking closer to where I stood. "Hi," he said to me warmly.

"Yeah, sorry about Axel," I scratched the back of my head (not so much embarrassed with Axel's behaviour, but because I didn't know what else to say to him). "He just… doesn't get to talk to people often. Just me."

Sora shook his head, still smiling. Man, he was a cheery one. "Don't worry about it. At least he's friendly." Cheery _and _positive.

After that, the both of us were pretty quiet. Quiet to the point where it felt extremely awkward. We just didn't know what to say to one another. I could see Sora's face grow tense as he seemed to be thinking desperately. But whenever he caught me gazing at him, he would flash a bright grin yet again. It was kinda cute.

"So… wanna just ask each other a bunch of questions?" Sora suddenly asked me eagerly. I guess he was getting tired of the silence. So was I… So how could some form of twenty questions hurt, right? It would help to feed the curiosity inside of me.

I nodded my head, "Sure."

"Alright… we already know each other's names… so… What's your favourite hobby?" he asked me, sitting himself down onto the floor.

"Oh," I kneeled down to his level and gestured towards the bed, "You know, you don't have to sit on the floor. We've got a bed." But Sora took my arm and pulled me down to sit next to him.

Sora's blue eyes had an irresistible look to them when he stared up at me and demanded in a bubbly voice, "My question!"

Again, I scratched the back of my head uncomfortably. "Well… I don't know. There isn't much to do around here," I admitted. Why? Did he not have the same problem? Did the bearers live a more luxurious life? Or maybe Sora was easily amused?

Sora opened his mouth to ask me another question, but I cut him off with a chuckle, "Wait. I get to ask something now."

"But I should get to ask another question first considering you didn't answer my other one very well."

I shrugged, "Sorry. That was my honest answer."

For the first time ever, I saw him pout- which was also pretty cute. I continued on with my question anyway. "You asked me about hobbies, but what about you? What do you do to pass the time?"

"I take care of Ven and Roxas. They're already done with school, but I used to help them with their studies. They're turning twelve next month." Sora paused, "I also like to play cards with them… and watch TV with them, and all that sorta stuff. Up until now, they've been my entire life." His tone sounded extremely warm as he finished off that sentence, smiling softly to himself. It sounded like he really cared about those kids.

I assumed that they meant a lot to him. That probably meant that he'd enjoy talking about them. "So, this _Roxas _and _Ven_… I'm guessing they're your roommates?"

"Yup! They're my younger brothers," he stated, the _thought_ of them even bringing him happiness. But what did he mean by _brothers?_ They were _like_ siblings to him? They were _tight_? Like, what was he saying? If he seriously meant they were _real_ brothers, well… how the hell would that work?

"So… they are your real brothers? Like, biological?" I asked cautiously, trying not to seem insulting. I didn't want to get Sora upset with me on our first visit.

Again, Sora nodded happily, "Yup!"

That only baffled me more… "But how? I mean, Nobodies like us aren't born like normal people. We're created. How is it possible to be related?"

"I'm not sure… The scientists nor Xemnas never really told me. But it is possible. First of all, Xemnas wouldn't make something like that up," Sora explained, "And secondly, Ven and Rox are twins. Then there's me; their older brother. If you saw all of us together, you'd see the similarities. We all look very alike."

I didn't want to say anything to him, but I just didn't find it possible. Maybe Sora only _thought _that he was related to them… Maybe Xemnas _was _lying. As for the twins, maybe there had been a malfunction during their creation, and they'd been conjoined at their 'birth?' But I didn't have a clue on how we were created, so I couldn't make assumptions either. Xemnas wouldn't share any details with us, which was one of the reasons why I didn't respect him all that much.

"…You don't believe me," Sora murmured, hanging his head down sadly at my delayed response.

"No," I shook my head, " I was preoccupied; thinking about how kind you are, taking care of them and all. You're probably like the parent that they never had. It's thoughtful and caring of you to look out for your brothers so much."

_Smooth move, Riku! You just saved yourself! _

Sora immediately brightened up again, clasping his hands together in a state of delight. "Really? You think so?" His skin colour turned a tomato-red, and he squirmed where he sat on the floor for a moment, his blue eyes watching me.

He seemed like a very sweet kid. It was kind of strange thinking that in a year he would be expecting his first heat. In a year, we'd be expected to be a mature couple… It was just odd. Here he was after all this time, and now he'd be apart of my life for eternity. We were forever connected. I was connected to this complete stranger, and yet I didn't mind it one bit.

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	26. Paralyzer

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_**Axel **_(Paralyzer) July 3000

_Well I'm not paralyzed_

_But I seem to be struck by you_

_I wanna make you move_

_Because you're standing still_

_If your body matches what your eyes can do_

_You'll probably move right through_

_Me on my way to you_

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**_Took place between 'Leave out all the rest' and 'Poker face.' _**

**_Axel: 23 years, 11 months Riku: 17 years, 9 months_**

**_Roxas: 13 years, 7 months_**

Considering I was turning twenty-four in another month, I had obviously experienced sexual desire on several occasions- even before I'd known a thing about my future mate. So I knew (or at least had an idea) what desire felt like. But never had I been so greatly aroused before. Perhaps it was the physical appearance of my mate. He was hot, sexy, and practically irresistible… Well… the most 'irresistible' and mature that a thirteen year old could be. He already held several mature traits, but he had a bit more aging to do. He would grow taller in time, and his face structure still needed to sharpen slightly. He still had a bit of a baby face.

He did appear older then he really was though. Nobodies hit sexual maturity at a far greater speed then an average Somebody would. The scientists had obviously done that on purpose. They wanted us to be ready for sex and childbearing as soon as possible. When Roxas was only thirteen, he probably could have pulled off the physical appearance of a fifteen year old. It was almost like a nine or ten year old girl receiving her period before she even reached teenage hood.

Anyway: back to the past topic.

Maybe my sudden arousal had nothing to do with that at all. I'd heard rumours about breeders, and how their body subconsciously knew when their partner was close to having their first heat. It seemed unrealistic to me though. I mean, how could one's body possibly know who their mate was? Wouldn't it have made more sense if one's body reacted in such a way whenever _any_ bearer was nearing their first heat?

But who knew for sure? All I did know for certain was that my hormones were driving me absolutely crazy. They wanted Roxas, who wanted nothing to do with me sexually.

We had a stable _friendship_ by that point, but nothing even close to an intimate relationship. No… Roxas would rather butcher his own body into pieces then be with-_**with **_me.

It was kinda painful. All of my remainders (thanks to my horny hormones) were definitely not helping.

It was late, and I was putting off my sleep because I knew the moment I closed my eyes that I would dream about Roxas in a very inappropriate scenario. It would make me feel guilty about thinking that way. I had promised Roxas that we could act as whatever he wanted us to be. He'd said friends.

Tell me: do friends have seductive dreams that involve one another? Do friends have sex-dreams? Do friends freak'n get an erection just by looking at the other! NO!

I was completely breaking my promise, and I couldn't let Roxas find out that I still thought of him in ways that travelled beyond friendship. I just couldn't… I'd worked so hard just to gain what I shared with him now. I couldn't live with myself if I screwed that up.

He probably wouldn't give me another chance if that happened…

Letting those 'threats' sink into my brain, I finally let my eyes flutter shut. Knowing that our delicate friendship depended on it, I hoped that I would 'turn back off' rather then stay 'turned on.'

I was only being a naïve sucker. Nothing would ever keep me from loving Roxas.

Nothing…

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An early-morning light shone into my room warmly, and a gentle breeze that blew at my swaying window curtain came with it. It all felt so nice. It was Fall outside, so I had my window open the other night in order to let the crisp Autumn air fill my stuffy room.

I was greatly relaxed, especially when I noticed that Roxas sat at my side, staring down at me warmly as his legs curled at the knee. They curled to his left.

His legs were completely bare. All that he wore was a black dress shirt, which looked way too big for him. It flowed down to his mid-thigh. I also noticed that the first four buttons were undone, revealing a bit of his chest.

The sunlight from outside hit his back, highlighting his golden locks. The effects of the bright light made him look like an angel.

I smiled up at him as he brushed a hand through my hair softly.

"What are you doing here?" I murmured, though I made sure to sound delighted to see him.

Roxas chuckled, "Of course I'm here, silly." It was the first time he spoke, and I had to admit, his voice sounded different somehow. It was soft and extremely seductive. I was mesmerized now not only by his angelic appearance, but from his voice too.

"Remember?" he continued, "Last night I had my first heat… It was beautiful."

First heat? Roxas had received his first heat?

He must have interpreted my puzzled expression as disappointment, considering what he next said. "Don't worry. I'll have another round of heat again soon." He paused, leaning in closer and closer to me with every word that escaped from his desirable lips, " And again… and again… and again."

I swallowed thickly, feeling my face flush red as I felt Roxas' sweet breath wash over me. His glossy lips practically scraped against mine. Just as my barrier of resistance was shattering and I prepared to claim those lips, Roxas withdrew.

I'm not sure where he got it from, but all of a sudden he had a sea-salt ice cream in his hand. He brought it up to his mouth, giving it one hot n steamy lick. I felt my cheeks burn up.

"Do you want it?" he sounded as seductive as ever, though I wasn't quite sure on what he meant. Did he mean the ice cream? Cause I hoped to god he meant something else.

I silently nodded, unable to take my eyes away from him for one second as he gave the lucky thing another lick. "Do you _really, really_ want it?" He emphasized the word 'really.'

I followed his movement as he leaned in close to me again.

I watched his tongue roll across the surface of the ice cream once again before he chipped a piece of the frozen treat with his finger. It began to melt immediately as it made contact with his skin: his body heat.

He brought his finger to my mouth, feeding me that small portion of ice cream. He let my tongue lick it from his finger gently as he stuck it in the cave of my mouth.

I wouldn't have minded it if Roxas wanted to feed me everyday.

I couldn't help but blush lightly when his hand withdrew and he instead placed it on my bare chest. His hand ran down my toned chest and then my stomach, which sent a shiver through my spine. Roxas didn't seem to notice.

The whole scenario had left me unresponsive. I didn't know how to react. It was all so… un-Roxas-like. It felt odd. But I finally found myself wrapping my arms around his hips, pulling him up against my body as he dove in to catch me in an open-mouthed kiss. Our lip movements were hungry and lust-filled to start off. Roxas even placed his hands on either side of my face to deepen it. He was eager.

We broke apart from our kiss too soon as we came to realize that we were breathless.

Roxas tried to chuckle as he gasped for oxygen. I did the same, staring up at him as I brought a hand up to stroke the side of his face. He nuzzled into the touch.

Everything suddenly became serious, and only one thing went through my mind.

The hand on his cheek brushed down his neck and partway down his chest until it found the next button on his dress shirt that needed to be undone.

"Do you want to?" I quietly asked, my hand preparing itself to undo those final buttons so that the shirt could slip away from his body and reveal to me the beauty beyond it.

I searched his eyes.

Roxas silently nodded, guiding my own hand down the trail of done-up buttons. I could feel my heart beat quicken as Roxas' face grew more red with each button that was loosened.

Just as I neared the final one, Roxas leaned in so that his lips brushed against my earlobe and he quietly whispered, "_Don't_ be gentle."

I smirked at that, responding, "Oh, I don't know gentle, Rox."

"Then take me."

I undid that last button, opening up the dress shirt completely.

But then Roxas was gone.

I flew up from where I was laying on my bed, my eyes snapping open from sleep. My room had been the same. The only difference was that Roxas no longer helped me occupy my bottom bunk. Oh, also Riku sat on the floor, watching a muted football game.

Riku was nowhere to be seen in my dream.

Right… I guess that was all it had been: a dream. Roxas didn't truly like me that way. He would never say or do anything like that dream version of him, which I had created through my own messed up hormones.

I sighed to myself.

That alerted Riku of my consciousness. He snickered at me, ""Have a nice dream?"

I immediately froze up. He was the last person who I wanted to know about that.

Riku tried to re-quote things that I must have said, trying his best not to laugh as he did so. "_Oh, oh, Roxas!" _I must have repeated one of dream-Roxas' quotes because Riku teased me with one. "_Do you REALLY want it? Don't be gentle." _He couldn't help but burst out laughing at that one, "What was going on there? A freak'n BJ or something?"

My face flared in both embarrassment and anger. Couldn't Riku mind his own business?

"Don't talk about things you don't know about!" I snapped defensively. That wasn't exactly what had happened… It wasn't like I was meaning to have these dreams.

I only hoped that the dreams would stop sometime soon… and that Roxas never ever found out about them!


	27. Clumsy

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_**Roxas**_ (Clumsy) October 3000

_You got me trippin', stumblin', flippin', fumblin'_

_Clumsy 'cause I'm fallin in love_

_You got me slippin', tumblin', sinkin', fumblin'_

_Clumsy 'cause I'm fallin' in love, so in love with you_

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**_Takes place between 'Sweet surrender pt one' and 'Sweet surrender pt two' _**

**_Roxas: 13 years, 10 months Riku: 18_**

**_Axel: 24 years, 2 months_**

I leaned in towards him, placing a soft kiss onto his lips. Axel's features tensed as he quietly asked, "What was that for?"

I tried to sound casual, but my face was most likely a light scarlet. Though he mustn't have caught it considering he never commented on it. "You looked like you needed it," I responded softly.

That had started it all. It'd only been about a month since that time, but that was where our relationship had seriously started. I just… couldn't explain it. I began to develop stronger feelings for him. Maybe all of the tough times we'd endured together had finally caught up to me. We _had_ been through a lot. It seemed like forever ago since I'd received my first heat, but Axel's actions towards it were what made it so much more memorable. _That_ was probably the toughest time for us, and yet Axel had acted so kindly. He was great to me.

Though it wasn't only my feelings that'd changed when it came to him. The most annoying, troublesome thing that I have ever had to deal with (and I am one-hundred percent serious!) would have to be the irritating yet pleasing element of infatuation and physical attraction. It was so troublesome! Axel would be the only person and/or thing that'd come to mind. Twenty-four seven, he would endlessly harass my thoughts. On top of that, I couldn't forget the sense of feeling completely inferior. I began to care about what I wore; if my hair was out of place; and silly things like that. I couldn't help but think '_oh no, how do I look!'_ whenever I was with him- which was all the time considering we were roommates. The only time I had to myself were the early mornings. I was normally up before Riku and Axel. So I had those short moments to fix myself up and make me feel all pretty and perfect. Man, I felt like a complete Barbie. The worst part of it was that I was doing this to myself- dolling myself up!

I'd never been so concerned with looks before. I'd never experienced the desire to impress anyone either.

Of course- the last part of me that'd changed was probably the most breathtaking, and most likely the thing that altered my emotions the most. That was possibly one of the greater reasons in why I'd suddenly grown attached to Axel: why my feelings towards him had softened.

I was pregnant… or so I expected. I hadn't confirmed it, nor had I shared my thoughts with any other person. But trust me… People knew! I knew my body. I was definitely pregnant. It didn't help that I hadn't had heat in quite a while. Obviously Axel was becoming suspicious. I'm sure, deep down, Axel knew too.

That morning was like every other morning. I woke up early, running to the bathroom almost immediately. Another hint of my pregnancy. Every morning I got up, needing to vomit my guts out. I was glad that I only had that happen in the mornings. It made the clues easier to hide from Axel considering he was never awake when my nausea occurred.

Sure, they called it 'morning sickness,' but that didn't mean it only happened in the mornings. It could happen at any time, so I was merely lucky.

_So yeah…_ I rushed to the bathroom, turned the light on, locked the door shut… and the rest seriously doesn't need to be described.

After my lovely morning ritual, I decided to turn on the hot, steaming water of the shower. I really wanted one. It seemed like I _always_ wanted one. Like I'd said, I constantly wanted to look my best. Which meant I was always trying out different shower gels, just to see which one made me smell the nicest. Though in a lab, I didn't get all that much variety. We just had whatever was given to us. There weren't any online catalogues that we could look at and order things from… unfortunately.

I'm happy to say that the shower gel had at least been replenished.

I stepped into the relaxing spray of water, stroking my fingers through my hair and untangling it as I sighed lightly, closing my eyes. I turned my clothesless body away from the showerhead, opening my blue eyes so that I could read the labels on the various shower gel bottles. There was Lavender… Coconut (which sounded good considering it read _'made for passion' _right on the bottle). But in the end, I chose Vanilla.

'_All over Latin-America, Vanilla is used to seduce. We don't like to leave anything to chance (especially when it comes to matters of the heart). So we blended notes of vanilla, lemon, plum and jasmine to create a tender fragrance that'll make every inch of your body irresistible.' _

Sounded pretty good to me!

When I came out of the shower, dried off, brushed my hair and teeth, and then clothed myself, I opened the door to the bathroom and was greeted by my vibrant eyed mate and Riku. They were awake, talking amongst one another.

Riku whistled one of those cat call-like whistles when he took in my wet body. I merely rolled my eyes at him as Axel made a low hiss, glaring at him menacingly. Riku chuckled, "I was just kidding." Axel made another sharp growl before he stood up from where he sat on our bed.

"Good morning," I said, forcing back a smile. I didn't want him to know that I found his and Riku's squabbles to be quite amusing.

Axel gave me a small hug, pecking my cheek lightly. "Morning, Rox." He may have given me a small hug, but that only led to me giving him a bigger, tighter one. He tensed in my hold, and I sensed his eyes on me but I never looked up. He'd been acting this way for the past bit, as if he didn't want to let me get so close to him. But I guess he was just baffled by my sudden need for him.

I, at least, felt like I really needed him… Though that feeling of need was probably normal considering I kinda _was_ carrying his baby inside of me.

I didn't want to be alone…

"You alright?" Axel asked me, sounding quite nervous as my hand tightened around the fabric of his shirt. I nodded into his chest and he hesitantly placed his palm over the back of my head, gently stroking my damp, flippy, blonde strands. "Alright…" he sounded awkward as he spoke- as if he wasn't too sure on what to do. That, or my actions were just confusing him. Though I really began to wonder why my actions seemed so strange. I mean, I'd promised him that I'd try. It'd been a month since then.

I didn't understand…

Therefore, I unwrapped myself from around him, taking a few steps back. I turned around towards my bed so that I could sit down on it.

I was getting slightly nauseous again, and my side was beginning to ache. Stupid side…

"You sure you're alright, Roxas?" Riku shuffled closer towards me considering he sat on the bottom bunk as well. His aquatic eyes actually held some form of concern within them. Somehow, he wasn't teasing me like he normally did.

I attempted to smile, though I have no idea on how it came out through the sharp pain that tormented my lower body. "I'm just peachy." With the way my voice sounded, I may as well have been lying through my teeth. But Axel and Riku never questioned me further. So maybe I was just being self-conscious. _Maybe… _

It wasn't long before one of the guards came into our room to serve us some breakfast. It wasn't anything special: just some soggy looking (and very nasty looking) bowl of oatmeal that turned my stomach. When Axel came to sit next to me, he tried to hand it to me. I scrunched my nose up, pushing the slush away before the scent reached my nose. It would have effected my sensitive stomach.

"I'm not hungry," I stated simply when Axel gave me a puzzled look.

"If you're positive," he responded hesitantly, continuing to eye me. He was definitely getting suspicious. Damn… But how could I hide anything from him! Even if he hadn't figured it out yet, considering he just happened to be my sex partner, he'd come to realize that I wasn't undergoing heat. For god sakes, even Riku- our roommate- would know that it'd been quite some time since my last round. How could I keep secrets? I guess that all depended on them and the chance that they'd never bring it up. I wasn't too worried about Riku. But with Axel, it was only a matter of time before he confronted me. Unless of course he himself was denying the facts. Much like what I was _trying_ to do.

"I'll have that if he isn't," Riku suddenly mentioned, reaching over to take the bowl from Axel. My redheaded mate swung his arm out of Riku's reach.

"Stop it!" he snapped. And then Axel turned on me. "Are you sure you don't want it, Rox? There won't be anymore food until lunch time," Axel explained in a meek tone, obviously hoping that I'd eat.

His concern and care touched me. It truly did. I just wanted to let everyone know that so that what happened next wouldn't be mistaken for his worry making me feel sick to my stomach. By now, I'm hoping my reasons for literally feeling sick to my stomach were easy to understand. The long (or so it seemed) exposure to the ghastly oatmeal finally got to me. I jolted up from the bed, sensing what was going to happen. But before I could even make it to the bathroom, I hunched over and made an oh so pleasant mess on the floor.

There's nothing like good'ol vomit in the morning. Hey, and when you're eating, it's just a bonus.

I bet I'd made Axel and Riku lose their appetites. But they weren't the only ones who'd lost something. I felt totally embarrassed, and stupid to boot. Remember the whole talk about me worrying over my looks in Axel's presence? Well forget about my flipp'n looks! Now I'd just done that in front of him!

A chunk of my pride shattered away right there…

Before I could even pick myself up off my hands and knees and murmur an apology, Axel and Riku rushed to my side. "Are you okay!" Axel's alarmed voice reached my ears perfectly as he helped me up. Riku stared at me in surprise as well, but soon turned away to clean up what I'd caused.

I nodded weakly, "Yeah… Sorry…"

Axel remained silent, leading me towards my bed. But Riku asked me, "So, are you sick or something? The flu, maybe?"

As I tucked myself into the blankets, I gave the mattress a hard stare, biting away at my lip, as usual. "Ummmm, maybe," I mumbled, trying not to sound too unsure of myself. But that was difficult. I brought my gaze up and caught Axel's expression just before he withdrew from me. His features had grown dark. That immediately told me that he had the exact same conclusion that I did.

Yet, he wasn't saying anything? Not that I was complaining. I wanted to avoid that topic, no matter how expected it was.

"Well… you should just rest then," Riku's tentative tone made me feel a little anxious.

I wanted to tell them that I actually felt totally fine now, but understood that saying that would only add to the doubt in his voice. And I couldn't forget about Axel… If I spoke up and said that, then I'd only be answering- no, more like confirming- what he thought about me.

I didn't want him to know for certain. I didn't want anyone to know! I myself was only going by my own hunch (though a rather obvious hunch). If I mentioned it to anyone, then I would only be accepting the truth. I wanted to ignore all of the clues and the facts. I didn't want to know for certain that I was pregnant. I wanted to remain oblivious. I wanted to hang onto the little hope that I had that just maybe it was all coincidence. I was already reminded every morning. I didn't need to be reminded by everyone around me. Also, I was afraid. Anybody would be afraid of such a drastic change, right? And if I kept this possible pregnancy all to myself then Xemnas and the other scientists wouldn't find out. I didn't want to know what they did to pregnant bearers. What if they did a whole bunch of tests on them? Also, I'd heard a rumour once about how pregnant bearers were taken away from their roommates. I didn't want that. So denying it all was in my best interest.

For the remainder of the day, I made myself stay in bed. Riku was still keeping a close eye on me, so it was the most convincing thing to do. Or so it seemed. My lame act wasn't fooling Axel.

The moment Riku was taken away to spend the rest of the evening with Sora, Axel sat down on the edge of my bed, asking in a quiet, expressionless voice, "Has that been happening frequently?"

I knew exactly what he meant, but pretended not to, and so acted ignorant instead. "What are you talking about?" I tried to sound unknowing and innocent, but I didn't sound all that confident in my response. My self-esteem hadn't been the best lately. So yeah… I noticed epic failure in my words. I couldn't tell if Axel could see through my act… He was still unreadable.

I continued to scan him when he suddenly spoke up sharply, "You know exactly what I mean." His response caught me by surprise, leaving me speechless. I just laid there, staring up at him with expressive eyes, my mouth parted slightly. I probably looked like some stupid, dumbstruck kid who couldn't believe that their mother had just slapped them.

When he realized that I wasn't going to say anything, Axel stood up from the bed, continuing to gaze at me. I didn't expect it when he brought his arm out and rested his palm against my forehead. He then gently smoothed my bangs back silently. The light touch somehow soothed me, so I closed my eyes. My eyebrows arched upwards considering I felt his sadness- which was also my sadness considering the root of it came from our complicated relationship.

We both knew that I was pregnant… we just refused to communicate about it through words. As I searched into his emerald green eyes, which were now filled with emotion, I think my feelings for him grew even stronger.

_Roxas' sudden need for his kid and for Axel too: _

_Roxas never really liked kids or wanted to think about having one. That changed after his ectopic and the possibility of losing his child-bearing ability forever. You're not exactly grateful for something until you lose it. Also, he's so delighted with his second pregnancy because he's lonely. After Demyx left, he was on his own. But as his baby grew bigger, Roxas realized that he had his baby as a companion- his only companion. It's all that kept him sane, in a way. As for his relationship with Axel, it all started once Roxas realized he was pregnant with his first child (the ectopic one). He knew much earlier then anyone else, and refused to admit that he was pregnant out loud. But he did know. Feeling scared and unable to make himself deny it, Roxas grew more dependent of Axel. He didn't want to be alone with a baby that he didn't want. He craved support and security, which he searched for in Axel. Though he never intended to fall in love with him, he did as they began to spend more time together._


	28. All I need

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_**Ventus**_ (All I need) December 2998

_I'm dying to catch my breath_

_Oh, why don't I ever learn?_

_I've lost all my trust_

_Though I've surely tried to turn it around_

_Can you still see the heart of me?_

_All my agony fades away_

_When you hold me in your embrace_

_Don't tear me down for all I need_

_Make my heart a better place_

_Give me something I can believe_

_Don't tear me down_

_You've opened the door now_

_Don't let it close_

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**_Ventus: 12 years Sora: 13 years, 11 months _**

**_Terra: 19 years, 9 months Roxas: 12 years_**

Have you ever been so broken that you just wished you would die? I have. Something inside of me was so broken that I just couldn't see what my reason for living was anymore. My life had been stolen away from me, and that had left me needing stitches. I was dead inside. I was no longer Ventus. I was no longer myself, yet I still felt such an excruciating pain. Dying was even more pleasant then a fate such as this.

They had taken everything away from me, and though my primary emotion was heartache, I still felt an even deeper anger grow within me at the thought of those bastards who had taken Terra away from me.

As strange as one may find it to imagine, I wasn't always such an angry person. Oddly enough, my anger arrived when my affectionate feelings had. Before I fell for Terra, I was one of the ordinary experiments who did as they were told. I didn't really have much thought on my mate before my hormones kicked in. Generally, I was happy to be with my brothers. They were my life during the period where I didn't know Terra.

I didn't realize that I was feeling older and developing mature thoughts until I was twelve years old. That was when I began to notice the "attractiveness" of others and where I actually began to feel some sort of flame light up inside of my body. My reproductive system was developing quickly, preparing me and the rest of my body for my partner's very first heat.

At that point, I didn't know who my mate was. I knew that I had one arranged, but no one even gave me a name. I was left to wonder. Though I didn't let it get to me until I met Terra.

I'd seen him a few times, I was pretty sure of that. But I never really noticed him until my twelfth year. It was during our lunch period that he caught my eye.

Remember that cafeteria that Terra and I had snuck into that one night? By then, it had already been shut down. Though back when I was twelve, it was used for us Nobodies during meal times. That is, until a bearer was assaulted in there by a breeder during their time of heat. That bearer had been impregnated from that incident. I'd heard that he was eliminated… Something about how the lab didn't want to waste valuable resources on a "contaminated" Nobody.

At the time, I didn't know if that could be true . But after they killed Terra, it was obvious that the rumours about the lab's eliminating process was far from a lie. If things didn't go the way they planned, then they'd get rid of the problem.

But all of that was far from the point.

A few days after my twelfth birthday, I noticed him. He sat at the table that lay diagonally from the one that I sat at with Roxas, Sora, and a few others.

I didn't realize that I was staring at him until his eyes met my own. I felt my heart skip a beat and I froze up once our orbs looked into one another. I think it's when his lips curled up into a friendly smile that someplace in my heart seemed to crack- the barrier that had kept me from becoming interested in anyone else.

I knew, right at that moment, that he was the one.

It was love at first sight.

My face heating up, I smiled back at him.

After that, I had to force myself to look away. I lowered my head, shyly smiling to myself. I continued to blush at the thought of him. Even so, I didn't make contact with him again for the remainder of that lunch break.

I awaited the next meal period. I looked forward to seeing him again.

It was strange to feel so attracted towards someone who'd probably been around me for so long. I didn't remember his face, yet now that mystery brunette was what I looked forward to seeing again throughout my days.

That made me wonder. Was my sudden obsession with him caused by my hormones? I was still developing, so was it that mere hormones lit this flame inside of me?

That thought frightened me.

Everything before this was so boring. Before, I had nothing to look forward to. How could I look forward to my future when I didn't even know the name of the one who I'd be spending it with?

Was my newfound happiness only temporary?

I didn't want it to be… I wanted to be this fond of someone for the rest of my life.

Forever.

I had been fed the word "love," but never had I fully understood it. No matter what my instructor taught me during my schooling years, I could not get myself to feel anything for my partner to be; no excitement, no affection… But I knew that I was required to "love" them.

I believed I understood what loving someone felt like. I always knew how it felt to love my brothers. But this was different. This was the love that the lab had told us about.

I was in love. At least, that's what I hoped to believe. I didn't want the feeling to merely be caused by hormonal reasons.

Even my brothers had begun to notice my changes in behaviour; my happiness.

"You've been smiling a lot more, Ven," Sora commented one day as we lounged around in our room.

Roxas cut in before I could say anything back at that. "So have you, Sora. This whole year you've seemed even happier then usual. It's ever since you and Riku were introduced," he teased. His facial expression quickly became that of a curious one as he asked, "Is having a mate really that great?"

Sora shrugged, "You'll see soon enough- the both of you will. In only a year you'll finally get to meet mates of your own."

That didn't even matter to me then. I only cared about one thing.

Roxas didn't look convinced or enthusiastic about that either. He didn't really know what to think about our roles. Neither did I. It wasn't until Terra and I communicated a few weeks later that I grew a rebellious side and decided that the mating system was wrong.

Again, I travelled to the cafeteria for lunch, excited to see my crush yet again.

For the past few weeks, it went on that way. I really, really wanted to talk with him, but I never seemed to have enough courage to do such a thing. It was driving me crazy!

When Sora grinned at me and Roxas as we sat down, telling us that he was going to eat with Riku and his roommate that day, I think I found the inspiration to approach him.

Roxas nibbled on his food, watching Sora sit down at one of the tables where two others sat. He arched an eyebrow, "Which one do you think is Riku? That guy with the silver hair, or that redheaded guy? They both seem too old for Sora to me…"

I shook my head at that comment. Roxas could be so clueless and immature sometimes. I guessed that his hormones hadn't kicked in just yet. He didn't appear to understand the way Sora and I did.

I stood up from my seat, trying to mentally prepare myself for what I was about to do.

Roxas' eyes followed me as I got up. He looked curious as he asked, "Where are you going?"

"For once, I think it'd be nice to converse among other Nobodies," I answered, taking my food tray into both hands as I glanced over at the brown haired guy.

His attention was on his food, so he never caught me staring that time.

Roxas' drink spewed from his mouth at that, "You serious! What makes you wanna do something like that all of a sudden? Are you feeling alright, or do you just wanna leave me all by myself to be mean?"

"I just feel like it, Rox. Don't you find it boring doing the same thing everyday? I want some change," I explained.

Roxas continued to give me an odd look, so I decided to turn away from him and finally approach my prince.

My heart rate quickened with every step, but I continued to breathe. I needed to stay calm! If I was going to do this, then I needed to seem as normal and casual as possible.

I stopped at the side of his seat, my mind scrambled.

What was I supposed to say!

Suddenly, before I could fill my blank head with any thoughts, the guy swivelled around in his chair. He was facing me. "Hi," he said.

My heart melted at the sound of his voice. He sounded sooooo nice!

"Ummmm, hi," I tried to smile, but I felt my face go red, "Is it okay if I sit with you?"

He nodded. I searched for a puzzled look, but he didn't seem confused by my sudden approach at all. He was so friendly!

I went even redder when he answered that question.

"I was wondering when you'd come over here," he smiled as I sat down beside him, "You're always looking over here, as if you're questioning whether to come over or not." He chuckled.

Oh god… I was so obvious! I must have looked like a complete goof in his eyes. That, or a creepy stalker.

"Sorry…." I managed to murmur.

"That's alright," he patted my shoulder, making me stiffen and steam at the unexpected touch, "You're a little shy. Nothing's wrong with that."

Was that what he thought? He thought I was shy? Better then a freak or a stalker I guess.

He removed his hand from my shoulder, soon curling it around my own hand so that he could bring it up against his soft lips and leave a gentle kiss on my knuckles. "My name is Terra. What's yours?"

I snatched my hand back, still attempting to fight away the worsening blush. "V-Ventus," I uttered.

"Ventus? That's a nice name," he smiled.

He thought my name was nice! That made me beam inside.

"Though, you can just call me Ven… I mean, if that's what you want!" I added.

"Which do you prefer?"

To be honest, I'd always preferred to be called "Ven." But for some reason, when my name came from Terra, I didn't mind what he called me. He'd said my name was nice! For once, I didn't mind my full name!

I shrugged at him, "It doesn't matter. You can switch between them if you'd like."

"Alright… Ventus," Terra grinned. The way my full name rolled off his tongue made me melt.

That day, we didn't exactly talk about too much. Our time together came to an end far too quickly. Before we knew it, the guards had come to make sure that we returned to our rooms immediately.

"Would you like to join me again tomorrow?" Terra asked, "There's still so much that I'd like to talk about. Speaking with you today was… refreshing."

I nodded, "I know what you mean."

With a warm feeling enveloping my chest, I left the cafeteria with my brothers and returned to my room.

As I threw myself onto my bed, laying on my back and clutching my hand towards my chest, I knew for sure that I was crazy about Terra.

"Terra…" I whispered his name, which automatically brought a smile to my face.

I finally knew his name. I knew a bit more about him then I had before, yet that only drove me crazier. I needed to see him again. I wanted it to be tomorrow so desperately. I wanted it to be our breakfast break so bad. Now that I'd approached him, I could spend all three meals with him the next day.

I tucked myself into my blankets, wanting to go to bed early that night. I continued to hold the hand that Terra had kissed to my chest, and just as I was beginning to fall asleep I heard Roxas whisper, "He's smiling again."

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That whole morning, I waited for breakfast restlessly. I couldn't get Terra off my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about him.

But then my thoughts crossed something that was disappointing. What was Terra? A bearer or a breeder? If I had any hope of being with him then he needed to be a bearer. That's when the disappointment hit. No matter what he was, a Nobody that old most likely had a mate already… He looked to be in his late teens or early twenties.

Wait… If he DID have a mate, then wouldn't he have been sitting with them the way Sora sat with Riku? Maybe he didn't have a mate after all. Maybe we had a chance to be together.

The guards finally came to round us up for breakfast at about nine-thirty. I grew more anxious with each step that I took.

Roxas came up beside me, switching his gaze between me and Sora as he spoke, "So, are the both of you gonna eat with your dinner dates again?"

Sora's eyes landed on me as he beamed, "Date? Ven, don't tell me that you were introduced to your mate recently! Is that why you've been so happy lately?"

"He wasn't a date!" I snapped defensively, "I was only introducing myself to other people!"

Roxas rolled his eyes, "He was a date! You even let him kiss your hand!"

"Shut up! Like you'd know _anything_ about a date," I shot back.

"Okay you guys. Calm down," Sora told us calmly.

Roxas only huffed angrily.

I shook my head at him, pushing through the cafeteria doors once I reached them. The moment I made it through, my head darted around eagerly. As usual, Terra sat at his table.

I couldn't help but smile as I neared him. "Hi, Terra," I said, pressing my index fingers against one another shyly.

"Ventus," Terra smiled in return, gesturing that I sit down.

My heart sang when my arm accidentally brushed against Terra's as I sat down. He was so warm!

"How are you?" I asked him fondly.

Terra shrugged his shoulders, "There's not too much to do in this place, so I haven't done all that much. The brightest part of my day is being able to see you again. I've been looking forward to it." After that comment, he flashed me another one of his perfect smiles.

He took my breath away.

"I've been looking forward to seeing you again too," I admitted shyly.

"Do you not have a mate yet then?" he suddenly asked.

I was wondering the same thing due to his lack of life excitement. Terra was just bolder and managed to ask such a question. Hopefully he'd answer the same question for me as well.

It seemed weird that someone so mature-looking lacked a mate. It would be a miracle if he didn't already have one. Maybe he _was_ meant for me.

"No. No I don't have a mate," I replied in a tone that sounded far too happy at the fact that I was single, "I'm a twelve year old breeder, so I'm bound to meet my mate soon." I wanted to add, 'I hope it's you,' but held back on it.

Terra's blue eyes widened slightly, "What? You're not a bearer?" I must have given off a sad look due to his disappointed tone, so he added, "There's nothing wrong with being a breeder. I guess I just saw you as more of a bearer."

Did his disappointment mean that he was a breeder too? Wait! He actually sounded _disappointed_ by my role? Did that mean he was interested in me! Or was the disappointment and everything else just an illusion that my own feelings had made up?

"I'm a breeder also," Terra mentioned.

My face fell at that, and I felt my hopes shatter all at once.

Was this how it was gonna be? I'd finally found someone that I really, really liked. But then it turned out that we could never be together? This had to be some kind of twisted joke.

Because of my discouraged feelings, I didn't even realize it when I admitted, "I was really hoping that maybe you'd be the mate that I'd be introduced to…" I didn't realize that those words came from my mouth until a few seconds had passed. The moment I realized, I went red. I glanced at Terra hesitantly in order to witness a reaction from him.

He didn't seem surprised or offended by my sudden revelation of love.

"It's strange, but I understand what you're feeling. I wouldn't have minded it if you were my mate either. I know it must be weird that I'm saying this, but just being around you makes me happy," he hesitantly raised a hand and stroked my face with his knuckles lightly.

My lip twitched up into a smile at the touch.

"I really like you too. I think… you're amazing," I said breathlessly.

This must have been a dream. What were the chances? Terra, the guy who I'd fallen for had just happened to be struck by love at first sight as well? Even if we were both breeders, and something like two breeders loving one another had never happened in the system, I knew that we were meant to be together. I wasn't sure how far Terra would go, but if he was willing, then I'd go against the system too.

Terra removed his hand quickly at the sudden shriek that drew in everyone's attention.

I myself snapped my head in the direction of the blood-hurdling cry.

I gasped when I noticed two figures struggling on one of the cafeteria tables. The smaller boy was more vulnerable, positioned underneath the other on the table's surface, thrashing and screaming wildly. A larger boy was the one who had the smaller one pinned.

My instincts hadn't developed entirely, so they weren't as strong as they were supposed to be, but I still felt them kick in suddenly. At that age, I wasn't effected by my instincts all that much. I felt them, as I stated, but they were more like a voice that spoke at the back of my mind. They couldn't control me just yet.

I couldn't say that for the other breeders.

That smaller Nobody who was being attacked was undergoing heat, and it wasn't only the attacking breeder who was turned crazy by it.

Other breeders collapsed, clutching at their heads as they tried to restrain themselves. Some even approached the bearer who was already being assaulted.

The room was chaotic! In only a second, everything had flipped upside down.

I stood up, my gaze snapping down at Terra. He was a breeder, but he didn't seem effected.

Roxas ran over to us, disbelief covering his face. "Holy crap," he was hardly breathing as he clutched onto my arm, "This is some scary stuff! Where are the bloody guards when you need them! I mean, what if that were me? What if I suddenly went into heat too?"

Being a bearer himself, my brother had a lot more to fear. Though even I had to admit, he was being dramatic. He was only twelve. He wouldn't be having his first heat anytime soon. Maybe he was talking about future incidents or something. Not only that, but couldn't he have at least showed some form of concern towards the victim, rather then immediately question his own possibility of being in that position? Roxas lacked both sympathy and empathy…

Terra picked himself up, towering over Roxas and me. He placed a firm hand on my shoulder, "Don't you worry, Ventus. I won't let you or your brother get hurt. I'm here to protect you."

"Sweet!" Roxas looked up at him, impressed, "I take back what I said. You definitely make the right friends, Ven. This guy is awesome, even if he does seem to touch you more then he should."

Terra grinned sheepishly, but I smacked Roxas over the head. "Idiot!" I spat.

"Owwwww," Roxas frowned, instinctively clutching his head.

I ignored him, looking up at Terra desperately, "The guards are no where to be seen. What should we do? Should we try to interfere?"

Terra shook his head, "You stay here. I'll stop that breeder."

Terra walked over to where the action was happening, grabbing at the crazed breeder's arm once he came close enough to do so. The breeder lashed out at him, knocking him down to the ground heavily.

"TERRA!" I screamed his name out, taking a step forward as I did so. Roxas quickly grabbed me.

"Are you insane! Don't go near there! I know you're not a bearer, but you could still get hurt…" he said.

My sight focused on the fallen Terra as the rest of my body tried to block the screams of the bearer out of my head. Obviously, from the cries and moans, the breeder had already entered the bearer.

Roxas latched around my arm even tighter as he winced at the sounds, "I don't know what's worse… Being the rapist or being the raped."

I knew that he feared this very thing. I was pretty sure that most bearers did. So I patted a hand through his hair, whispering, "Don't worry… I'd never let that happen to you. I promise."

Not too long after those words were said, a bunch of guards _finally_ crashed into the room. They held their tasers in their hands threateningly, but as they stampeded towards the pair who were violating the entire system, I knew that it was already too late.

I could no longer feel the heat-like state in my senses.

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That incident denied us access to the cafeteria. Without the cafeteria, there was no social time. The only social time we had was during routine fitness classes. But that wasn't enough! I had to see Terra! But what could I do?

The only time I had to spend with him had been taken away. Now I had nothing to look forward to. At least, that's what discouragement told me.

But I had something more important to live for. Love. That awakened my rebellious side, thus I committed my first rebellious act that night. Anything for love, right?

That night, I snuck out of my room and peered around the area that outlined the large quarantined room- our Nobody ward. The halls could be described as the shell of that creepy place. On the outside of this 'shell,' there were small dorm rooms. I travelled around, peering into the windows that occupied each door. I was looking for Terra, obviously.

I felt relieved when I peeked into a room for the third time. That time, I could see Terra sitting at the edge of his bed. He had a roommate in there with him, but he appeared to be sleeping. The lights were all turned off.

Smiling, I quietly opened the door, stepping into the room and closing the door as gently as I had opened it.

"Terra?" I said his name questionably.

Terra stared at me, surprised. "Ventus? What are you doing here?" his voice was hushed as he stood up.

"I had to see you. I missed you," I whispered, "I had to find some way to see you." I paused, "Unless you don't want this. I can just leave you alone if that's what you want. I mean, I'd understand considering you know I'm a breeder now. Two breeders could never-"

As I spoke, Terra had begun to approach me. He cut me off as he placed a finger over my mouth. It slowly drifted down my arm, tickling my skin before he grasped my hand with it. He intertwined our fingers. "This is the happiest I've ever been. I've never been so certain about something before. I'm not about to let that go; to let _you_ go," Terra stated softly.

At that, my face flushed a rosy colour. I could feel it.

"I've never been so certain about anything either," I smiled, gazing up into his face. With that, I stepped closer to him, leaning into him. I let my head fall onto his strong frame, and nothing could ever describe how right it felt when Terra's arms wrapped around my smaller body, hugging me even closer to him.

This was how it was meant to be. Nothing else mattered anymore. There were no forced mates; no system; no teachings to follow. There was only us: me and him.

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**I hope you all enjoyed those chapters! I know they're all events from the past and stuff, but I found them very fun and interesting to write. So I hope you like them too! I'll get the Terra one up whenever I get it back from my boyfriend. I hope it won't take too long. Please review! I totally wanna know what you all think! **


	29. Dead inside

**Hey! Here's the final filler chapter thing! I'm glad you all enjoyed the previous ones, even if they didn't continue from the main plot. The next chapter will do that for you though! Still, I really like this filler, so I hope you also enjoy this until then! **

**Thanks so much to everybody! If it weren't for all of you, I probably wouldn't have even written as much as I have. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom hearts or the songs I use.  
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_**Terra **_(Dead inside) February 3000

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_Terra: 20, 11 months Ventus: 13 years, 2 months_

We'd only been together for over a year. But even so, it felt like I'd known Ventus my entire life. He was apart of me now. There was never a moment where I didn't think about him. I loved him. Even so, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that our relationship was a struggle. It was nearly unbearable being separated from him. But we couldn't help it. It was crucial that we kept our love a secret. Hiding it from the guards for over a year proved to be difficult. There were times when we were unable to see one another for days- maybe even weeks. It was incredibly hard.

Whenever we weren't together… I didn't know how to describe it. But I just felt so dull. Hollow. I'd never felt so passionate about anything in my life. Ventus was what I lived for. He was all that mattered to me. I couldn't imagine my life without him.

He felt the same, I was sure. Whenever we had the chance to see one another in private, he would throw himself at me- wrapping his arms around me tightly as he buried his head into me. At times like those, the atmosphere was always affectionate… Yet somehow, it was also sad. Knowing that everything about us was wrong in the lab's eyes was discouraging. We knew our feelings shouldn't have existed, but we couldn't help but love one another. It was apparently 'forbidden' and 'disgraceful.' We should have been ashamed.

How could I be? I loved Ventus. And for once I was truly happy. Even if I was forced to be with my chosen mate, the only person who I sincerely loved would continue to be Ventus. Forever Ventus…

It was just us.

I wish it could have been that way currently. But unfortunately, I sat on my bed, enduring yet another lonely night. All that accompanied me was my roommate and the dreary darkness of the night.

Night time was the worst. That was when I thought about him the most. I wanted to be able to hold him again… I wanted my nose to burn at his scent… I wanted to hear his voice…

I sighed, standing up from where I sat. I stretched before I stole a quick peek at Hayner; my roommate. He was fast asleep in his bed.

Making sure not to wake him, I made my way towards the door that would lead me out into the hallway.

I needed to sneak out and see him. I needed to see Ventus.

I wrapped my hand around the doorknob and then twisted it open. The hallway was dark and it was greeted by my adjusting eyes. Even so, I could still make out a figure through the darkness. Panic never once entered my mind. The nearby form held no similarities to the frightening guards who stalked the halls at night. No. Even through eyes that were adapting to the gloom of night, I could never fail to recognize the stunning silhouette of Ventus. His gorgeous sapphire eyes even remained bright in our dull surroundings.

He rushed at me, hugging his arms around my torso tightly. He breaths were rapid as his hold around me only grew more firm. I brought one hand down upon his head so that I could gently stroke at his hair. My other arm placed itself around Ven's waist.

"Terra," Ven whispered, "I missed you so much!"

I withdrew from our embrace so that I could look into Ven's shadowed face. The hand that had brushed through his golden locks now caressed his cheek. "I missed you too," I smiled. Just being in his presence again made me feel so much more alive then I could ever feel without him.

My right hand travelled from his face and down his arm until it grasped at his hand.

"We shouldn't stay out here for too long," I said. Ven nodded, and then I led him through the doorway of my room.

Hand-in-hand, we crept to my bed. I was a little paranoid about Hayner waking up, but he was normally a heavy sleeper. So I didn't allow my paranoia to interrupt the precious time that we found so scarce. Moments like these were rare.

We sat down on the edge of my bed, using hushed voices whenever we spoke. Though before a single word could escape from my mouth, Ventus brought his legs up onto the mattress and sat up on his knees. He brought his arms around my neck, brushing his fingers through a few brown strands of hair at the base of my neck. Soon after, he leaned in so close that I could feel our lips tenderly touch. Softly, he pressed his lips against my own in a chaste, velvety kiss. My eyes fluttered shut.

I didn't open them again until Ventus slowly withdrew, sobbing.

The sound of his faint whimpers automatically made my eyes snap open worriedly. His head lowered, Ventus shook as his hands wiped away at his eyes. His lips twitched and his teeth clenched with a lack of control.

Alarmed, I stroked the side of his face, asking softly as concern ate away at me, "Why are you crying? I want to see your beautiful smile, Ventus…"

"I hate this," Ventus' tone was thick and melancholy. He bit his quivering lip before he continued. "Whenever we're separated… whenever I can't be with you… I can't breathe. I'm suffocating." His body continued to tremble as tears spilled from his eyes delicately. "I don't care if it's selfish, but I _always _want to be with you. I want that so bad… But it's not possible. We're always going to have to live like this. It's not fair, Terra!"

I pushed his bangs up against his head, planting a light kiss over his forehead before I stated warmly, "I love you. I know things are brutally difficult for us, and that it pains the both of us whenever we're not together. It's nearly unbearable. But I _do_ bear it. I bear it _because_ I love you. Thinking about the next time I'm going to see you is what keeps me going. You're my life, and I'm not going to give in. I won't let the lab control me. I won't let them win." A slight smile flickered over my lips as I continued to stroke his face. "When we're together like this, I want you to be happy…"

Ven brought his head up to stare at me. The furrow in his eyebrows told me that he was pondering.

There was a long moment of silence. Ven merely rested against me, placing his head on my shoulder. He took hold of my hand firmly, intertwining our fingers. When he did finally speak, his voice was quieter then even a whisper.

"What do you think would happen if they found out…?"

I winced at the question. The thought of anyone finding out about us made me feel sick. I didn't know what they could do about us, but I wasn't willing to take any risks in Ventus' safety. I couldn't… The very idea of something irreversible happening to Ven made my blood turn to ice. My entire body felt cold and numb.

I swallowed thickly, forcing a response to his chilling question, "They won't find out."

Ven raised his voice to a dangerous volume, "You don't know that!"

I clasped a hand over his mouth in fear that he'd wake Hayner. A muffled gasp escaped from him, but he quickly realized my reasoning.

"Sorry," he whispered in a self-conscious tone once I removed my hand from him. I didn't do that until I was completely sure that Hayner was still asleep.

I shook my head as I fought back a chuckle, "Don't apologize. I must have startled you."

Ventus finally broke out in a smile. "I wasn't really being fair to you. I might have been overreacting." His smile grew weaker. "I guess I've just been a little down lately, and I let it get to me."

It was understandable. It'd nearly been nine days since we'd seen one another. It was easy to become discouraged. Still, I hated thinking that he was so down and upset. I wanted to help ease his internal agony, if only a little… because Ventus' words wouldn't leave my mind, especially after he left and I was alone yet again.

'_Whenever we're separated… whenever I can't be with you… I can't breathe. I'm suffocating." _

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I was incredibly bored the next morning. I woke up; got myself dressed; and then by the time I stepped out of the bathroom, Hayner was up watching TV. It was all we Nobodies really had for entertainment. Well, that and of course our randomly selected roommate(s). It was nice having _some_ company, at least.

"What'cha watching?" I asked, sitting down next to him. Hayner shrugged, obviously bored.

Due to his lack of an answer, I figured that he didn't even know the name of what he was watching. Curiously, I decided to watch it too. Well, maybe it wasn't entirely encouraged through curiosity, but by the fact that I had nothing better to do…

Whether it _was_ encouraged by curiosity, boredom, or both… it really didn't matter in the end. Either way, I was happy that I'd watched it.

The show was about some couple. That's what I'd come to believe after watching the first few minutes anyway. Immediately, the show made me think about Ven.

Apparently, the main character had a girlfriend who'd been feeling quite depressed due to family issues. It reminded me of Ven and his discouragement. In order to cheer her up, the character's boyfriend took her out on something called a _date. _

Maybe something like that would help brighten Ventus up.

He'd watched more TV then I ever had, so I turned to Hayner for answers to my questions. I wanted to know more about these _dates_.

"Hey, so what exactly is a date? Does it work with any couple? Make them happy, I mean?" I tried not to sound too embarrassed by my ignorance.

Hayner cocked his eyebrow at me, frowning, "Why would you want to know about something like that?"

I scratched the back of my head sheepishly, chuckling nervously, "Oh, curiosity, I guess."

Hayner didn't seem convinced. But he decided to go ahead and reply to my question anyhow. "I guess… I only really know what I've seen on TV. So who knows how accurate what I've seen is. In the shows I've seen, a date is where people go out; whether it's to go out and eat or go out and see a movie… Something like that. As for them being happy… I guess they're _normally _happy."

I wondered if maybe something like that would cheer Ven up. Of course I couldn't exactly take him out anywhere. But maybe I could think of something else.

Hayner eyed me suspiciously, muttering, "So spill it. Were you introduced to your mate or something? Cause you're sure acting like it."

I averted his gaze as I felt a light blush spread across my face. "N-no," I stuttered, "It's not like that."

He continued to eye me for a long period of time, then finally looked away with a sigh. "Whatever…"

My faint blush fading, I began to brainstorm ideas for a date with Ventus. I really wanted to raise his spirits. But what exactly could I do in a place like Laboratory 21? It wasn't like I could ask Xemnas to lend me a bunch of things for a romantic, candle-lit dinner. I wondered if he would have obliged if one of the mated couples asked for such a thing? It was a hard question to answer.

I'd love to be able to get a hold of a few candles. But then how would I light them? Xemnas didn't trust us with candles or matches. It would have been perfect. Then my other idea was to watch a movie with him. But again, how could we watch TV while Hayner or Ventus' brothers slept in the room? No matter what I thought up, it just couldn't seem to work.

Damn…

I really wanted to do something for him though. So badly. It had to be perfect. But what could I do?

Whatever it was, it needed to bring a smile to Ventus' face. He'd endured so much recently. Over the past year, his reputation had taken a turn for the worst. He snuck out, obviously to see me. But he didn't necessarily make it without being caught each and every time. Especially during the first half of the year, the guards had caught him wandering a whole bunch of times. Because of that, Ven was given labels such as _trouble maker' _or _'instigator.' _The guards spread nasty rumours about him…

They spread gossip around about him, making it sound as if he was a terrible person. When really, he was only sneaking out because he was _'suffocating' _without me.

He ruined his reputation for me. If it wasn't for Ven having two roommates instead of one, then I would have snuck out and sacrificed people's respect for me too. But Ven insisted that he'd always come to me, feeling that we had a greater chance of keeping our secret in my room with Hayner.

Even his brothers, mainly his eldest one, had lost a portion of their respect for him. He told me that he and Sora fought a lot more then they used to. They disagreed more often.

I felt that I owed him a special date of sorts, at least. He'd sacrificed so much for me…

I had to make it up to him.

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After I watched that _date_ program with Hayner, I began to watch a lot more TV. I used it as a research tool for my date ideas. I was looking out for something perfect. After a few days of watching TV, I think I'd found the perfect one. I already knew a little bit about weddings. They were supposed to be happy occasions that Somebody couples had. We had Binding Ceremonies, but they seemed completely different.

Binding Ceremonies were never happy. They were false weddings that difficult Nobodies were given. They represented the opposite of love.

As for these Somebody weddings, well they seemed so cheerful. I wanted to learn more about them. So I watched as many wedding programs as I could find. When I was finally confident in knowing exactly what a wedding was and how it worked, I began to make preparations for one.

It may not have been official, but it didn't need to be. It could be our own secret wedding: like Padme and Anakin or Romeo and Juliet. It would matter to _us_.

After hours of shows, I understood that the primary materials that I needed would be some sort of formal wear for myself; perhaps I'd make a veil for Ven; I wanted candles that I could light; I needed to figure out some way to make us rings; and finally, I would come up with some vows.

Easier said then done when one lived in a prison…

I already had some formal wear. I had a few white and black dress shirts stored in my closet somewhere. So that was covered, at least. As for Ven's veil: I could easily tear apart the white curtain in my room. The embroidery was amazing and very elegant. The candles and the rings would be the hardest to obtain.

I guess… I could at least use simple materials to make… well, a simple ring. It wouldn't be a real wedding ring or anything, but I was limited on supplies.

When Hayner went to bed that night, I decided to rummage through our room for anything I could use as props for our little wedding. As I'd mentioned earlier, I took down the curtains and cut them up in order to make a wedding veil. Hayner would probably question their absence in the morning.

I also ended up uncovering a few arts and crafts materials, which I didn't even know we had. There was crafting wire and beads. I made our rings using those materials; placing one medium bead through the wire and two smaller ones that flanked the medium one's sides. I was satisfied by the outcome.

I wasn't sure when I'd be finished up with everything, but I was getting more and more excited with each task I accomplished for my surprise to Ven. I really hoped that it would make him happy. Whenever he smiled, it almost felt as if my heart could melt. Never had I seen such a lovely smile on a person before. I still remembered the first time we'd talked. Well, I even remembered the time before he'd approached me. I'd locked eyes with him at one point, and after that I'd watched him sit at his cafeteria table with his brother: Roxas. I remembered watching them talk, and then that had been the first time I'd seen a bright smile light his face up. It had left me breathless…

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It was my turn to sneak out.

After a few days, I'd finally gathered everything that was needed. I took the time to prepare everything in the cafeteria beforehand, and then it was time to fetch Ventus- who was completely oblivious to any of this, including my visit.

Dressed in my black dress shirt, I wandered into Ven's room. Luckily it wasn't far at all, otherwise a guard probably would have found me and ruined everything.

Cautiously, I opened the door to Ventus' room. I poked my head in, capturing the scene of Ventus and his brothers sleeping silently. Their eldest brother rested on the top bunk, and Ven and his twin slept on the bottom together.

I tip-toed to the bedside, realizing that they were tangled amongst one another. Even though they were identical twins, I could still tell exactly which one of them was Ven. I just knew. Roxas slept closest to the edge while Ven slept further in, almost hitting the wall. I was careful not to hit Roxas as I leaned over him to shake Ven gently. It almost made me jump when Roxas murmured something about candy in his sleep.

"Ventus," I called his name in a whisper. He shifted slightly, groaning. Soon after, his eyes began to flutter sleepily.

"Terra…?" he murmured my name as he sat up slowly, rubbing at his eyes soon after. When he finally overcame his tiredness, Ven smiled. He practically jumped over Roxas and into my arms. "Terra! It _is_ you! I thought I was dreaming!"

I couldn't help but smile as I ran a hand through his hair. "I have a surprise for you."

Ven pulled back so that he could look up into my face. He cocked his head. "A… surprise?"

Smiling, I took hold of his hand. "Come on. Lets go to the cafeteria."

Ventus grinned at that, and then we quickly left the room. It was pretty silly to say, but I felt less likely of getting caught with Ventus around. He knew these halls like they were the back of his hand.

We reached the entrance to the caf, and before we entered I could feel my heart flutter with excitement. Unable to hold back a smile, I opened the caf doors, gesturing for Ventus to go in. He glanced at me, but then went through the door, almost timid as he did so. I followed in after him and heard him gasp.

"Oh… my god," Ven seemed to be at a loss for words, "Terra… This is amazing."

The cafeteria was still dim, but a few rows of tall candles lit up an area near the back. They glowed delicately.

Captivated, Ventus took a step forward.

"Just wait," I placed a hand over his shoulder.

Ven watched me curiously as I left his side to pick up the veil, which I'd'd left on one of the caf tables. I stepped in front of him, draping it over his head so that it sat just above his bangs and flowed down as low as his neck in the back.

Ven brought a hand up to brush over it, "What's this for?"

He seemed puzzled, but realization hit him once I pulled out our rings from my pocket. His blue eyes widened as he stared at them and then back up at me.

"Would you like to marry me, Ventus?" I asked him softly, stroking his face.

Ventus blushed, which actually brought a smile to my face. He began to stutter, stricken with surprise. "M-marry?" He began to chuckle, directing his gaze at the floor as his blush continued to creep across his face in a bright shade of red. "Only Somebodies can do that…"

"What keeps it limited to the Somebodies? We love each other, right? I don't care what anyone thinks: this is real to me."

A smile flickered over his lips, as if that's what he wanted to hear. Without a word, Ven held out his hand to me, letting me slip his ring over his wedding finger. He did the same with me, gazing up at me fondly as he withdrew.

I beamed at him, offering my arm out to him silently. Ven accepted, linking our arms as we slowly began to walk down what would be our aisle, the dim but radiant candles guiding us.

We stopped where the rows of candles ended, turning to face one another. Ven's eyes sparkled with a happiness that I hadn't seen in him for a long time. That alone brought about a feeling of accomplishment.

A fuzzy warmth enveloped my chest as I continued to stare into Ventus' face. It wasn't for another few moments that I spoke up, sharing my vows with my beloved one. I'd thought a lot about them. It'd been hard to come up with the perfect words to say to him.

"Ventus," I took hold of both his hands, "I love you so much, and I promise to love you for the rest of my life. No- even longer then that. Death can't even part us. I'll keep loving you for eternity- in both life _and_ death. You're everything to me, and I won't let even the lab stand in the way of what we have. I'll protect you; always support and comfort you; and most of all, cherish you forever."

Ventus smiled widely, showing off his perfect teeth.

Seconds later, he practically leaped into my arms ecstatically. He raised his head as I lowered mine, allowing our lips to touch as we kissed one another in the final act of becoming husband and 'wife.'

Our kiss was chaste and incredibly passionate.

After several more tender kisses, we slowly withdrew- though we remained within one another's hold. My eyes refused to flutter open the first few moments. But when they did, I was greeted by his alluring sapphire eyes and his fond and gorgeous smile. Then he buried himself into my chest, murmuring happily, "You're amazing, Terra. I can't believe you planned all this. Asides from when I met you, I think this is the best day of my life." He laughed. "I know that sounds so cliché, but when I feel this overjoyed, I don't care. It's the truth." He nuzzled his head into me further.

"I like it when you're cliché," I chuckled, backing away far enough for me to gently lift his chin with my fingers. "I think it's cute. Besides, we're married now. So you have to share every little thought and feeling with me- no matter how cliché it is."

Ven gazed down at his ring at the mentioning of our marriage. A fond smile found it's way to his lips as he continued to stare at it. Now no matter where Ventus was, he'd wear a ring that represented our marriage- love that wasn't forced, but love that we ourselves chose.

Even though it represented the desire to be with Ventus, it could never ever replace the feelings of happiness that I felt in his presence. Though, perhaps it would make me feel just a little less lonely.

Maybe then, separation could be a bit more bearable for the both of us. Especially Ven.

I didn't want him to feel suffocated _anymore_…

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**Sorry if there are any spelling mistakes. I rushed to get this on. XP So I didn't spell check it. Just let me know if there's any real bad ones. So yeah- I hope you all liked it. Please review and let me know what you thought about it! :)  
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	30. Pt 2 An Anti Existence: Preface

**Hey! I know you guys probably thought I was dead. I'm sorry that it seems as if I abandoned this story. I promise I haven't. I worked too hard on this story, and I really don't even get why I fell out of updating for you guys. I'm really bad at this sort of thing... I have this story all finished and typed on my computer though, so there's really no excuse. I guess I get too wrapped up in all the other projects I've been writing... I'm gonna update with a few chapters, and I won't make any promises of updating on a regular basis, but I'll try my best! I love all you guys, and thanks so much to everyone who's stuck with this story even though I'm a really sucky updater! This is why I should probably just stick with one-shots. lol **

**Enjoy! I hope the long wait was worth it. =) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own KH or the music I use in this story. **

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_**Namine**_

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I _knew_ what I had to do. But the question that circled around in my head was; _but could I bring myself to do it? _I mean, who would want to kill their own brother? Even if I hardly knew him… and he wasn't aware of my own existence, I still felt as if I had some sort of connection to him. Or maybe that was just what I wanted to believe. For so long, even though we'd never been raised together as we should have been, I could always picture myself with him, being his older sister. That was always my dream. But now that little fairy-tale had been erased from me, one word that the most simplest creature could understand replacing it instead; _**kill.**_

I shouldn't have been surprised, right? Being an Anti-Nobody, it was my job to kill; to act as an exterminator. Unlike our anti-existence, the Nobodies who brought life into this world, we Anti's swallowed it. We represented death.

The images that came to me at the thought of confronting my brother made me cringe. I couldn't harm him. How would I be able to loom over him in his last few seconds of life, watching as he helplessly tried to save himself? If we met in such a murderous situation, he would never be able to fend me off… or outrun me… I would bring him a most certain death.

I couldn't bear the thought…

And even more torturous then his physical appearance when he knew that his last breath was approaching would be the regretful, bewildered, and frightened thoughts in his head. I would be able to hear them all, even if I didn't want to.

Of all of the powers an Anti-Nobody could obtain through their mutated DNA, I had to receive such an ability. Why did I have to have it? But there was nothing that I could do to change it. There was nothing I could do to change any part of my unfortunate existence. So if I couldn't change anything, then I was left with two options;

One- be the killer

Or two- be killed

And in a situation such as this, how fitting my decision would be.


	31. Finally

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_**Axel **_(Finally) January 3002

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_**Day one**_

At first, I found the natural sunlight to be overwhelming. It blinded my bewildered eyes and the sun on my skin felt oddly warm. Definitely not what I was used to. It's strangeness must have effected the others as well considering they squinted their eyes and stumbled through the thick snow towards the pine forest. That was hopefully where the others were waiting for us. And if they weren't there, then I didn't know if we could risk waiting. I wouldn't be surprised if the staff were already aware that we were missing.

I had to get Roxas out of here.

The facility grounds were vast, but it didn't take a very long time to cross them considering we were in a hurry.

"Where exactly are we meeting up with the others?" Roxas asked as he stumbled over the deep snow. I took his hand, helping him keep his balance.

"I told them that we were probably going to break out through the main entrance, so they said they'd wait for us to the northern edge of the forest," I responded, my tone unreadable. I didn't want him to know that I wanted to keep moving, whether they were there or not. So if I kept my voice expressionless, Roxy wouldn't be able to hear the protectiveness in my tone. Or more like the lack of enthusiasm at meeting up with them.

When we came closer to the borderline of trees, I noticed the small group waiting for us. They started to wave once they realized we weren't guards but the other Nobodies. We joined up with them, beginning to walk deeper into the forest. Formalities could wait until we were a safe distance away from the lab.

I knew a few faces, but that was from the whole break-out explanation. I didn't know a lot of them, or their names.

We merely murmured our '_hellos'_ to one another. But as we continued to move, Roxas pulled his bag off of his back and began to unzip it in his arms. I watched him as he fetched out the pill bottle that contained those anti-heat tablets or whatever.

"Who's a bearer here?" Roxas called out, looking around at our little group.

Four people who I didn't know moved up to walk alongside Roxas, pushing past me. One of them was a female. She looked so… delicate compared to all of us. I didn't know why, but I found her kind of fascinating. She had medium length blue hair and matching blue eyes that were surrounded by a cage of gorgeous, thick lashes. Another one of the bearers was a redheaded one. He looked older then all of the rest of us (maybe he was around my age?). Like me, his hair was red, though his eyes were a little smokier and less vibrant then mine. They looked more like a misty blue. His hair may have been red, but it was tied up into a ponytail that hung approximately halfway down his back. Then the last two were blondes. I recognized one of them as Ven's partner. But I wasn't so sure on the other one. He seemed to know Roxas though considering they greeted each other in a friendly manner, and Roxas knew his name. 'Demyx' or something?

As for Sora, he already knew the use of the pills, and so stayed at Riku's side. He was snuggling into the other's shoulder, linking arms with him. Sora still seemed a little shaken up.

"Okay," Roxas announced once he figured that all of the bearers were there with him, "These pills here will stop you from going into heat. Before any of you protest - No, I didn't bring them with me because I figured that the majority of you would want to throw away your roles. I brought them to keep us safe. As we are aware, the breeders have a hard time controlling themselves when a bearer goes into heat. Taking these will benefit both types of Nobodies. Besides, we don't want to make this anymore complicated then it already is, and a pregnancy would do exactly that- wanted or not."

Two of the four bearers put their hands out to take one of the pills, and my Roxy gladly gave them one.

The female one gave Roxas a slight smile, "It's okay. I don't go through heat. I'm capable of becoming pregnant without it."

Roxas nodded. Now the brown eyed one answered, though he was hesitant and lowered his eyes as he muttered, "Sorry… I'm already… pregnant."

I noticed my blonde haired pretty-boy's face change as if he'd eaten something sour. That only lasted for a moment though. A warmer expression replaced the troubled one. I guess he realized that he couldn't be surprised… We were lucky that merely one of five bearers (excluding Sora) were pregnant. At least so far… Who knew considering most of these bearers probably went into heat just yesterday. I knew Roxas had…

When the others finally began to withdraw from Roxas to head further back towards their mate or whoever, Roxas popped a pill into his mouth and swallowed thickly.

From there on out, everyone was pretty quiet. I guess we were all getting tired, while at the same time, we wanted to keep moving. All of us wanted to get as far away from that stupid lab as possible. Who knew what or who they were sending after us. All I did know was that Xemnas wouldn't leave us to wander. He'd definitely make sure to get us back…

That entire day we walked. It was already night time, and the air had grown bitter and the sun had disappeared from the sky. There was no moon that night to guide us either. The only strange light we had was the reflection that the sky made with the snow. But even that wasn't very helpful. Maybe it would have been if we weren't being sheltered by a towering forest of pine trees. They made the forest floor darker then it should have been. At least they protected us from any harsh winds though.

By now, Roxas was shaking and his teeth chattered noisily. He didn't have a coat… just a few layers of tops and sweaters. His lips were even going blue. He needed to get warm. So without warning him, I brought my hands underneath him and scooped him up into my arms, cuddling him into my chest. Roxas gasped loudly the moment I picked him up.

"A-Axel!" he cried, completely startled.

I chuckled, making sure to have a good grip on him. I had one hand supporting his back and the other curled under his thighs. "I'm sharing my body heat with you," I explained, earning a friendly smile from him as he buried his head against my chest even more.

He must have fallen asleep too. He didn't speak after that and when I peered down to steal a glance of him, his eyes were fluttered shut and his face was smoothed of any tension. Though his cheeks were rosy from the cold…

"I think we should take a break and set up camp for the night. We're probably all exhausted" - I knew Roxas was- "We can all take turns staying up on watch or something."

As much as I thought they'd hate that suggestion, the group all agreed. Well, mostly…

"What's the point of keeping watch? If people from the lab catch us, then what can we do? Fight back? I don't think so… If we get caught, we're all dead," Ven muttered bitterly, his head lowered.

The rest of us didn't put Ventus' comment into consideration though. We all stopped walking and did our best to make the ground where we'd be sleeping drier. We pushed the snow aside, making a big enough circle for everyone to squeeze into. A crackling fire occupied the center.

For the first hour of the young night, we all decided to converse amongst one another while passing around snacks that I'd taken from the staff room. Roxas continued to sleep. I placed him near me, letting his head use my lap as a pillow. I stroked at his blonde locks gently, admiring his peacefulness.

"I'm Sora," I heard Sora introduce himself considering that's what we all planned on doing during this time. It was normal to want to know more about the people who travelled with you. It wouldn't make sense if we were completely oblivious of each other. Sora continued, "I'm not sure about you guys, but I left with my brothers - Roxas and Ven- considering we found out about the lab's lies…" He explained something about us once being Somebodies, but then we'd been altered inside of our mother's womb- left to be born and then stolen away to be experimented on. It bugged some of us more then others, but the whole concept didn't mean anything to me. Whether I was created or born naturally didn't matter. No matter what, I would always be what I was; A hormone crazy breeder who developed lust for another's body whenever they went into heat, the state that called out to us and drove us insane. It tested our control and humanity.

Nothing could change that now.

"In the future…" Sora smiled, "I just want to live normally with Riku and my brothers. That is… if it's possible for Nobodies to obtain a permanent residence."

I wanted the same. I would do just about anything to live like that, just me and Roxy- and then as many kids as he wanted… But that wouldn't happen. Roxas would never give up on Kohana. I wanted to see her too, but she was hurting Roxas more considering he'd actually seen her. Maybe if I had… I'd have the same stubborn determination. But I didn't. The only one I could think about was Roxas. I focused on him. I needed to take care of him and protect him whenever the need arose.

Someone else picked up after Sora. It was the blonde bearer who seemed friendly with Rox from before. "Hi, I'm Demyx," he introduced himself cheerfully, "I'm not really sure on why I left… I guess Zexion and I just wanted more freedom. It's not healthy to be rushed." I noticed him smile over at the dark haired boy beside him. I was guessing he was this 'Zexion' character; His mate. "As for hopes for the future… well, I guess we all have similar dreams as Sora. I want to be able to live the way Somebodies do as well," Demyx finished. And again, that sounded completely absurd. I didn't know how we could live, but by trying to live like the Somebodies we would only reveal our existence. By staying in one spot for some time- no matter how much I wanted that- we wouldn't be able to hide our true selves. And who would be accepting of us anyway?

Trust me, I didn't want to think that way. And as I stared down at my sleeping Roxas I only wanted that permanent home so much more. But too much got in the way. We couldn't… Not that I wanted to rain one everyone's parade, or anything. That's why I never said it aloud.

Anyway; and around the circle we went.

Now it was some weird looking guy's turn to speak. His hair was pink. "My name is Marluxia," he started, his eyes sliding across everyone of us before he spoke again, "Why did I leave the facility? Because all the bearers did, of course" - great, we had a flirt with us- "My plans for the future? Well, any man's dreams for the future include a hot partner… sex… you know; all of the good stuff."

God… How direct of him.

And as if he couldn't be direct enough, he pointed at Sora, flirtatiously saying, "When I request for a hot sex partner, I mean someone like you." Marluxia winked, and Riku was sent straight up onto his feet.

"Excuse me! Sora is with _me_! _ME ! _Back off from him!" Riku hissed as Sora stared up at him in surprise. Good for Riku too. If someone spoke about Roxas that way, then I'd be all over them too. All over them like… well, like Roxas over his candy. Not in a good way either.

Marluxia laughed, "Take it easy, kiddo. I was joking."

"Well I'm not laughing! Say something about Sora again and this fist here will be through your teeth!" Riku threatened, making Sora pull him back down onto the ground. Sora gave him a look. I guess the threat went too far.

Next up was Mr. Positive, flowers-love-the-sunshine Ven. I truly doubted that he'd share much. His heart was broken… and now it was as if he didn't even have a soul. He looked so dazed most of the time… depressed. He stared down at some ring on his hand, his eyes glazed over the majority of the time. And whenever he spoke, his tone was melancholy. Also, every word that came from him was some sort of negative response.

But I couldn't blame him. If what happened to Ven's lover happened to Roxas, then I didn't think I could ever forgive myself or get over it. I couldn't imagine it. I didn't think anyone who hadn't experienced it _could_… Maybe that's why it made it so much harder to be able to speak with him. No one knew how to comfort him.

"I'm Ven," he said dully, his gaze always lowered, "I don't have any reasons for anything. I don't have any plans for the future either."

That was his speech. I noticed Sora stare at him worriedly…

Considering we thought that was the end of his speech, it caught us off guard when Ven added in a dark whisper, "I do have one goal now that I think about it… Sometime… sometime soon, I want to kill all of the people at that lab. I'm gonna go back and kill them all."

I'm not sure what disturbed me more- the content or the fact that he actually said more. But content-wise, we all knew he was only upset. Anyone would want revenge at the loss of a loved one, especially in the early stages of that heartache. But Ven would heal. No one in our group took his threat to heart.

We understood that he was angry.

The younger looking guy who sat beside Demyx decided to go next after his playful, blonde mate (or so I assumed) nudged him. He hesitated, and at first I thought he might be shy, but really he seemed quieter. He had a calmness to him, no signs of self-esteem issues. "I'm Zexion," he said, "I left for the same reasons as Demyx, I guess. It would be nice being able to make our own decisions all of the time."

Everyone in our crowded circle nodded in agreement… well, excluding Roxas. He remained asleep.

"I'm Riku," my once-was roommate told everyone. His tone was kinda stiff. I guess he was still tense from that whole squabble with Mr. Pretty-boy. Riku didn't deal with crap from others. So he definitely didn't take flirting (from others) with Sora lightly. "I left that stupid place because they tried to hurt someone very dear to me," it made me smile when Riku looked over to share a quick glance with Sora, "It's also done a lot of bad to my friends. It wasn't worth staying there. And unlike you guys, I don't have any plans or goals. As long as I can protect Sora and anyone else I care about, then I'm satisfied. No matter where I am, as long as it's not at that awful place, I'm good."

That's sorta how I felt about Roxas and me, too. Like, yeah I'd love to have big hopes like all the others- as I'd mentioned twice now. But those were too unrealistic to count on at the moment. What I did need to do was take care of Roxas…

Next up was the dude who had the similar physical traits as me. He spoke for his silent mate or friend or whoever.

"I'm Reno, and this is my mate, Cloud."

So they _were_ mates.

The redheaded one- Reno apparently- formed a troubled look as he continued on, "I know this must sound hard to some of you considering it seems a lot of you have had it rough, but I was actually content back at the lab. Everything was going fine with me and Cloud… But after thinking about the idea of leaving, Cloud and I thought that change might not be such a bad idea. Sure, we were satisfied. But living that repetitive life until I couldn't have kids anymore… that sounded too dull for my tastes."

No one seemed surprised by his lack of hatred towards lab twenty-one. We all understood that every Nobody endured different experiences while they housed there.

"Same here," the blue haired female responded, "I didn't have it that bad either. It was kinda boring though… The worst I got was random tests. Apparently being a girl makes me a _must_ when it comes to tests and experimentation." It took her a second to realize that everyone was staring at her, waiting for her to share her name. She chuckled lightly- a laugh that sounded as melodic as a bunch of beautiful ringing bells. "Sorry, I'm Aqua."

As for the last member of our little escapee pack, excluding me and Roxas, Hayner… well, let's just say that he behaved quite rudely. He simply muttered his name once and left it at that. Sure, he was pregnant on a getaway like this and that musta really sucked. But did he really have to be anti-social? And I guess the answer to that question was indeed a 'yes' considering the boy laid himself down for sleep, snuggling into his baggy, tightly zipped winter jacket.

I was getting pretty tired myself, so I decided that I'd quickly finish off this little charade by introducing me and Roxas.

"And I'm Axel. Got it memorized? As for this guy," I let my eyes fall down to look at Roxas' figure, "He's my mate, Roxas." I was just about to continue, but I was cut off.

"Hey! It's that kid!" the strange, flirty guy- Marluxia- mentioned. Just as I was curiously going to ask him how he knew Roxas, Marluxia answered (and I began to wish that he hadn't). "I kinda jumped him when he went into heat once," he explained, making my eyes narrow. Wow, this guy was pissing off a lot of people today, wasn't he?

I heard Sora mumble in confirmation, "I knew that I recognized you. But don't feel bad. Roxas and I know that you couldn't help it. You're a breeder, and all breeders have a different control level."

Heehee, the same lustful hormones or not, if this guy even touched Roxas again then he'd have another thing coming.

Trying to keep any bitterness from my tone, I went on, "We left because… Roxas wants to find his first and only born. The doctors made the mistake of letting him see her, and so he's unable to forget about her…" I found it safe to say those things then considering Roxy was asleep. Otherwise, he might have been insulted. And what would be worse: Roxas might have thought that I'd abandon him in his search for our baby. But no matter what, I would never do that to him. Not ever…

After that, I laid myself down on the cold ground, holding Roxas close to my body so that he'd keep warm. I kissed him on the forehead gently, feeling his ice-cold skin against my lips before I let my eyes drift shut. After that, I heard a bit of fuzzy talking; Disputes about who would take first watch and such. The voices faded away rather quickly though, going away completely instead of being a background noise.

That night, I dreamed. I dreamt about the one thing that I wanted to keep out of my head. I wanted to keep my thoughts realistic. But images of a nice, cozy home and Roxas and kids filled my head that night…


	32. Break away

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_**Demyx **_ (Breakaway) January 3002

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_**Day 2**_

That morning I awoke with a cold shiver running down my spine. It was absolutely freezing! So I jumped up from the wintery floor, startled by the sudden nippy-ness. At this time, I realized that a few of the others were up and at em as well.

Zexion sat at my feet, silently reading a book that he had packed. "Aren't you cold, Zexion?" I asked him in a whiny voice, hugging my body tightly in order to try and warm it up. Oh, why couldn't it be spring? I didn't mind rain… but snow was just… mean! Sure it was fun to play in, but if you touched it for too long, it would _'burn' _your hand.

Zexion shrugged, his gaze unmoving as he responded quietly, "Just don't let it get to you."

Well how silly was that? More like, how could you ignore such a thing? Zexion sure was weird… But yeah; obviously Zexion had nothing else to say to me, so I decided to check out what the others were doing. I couldn't quite remember all of their names. Though their physical appearances were familiar to me now. I was the type of person who forgot people's names, but I always remembered a face.

The first person who I approached was Roxas. Besides Zexion, he was the only other person I knew quite well considering we'd roomed together back when we were pregnant. I wanted to catch up with him and know how his first pregnancy went. I'd seen him for part of it, but not during the late stages; the more exciting stages. From what I remembered, Roxas' mate (or so he said) said that they wanted to track down their baby. That might be hard… Did they even know where to look?

"Hello!" I greeted my young blonde friend cheerfully. He looked very down as he sat all by himself against the trunk of a tree. I wanted to cheer him up!

Roxas lifted his head up to look at me, "Huh?"

What was the matter with him? It was like he didn't even recognize me. But yesterday he'd said hi to me, and he was completely fine. "Roxas, are you okay?" I kneeled down, cocking my head to the side.

He sighed, burying his head into his raised knees. "Roxas is over there," he lifted his hand weakly and pointed to an other, "I'm Ven."

Whoops… I forgot that Roxas was a twin. I chuckled sheepishly, rubbing the back of my messy blonde hair, "Oh, sorry about that. I never realized…" And even though he wasn't Roxas, I still wondered on why he was so sad looking. "Well, are _you_ alright, Ven?"

He brought his gaze back up to stare at me, surprised that I still showed interest in him, I guess. "I don't want to talk about it," Ven mentioned after a bit of a pause. With that, he buried his face away again.

Oh my…

Looking at him all the while, I stood up, going over to where Roxas was standing with his mate. It seemed they were talking quietly to one another, though they looked too tense to be flirting. "Good morning," I beamed at them, hoping that I wasn't interrupting anything. I wouldn't want to do that.

"Hey," Roxas said, smiling weakly as his tall mate gave me a curious look; probably because he didn't know who I was.

So I decided to introduce myself to him, "I'm Demyx. I'm not sure if he told you, but Roxas and I met during his stay at the pregnancy ward. We were rooming together for a few months."

The redhead grinned and we shook hands. "Thanks for being there for him… when I couldn't be," he practically whispered. Oh, why was everyone being so sad today! "I'm Axel by the way."

He didn't need to thank me for that. We were roommates. What else would I do? Ignore him? Of course we'd be friends. I wouldn't have for that- ignoring a roommate and all. Why do that when you could help each other? And really, Roxas helped me through that time too. Until he came, I was all alone for several months, excluding the company of the doctors. I was incredibly lonely. Once I knew Roxas was going to be with me, he was like my little ball of sunshine.

"So…" I smiled, unknowing of Roxas' emotional level when it came to the topic of his pregnancy- the period I missed. Hopefully I didn't only upset him by mentioning it… That was only his first time. But I took a breath and decided to go on, "How were you after I left? You're a strong person, but did you hang in there? I know you told me that you were scared…"

Roxas swallowed thickly, his face falling. Just as Axel was about to cut in and tell me off, Roxas responded with the hint of a smile, " I admit, I was a little distressed after you left. I didn't want to be alone… But I realized something; I _wasn't _alone. I had my baby growing inside of me. She was what kept me sane. I longed to give birth to her, even though I was scared shitless." He cut himself off short, hesitating as he gave off a troubled look- one that told me how he disliked sharing his feelings. He soon continued, his tone more grave, "When she… when she was finally in my arms… I can't explain it, but I didn't want to let her go. I couldn't. They took her by force… What happened there, it was inhuman and unfair. No one but me should get to decide on whether I'm capable of mothering my own child… That's why I need to find her."

I nodded.

Many would think that I could understand where Roxas was coming from, having a few babies of my own and all. But I honestly didn't. I'd never had the desire to keep them, nor had I developed a connection like that with them. I didn't understand why… Perhaps because I'd never seen any of my children after birth. I had to admit, I was curious about them. Though at the same time, I wasn't driven by them either.

I'm wasn't sure on how Axel felt about Roxas' speech. If anything, I would think that Axel would be just as passionate about his daughter as Roxas was, but he seemed to be more irritated. Hmmmm…. I wondered why? Not that I brought it to Roxas' attention.

"I'm really sorry that had to happen to you. I hope you find your baby." I may not have understood, but I did wish him the best. "If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know."

I was astonished when the blonde slipped a hand into his pocket, fetching out a faded piece of paper. "I'm not sure about everyone else," he said, pointing at a certain name on the paper, "But when we reach a town, I'm gonna keep on going. I'm gonna keep going until I reach this place."

"Twilight town?" I read the name aloud and his eyes, which had been directed downwards at the paper, flickered up to meet my gaze.

He nodded, "Yeah. That's where they took her. I'm gonna get her back."

What about the rest of us? Whenever we made it out of this forest and into a town, we were planning on splitting up? No! Wouldn't it be better if we stayed together? Not all of us knew what we'd do. I didn't want to split up.

"Can we all stay together?" I asked him quietly.

Roxas put the paper away, his expression seeming troubled again. I guess he didn't expect anyone to want to continue on with him. He replied confidently, "When we reach a town I'm gonna give everyone the option. If they'd prefer to do whatever and split off from the group then that's their business. And whoever wants to, they can come along with me. I'm not sure what everyone's plans are. For all I know, some of the others might want to track down their kids too, or maybe even their parents…"

I wasn't interest in any of that. All I wanted was to stay with the other Nobodies. I didn't know what else I could do. I really would have liked to live in a nice, quaint town with my own house and my own personal life. How would I do that though? How could I start from scratch, get a job, and then save enough money to pay for a home? It was unrealistic at the moment, but it was definitely a goal of mine.

For now, there were larger things to worry about; such as coping with this strange, new environment. In ways, we'd been pampered our whole lives. So this kind of situation was hard to get used to. The freedom was nice, but the transition was huge. We had to deal with the unfamiliar-ness. We only knew about this sort of thing through TV programs… We'd never experienced anything like it.

"I think I'd like to stay with you," I let him know, and that earned me one of his warm smiles.

"Tha-" he was just about to say, but then another Nobody suddenly snuck up from behind him, startling him and making him gasp loudly, "Wha-!"

It was the pink haired breeder- Marluxia, or something.

"Hello there sweetie," he said into Roxas' ear, his hand brushing against his shoulder, "You're sexy- as usual. Remember me?"

Roxas withdrew with a leap almost immediately, and if Axel were a dog, his hair would have been sticking up wildly. He looked- no, glared- at Marluxia fiercely.

"It's you!" Roxas breathed out.

Marluxia chuckled, "Yeah, no hard feelings I hope… But… I would like to ask whether or not you'd like to, oh I don't know; _hangout?_ " Even I could read his flirtatious tone…

Axel's nostrils flared.

"Uhhh…" Roxas widened his eyes, his expression seeming kinda annoyed, "No…"

Marluxia smirked, his eyes obviously going up and down the blonde's body. "Ouch," his voice held a hint of amusement within it, but it soon grew fiery, "I like em with spirit. That helps… 'turn me on,' if you will. Not that your body doesn't do that already."

That was it for Axel. The taller male grunted, taking a step closer towards Marluxia. "Roxas has a mate! So quit flirting with him!" he glowered.

"Really? Does that whole 'my mate' thing still apply even after we've escaped the facility? What about freedom?" the pink haired pretty boy countered, flipping a hand through his hair. Axel merely leered at him, his green eyes as piercing as daggers.

Well, I was happy that I was a bearer. Breeders could get vicious.

Before he finally backed down, Marluxia added, "It's a shame to keep such a hot body like that"- I noticed him concentrate on his hip to waist area, where Roxas curved slightly- "from going into heat. If he were my mate, his smooth, tanned skin would practically be glued to me… Don't go wasting a day of banging that body."

Roxas flushed a deep red, embarrassed by their breeder talk, no doubt. Axel on the other hand steamed more then before. He clenched his teeth together, snarling, "Don't you ever talk about Roxas like that again! First of all, Roxas isn't just some toy that I keep with me to screw around! He's my lover, and I enjoy him for qualities that go beyond his physical appearance. Secondly; we're keeping him on anti-heat pills in order to protect him from shit heads like you! And lastly, I've mentioned this before and I'll mention it again… Roxas is _my_ bearer! Not yours; not any other fruitcups who are like who; mine!"

"Touchy, touchy… I was only playing with you," Marluxia said, directing his gaze towards the forgotten me afterwards, "How about you? You interested?"

I shook my head, "Not really. I'm with Zexion."

With that, the pink haired flirt pouted and stomped away. Good. Axel needed the time to cool down, it looked like. And Roxas was still kinda red. He soon shook it off though, trying to look determined all of a sudden.

"We should get going soon," he mentioned, "Lets wake everyone who's still sleeping, and then start walking. We can eat breakfast on the way."

Axel, who was still bathed in his own wrath, nodded his head and then wandered away towards some of the stragglers.

Roxas grinned at me, saying, "I'll see you later, Demyx. I'm gonna help everyone get organized." With that, Roxas left too.

Oh well… I made my way back to where Zexion continued to sit. "Hey Zexion," I called down to him, hoping that I wouldn't startle him. But he never jumped or shuddered.

"Hello again, Demyx," Zexion responded. His eyes were still transfixed on the pages of his book. It was okay that he liked to read, but did he really need to do it all the time? What about me; his mate? Didn't he want to talk or whatever?

He wasn't like the other breeders at all. The breeders I'd seen so far (excluding Zex) were mostly aggressive… and not to mention possessive. Like Axel, Riku and Marluxia. They were viscous. They would probably get into fights that revolved around death for their bearers. Zexion wasn't like that at all. My Zexion was calm, cool, and collected. He hardly ever got angry. His control level during heat was even good (average), so he never got carried away either. He would never be protective over me the way Axel and Riku were protective over their mates. I wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.

I sat down beside him, linking my arm through his free one as I leaned in and placed a soft kiss onto his cheek. This got Zexion to finally turn his gaze towards me, a light blush developing on his face. He shut his book and placed it back into his backpack as he continued to eye me.

Zexion was never the most romantic person out there (if anything, he was shy about our relationship), so I didn't take it to heart when he merely smiled faintly, soon standing up and saying to me, "Come on. It seems we're going to start walking soon."

I took the hand he offered and pulled myself up. He was right. Roxas was going around and checking on everyone, making sure they were all accounted for. We couldn't exactly waste another second on rest… Who knew what Xemnas and the others were sending after us. Maybe a bunch of guards were sent into the forest to search them? Or maybe they had something else planned. Who knew? And really, I didn't want to find out.


	33. Never be the same

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_**Hayner **_(Never be the same) January 3002

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_**Day 6**_

Our stupid journey got more perilous with each passing day. All that the group concerned themselves with was getting out of this huge forest. They worried about the food supply and the anti-heat pills. Those things were running low very quickly. Some of us were getting sick as well due to the cold weather, while also suffering frost bite and chapped, bleeding lips. If it were the spring, summer, or fall, it would have been easier… It would be warm enough to bathe in the long, winding rivers which were deathly cold and coated in ice during this season. There would also be plenty of vegetation to eat.

But there was nothing we could do about it.

Yes, those things concerned me too, but all the while I was pregnant with a five month old baby _(was conceived in the early days of August 3001)_. All I could bring myself to worry about was **that**. I was aimlessly wandering around some retarded Christmas tree forest with a bunch of air-heads, pregnant all the while. I didn't see anyone else being a preggo. Nope, only me. And with that unfaithful blonde bastard too… Not that I liked him from the beginning anyway. Now that I was away from that hell hole of a facility, I would make my own decisions. Whenever the chance popped by, I would choose a town to live in and stay there. I would get rid of this baby and then do whatever the hell I pleased after that. It already disturbed me knowing that Ven's kid was inside of me… I didn't need to keep it too. Definitely not. It didn't seem like he wanted anything to do with it… No; all he wanted was for Terra to come back. But that wouldn't be happening.

They deserved what they got.

I clutched onto my rounding stomach, trudging through the annoying snow. Patches of bright sunlight managed to make it down through the thick pine trees considering it was just past noon now. We'd recently started moving again after our lunch break.

God, we were constantly moving, moving, moving. I don't mean to complain. Walking was what took us farther away from our pasts. But at the same time, it was exhausting. No one was getting close to enough calories needed daily. The breeders needed around 3600 (they burned calories without even trying) each day while bearers required 2900, but more nutrients. Back at the lab, we had strict diets. Those diets kept us healthy (well, healthier then we already were)- making it easier to function. But now, many of us looked as if we were about to collapse if we took just one more step.

For some odd reason, the bearers were growing weaker much more quickly then the breeders. We could still walk and all, but some of the breeders chose to 'look good' no doubt. Two of the protective ones, the ones who I came to know as Riku and Axel, carried their mates in their arms. They were trying to conserve their bearer's energy. The sight only made me wrap my arms around my body tightly as sour thoughts entered my mind.

Why should those two have breeders like that when I was left with the worst one possible? I never had a mate who would touch me like that. No, Ven only touched me when he needed to. Asides from when I went into heat, he and I had nothing to do with each other. It'd been that way since day one with us. I was hopeful and gave him a chance, but Ven wanted nothing to do with me. And now I knew why. I didn't know how I'd never noticed before… But Ven loved Terra. Now that I knew, I felt so dumb. I remembered the way they used to stare at each other or smile at one another affectionately; how Ven would constantly apologize to him whenever we came back from the quarantined room. It was all so obvious! It got me pissed knowing that I never realized it until they were caught by Xemnas. No one, not even Ventus, could go around and make a complete fool out of me. I despised that kid…

Today, the bearers seemed okay, so everyone walked. All of the Nobodies seemed to walk in their own groups. It was like this everyday. Their separate conversations buzzed around me as I walked on my own quietly.

Roxas walked to the front, his redheaded mate (Axel) keeping pace beside him as they were obviously conversing. His brother, Sora, walked closely behind them with his own mate, Riku. Ven stayed close to Sora. And then came Cloud, Zexion, Reno, and Demyx in a little group of their own. They also seemed to be talking. Well, at least Demyx and Reno were. Their breeders walked silently beside them. Zexion looked like he was reading a book as he walked. The next group consisted of Marluxia and Aqua, who walked towards the very back. I was sandwiched between them and Demyx's group.

I was the only one who was alone… I had no friends among these people. So why the hell ha I gone with them? Well… asides for freedom.

I could _try_ and make friends with one of them at least. But I wasn't exactly the type who made friends easily. All of these people seemed odd anyway. That, or they had something about them that I didn't like.

For example:

Roxas- He looked too much like Ven. He'd only piss me off if I looked at him for too long.

Axel- He was stuck like glue to Roxas, and really, he just seemed annoying to me.

Riku- Seemed like a competitive prick.

Sora- I don't know just yet…

Ven- Self-explanatory.

Aqua- She seemed kinda bossy

Demyx- Too loud

Zexion- Weird, just like those kids on the news who just popped some person

Reno- Annoying

Cloud- Creepishly quiet

And Marluxia- Well isn't it pretty obvious?

Now do you understand why no one in this whole bloody group was exactly compatible for me? I couldn't think of any flaws for Sora, but that didn't mean I wanted to be his friend. I didn't need a friend anyway. Like I'd said, the moment an opportunity popped up, I was so outta here.

It was strange. As we continued to walk, it was like irony or something, but Sora kept glancing back over his shoulder and it seemed that he was looking at me. What? Could he read minds or something? It freaked me out even more when I noticed Sora talk, gesturing with his hands. The gestures looked a lot like he was saying 'be right back' or something. That, or I was just paranoid.

It turned out I wasn't. Sora fell back from the others until he walked alongside me, a smile on his face. Oh god, what did he want?

"Congratulations," he began casually, "How many months are you?"

What? He was interested in my baby, _**why?**_

Still, I made myself respond to him awkwardly as annoying as it was. I tried not to sound too enthusiastic when I answered him, "I'm five months."

Sora nodded thoughtfully, eyeing my stomach.

_Oooookkkkaaayyyyy then…_

He smiled at me warmly, oblivious to my discomfort, "I wish I was pregnant too…" -Uh, no you don't- "But I can't have kids…" He seemed to be staring at the ground as he continued to give off a warm yet saddened look.

Right… What was I supposed to do? Feel sorry for him? Now I knew what was annoying about Sora. He was clingy, and all because I had a baby while he never could. I don't know about you, but I found it rather creepy. Though at the same time, I guess Sora _was _the uncle of my kid. But still…

A few minutes passed by, and the stupid brunette still walked beside me, his facial expression tense as if he were thinking of something to say. Ugh, did he not get it? I didn't want him to say anything. I just wanted him to go away and leave me the hell alone.

"So…" Sora started up again, looking sheepish now. What the hell did he want now? "I know this might sound weird… But we may as well be friends considering we're in a group together. So I was wondering if maybe… well…" -spit it out already- "I was wondering if I could help you, you know, with your baby and everything."

You've got to be kidding me! Now this idiotic brunette was getting all obsessive with my baby? Sure I didn't want it, but that didn't mean that it was alright for others to be this interested in it. Why couldn't he just pay attention to his mate or his irritating brothers? Or even better, why couldn't he just beg for his other bearer brother to go ahead and get pregnant. That way, he could obsess over his brother's baby instead of my own.

"Ummm," I uttered, "Whatever…" Ugh, why did I have to say that! I should have told him to take a hike; screw off or something. But I never did… Now that meant that stupid Sora would be following me around…

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That night was like all of the other boring nights. The group stopped in the middle of no where and set up camp. The only difference between now and those other nights was that I sat with Sora's little group which consisted of Riku, Ven and himself. Ven made sure to keep his distance as Sora sat beside me, being the tracker of my diet now. It wasn't creepy at all…

Riku eyed me suspiciously, most likely wondering why his infertile mate was spending so much time with me. It's not like I wanted to… The last thing I wanted was to get some jerk like Riku breathing down my back venomously, paranoid that I was stealing his mate away from him. I couldn't care less about Sora and all of this…

I sighed, their ongoing chatter sending me right to sleep. All they could talk about was uninteresting, stupid stuff. I guess that's all that a love-struck couple could talk about. It was disgusting. We'd escaped that facility and yet everyone was all lovey-dovey. A little bitter, I know, but it irked me having to see happy couples like that. How come so many of the others were happy with their mates? Like, Sora and Riku were flirting a little; Demyx and Zexion were holding hands quietly; Reno and Cloud were asleep, cuddling into one another; then Roxas and Axel were off on their own, making out someplace where the fire's light didn't touch.

I seriously had to hold back on my impulse to vomit.

Oh well… at least I wasn't the only miserable one. I forced myself to look over at Ven. As usual, he seemed to be deeply lost within himself. My bitter glance flickered away quickly as his own orbs suddenly came up to meet mine. He must have caught me, because he huffed to himself, squirming.

Just when I thought he wasn't going to say anything, Ven suddenly stood up and plopped down beside me. He turned his head to look at me as I stiffened where I sat. What did he want now? God, what was wrong with Ven and his demanding brothers? They continuously wanted something.

"Hey," he said in a low voice.

I swallowed thickly, and somehow it was hard to find my voice. "What do you want?" I finally managed to blurt out without looking at him. I merely saw him from the corner of my eye.

"I just want to make sure that you're okay," he said in a half sad, half sympathetic tone.

Pfft, since when did he care anyway?

To my misfortune, Ven went on in the same fake-caring voice, "Look, I know we've never really gotten along, but I can't just leave you by yourself when you're pregnant with my kid. It's not fair to you… And I'm sorry that I'm only saying this now. I've got a lot on my mind."

A lot on his mind, my ass. It was his own fault that he had an affair with Terra, his now dead lover. Maybe none of that would have happened if he'd been a good mate to me. I'd said it once and I'd say it again; he had it coming to him.

"Well, I don't need your charity. Your baby obsessed brother is taking care of me now- Not that I need taking care of," I countered sharply.

Ven sighed, standing back up as he promised, "Just know that I'm here if you ever need me, okay?"

I refused to answer him. I left him hanging. He soon realized exactly that and finally left me, taking his phony promises with him.


	34. Behind these hazel eyes

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_**Aqua**_ (Behind these hazel eyes) January 3002

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_**Day 8**_

It was our eighth day away from the facility, and no one had caught up with us. It was like some sort of miracle. Now that I knew what freedom felt like, I wasn't willing to turn back or give up the taste of it. Being the only female Nobody, I was constantly tested on; taken to the testing room that was placed beyond the chamber for the pregnant.

I hated it. I wouldn't go back. Not now, not ever.

The freedom was great, but I still wondered what was out there besides this forest. When the hell would we get out of this thick maze of frozen streams and tall pine trees? It went on forever… But being a hidden facility with illegal lab experiments and all that other fucked up stuff, it _needed_ to be in the middle of nowhere. What was better then an incredibly large forest to build a secret laboratory in? I bet some other company that Xemnas owned in the real world owned the rights to preserve the forest even, and no doubt he took advantage of all that power and land and started running an illegal business.

Who knew how many branches of the world Xemnas was in charge of.

By now you could just imagine how tired we were. Even with our thick winter jackets, the cold had managed to chill us all. It was never good to be exposed to harsh winter conditions for too long. Well… at least that's what David Suzuki had said on one of his programs… Then of course we couldn't forget about our food and pill supply. We were growing dangerously low.

We needed to get to a town pronto; otherwise I didn't know how much longer this could go on for. Maybe all of our dreams had been a death wish. We'd been blinded by our own hopes. I didn't know… Everything was just looking very bleak for us at the moment. If we ran out of food before we got somewhere, we could starve. And if we ran out of pills then the breeders would snap. They would be beyond anyone's control.

Either way, I truly doubted that some local pharmacy carried anti-heat pills. We needed to think of what to do… Our group had been poorly organized, everyone thinking about escape and nothing more. That'd been then, but what about _now? _

I didn't want to dwell on it, but our survival did not seem likely by this point. All of us were too stubborn to give up though. I didn't think anyone would give up now. We were too far for that.

But I was wrong…

"This is pointless!" a voice suddenly cried out, gaining everyone's attention, "For all we know, we're going in circles."

The negative comment came from a young, blonde boy. I believed his name was Ven. He walked just behind me, the member of our group who walked towards the very back. He was alone. None of the others accompanied him. I realized that he was more withdrawn then the rest.

It was his older brother, Sora who swivelled his body around to face Ven and say in encouragement, "Come on, Ven. Don't speak that way. We're bound to come across some place." The brunette's tone sounded soft and gentle even though he was most likely exhausted himself.

Ven remained silent after that, beginning to walk again as he wrapped his arms around his body tightly. What a peculiar kid. I wondered what was wrong with him. Yes, things were getting discouraging now, but the majority of us couldn't help but feel some form of happiness because of the freedom that we now had. _I_ was still excited about it all anyway. Like I'd said before: don't dwell on the things that get you down. People need to open up and accept all that life has to give- good or bad.

Once the group had forgotten about Ven's outburst, the man who walked beside me, Marluxia (my friend considering we were roommates before) nudged at my arm lightly. "I like this view," he murmured, grinning.

Oh no, what was he looking at? I followed the line of his stare curiously, just knowing that it had something to do with one of the bearers. He was obsessed with flirting with them for some reason. I guess I was an exception (he never flirted with me) considering I was more of his friend. Or maybe it was because he took a higher interest in boys. With someone like him, who knew?

Anyway, I caught sight of what he was so mesmerized by. I sighed, hitting his shoulder lightly as I did so. "He's way too young for you… Besides, he has a mate," I warned him, my hand coming up to slap my forehead.

I don't think he heard me though. "Talk about 'Rocks ass,' Marluxia said. Whether it was to himself or meant for me to hear, I didn't know. All I did know was that Marluxia liked to watch Roxas' ass as he walked. I fought the urge to silence him again at that comment. He never knew when to just let flirting go. Marluxia… let's just say he was impossible to read and I had no idea whether he was serious when it came to his 'oh so romantic' remarks, or if he did it all to get reactions out of the other breeders. Honestly, I had no idea. Only Marluxia himself knew what was going on in that head of his.

I let my features grow more serious as I turned my head around to look behind myself. "Seriously, I'm more interested in his twin, Ventus," I told him, which made Marluxia raise an eyebrow in a suggesting manner.

"You mean you're crushing on some kid?"

I shook my head from side to side violently, wondering how he could even think that. "No way! Don't be talking to me about that! You're the one who talks about Roxas, who also happens to be _some kid_," I paused, "I just find him interesting… He isn't like the others. I don't know why, but I'd like to try and find out what's wrong with him. I don't understand why someone who's experiencing freedom after so long can be so… sad."

That was an honest answer. I wanted nothing to do with the kid romantically. His withdrawal to me looked like a plea for help, which grabbed my attention. I wasn't the kind of person who'd just turn their back on someone like that.

Marluxia laughed, "Sure, sure."

I merely rolled my eyes at him. Just because Ven was a breeder and I was a bearer did not mean that there was any chemistry between us. Why did Marluxia always have to think that way? Wait… Never mind. This was Marluxia I was talking about.

I'd never been much of a shy person, so I didn't need Marluxia to encourage me to go and talk to the Ventus kid. I just slowed down, waiting until he came up beside me. He shot a glance at me curiously, but didn't take long to withdraw; his eyes re-directing themselves to the snowy ground instead. Maybe he was staring at the tracks that everyone's feet left behind?

"Hey," I piped up, hoping not to startle him.

He slowly brought his head back up to look at me, and during this time was when I realized just how much pain was being contained in his stunning blue eyes. I wondered what'd happened to him? This was the kid who stated he wanted to kill everyone at the lab. I must admit, no one liked the scientists back at the lab, but during my stay there I never noticed any reasons for wanting to kill them.

The kid really had some beef with them.

"Uh… Hi," Ven greeted me questionably.

I grinned at him, "I know you don't know me, but I was wondering if you were okay. I'm Aqua, and I couldn't help but notice that you're not as… optimistic about this as everyone else."

He shook his head lightly, his eyes directed straight ahead of him as I continued to stare at him. "Why should I be?" Ven laughed bitterly, "They might think this is all great, but Destiny's a bitch. She'll let them be happy for a little bit, but then she'll swallow up their lives by stealing away what's most precious to them."

Why was he so negative?

"Is that what happened to you?" I asked him quietly.

He was hesitant to answer, but he soon nodded, "Something like that. Yeah…" His voice was soft as he spoke.

So obviously something bad had happened to him that involved him losing something or someone back at laboratory twenty-one. Let's think… Did something like that ever happen? Any rumours go around about something similar? Damn, I never paid attention to the rumours. Now I wish I had. Though I could always ask Ven himself. But at the same time I didn't want to rip at any of his healing wounds either.

I flashed him a sympathetic look, "Well, I'll see you later Ven. If you ever need anything, please, don't hesitate."

Maybe I could get stuff out of the others…?

I made my way back to Marluxia, hitting him playfully on the shoulder as I came up from behind him. He flinched. "Hey," I said. Maybe Marluxia knew something considering he listened to what others said, even if they were just rumours passed from Nobodies to guards to whoever else heard about it. "So," I began expressionlessly, "What do you know about Ven?"

Marluxia smirked, "Are you sure you want to hear about him?"

"So you do know! Why didn't you say anything before?"

"Cause you never asked me directly, hun," he chuckled as I rolled my eyes. What a weird guy… But he went on, explaining what he knew about Ven; "I know that a bit before we all broke out of there, the guards and other staff members used terrible words and names when they referred to him. They called him a 'slut' or a 'whore.' Before he was given those labels, I heard that Nobody number four: Terra had been eliminated for adultery. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to put the puzzle pieces together."

My eyes widened, horrified. Poor Ven… It sounded like he'd gone against the system. Then they'd taken Terra away from him… As if that wasn't good enough, they had to label him with cruel names afterwards.

I felt a hint of fury bubble up inside of me. That lab sickened me more then it had before. To the scientists and doctors there, we were merely toys that they used for their experimental games. They didn't care what the hell became of us, not as long as it benefited them.

From now on, I would hate them in a similar fashion as Ven. Maybe I would even help him with his vengeance. I wasn't sure. What I did know was that for now, I would help Ven heal. And to start, I welcomed him into our group. I called the blonde boy over and asked him if he'd like to walk with us. It made me happy to see a faint smile come across his face at that suggestion.

Now I wanted to mention that I knew about what happened to him. The question was, how could I bring it up without causing more hurt? It would help if he knew that I was aware of his situation. Didn't it always feel better when you knew that someone understood your feelings? I wasn't saying that I understood what it was like to lose a loved one, but at the same time I did understand that he was suffering inside. If I knew that, then he'd hopefully feel better knowing that someone cared and all.

I wasn't saying the others didn't care. It's just that his brothers were preoccupied. Roxas was dealing with his own hurt and confusion, while he also seemed to be taking the role as leader and the responsibilities that came with it for our group. While Sora's time was used towards Hayner for some odd reason.

"So, Ven. How are you holding up?" I asked him casually.

He shrugged, "The same as everyone else, I guess; cold, hungry, tired…"

"Yes…"

Damn… How could I mention Terra? Maybe I _could_ just be direct about it. If the pain returned to his heart, then I would comfort him. Even if I did bring back awful memories, I would soothe them until they went away. At least I'd try.

"So…" I started up, trying to keep any guilt from my voice, "Your roommate… Terra. You loved him very much, didn't you?"

Ven's head whipped around to leer at me, shocked by the mentioning of his lover. "Did you know Terra?" he asked, his tone the most enthusiastic I'd heard it.

It made his face fall slightly when I had to shake my head at him slowly, "No. But I do know that Terra probably wouldn't like to see you this way. Ven, I understand that it's hard not to dwell on what happened to him, but think about this; would Terra want you to be the way you are now? If Terra loved you as much as you love him, then I doubt that to be true."

I didn't expect it when the blonde's facial expression formed into a look of defensiveness. He looked very upset as he cried out, "Of course Terra loved me just as much as I loved him! We… we understood what a true relationship involved better then any other Nobody at that lab."

I smiled lightly at him, "I'm truly sorry that he had to be taken away from you. I'm also sorry if I'm re-opening any of your wounds. It's just, talking about this sort of thing might help you. I want to help you, Ven. If you ever need to talk, whether it's about Terra or something else, I'll be here to support you. You're not alone."

He smiled weakly, which made me feel satisfied. The kid hardly knew me, so I doubted that he'd trust me enough to tell me too much. But at least this was a step… We were taking a step towards his healing.


	35. Battlefield

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_**Roxas**_ (Battlefield) January 3002

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_**Day 10**_

I can't even come to describe how stressed I was by now. Everyone was constantly hungry and tired, yet their spirits drove them to go on. I felt stupid. All of this was my fault. I was the one who'd come up with this 'brilliant' idea, and now the others were willing to die because of it. I'd deluded myself; told myself that we could escape and live normally. I had also deluded everyone else. I was leading them towards their deaths.

Even though that's how I felt, I didn't say so. It was too late to turn back, so the best thing to do was to keep going. So I had to hide my doubts and be strong for these guys. I also had to be strong for my baby. I just couldn't give up on her. Not now. Besides… everyone else was staying strong. I could not be the one who gave up. No matter what I told myself, I couldn't stop the heavy and depressing force that tore at me from the inside.

Axel remained optimistic, though it was obvious that something bugged him as well. Maybe my vibes were making him gloomier? I hoped not… I already disliked myself enough without effecting Axel. I hated myself enough without affecting _anyone_.

As you can imagine, we were walking. Man, everyone was getting sick and tired of walking. Well, all except for one: a guy who didn't mind as long as he was surrounded by bearers.

"Yo, Rocks-ass," Marluxia chirped, coming up beside me.

I huffed at his stupid nickname, "What?"

Yeah… and Axel was probably giving him a death glare just like all the other times Marluxia had spoken with me.

Marluxia grinned, his eyes sliding up and down my body. I merely cocked an eyebrow, wondering why he couldn't irritate someone who didn't mind his antics. Not that anyone like that came to mind.

"I may not own a library card, but that won't stop me from checking you out," he said with a wink. I remained mute, rolling my eyes at his unnecessary quote. Seriously, this guy had a new line he'd use against me everyday.

Axel's fist clenched and he growled under his breath dangerously. I sighed. Why did Axel get jealous when he knew I liked _**him**_? It wasn't like I'd leave him for Marluxia… Ugh, I didn't understand breeders… Not at all.

Axel took a step towards Marluxia, tapping his shoulder provokingly. "Hey, get away from my mate, puss-cake," he snapped. Before things between them could get worse, I grabbed my mate's arm and tried to pull him away from Marluxia.

"Come on, Axel. Cut it out," I told him, trying to sound firm.

Axel snorted, clearly annoyed, "Oh, you mean you don't mind it when people like him flirt with you?"

"Axel, I never said anything like that," I protested, raising my voice at him.

I noticed Marluxia slowly fall behind us, re-joining Aqua and Ven, who he'd been walking with before.

Axel jerked his arm out of my grip roughly, a sour look overcoming his facial expression. "You don't have to say it…" he muttered, making me glower at him. I couldn't believe he was being like this! It was so stupid!

I rubbed at my temples, sighing again. Was this how it was going to be? He was going to be all pissy with me over Marluxia? He obviously _was_ irritated. I mean before this. Yeah, Axel didn't appreciate others trying to hook up with me, but he'd never once taken it out on me. Maybe whatever was irking him from before was just making his reaction towards this more dramatic then it should have been. Maybe…

Either way though, he didn't have the right to throw around his accusations.

I crossed my arms, ignoring him from there on out by quickening my pace and going on ahead of him. He didn't bother to catch up and talk to me, even though he could have with ease with those long legs of his. I was kinda relieved while at the same time I was disappointed. Oh well. Maybe it would be better if we had some time to cool down anyway… not that it was difficult to cool down in the middle of the winter.

We all continued to walk until we decided to stop for our lunch break. We had a bit of food left, but it wouldn't last us much longer. If we wanted to save enough food that would last all of us for another few days, then we'd have to cut back on our already poor portions. No one was receiving enough calories.

Everyone found a place to sit or stand and quickly scarfed down the small amounts of food that were given to them. Even though many of us finished before we knew it, every stomach was left unsatisfied. The only one who ate differently from the rest of us was Hayner. Sora made sure that he got to eat more considering he carried a baby.

As I gobbled down my own food and felt the refreshing water that I drank shower down my incredibly dry throat, I noticed Axel staring over at me from where he stood against a tree. He was several paces away from me, his arms crossed. What did he want? His expressionless leering was making me feel uncomfortable. I wanted to eat the rest of my food in peace. I let my eyes flicker up to glimpse at him every now and then, wondering if he was still looking at me or whether I was merely being paranoid.

I became aware that I wasn't being paranoid when I caught him watching me every time I peered up at him.

I finally inhaled deeply, picking myself up off the fallen log that I sat on. I decided to finally confront my ogling mate. I came up beside him, resting my own back against the tree trunk that stood behind us. It took me a few moments to speak, but once I did, my voice was calm. "Let's not fight," I stated serenely, fixing my stare directly ahead of me. However, I could still feel his eyes on me. I soon added another statement considering he never responded to my first one, "Besides, what's fighting gonna solve? We need to find Kohana."

My head finally whipped around to look at him when he laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "The baby, the baby, the baby!" Axel yelled, "All you care about is the baby! What about us! What about the others! We've got bigger things to worry about, Roxas!"

So that's what was seriously bugging him? I should have known considering he seemed to grow sourer whenever I mentioned her. What was his problem! What else was I supposed to do? _**Not**_ care or worry about our baby? _**Our**_ baby! I mean, Axel should have been concerned too!

My frustration returned to me, especially when he continued angrily, "All you ever do is obsess over the baby!"

What a stuck up prick! How the hell could he even say that? Oh, he was gonna get it from me. I'd knock him to the end of next week!

"Are you fucked up or something! You're Kohana's father!" I retorted, and trust me; I had so much more to say to him.

But I was suddenly cut off by a voice that made me freeze up, absolute fear overcoming my entire body. The blood in my veins began to suddenly run cold as if someone had injected ice water into them. Let's just say that the fight between Axel and me was definitely over.

"Yo, Nobodies. You know, you were a pain in the ass to catch up to," an unfamiliar, amused female's voice reached my ears. I swung my head around towards the source of the intimidating voice. Three people who were not a part of our runaway group revealed themselves, walking towards us slowly. Two of them were blondes and the other was a redhead. All females. And get this- one of the blonde's was that white-dressed girl who I saw back in the laboratory.


End file.
